Owner: Absolutely Bananas URL:http://www.absolutelybananas.com Join Date: Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:41:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: This Seattle stay-at-home mom is the uncontested winner of hoards of imaginary and completely absurd awards including slap-yer-knee funniest blog, all-time best stories, and the highly prestigious "this woman is downright mad" award.
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Hives, ninjas and dog bites, OH MY 2008-06-23 00:32:45 I had a longer (and wittier) post all planned out in my head but it’ll have to wait.
See, I didn’t expect my knee to come solidly into contact with the large and powerful teeth of a snarling dog while I was peacefully ordering my tamale at the Farmer’s Market this morning. (He was aiming his teeth at another [...] Read more:bites
, Hives
Where in the world is Make Me Laugh Monday? 2008-06-22 23:37:13 Storm has offered to host Make Me Laugh Monday
at her blog since I’m putting it on hiatus. Head on over for some belly laughs!
Most Commented Posts
Giveaway: Deceptively Delicious
In which I confront a dirty rotten plagiarist
Pause
The man with the fighting stick (whose name is Mud) 2008-06-21 21:31:44 We’re sitting on our back patio, enjoying a leisurely evening meal, when we hear him.
HY-UH!
HAI!
HUH!
HAY-HU-HUUUH!
I look at Jay and he raises an eyebrow. What is going on in the alley behind our house?
I leap up and race to the back fence, peering through a slat between cedar fence posts. There, behind our house, is a man [...]
If you are vin diesel, CLICK HERE 2008-06-20 01:00:00 For today, I thought we could play a little game where we laugh and marvel at the WEIRD STUFF PEOPLE SEARCH FOR that leads them to my blog (the vin diesel
edition):
(I am not making these search queries up. They are REAL and actual searches, typos and all.)
“if you are vin diesel”
Click Here!
“pin in [...]
Don’t Blink 2008-06-18 22:00:00 Today was CJ’s last day of preschool.
Or, as I so morbidly think of it, the beginning of the end.
How is it that time goes by so fast?
How is it that my little teeny tiny baby is a BIG HULKING five year old?
Blink
! he’s walking
Blink! he’s talking
Blink! he’s in elementary school
Blink! Blink! he’s a massive teenager [...]
Wanted: Your honest feedback. Win a custom blog header or business card design! 2008-06-17 23:49:00 Time to get serious, people.
(hey you, stop fidgeting! Pay attention!)
I need your feedback. In an attempt to make Absolutely Bananas THE BEST BLOG IN THE UNIVERSE (insert maniacal laughter here) I’m going to be making some changes. Before I do that, I want to hear from you.
Specifically, what do you like and not like about [...] Read more:custom
, design
, header
, honest
To trade in or not to trade in. There’s not even a question. 2008-06-17 12:59:00 I like to think of myself as a practical and well-informed woman. A savvy woman. A women in the know.
So when it comes to buying and selling cars, I have some hard and fast rules. These rules are based on research and experience, but mainly on what my dad always told me.
1) Thou shalt not [...]
Make Me Laugh Monday 2008-06-16 01:15:00 Welcome to Make Me Laugh Monday
!
In memorium of my downstairs computer (may it rest in peace), I bring you this close-up look at the Microsoft end-user agreement. You know what they say, if something goes wrong… BLAME MICROSOFT!
Click here to read it…
Here’s the deal if you want to join in.Write about something funny. It can [...]
Reinventing date night 2008-06-13 16:01:00 Last night after CJ went to bed, I sat down on the living room floor and put together Legos for three hours.
See, I’d decided that they needed to be organized, and the only way that I know to organize Legos when they’ve gotten all jumbled together is to build each set and then put them [...]
I thought we’d come home with a baby but all I have is a bucket of vomit! 2008-06-13 00:05:00 Last night was the night before CJ’s 5th birthday.
He is understandably antsy. After lying in bed for a while, he comes tip-toeing out. I give him my best, most sternest glare. “WHAT are you doing out of bed?”
“Mommy!” he says, “I already went to sleep TWO TIMES!”
I can’t help but smile. “Really?”
“Yes!” he pauses, then [...] Read more:bucket
, thought
, vomit
Good stuff from around the web 2008-07-04 14:00:27 Something about this post totally resonates with me, I think because I can identify with poor little Orlando and the guilt he must’ve been walking around with. I want to be as good of a mom as Stacy!
Glad to have you back, Shauna. And I have to say… the way people respond to sexual harassment cases [...] Read more:stuff
Bananas’ 1st and 2nd Laws of Nature 2008-07-03 16:16:40 Newton’s Law: A body at rest will remain at rest and a body in motion will continue in motion at a constant speed in a straight line unless acted upon by some outside force
Kepler’s Law: The orbits of the planets are ellipses, with the Sun at one focus of the ellipse.
Murphy’s Law: If anything can [...]
I can’t win 2008-07-02 11:21:45 We’re in the car on the way to zoo camp when CJ says to me, “Mommy, when will daddy NEVER have to work any more?”
Which has been a frequent question of late. And, as much as I’d like to believe that Jay’s phantom stock options (yes, they’re really called that) will result in massive amounts [...]
My dust bunnies have names and personalities 2008-06-30 19:30:08 I make a lot of jokes about my sad attempts at housecleaning and inevitably one of my girlfriends will look at me with that shifty uncomfortable look and go, “Oh come on Jen, you’re not that bad!”
But the truth is… I am that bad.
My friends either KNOW IT and are embarrassed on my behalf, or else they [...]
Not to be all man-bashing or anything, but it’s time for some serious man bashing. 2008-06-30 02:57:44 The weather here in Seattle has gone from cold and gloomy to hot hot HOT.
