Owner: The Runaway Writer URL:http://www.therunawaywriter.blogspot.com Join Date: Wed, 14 Mar 2007 19:35:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: A romantic, neurotic and sometimes bonkers scribe attempts to sell a screenplay and publish a novel...how hard can it be? Site statistics:Click here
Live from the Ivory Tower 2007-03-12 23:26:00 I don't want to play the part of the doomed romantic heroine anymore. I want to be someone else. I don't think I willingly chose this role at all, I think I was coerced into it by forces unknown. Certainly if I'd read the script all the way through I'd have turned the role down flat.It's got to say something for the cosmic joker that the only men who have actively pursued me are perverts - and I mean that in the literal sense. One followed me in broad daylight up to Oxford Street demanding I kiss him because he'd had a bad day. I kid you not. He was being deadly serious and wouldn't stop following me. Needless to say, I didn't kiss him and he left but not before he'd groped my arse. Nice. The second was a lot more frightening as it was in the dark, and he did a similar thing, only he clearly wasn't interested in kissing. (I escaped unscathed, thank God.) Then there was the old man who sat next to me on the tube and wanted me to join his strip club called - wait for it -'Knic Read more:Ivory
, Tower
A Long Way Down 2007-03-12 01:16:00 According to the booklet given to me by the Job Centre I'll get about £57 a week. I'm not paying rent or bills - in fact, I'm living in a nice house, consdering the label of 'unemployed bum' usually conjurs up images of rat-infested urine-stained squats splattered with vomit and drug paraphernalia. It's not a lot, but it should keep the bank off my back.I am not looking forward to going in on Tuesday - I have an interview at the drop-out centre. Did I say drop-out centre? I mean job centre. My pride has taken some knocks in its time, but this latest blow has well and truly floored me. Doesn't help my diet largely consists of McVities Rich Tea biscuits; suck the fat out of my stomach and deposit it elsewhere and I could easily have a chest as large as Jordan's.
Reflections 2007-03-10 23:36:00 I haven't done any writing for a while, my book remains 95% finished. I printed the whole lot out yesterday, amid much cursing at my printer's inability to recognise there is still paper in the feeder and no, it is not jammed, you stupid machine. I shall attempt to read it all the way through tomorrow; I often find I have to do this when I'm stuck in order for me to get back into the feel of the story.As a story, it is perfectly ludicrous. It's not so much a fairytale as a fairytale spoof, one I hope parents will laugh out loud to when they read it to their kids. It's been an enjoyable thing to write, primarily because it's very stupidity means I can't wallow in self-pity, as I am naturally inclined to do. (See below, and no doubt above!!) Life is hard and it's hard for everyone. It's just difficult to remember that, when you're drowning in sorrow...but everyone, no matter how seemingly happy they 'ought' to be, can suffer emotional turmoil. You only have to look at celebri Read more:Reflections
The End of Enchantment 2007-03-10 23:35:00 I don't know how I ended up like this. It was never supposed to be this way. I've always been a very ambitious person, and I've always been very proud - not of myself, but in my need to be, and to appear, successful. I've always known what I wanted. But I have never managed to achieve the two things most important to my self-esteem: a career, and a love life. Without one, I could stay afloat. Take both away and I'll sink.I suppose you could say I've been adrift for some time; these last two years have been hard and this is year three. I kept thinking maybe things would get better. But as each dream started to fade, I started to sink, and now finally it has taken its toll.I never dreamed that with an honours degree framed on my bedroom wall that I would end up on the dole. At the job centre the other day, the lady asked if I was single. What she really meant was, are you married? But it was funny, standing there with these young mums and teenage dads, knowing I should not be here
