Owner: Absolutely Bananas URL:http://www.absolutelybananas.com Join Date: Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:41:46 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: This Seattle stay-at-home mom is the uncontested winner of hoards of imaginary and completely absurd awards including slap-yer-knee funniest blog, all-time best stories, and the highly prestigious "this woman is downright mad" award.
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Monday writing prompt 2008-08-01 12:05:50 On Monday
we’ll be writing
about: 10 things I’ve learned from my child.
Code for the button:
If you want to participate, publish your post any time between Monday, Aug 3 and Sunday, Aug 11th, then come back here and link up.
Read this post for some tips on how to best utilize blog carnivals for networking and [...]
Basic instinct 2008-07-31 11:51:26 We’re standing on the front deck of the ferry boat, looking out over the water.
Suddenly, Jay steps back from the railing. He looks slightly shaken.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“It’s the oddest thing,” he says, “I keep getting the strongest urge to throw my glasses over the railing.”
Related Posts
The mystery of the red long johns
Not to be [...] Read more:Basic
, instinct
Daddy vs. CJ 2008-07-30 11:30:28 This is not going well.
Jay and CJ are having a battle of the wills. Jay has thrown his hat in the “FOR bedtime” ring, while CJ is solidly AGAINST.
Even from my seat in the kitchen, I can tell that the battle is getting heated.
Finally, Jay stomps in and announces, “HE WANTS YOU.”
Wearily I sigh and [...] Read more:Daddy
My vitals may be normal but I’m a sick, sick woman 2008-07-29 11:28:05 As we step out of the car, CJ takes my hand and squeezes it. “Don’t worry mom, you’ll be ok,” he assures me as we walk into the doctor’s office.
If only.
I try to maintain my calm as the nurse takes my vitals, although part of me is waiting for her to shout out OH MY [...] Read more:woman
Heartbreak 2008-07-27 21:00:00 ~circa 1991~
I am perched on the hillside outside our apartment doing nothing in particular when I see him walking across the parking lot towards the playground below.
He has a certain ease about him as he saunters up to my sister (who is sitting in open-mouthed wonder on one of the swings).
“Hey,” I hear his greeting [...] Read more:Heartbreak
Monday writing prompt 2008-07-26 11:09:15 Here’s your early warning for Monday
’s writing
prompt. Heartbreak.
Whatever that means to you…
And here’s the code for this week’s fancy schmancy graphic:
And, if you feel like it, read this post for some tips on how to best utilize blog carnivals for networking and to increasing your readership.
See you Monday!
Random Posts
My peeps
Words cannot describe my cool
In which I pretend that I didn’t go to a blogging conference 2008-07-25 02:30:47 So where are you going again, exactly?” My mother-in-law looks at me out of the corner of her eye.
I shuffle my feet and mutter, “Erm, San Francisco.”
“Yes, and… for what was it, again?”
Desperately I look around for a distraction. CJ! WHERE is CJ?
And how is it that the child has an uncanny nack for interrupting EVERY [...] Read more:conference
Honey, I’m HOME! 2008-07-23 18:20:23 This post contains the big reveal to my earlier post.
***
Seriously people, SPERM? Eggs? Pregnancy? Sperm? Fertilization!!?
I don’t know what you all are teaching your kids, but mine still thinks that there’s a STORK who brings the baby.
Well, not really.
But basically.
ANYWAY...
Closest guess goes to Wendy, who guessed NO SPITTING and most creative guess goes to Julia for “
The secret of bubbles 2008-08-19 11:16:00 For many years I dreamt of the perfect bubble bath; one with heaps and heaps of fragrant soapy bubbles. You know, like in Pretty Woman.
The thing was, I could never get the tub full of bubbles.
I tried everything… different bubble baths applied in varying amounts at different times. In the stream of water, before the [...]
Marriage in real life 2008-08-17 23:51:33 Before I got married, I had a lot of ideas about how marriage would be.
Most of which turned out to be dead wrong.
Here’s a primer so that all those other innocent young girls won’t be so misled.
***
In real life, they never do what they’re supposed to. Even when you yell at them.
In real life, having [...]
Monday writing prompt 2008-08-16 12:41:36 Yesterday was our 11 year wedding anniversary. So, in honor of THE TIE THAT BINDS, we’re writing
about marriage in real life.
That’s right. Not the pretty, glossy, pretend version. We’re talking nitty gritty REAL LIFE stuff.
Here’s the code for the graphic:
See you Monday
!
Random Posts
Beware: Lavender & Tea Tree Oil-based skin products bad for boys
Two tickets
X marks the spot. Except when it doesn’t. 2008-08-14 11:51:00 This morning CJ captures a little spider in his hands and stores it in a bucket that he covers up with rain boots to keep the spider from escaping.
“I have a PET!” he exclaims in delight.
But, alas, his new pet is a wily little thing, and it escapes.
Never one to give up easily, CJ pulls [...]
A cluttered mind 2008-08-12 02:16:18 Somehow I ended up getting hired to teach two classes at the University of Washington starting this fall.
In order to finalize the hiring process, I’m supposed to fill out some paperwork and bring it, along with my passport, to the UW processing office.
No problem!
well, except for this one little problem…
I totally can’t find my passport.