Which means there’s a whole lot of pasty skinned folk running around like chickens with our heads cut off.
It’s so HOT!
What do we do in this heat?
How can we COOL OFF?!
When it’s cool, we moan and complain about [...] Read more:anything
, bashing
, serious
Some laws are NOT made to be broken 2008-06-28 15:08:46 If the sun is streaming in to the room and makes [watching tv] [being on the computer] [playing video games] too difficult, it is time to go outside.
~Mrs. Flinger
That’s right folks. After a seemingly endless spell of cold and YOU-CALL-THIS-SUMMER?! gloom, summer has finally come to Seattle!
(I hardly know what to do with myself)
Related Posts
Bananas’ [...]
A whole lot of Pottery Barn 2008-06-25 22:02:41 Somehow I ended up on Pottery
Barn’s mailing list.
On a weekly basis my mailbox piles up with:
Pottery Barn
Pottery Barn Baby
Pottery Barn Kids
Pottery Barn Teen
Pottery Barn Bed & Bath
Pottery Barn Outdoor Spaces
… which is a whole lot of Pottery Barn indeed, especially for someone who’s not that into pots or barns.
First of all, I will confess [...]
Coming soon to an Absolutely Bananas near you 2008-06-23 23:45:38 First of all, thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the excellent and heartfelt advice. I love hearing what you like and what you think can be improved, and your feedback really helped me make some decisions about moving forward.
You may or may not have noticed some changes around here. Like, for example, I’m on WORDPRESS [...] Read more:Absolutely
Monday writing prompt 2008-07-18 17:59:11 Alright ladies (and one guy), get your writing
muscles ready because I have our first writing prompt!
On Monday
we’re gonna be talking about TRAVEL HORROR STORIES.
Oh yeah.
Can’t wait to see what you’ve got.
Here’s the code for the graphic, in case you’re the type that likes to PLAN AHEAD:
<a href=”-horror-stories.html” mce_href=”-horror-stories
You didn’t KNOW you had a fairy blog-mother… 2008-07-18 02:00:05 A few weeks ago I asked you to give me feedback on what could make this blog even better.
You told me that a) you like original content and stories, and b) you enjoy having opportunities to promote your content, get wider exposure, and increase your traffic.
And another thing… you know how sometimes it’s really super [...] Read more:fairy
, mother
It’s getting hot in here… the pre-BlogHer blah blah blah post 2008-07-16 12:28:01 Since EVERYBODY AND THEIR DOG is writing a pre-BlogHer post about clothes and shoes and OH THE WEIGHT WE DIDN’T LOSE, I’ve decided to join in.
After all, what’s a bandwagon without all the people jumping on it?
So it’s true, I’m going to BlogHer. And I’m excited except I’m clearly in denial because I leave in [...] Read more:blah blah
Is there such a thing as happily ever after? 2008-07-16 02:00:22 This is Part III in the baby seal saga. Start at the beginning by clicking here.
We have spent most of the day avoiding the beach that we’re spending so much money to stay on.
Avoiding the subject of the baby seal.
Trying not to look at it.
Nerves are frayed. Everyone is on edge. No one wants this [...]
A seal’s a seal’s a seal. Right? WRONG. 2008-07-15 02:00:10 We interrupt the painfully long and drawn-out seal pup melodrama for this IMPORTANT service message to Google Ads.
Dear people at Google Ads:
It has come to my attention that you are rather confused. Take THIS, for example:
I’m thinking it’s time for a little lesson in SEAL PUP IDENTIFICATION. (you can thank me later)
are you paying attention? [...] Read more:Right
I’ll tell you what you can do with your CIRCLE OF LIFE 2008-07-14 14:28:04 This is Part II in the baby seal saga. Read Part I here.
The thing about baby seals is that they are small. And helpless.
And before very long, even though the baby seal is really cute and all, you start to think that maybe the fact that it’s all alone and without any sign of its mother on [...]
Holy Moly it’s a REAL LIVE baby seal! 2008-07-13 21:18:51 This has got to be the best vacation ever, I think. I am leaned back against a long piece of sun-bleached drift wood, a tall iced tea in hand, watching as CJ digs a giant hole in the sand. The waves lap against the beach and the sun caresses me ever-so-gently.
Halfway through our week at [...]
World peace doesn’t have to be so hard 2008-07-11 02:12:00 Tonight after dinner I fix CJ a big bowl of ice cream with hot fudge sauce and sprinkles.
I head back to the kitchen to put away the ice cream. When I return I find that CJ has stripped off all his clothes and is thoroughly licking the bottom of his bowl. Chocolate and ice cream are smeared [...] Read more:World
Hopelessly Hopeful: A moth’s story 2008-07-10 02:00:05 Here at the Banana house we may not have a dog, but we sure do have a lot of exciting animal (insect!) encounters.
Our latest friend is a deformed moth, who you can read ALL ABOUT in my guest post over at Don’t Try This at Home.
And if that isn’t enough for ya, I’m handing out [...] Read more:Hopeful
, Hopelessly
, story
Housekeeping Tips 2008-07-09 10:54:28 First of all I have to admit that this graphic (Sparkle Tips? are you KIDDING ME?!) is the CHEESIEST thing I’ve ever seen. Yes, I’m the one that came up with it, but still I think it’s downright cheesy. Maybe the next carnival can be called HOW TO NAME CARNIVALS WITH NAMES THAT ARE [...]
Speck-tacular 2008-08-05 13:58:17 It’s Seafair in Seattle, which means we have hydroplane racing, Blue Angels overhead, and a whole lot of drunken idiots getting sunburnt and stupid.
Usually Jay and I avoid the madness, except last year when in a fit of stupidity I decided to take CJ to see the Blue Angels from a VERY CENTRAL location. Which [...]
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