Dust out the Demons 2007-03-10 18:38:00 Apologies for the empty state of my blog, but I felt like having a spring clean; to quote City Slickers my life is in serious need of a 'do over'; in fact it's in such a poor way that if it were a dog, I'd have put it down a long time ago. Being something of a perfectionist/control freak I did metaphorically what I always used to do physically to my workbooks in school - I tore out all the pages so I could begin on a fresh, clean one.Naturally this doesn't change the sorry state my life is in so to sum up, here is currently what is wrong:1) I need a career. Seriously. If I'm not a writer, than what am I? A moody, pessimistic artiste with wonky teeth and an attitude problem.2) I need money. Which means I need -3) A job. But what can I do - scowl at people? I'm over-qualified for the crappy jobs and under-qualified for the good. I always seem to end up in degrading pocket-money jobs working with school-leavers who are getting more sex than I am. Which isn't difficult.4) I need a Read more:Demons
Cosmic Shoplifting 2007-03-17 18:12:00 Forgive me for resorting to foul and depraved language, but I have come to the conclusion that self-help books are a load of bollocks. In fact, all of this wishy-washy, send-positivity-out-to-the-universe-and-ye-shall-receive malarkey is a crock of crap. I've tried everything: I've written affirmations down a hundred times, I've read them out loud a hundred times, I've listened to Cd's, I've visualised my happy little future, I've written goal lists. And according to the money-spinning New Age hippies, all of this means I should be currently living in London in a nice flat, with my dream fella on my arm, and on my way to becoming a successful writer. Well BOLLOCKS am I. Does this look like London? This hoodie-infested, dreary, drugged-up monstrosity that dares call itself a family seaside resort? We don't even have a SWIMMING POOL for God's sake! As for my dream man, he failed to arrive in the mail, as did the letter from Spielberg containing a cheque for a million U.S.Only on
How to handle Heartache 2007-03-20 02:42:00 1: Knowing you have a problem is the first step to recovery. Therefore indulge in your problem as much as possible, so you are in no doubt you have issues. 2: Avoid songs like 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. These songs are for couples. Loser.3: Love is a drug, so cross-addictions can occur. Therefore when in the midst of heartache, try not to turn to cream buns in your time of need; they will only make you as fat as you thought you were anyway.4: Don't watch love scenes on TV. You will want to put your foot through the screen.5: Have faith things will get better. You're just having one of those lifetimes.And finally -6: Don't sit at your computer typing at 2am. It means you have issues. (See above)
Moonlight Sonata 2007-03-19 20:07:00 I woke up with Mr Melancholy this morning, never a good sign. The rest of the day was spent trying to shrug him off by resorting to my primary weapons: movies, wine, and Cadbury's Giant Chocolate Buttons. (I am an unemployed bum. I am allowed to sit on my arse all day and scoff chocolate.) Mr Melancholy continues to exercise his visitation rights as he has done for some time and he made me cry. A lot. Maybe one day I will finally learn to kick him in the balls, but until that day I suppose we must learn to live together as best we can.It's a difficult thing having to live with someone you're not very fond of. You go to bed with them, you wake up with them, you go to work with them; you can't even go on holiday to escape, because the problem with trying to run away, is that you have to take yourself with you. You can't run from yourself and if that's your problem, then boy is it a big one. The worst aspect of this is not being able to do the things I love when I'm blue, primarily Read more:Moonlight
, Sonata
Disney are back! 2007-03-23 17:00:00 I was thrilled to learn on The f-word that Disney
are returning to their roots and making a brand new 2D animation called The Frog Princess I've been a huge Disney fan from a young age, but after Mulan, the animation style got lost along with the quality (Remember Atlantis anyone?) The Emperor's New Groove in 2001 was the last of their 2D films I went to the cinema to see; none of the other films looked like Disney to me. In ye olden days, you could look at a still from a Disney film and know instantly who it was made by. Now compare a still from their latest outing, Meet The Robinsons and you could be looking at a Dreamworks film. (I blame Shrek - suddenly Disney had to be ironic and not romantic)But at least it seems 2009 could be the time when the house of mouse are back and kicking butt. I certainly hope so.
Rejection 2007-03-23 14:13:00 Just picked up an email from an agency regarding my novel - it's a no.Bugger.The book has now been rejected four times, so lucky I sent it to another four agents this morning. I wonder whether they just read the synopsis and are put off...I was never any good at writing those. Total number of rejections: 29I want chocolate now.
