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Top 10 Lame excuses for being late 2008-05-24 16:26:00 10. I am caught in some kind of space-time continuum loop and I am reliving Sunday. As soon as I reverse polarity I will be in work late (or maybe early).9. I dreamed that I was fired, so I didn't bother to get out of bed.8. The dog ate my car keys.7. I thought it was a holiday.6. I saw an old lady playing a computer game and I just have to help her get a level up.5. I stopped for a bagel sandwich
Top 10 Worst way to Break up 2008-05-23 16:49:03 10. Send a text message or and email “It’s over” 10 times, to be sure she or he got it.9. Message on a machine “I want to tell everyone that I’m breaking up with Ashley, so girls you can finally leave your message here after…”8. “Bob, on this Merry Christmas card I want to say that I’ve never considered you as a boyfriend anyway, let’s just be friends again.”7. “It’s not Read more:Break
Top 10 Worst things you can say on your First Date 2008-05-23 04:08:41 10. “You know my ex-girlfriend didn’t liked my dad, who raped me when I was 14. She even thought that’s weird.”9. “Sorry for asking, are you pregnant?”8. “My imaginary friend likes you too”.7. “I’m just so tired of dating prostitutes and strippers, they was too hot for me, so I decided to give you a try.”6. “Are you sure we’ve never met before? Oh, I see it now; perhaps I Read more:things
, First
Your boyfriend is cheating with your best friend? Top 10 Revenges! 2008-05-22 06:26:46 1. Stop calling her “best friend
”, she is not even your friend, she is cheating with your boyfriend
for God’s sake. And if a man cheated on you once he will cheat on you twice, so from now on start calling him a pig.2. Don’t tell pig that you already know everything, because making a scene won’t help. It’s better do things behind his back. That way you will have some fun.3. First, you
Top 10 worst ways of proposing 2008-05-22 06:20:39 10. Phone, chat room, text message or email. “You want to see this movie again? Okay, by the way will you marry me?”9. If you give her a box and she sees that it’s empty. And you are saying “just pretend that the ring is in here”. P.S. paper ring also doesn’t work. You can always buy the “real” ring for 5 bucks or so. That way you can replace it later, if you want to of course.8. A
You are Internet addicted when: 2008-05-21 03:28:58 1. Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.2. You get a tattoo that says, "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."3. Your spouse makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."4. Your friends no longer send you e-mail.... they just log on to your IRC channel.5. You tell the Read more:Internet
Top 10 Lame excuses for Speeding 2008-05-25 16:49:00 10. The only way I could demonstrate my faulty clutch was to accelerate madly.9. There was a suspected case of foot and mouth and I had to rush to see the cow concerned.8. A violent sneeze caused a chain reaction where my foot pushed down harder on the accelerator.7. I had to rush my dying hamster to the vets.6. The vibrations from the surfboard I had on the roof rack set off the camera.5. Strong Read more:Speeding
Top 10 Reasons to go to work Naked 2008-05-27 13:11:05 10. No one ever steals your chair.9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.6. You want to see if it's like the dream.5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."3. Inven Read more:Reasons
Top 10 Bushisms 2008-05-28 16:13:01 10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft."7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."5) "Too many good docs
Top 10 Things Not to Say When Picking Up Your Date 2008-05-27 16:30:02 10. "Now.. show me how you used to spank her."9. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"8. "I just got my license today."7. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."6. "You taught her to swallow, didn't you?"5. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"4. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"3. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped Read more:Picking
Top 10 Ways To Get Rid Of A Telemarketer 2008-05-29 16:20:01 1. Say, “No,” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they’re trying to speak. Maybe sing a song with all “No’s” This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.2. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could it. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like Read more:Telemarketer
10 Daddy's Rules for Dating 2008-05-31 08:20:05 Rule One:If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.Rule Two:You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.Rule Three:I am aware that it is considered fashionable Read more:Daddy
, Rules
, Dating
Top 10 Ways to Reject Pick-Up Lines 2008-05-30 14:18:25 1. Man: "Haven't we met before?"Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"2. Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."3. The most memorable rebuttal to a turn down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me i Read more:Lines
Time Changes Behaviour 2008-06-01 08:42:01 The "Love" Word:6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you.6 months: Of course I love you!6 years: God, if I didn't love you, then why the hell did I propose?Back from Work:6 weeks: Honey, I'm home.6 months: BACK!!6 years: What did your mom cook for us today?Gifts:6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living Room6 years: Read more:Behaviour
Who the hell understands Man? Seriously? 2008-05-31 20:25:02 1. The nice men are ugly.2. The handsome men are not nice.3. The handsome and nice men are gay.4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.5. The men who are not so handsome but are nice have no money.6. The men who are not so handsome but are nice and have money think we are only after their money.7. The handsome men without money are after our money.8. The handsome men, who are not so Read more:Seriously
Top 21 Things Not to Say When Pulled Over by the Cops 2008-06-03 05:40:14 21. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.20. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.19. Aren't you the guy from the village people?18. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.17. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a policeofficer.16. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.15.
Top 10 Reasons Eve Was Created 2008-06-02 17:39:01 10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or Read more:Reasons
10 Ways to tell Santa is a Computer Nerd 2008-06-02 05:37:14 10. He's got long hair, a beard and wears the same clothes all the time.9. He hangs out with a weird group of friends he calls "elves".8. He's got a goofy laugh and chuckles at anything.7. He loves getting mail.6. Children like him, teenagers laugh at him, adults pretend he doesn't exist.5. He makes all the toys himself believing no one else can do as good a job.4. He thinks nothing of hacking int Read more:Santa
, Computer
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand 2008-06-04 05:49:02 10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.8. Crying can be fun.7. Fat clothes.6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.3. A good man might be hard to find, but a Read more:Understand
, Women
Top 25 Signs That You've Already Grown Up 2008-06-03 17:48:01 1. Your potted plants stay alive.2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd.3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup andbreakup.8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.9. Jea Read more:Grown
Prison vs School 2008-06-05 06:07:01 1. In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.At school you spend most of your time at a desk that sticks to your butt.2. In prison you get three meals a day.At school you only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.3. In prison you get time off for good behavior.At school you get rewarded for good behavior by being called the teachers pet.4. In prison a guard locks Read more:Prison
, School
Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats 2008-06-07 06:24:01 1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.2. Cats look silly on a leash.3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made si
Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System 2008-06-06 18:22:01 1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the loca Read more:Airline
, System
Things to Do at a Boring Movie 2008-06-06 13:01:22 1. Wear a top hat.2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you have some Juiji fruits for your asthma.7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"8. Whenever the bad guy is doing somethi
19 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus 2008-06-06 12:57:59 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait Read more:Confuse
, Santa
, Claus
Are Computers Male or Female? 2008-06-08 06:46:32 Five reasons to believe computers are male:1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.5. Big power surges knock them ou Read more:Female
Top 20 Children's Advice 2008-06-07 18:37:01 1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. (Patrick, age 10)2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. (Michael, age 14)3. Never tell your mom her diet isn't working. (John, age 13)4. Stay away from prunes. (Randy, age 9)5. Never pee on an electric fence. (Robert, age 13)6. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. (Emily, age 10)7. Don't squat with your spurs on Read more:Children
You vs your boss 2008-06-09 07:41:04 1. When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.2. When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.3. When you make a mistake, you're an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.4. When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority. When your boss does the sa
If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer... 2008-06-08 18:50:02 1. If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!2. To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.3. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.4. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.5. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.6. To improve your appearance, jus Read more:Computer
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