Owner: No Offense Intended URL:www.nooffenseintended.net Join Date: Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:39:12 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Humorous anecdotes and commentary about parenting, being forty, marriage, friendship and bodily functions. Site statistics:Click here
Congratulations! It's a Turd! 2008-06-06 12:33:00 My favorite cousin, Anna, just had her first baby. The babe turned two months old on June 2nd. Hearing about someone pushing one out takes me back...I had my first child, Sam, over ten years ago. The way that I shit the delivery table, however, seems like yesterday.Let me preface this story by saying that I'm one that has always been constipated. At any given time I probably have several days of t Read more:Congratulations
It's Raining Cats and (noun)! 2008-06-05 13:41:00 It's raining. Really hard. These wet days are unusual in Colorado and I love them. One of my favorite sounds is rain on the roof, especially when you're falling asleep.Sam's baseball camp was cancelled today. Sam and Emma have their friends AJ, Max & Jesse over. The friends were late getting here because AJ, the oldest, locked his mom and Max in the chicken coop for 20 minutes. I bet they smel Read more:Raining
Sex with Santa 2008-06-03 15:14:00 We had "the talk" with Sam a few weeks ago. You know - the birds and the bees and all that.This is how it started - during dinner Sam said, "there is a rumor going around the 4th grade that one girl wants to have sex with another."I threw up a little in my mouth. What exactly was disturbing about this? Sex? Fourth grade? Girl on girl? All of it, maybe?I asked if he knew what "sex" was. Fortunately Read more:Santa
Beware! SATC Spoiler! 2008-06-02 22:17:00 A few girls and I got dressed up, met for drinks and went to see the "Sex and the City" movie on Friday - the night it premiered. Aside from seeing Miranda's bush and witnessing Charlotte shit her pants, there was for me, one extraordinary part of the film. Carrie had been heartbroken by Mr. Big who didn't show up for their wedding. She and the girls go to Mexico where Carrie and Big were supposed Read more:Beware
, Spoiler
Give the Dog a Boner 2008-05-29 20:03:00 That's not lipstick on my dog, Lucky. That's his dick (or "junk" is apparently the new term) . It's gross and it's been hanging out of its socket since we got him in 2003. That's right. It's been five years almost to the day, that this tip of a bigger-than-your-average-cocker-spaniel penis has been showing its ugly head. No doubt it's dried out. In fact, a couple years ago I was so concerned that
Break a Testicle 2008-05-27 16:31:00 I was surprised to find out the other day that my seven year old daughter, Emma, thinks that testicles are legs.This conversation came up when we were driving to a friend's house for dinner the other night. Emma was chanting,"One testicle, two testicles, one penis - yay!"Kind of random - but, I know where this came from! My son turned ten and went for his annual checkup. The doctor always makes cl Read more:Break
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