King Leer 2007-03-24 14:53:00 Today I had a two-hour lesson at the computer centre. I enjoy doing my ECDL course, and it's a nice place to learn: good atmosphere, lovely tutors, hot chocolate on tap. When I got up to put my name on the help list, the man who was sat next to me was also waiting in line, and upon seeing me he proceeded to look me up and down in that Oh-so-obvious way that makes me want to punch people. Why do they do it? Why can these men simply not show their appreciation with a simple, genuine smile rather then LEER? Why is it now impossible to even go out in the middle of the day, dressed down - without some lecherous old fart eyeing you up and down so you spend the rest of your time praying they won't find an excuse to start a conversation?Now some people might say, what's the problem Jo, you should be flattered. Well my answer to that is, a woman is never going to feel flattered by a manky middle-aged man oogling her up like she's a lapdancer. He was about as attractive as verrucca pus. And
The Butterfly Effect 2007-03-26 01:46:00 What with all the ghastly things happening in the world - wars, famine; Britney going bald, it's always nice to read something to warm the cockles and I found a wonderfully uplifting story from BBC News, regarding Taiwan helping butterflies to migrate. They closed a lane of a major highway, set up ultra-violet lights and spent some $30,000 on protecting more then a million purple milkweed butterflies."Human beings need to coexist with the other species, even if they are tiny butterflies," Lee Thay-ming, of the National Freeway Bureau, told the AFP news agency. If only there were more stories around like this, and more people around like him. Read more:Butterfly
Waterfall 2007-03-28 20:18:00 Why can't I write? I have maybe another 10 pages or so until I complete my novel, but I seem unable to do anything. Doesn't help that every other day some ignorant git decides to play with his radio-controlled car right outside my house - not an ordinary radio controlled car, but one with a noisy diesel engine which sounds like a giant wasp. I was enjoying last night's EastEnders until Gadget Man showed up at quarter to eight and proceeded to whizz his little toy round and round like a demented five year old. Used to the peace and quiet of where I live, this is not a welcome sound and it does nothing for my nerves. I mean, there are at least two beaches round here he can play on, he could go there rather then inflict his particular brand of anti-social noise-pollutant on us. I wished I had a radio-controlled aeroplane, then I could dive-bomb him or dump turds on his head. Naturally if it tipped down with rain Gadget Man would have to bugger off home, hence my wish for grey skies. I Read more:Waterfall
See me Beautiful 2007-03-29 21:03:00 My friend The Speculator said some very wise words the other day:When anguish has been so pervasive an experience, there is a danger of it becoming an identity, and that must be prevented from happening. I cannot really tell whether it is visible to others, but suffering must never be an identity.It's very easy to think of yourself as your problem. We all label ourselves as something - confident, shy, beautiful, ugly, intelligent, dim, yet how true these labels really are is never certain. To us they are certain, for whatever reason, but sometimes they aren't helpful, and are limiting. Robert Holden tells a story of a woman he counselled, an anorexic. He taught her not to think of herself as her suffering, and to view herself in terms of the person beneath the anguish. She said it was the first time anyone had treated her as something other than an anorexic.I can think of at least one example in my life where my own labels have prevented me from becoming someone better: at Universit Read more:Beautiful
That Sinking Feeling 2007-04-05 14:20:00 Drop-out centre time again. I was late, and had my appointment pushed back which irritated me greatly. Where I live, there isn't exactly a myriad of entertainment, not unless you count knocking OAP's out of the way in a fit of impatience as they meander along being overtaken by snails.I spent the next two and a bit hours wandering aimlessly round the shops looking at all the nice things I can't afford to buy, and settled into Waterstones to flick through books on comsic ordering (no help whatsoever, easy to believe it when you're making loads of money from talking about it) star signs (apparently Virgos are 'critical and fussy' and 'fear being loved' Like I didn't know. And they charge £7.99 to tell me this?) and conspiracy theories. For the record, I believe Marilyn Monroe was murdered. I also believe David Icke needs electric shock therapy. If the world were really run by giant lizards, there'd be an awful lot of lizard dung lying around. I suppose it's invisible to human Read more:Feeling
Yesterday's News 2007-04-06 20:54:00 Ugh, absolutely hideous day. Woke up drowning in depression, couldn't do anything. Longed to be somewhere in a pub drinking in the sun, but my friends have - sensibly - fled this dive and gone to Wales and Glocester and Devon and London, so as you can imagine my social life isn't exactly in the best of health.The loneliness is unberable. Everything I do is a distraction to stop me thinking. It's scary how little I have changed, despite knowing where I went wrong before. I'm lonelier now than I was then, and I keep failing to become someone else. I guess I'm just stuck with me. Read more:Yesterday
This is a Low 2007-04-07 12:07:00 I wish I was a student again. If I'd known what life was going to be like afterwards I'd have done it all so differently. I had everything then; a fabulous social life, lovely home of my own, money - I was adored. I'd never been adored before, I'd never been anybody before. I almost felt like the person I always wished I could be. And then there were the lows, when I'd fall so far into despair my diaries became my only solace, when I couldn't talk to anyone, and I'd try and find the answer in the bottom of a bottle of wine. I can't say I've changed all that much.I could handle not having a career if I found success with love, or had money to comfort myself with, but failing on all three counts makes things pretty bleak. It doesn't help that on these sunny days I long to be socialising in a nice pub garden, but my friends are no longer close enough to where I live for a casual drink. I love them all to bits, and I'm so grateful they are there, even if I don't confide in them
