Owner: the unnecessary post URL:http://blog.unnecessarypost.com Join Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:25:02 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: At the onset, this was going to be a hard-hitting political blog. About two hours later, we realized that politics are boring.
Instead, we’re bringing you something that really matters: simplistic, vulgar, asinine, and painfully derivative humor.
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Tim Russert Dies 2008-06-13 15:06:37 Tim Russert
died today of an apparent heart attack, leaving only Chris Matthews and ever-drunk Tom Brokaw to entertain us with their circus-monkey-like antics and shallow political commentary.
NBC is expected to replace Mr. Russert with anchor who uses punctuation, forms complete sentences.
In related news, NBC stock went up 5% after the news hit Wall Street. Read more:Tim Russert
Top 5 Hangover Cures 2008-06-13 14:57:53 Drain-O
Body and Blood of Christ
Handful of Aleve
More alcohol
Muzzling your children Read more:Cures
How We’re Picking Up Ladies 2008-06-13 14:09:42 6. Dark Eyes Vodka
5. Without their knowledge or consent
4. Telling them you’re much more important than you are
3. Buying Hustler
2. Substantially lowering your standards
1. No idea since the Robert Taylor Homes were closed Read more:Picking
how to increase website traffic? 2008-06-13 14:00:10 5. edit wikipedia articles and references to include your website
4. feverishly clicking refresh on your hits counter
3. including more pornography
2. hiring expert hackers to nuke other websites
1. generating content that no one really wants to read Read more:traffic
new summer fashion trends 2008-06-12 23:23:51 orange jumpsuit – nothing screams “hard as a mother fucker” quite like prison (except for being hard as shit and also smart enough not to get caught). Nothing screams “hot lesbian sex party” like women’s prison. Also, it’s not like you really have a choice. Bet you wish you hadn’t beat up that nun now.
running [...]
Wife has no one to blame but herself 2008-06-12 23:23:12 A newly-wed woman made the tragic mistake of sending her husband to the supermarket to pickup some fresh garlic and vegetarian hot dogs.
Several hours later her husband returned home with $150 worth of cookie dough ice cream and a box of cherry flavored Fruit Roll-Ups. Read more:herself
keith olberman names bill o’reilly worst person on earth 2008-06-12 16:44:21 CNN news anchor Keith Olberman named Bill O’Reilly today’s “Worst Person on Earth,” narrowly beating out both Khalid Sheik Mohammed, responsible for masterminding the attacks on the World Trade Center, and North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il, who has spent decades presiding over one of the most repressive regimes the world has ever known. Read more:person
Popular Google Searches 2008-06-14 18:20:54 “my real parents”
“a sense of belonging”
lost city of atlantis
mere double x pornography
“Metaphysical Truth” Read more:Google
Saving Money This Summer 2008-06-14 17:28:44 With summer just around the corner, you know you can use some relief from high gas and energy prices, vacations, and a new line of clothing. Here are a few tips to help you skimp and save your way to staying on budget this summer!
Instead of buying your clothes at department stores, go to Goodwill [...] Read more:Money
, Saving
, Summer
Dear Rupert 2008-06-14 15:11:31 Dear Rupert
,
I haven’t had my period for four months and my abdomen is swelling up. It all started about a month after I had sex with four or five different men without using any condoms. I find myself throwing up in the morning more and more often, and oftentimes have irresistible urges for certain kinds [...]
Dear Rupert 2008-06-14 14:59:06 Dear Rupert
,
I’m not an ugly guy, but I have a really hard time getting women to notice me. What can you suggest?
Invisible
Dear Invisible,
The first thing to note is that while the women appear to be nearby to you, the telescope only works one way - you still look far away to them! If that doesn’t [...]
Looking Younger in Three Easy Steps 2008-06-14 14:48:21 …while refusing to make an even remotely graceful transition into middle age.
Dermaplast Abrasion Treatment. Nothing gets rid of those wrinkles quite like taking off a quarter inch of your face.
