Owner: The Colonel's Radioshow URL:http://www.colonel-radioshow.co.uk/memoirs Join Date: Thu, 05 Jun 2008 08:19:08 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Comedy memoirs blog featuring preposterous tales of the rich, famous and infamous. Told to us in words and also through the mouthpiece of Colonel Crabtree-Smythe Site statistics:Click here
44. ‘The Incredible Crease’ 2008-05-31 07:26:18 My friends, I must say a little something with regard to Sage’s attitude to the wonderful and sainted human being that is Steven Hawkins. Sage said (his words not mine) that Hawkins wants to be sent into space for his back problems and that he would be glad to see the back of him. He [...] Read more:Incredible
43. Herman Goering’s mittens 2008-05-25 04:14:30 the non-reader has seen Frank with a copy of ‘The Life And Times of Victoria Beckman’ and also ‘Living the Dream, by Chantele. Joe is very happy because Frank reads to him in the changing room when the others have gone home... Read more:Herman
42. Coldplay 2008-05-19 13:18:16 I have been a little long winded but I must tell the truth about Sage and his nasty notions. Sage was unkind to Delia Smith and he called her the Egg witch and said that she had gotten all that she had deserved. I will say no more on the matter except I will see [...]
41. Blackmail 2008-05-19 12:53:15 Another thing about Sage that you must have picked up on by now is his total inability to believe me on virtually any of the stories that I put before him. He doesn’t believe that I have a relationship with Mohammad Afterdinnerjab (the Iranian Dictatorial Regime-ist) and that I saved the British Sailors by swopping [...]
Anyone for tennis? 2008-05-12 16:08:13 Hello my friends, fans and lovers. I am back again. Not to pillory Sage (as some have said) but to state certain truths in regard to the man Macorkadale and his attitude towards me. He can be too personal at times… I mean the fact that my bats wing is withered and bears no resemblance [...] Read more:Anyone
40. Delia Smith 2008-05-12 15:15:35 I need to apologise on Sage’s behalf for attacking DeliaSmith
- the wonderful cook. I mean he does not know a thing about human motivations. He takes most things on the surface at face value as it were. He said that Delia was under a lot of pressure from happenings at her Football Club [...]
39. Jimmy Tarbuck 2008-05-12 15:11:00 Sage says he loves Welsh Cinema. Now we all know that they don’t have a film industry but Sage (the master of subtlety) is either a gross liar or totally mis-informed. I know what I’m going with!
It was somewhat unfortunate that Sage in his infinite wisdom brought up the Lockerbie air disaster on his show. [...]
38. Freudian notions 2008-05-12 14:54:16 I am not happy about Sage not owning up to his attitude to all things Welsh. I myself love the race and would say nothing to upset the Boyos. I once gave Max Boyce a leg up in show business. I got him a gig at Butlins in Skegness. He in turn used to bath [...]
46. Alistair Darling’s Eyebrows 2008-06-15 13:03:43 I must say I have had to reprimand Alistair
Darling, who (as far as I am concerned) has got out of hand. The man is a cretinous cringe who has started to act like a prefect at school after a dorm raid gone wrong. Panic is the word. Read more:Eyebrows
47. Orsonwellian Nightmare 2008-06-21 12:23:35 The inability of this government to keep the nations data secure is astounding. I said to Alistair Darling ‘what will happen if this information was to get into the hands of the Polish?’
If they were to come over here they would know everything about us. They would know where all the jobs were or were [...] Read more:Nightmare
49. The Order of the Plastic Asshole 2008-07-13 09:36:32 I want to make a point about Sage’s lack of Geographical knowledge when he referred to Germany as being landlocked. Is the man a cretin or is he just a great pretender, a crank, a hustler, a whistle blower, a tree climber, a book reader? I mean, does Sage live in the real world? [...] Read more:Order
, Plastic
48. Such frivolity 2008-07-05 10:43:01 must add something else to the proceedings with regard to the winger that is Richard Littlejohn the great
50. Scientologists as occultists 2008-08-03 14:03:06 For when one gets right down to it Kirsty`s alley is sacrosanct and should only be used on special occasions said an irate Johnny Rotten. But all I can say is that it was Sage who kept referring to the Scientologists as occultists and to them that is as bad and offensive as a cartoon of the prophet Mohammad is to the Muslims. The Cruise is not happy. The Cruise is cross. The Cruise is disgruntled
56. Ken Livingstone and the tin bath 2008-09-21 13:02:49 I thought of Ken Livingstone’s tin bath fetishes. I posed the question in my mind: Could Sage have got so excited when I told of Ken`s dubious tin bath activities?... Ken shouting filth at disabled immigrants whilst wearing a little black mustache?
55. Paul McKenna Stigmata 2008-09-14 11:56:16 I found out that it was Max Bygraves (the sixties comedian) who donated his jocular sperm to Van Strapon, who in turn did the business to whatever contents were in the Morrisons bag. However, I do have a problem because Sean Bean is suing me for custody. He says that it was his sperm that found its way into the Morrisons shopping bag. I refute that in the strongest possible terms and cannot take Read more:McKenna
54. Naked Nazi Chicken Feeding 2008-09-07 07:45:57 Let me make a point about Sage and his total resentment towards Maureen who (in a non-sexual way) bathes my sagging batwing. She is a God send and I love her like I loved my olde dog Nigger… who sadly I had shot in the barn when he could no longer function as a dog.
Sage, [...] Read more:Chicken
, Feeding
53. Mrs. Webb’s gash 2008-09-01 05:04:54 I must say something with regard Sage’s attitude and behavior towards Mrs.Webb (Cliff Richards mother). The fact is dear sweet Mrs. Webb was Berserking with me on a London bus and somehow she managed to offended an elderly Muslim gentleman who saw her gash. He was seen to run away and was heard to be [...]
52. Brian May the Pigeon King 2008-08-24 03:25:33 But she wants me to ring Henman’s father again and pay him to rid her of the pigeon King Brian
May (with his shit matted hair) once and for all. She wants May the Pigeon King out of the way because his hair is unhygienic and has started to smell... she’s tried Domestos, Fabreeze and even a solution of listerine but May will have none of it and he spits at her from the darkness... like he was
51. Eating Ian Hislop 2008-08-16 15:45:57 Welcome back to my world people and assholes alike.
I must say I think Sage has finally run mad. He has lost his proverbial plot and I fear for his overall sanity in a major way. I have grown to love Sage; in a platonic sense of course, for I have no desire to pull back [...]
57. The Order of the Chins 2008-09-27 15:21:24 Nessie Furnish - the illegitimate son of David Furnish and Princess Di (the sadly no longer with us and much maligned royal personage) Read more:Order
61. Jonathan Ross 2008-11-10 14:06:51 his Manuelian shenanigans with buddy Russell Brand have scuppered any chance of that! Read more:Jonathan
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60. The Minogue Sisters 2008-10-19 14:04:57 He has Take That-Boys Zone-The Spice girls and those fuckwit talentless Australian sisters from hell that have invaded our little Island... the Minouge sisters. I mean, for crying out loud we got rid of them once when we sent their ancestors to Botany Bay a hundred or so years ago. Read more:Minogue
, Sisters
59. Joan Collins and Gordon Ramsey 2008-10-12 15:08:13 My dear friends, I must mention my dear friend Morrissey - the wonderful singer songwriter who is responsible for the song the Vicar in a tutu. The fact of the matter is, Sage says that my implying Desmond Tutu (the freedom fighting Vicar) is partial to wearing a tutu and sliding down the banisters in [...] Read more:Collins
, Gordon
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