Right away when [...]
Bananas vs. the corn tortillas (an epic battle) 2008-08-11 02:00:21 “So what exactly are you planning on doing with NINETY corn tortillas?” Jay asks smugly as he holds up the enormous stack of tortillas.
I give him a blank stare and say nothing.
There’s really not much to be said.
The truth is I didn’t realize that there were ninety in there. I was at Costco, saw corn [...]
We got a baby 2008-08-07 10:53:00 CJ really, really, REALLY wants a baby.
He talks about it all the time. He’s obsessed with pregnant women, pointing them out to me on magazines and commercials and in public places.
We’re at the library when CJ spies a little girl holding her baby sister. “Mom!” he whispers, “she’s HOLDING it!”
He watches for a bit longer [...]
As tiny as your eyebrow 2008-08-06 09:32:00 CJ and his cousin are in BIG TROUBLE. We are at my in-law’s house for the weekend, and the boys have spent most of the time playing outside. It’s Saturday night and they decide to take their play down and across the street, despite my brother-in-laws shouted directions not to.
YOU’RE GOING STRAIGHT TO BED! we [...]
If only it were so simple 2008-09-11 11:41:49 CJ and I are sitting at a local coffee shop watching the passersby and munching on tasty pastries when he reminds me (gently) that I forgot to buy him anything to drink.
Bad mommy!
I pull out my wallet and hand him a $20. “Take it up to the lady at the counter,” I tell him, “and [...]
The battle of the tiny merpeople 2008-09-08 14:27:13 Last night I dreamt that Jay bought a family of tiny merpeople to live in our aquarium. They were cute in an unsettling sort of way. Actually they looked a lot like sea monkeys… not how sea monkeys REALLY look but how they were advertised in the back of Archie comic books when we were [...]
The wake-up call 2008-09-05 11:53:01 We’re five minutes from the ferry when my throat clenches and starts to close up.
I cannot breathe.
I clutch at the armrest and gasp, “Jay! Something is wrong. Something is very wrong.”
Jay can tell from the urgency in my voice that I am not kidding, and he pulls the car off the road. “What’s up, Jen?” [...]
On the first day 2008-09-05 00:51:17 I look across the sea of people at the freshly scrubbed faces, carefully combed hair, brand-new shirts and backpacks and saucer-wide eyes. I can feel the air buzzing with nervous excitement.
“When do you think the bell will ring?” Jay asks me.
I look at my watch. “Any minute.”
“Mommy!” CJ tugs at my sleeve, “Mommy when will kindergarten [...]
Monday Writing Prompt: An embarrassing moment 2008-09-29 00:47:51 Hello and welcome to Monday
!
This week I am EXTRA excited to read your entries, since the topic is AN EMBARRASSING MOMENT.
ahem. sounds like FUN, right?!
In other news, I start teaching at the UW this week and I am stressed and busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Therefore this may [...] Read more:Prompt
Early Warning 2008-09-25 11:33:08 I hate to be a Chicken Little here, but from what I can see the earth is UNDER ATTACK by fruit flies and spiders.
And from over here it’s starting to look like they’re winning. At least in Seattle. At least in my house.
They’re everywhere… I fear that soon…
bzz
what’s that?
what’s going on? A swarm…
bzz
HEAVEN HELP ME [...] Read more:Early
Seeing through spiderwebs is risky business 2008-09-24 12:31:41 Yesterday I walked out the front door and got a spider web right in the eye.
ARRRGH!
Some nefarious little eight-legged creature has spun its web directly across the path that is typically taken by my head when I exit the house. I have to believe it’s on purpose. That spider was eyeing my eyeball and thinking, [...] Read more:Seeing
, risky
I’m your mother 2008-09-22 12:00:26 Dear CJ,
It appears that there are some things in need of clarification in this whole mother
-child situation. Such as roles and responsibilities; specifically mine.
Please read carefully. There will be a quiz.
Love, YOUR MOTHER
***
Other “I’m your mother, not…” posts:
1. Honey Mommy2. Rachael (SNOTW)3. Pgoodness4. Peggy5. Kat - Sassy Irish Lassie6. Adventures
Monday writing prompt 2008-09-19 19:52:32 We all say it, like a hundred times a day at least…
“I’m your mother, not your…”
Now’s your chance to DOCUMENT it.
Here’s the button code:
I’ll put my entry up on Sunday night, along with a place for you to add a link to your post.
Read this post for some tips on how to [...] Read more:Monday
, writing
You auto-complete me 2008-10-16 12:55:19 Can you spot the word that was “revised” by my phone’s ever-so-helpful auto-complete
feature?
Me: How’s your hotel?
Jay: Long story — are you home?
Me: No… Waiting while the students workshop. Long story?? Everything ok?
Jay: It’s a b&b with a shared bath.
Me: Log!
Yes sirree, “ooh!” became “Log!” just as I pressed SEND
Here’s my sign 2008-10-14 11:57:32 We are standing beside the train track waiting for our train to arrive when we notice her.
She’s middle-aged, with a full medical mask covering her nose and mouth, and a hood drawn up over her head. Around her neck hangs a cardboard sign on which she has written,
I have chemical sensitivities.
I keep glancing [...]
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