A day in the life of an unemployed bum 2007-04-14 15:07:00 8:30am. Wake up. Try and remember what I've just been dreaming about. Try not to remember I'm an unemployed bum. Pull covers back over my head.8:45am. Think about getting up some more.9:00am: Get up. Breakfast of Special K if body conscious, crumpets if not, and nothing if I've stuffed my face the night before.9:15am: Meander aimlessly on the internet while I try to get in the mood to write, while secretly knowing I really am not in the mood, which puts me in a worse mood than if I hadn't bothered trying in the first place.10:00am: I really, really can't write, therefore junk food is the only option. Off to the shops for chocs.11:00am: Play music very loudly in the front room, before sitting down to watch something. Quick skip through More 4 Music, TMF and other free music channels. Either it's soft-porn consisting of close ups of women's buttocks accompanied by mysognistic lyrics, or it's simply bollocks I've never even heard of. If I'm lucky, I'll get a bit of The Sugababe
Stupid Girl 2007-04-15 11:17:00 Novel rejected again. Well, sort of. It came back yesterday from an agency, but apparently they don't accept children's books. They didn't mention that in The Writer's Handbook.Oh well. Sent it off to another in the afternoon; this one owns the estate of Roald Dahl so I'd be in good company. Ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell has just signed a six-book deal, but then, she's famous. There've been grumblings recently in the industry about celebrities getting these massive deals while the little people struggle to get noticed. Geri Halliwell is at least writing a children's book; footballer's wife - ie: non-entity famous for only being married to a footballer - Colleen something-or-other published her autobiography, as did Chantelle, a girl who stayed in a house with other has-beens for a summer surrounded by video cameras taping her every move and somehow this means she has a life worthy of publication. Writing your autobiography at twenty-three is like signing your death warrant. I m Read more:Stupid
Songs, Sunshine and Secretary 2007-04-19 18:00:00 I still haven't finished my book, I'm in the middle of the final chapter so it's close enough to be sent off to agents. One was sent back this morning. I just can't get in the mood. I'm writing my blog more then my book!I'm still an umeployed bum, but I have at least applied for a couple of writing jobs, which is much more attractive then working as a buttmonkey secretary.Speaking of which, I bought Secretary
on DVD today. It premiered on Channel 4 not long ago, and I wasn't planning on watching it as, perhaps not suprisingly, I thought it was just going to be gratuitous and seedy. Instead what emerged was a tender, touching, quirky oddball of a film with two quirky oddball characters at the heart of it who don't fit in, finding solace in each other. Only at the end was it in danger of turning into a Hollywood ending: without spoiling anything the banks of photographers just wasn't neccessary, and almost ruined the whole kookiness of the picture, but thankfully was brought bac
Oscillate Wildly 2007-04-18 19:22:00 I received my book from Amazon today called The Secret. I'd had a flick through it a few weeks back while on one of my quests for help. Lately I've become rather sceptical about self-help books; I own four or five others, which seem to suggest they aren't working as otherwise I'd just have the one. I mean, it's not like I have one for losing weight or one to quit smoking; they are all allegedly able to magically transform your life for the better. Problem is, it's easy to be positive while reading them. What happens when you finish the book?Undoubedly I did feel excited while reading The Secret this afternoon; hell, I even felt happy. This is a big deal for me. It's something I'm going to keep working on every day, step by step, until I can get up in the morning without wanting to punch people. On a completely different subject, I watched Wilde again the other day. Orlando Bloom has his first cameo, Ioan Gruffudd has really long hair, Jude Law is cruelly handsome as the spoilt
In a nutshell 2007-04-28 11:49:00 Q: What inspires you to write?A: Cowardice - I think at some level, I'm not awfully good at life so writing is my way of behaving as I like to behave if I had the guts.-William Ivory, screenwriter
Live the Dream 2007-05-01 19:15:00 Being a creative type makes finding a suitable job rather hard work. If you're lucky enough to land a job you love, then it becomes a career. To my mind, a job is what you do to earn money; a career is when you earn money by doing what you love.It's only in the last week or so that I've started to get a clearer picture of a possible way forward for me; for years I laboured under the highly naive delusion that I was somehow going to sell a screenplay overnight and be a star. Ashamed as I am of admitting that now, at least I'm finally learning to bring some of my cloud castles a little nearer to the earth: I'm aiming to get into a marketing/advertising agency.These people are creatives and they need writers. The advertising ones don't really float my boat - I find most ads deplorable at best, and I think I'd have a hard time keeping my cynical sense of humour in check without spoofing it up mightily and getting fired. I've found one agency in particular who deal with movies, TV a Read more:Dream
Blue 2007-05-02 14:55:00 Another rejection. The book has been rejected seven times now. I'm not going to be sending it off again, not for a while. I need to concentrate on getting a well-paid job and getting my life sorted. Seven isn't a lot, but I have rejection letters going back eight years and I've had enough.For now anyway.