Lots and lots of makeup. People will be so busy focusing on how you look like a whore that they’ll completely miss the fact that you’re [...] Read more:Three
, Three Easy
, Three Easy Steps
5 Ways to Fight Aging 2008-06-14 14:41:40 Living a healthy, vibrant life is about 25% genetics and 75% life-style. Since most of you have shitty genes and can’t afford the genetic recombination required to fix your deeply flawed DNA, here are five life-style changes you can focus on to live a longer, less fun life.
1. Sucking burning, harmful chemicals directly into your [...] Read more:Aging
New Windows Vista Features 2008-06-14 13:36:18 Windows Vista
’s newest Service Pack comes with a few great security and accessibility upgrades:
Increases efficiency by cutting out the middle-man. Your credit card and bank account details are now uploaded directly to identity thieves.
Outlook Express comes with viruses already installed and distributes them to your friends automatically.
Security code comes pre-hacked.
Your crucial inform Read more:Windows
Five Tips to Improve Your Career 2008-06-15 20:48:36 A lot of people really hate their jobs. In fact, most people hate their jobs. But money is necessary for things like eating and sleeping indoors away from the hobos. So we go to work everyday, “back to the grind!” so to speak!
Well, here are a few things you can do to make you hate [...] Read more:Career
, Improve
What are we writing in our Moleskine? 2008-06-15 15:16:46 Ex-boyfriend’s name over and over
The Lord’s Prayer
“Don’t forget to take your Methadone”
Tales of grand, metaphysical angst
Precise and detailed records of illegal business transactions Read more:Moleskine
, writing
Fighting Free Radicals 2008-06-15 12:57:30 Free radicals can damage your health and age you prematurely. Here are a few tips from Chemist-turned-auto-mechanic John Pendleton to fight these dangerous, free-wheeling, cancer-causing agents of molecular destruction.
Ship them to Guantanamo Bay
Organize paramilitary counter-insurgent death squads to put an end to their uprising
Distract them with a shop that sells novelty Ché Guevarra shirts
Read more:Fighting
, Radicals
What Dad Really Wants This Father’s Day 2008-06-15 12:30:37 Retroactive abortion
A divorce
Phone call telling dad “I’d really like to come to your special party, but I’m out of town on work and can’t make it. But I love you very much. Tell mommy I say hello”
Several hundred thousand dollars in back pay for raising you
Prozac to help him deal with the crippling depression and [...] Read more:Father
Tips to Fight Junk Mail 2008-06-15 12:26:39 Eliminate mailbox
Kill mail carrier
Felony conviction - they can’t get to you in prison
Desperately demand more attention from junk mailers, leave several messages a day to that effect - it always got rid of your ex-boyfriends
Stop signing up to junk mail lists
Call junk mailing companies, ask politely to be removed from their lists
How Are You Paying for Freedom? 2008-06-15 12:23:53 As we all know, freedom isn’t free (thanks Bill). How are you paying for your liberty?
Voting to send someone else to Iraq
Food stamps, welfare check
Adjustable rate mortgage
Shiny beads
Pound of flesh
Bar Mitzvah money
Tax-refund check
Loans from China
Daughter’s college fund
Selling copy of Federalist Papers, donating proceeds to Barack Obama Read more:Freedom
How to “Fly” Through Airport Security 2008-06-15 12:20:22 Tired of getting hassled at the security checkpoint? Here are a few ways to reduce your stress and really “fly” (haha, how droll) through airport security!
Jet Pack
Leave bombs, firearms at home
Bribes
Fly less
Pack only a single, quart-sized, resealable container
Get in line behind a Muslim (they’ll be so busy searching him you’ll glide right through!)
What Drug Coctails Are You Using? 2008-06-15 12:18:03 Valtrex, Viagra
Gin, Tonic (with quanine!)
Human Growth Hormone, Creatine
Penicillin!
Life/Jesus, three times daily
Vodka, bottle of asprin
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