Grace Kelly's Oasis 2007-05-11 17:15:00 After Mary - the Scissor Sisters song, not the Blessed Virgin - my current obession. This song is fabulous and as for the singer...well, a very handsome young man indeed and if I were younger he'd be my pin-up. Then there's this little gem. Great video, great song and both are now ringtones on my mobile.And yeah, I know I should get out more. Read more:Grace
, Grace Kelly
London Calling 2007-05-10 21:16:00 Well, I've just returned from London for an interview. Somehow my dodgy CV managed to impress somebody enough to consider me for a Copywriter/Marketing Assistant role with an internet company in Mayfair! I am amazed to have even got this far.Whether it went well or not I honestly can't say. I liked the atmosphere in the office and I liked my interviewees. I am afraid that I did perhaps come across as a bit too creative and not professional enough, but we'll just have to wait and see. As always I couldn't stop a big smile from lighting up my face as I alighted at Paddington; it felt like coming home. Would have been nice to catch up with some friends but it being a work day they'd all be up to their eyes in it, and also I didn't really have time to socialise. What with a three hour journey there and back, lunch, makeup check and finding my way, I was lucky to even have a toilet break.Here's hoping I may be on my way to glory and if not, at least I know my CV is good enough for th Read more:Calling
, London Calling
A Lot Like Love 2007-05-13 19:13:00 Weddings inevitably make you think about love, whether you want to think about it or not. Actions of your past return to haunt you because they made the present what it is, and perhaps even offer a presentiment of your future which, for me, really is not a nice thought.Being 'between jobs' has given me ample time to reflect on my mistakes and realise why I haven't yet ended up with the kind of love I yearn for. Without a doubt I have been guilty of trying too hard, of pushing too much; my insecurities meant I came across as needy, perhaps even desperate. Worse then this I have been guilty in the past of throwing away my self-respect. Perhaps I simply don't know how to express my feelings. I know I'm not the easiest person to understand, and I think perhaps my fierce independance leads people to think I'm OK on my own, when this couldn't be further from the truth. Desite being something of a solitary soul, I have always yearned for a companion, someone to face the world with, som
Seven Wonders 2007-05-27 12:52:00 OK, I've just been tagged by Lissa which I think means I need to reveal seven little-known facts about myself, so here goes:1: I'm happier when it's pouring with rain then when it's sunny.2: I get nervous twitches in my legs.3: My great-grandfather was chaplain to King George V.4: No one really knows how lonely I am.5: I have a scar on my left wrist caused by an abscess left by a drip6: I never feel like I belong.7: I 've always wanted to wear a Gone with the Wind style hoop dress. Read more:Seven
, Wonders
The Island 2007-06-13 04:06:00 It's been a while since I've posted but for good reasons. Nothing spectacular - sadly I still haven't found employment, Spielburg hasn't called and my bank balance is still on minus numbers.I have however been writing. A lot. The reason I spent so much time blogging was because all the trapped creativity I wasn't using had to bleed out somewhere, but now it's in reverse. I've entered/am entering two scriptwriting competitions. One is for The British Short Screenplay Competetion the other is a regional competition, this one for a full length film which is the one I'm working on now. The book remains static - I have done another 300 words or so, but have dropped it for now in favour of the film. I will return to it and I WILL complete it - it's so near the finish line.What with unemployment/zero social life/zero love life things would be very bleak indeed. It's writing that saves me. I think I've always been rather isolated, I'm like an island that's hard to reach. Writing i Read more:Island
Mr Monotony 2007-07-08 14:37:00 As much as I enjoy finishing a project, I also don't like it either, because I feel lost. I'm not the kind of person who finds it easy to get passionate about something else right away and I usually find myself resorting to slouching around not really doing anything. Not that I want to slouch around not doing anything: if I had my way, I'd be living it up like most normal twenty-somethings, having a few drinks and having a laugh.But I can't, hence the weight-gain, frustration and never-ending melancholy. Oh I wish I could tell you about my upcoming holiday with my boyfriend, or the fabulous deal I've struck with Working Title, and how wonderful my apartment in London is. I wish I had something interesting to say. I wish I had a life worth living. I wish just sometimes I had what I long for, instead of being stuck in purgatory.I'm just too old to feel this young, and I'm too young to feel this old.
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