Owner: Butterflies & Hurricanes URL:http://butterflies--hurricanes.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sat, 17 May 2008 14:20:05 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: Personal journal of a queer fellow from Europe Site statistics:Click here
Ne me quitte pas 2008-05-17 12:16:00 (Again problems with my internet connection. This post will be updated asap. Hm, it seems I'm not going to sleep at home tonight, so it might take some more hours.)
Marc's discovery 2008-05-15 13:54:00 Marc was seventeen. He knew he looked good with his curly dark hair, bronzed skin and his piercing blue eyes. He was a bright kid, but his school grades didn't reflect that. In fact, he hated school and was doing just enough to pass. It was his exam year now and after his graduation he would attend the sports academy. He loved sports. He played football at quite a high level already, but he was
And He saw it was good 2008-05-14 15:01:00 It's Wednesday evening and I'm sitting behind my laptop at a picnic table in a park in one of the infamous neighbourhoods of my city. It's a week ago since I started my personal blog. I posted for six days in a row and followed God's example on the seventh. Now would be a good time to evaluate.
Regulary writing down things I experienced and felt in the last few days seemed like a perfect way to
A prophesy come true [1 of 2] 2008-05-12 14:59:00 I think it must have been at my twentieth birthday party. All my friends had gone home already except my best friend Victor. During a half drunk conversation we had about our futures, I got a bit too serious and made a prophesy -- the only one I ever made. I told Victor there where two things that I just knew I would do in my life, although the very idea of me doing them made me feel sick to my
A bristling stubble 2008-05-10 17:09:00 Until two months ago I regularly had sex dates, selecting only hot guys in their early twenties (see Obsessed by appearance). But then I met Damian.
It was a Friday evening in early March. Around midnight I logged on to a gay chat site, looking for a sex date at my place or an interesting chat. At about 2 a.m. I met a very goodlooking, muscled, young guy, whom I turned down because he insisted
Obsessed by appearance 2008-05-09 01:32:00 As a teenager I didn't care too much about my appearance
, didn't feel insecure about it, and had a realistic but modest self image. The looks of other people weren't my focus either: I cared only for personality. This attitude could have made me a very happy person: In a world were appearance is everything, I would be among the few that can see inner beauty in ugly people and end up with the most
No reply 2008-05-08 12:35:00 Yesterday I got an email from a former friend. Against my general urge to be nice and polite, I have decided not to respond to his email.
When I discovered I was gay I was 22. Soon after that I fell in love and this love was mutual. Since I don't like lying to my friends and family, I wanted me and my boyfriend to come out as soon as possible, and so we did.
The first person I told was a fellow Read more:reply
A public diary 2008-05-07 16:59:00 For some time I have pondered whether or not I should start a blog. The hardest part was deciding how much I would want to share. I finally decided to treat the blog as a personal diary, and as a consequence get naked for the world. Being a bit of an exhibitionist, getting naked in public shouldn't bother me too much.
In my mind diaries are written by teenage girls instead of 33 year old
Singing in the shower 2008-05-18 08:00:00 My bathroom contains a shower and a bath tub. The latter hasn't been used for months now, because I easily get bored when sitting in the hot water all by myself. I've tried reading or listening to my iPod, but to me it seems that most activities are quite cumbersome when you're wet. I do like to masturbate in the tub, but as semen is water insoluble it really sticks to my skin and I need to Read more:Singing
Indian fairy tale 2008-05-18 17:09:00 My first night with Damian had really been a turning point (see A bristling stubble). I had decided to stop exclusively dating guys in their early twenties and to focus on guys my age instead. It was three weeks later now, the last weekend of March, and I had not been with anyone else since; Damian had and I was okay with that. It was clear that he saw me as a fuck buddy who was also becoming a Read more:fairy
Mirror, mirror on the wall 2008-05-21 14:54:00 Although until a few years back I didn’t care much about looks -- mine or other people’s -- (see Obsessed by appearance) in my heart I have always been a bit unhappy with mine. As long as I can remember I have disliked looking in the mirror and appearing on photos, let alone home videos. I vividly remember hating my hair as a teenager; I wished I had had thick, black hair, but mine was light
The real rapist 2008-05-24 11:42:00 It took a while, but here is another post. I’ve mentioned before that it is probably not very interesting to read about someone’s current adventures, feelings and thoughts without knowing anything about his past. Well, the story below, albeit quite lengthy, is about the most traumatic thing I have experienced in my life. I intend to keep it that way.
A fake relationship
At the age of sevent Read more:rapist
Not anymore 2008-05-25 04:48:00 Last Friday I was at a party. There were about fifty people, most of them my age. The only people I knew there were the couple that had invited me. After a bit I spotted a nice and friendly looking girl in her twenties, whom I had met only once before. She recognized me and started chatting.
Belinda: “Hi there, it must be two years since we last met. I hardly recognized you. You were a lot
Reflections: In denial 2008-05-26 23:30:00 While at university I spent my summer holidays at my parents’. I usually read a lot of books about philosophy, and preferred doing that lying on a towel on the grass next to the local swimming pool. I was often in the company of a few friends and their friends. My ex-girlfriend Sandy was one of them (see The real rapist).
When she got a new boyfriend, I met him at the pool and I thought he was Read more:Reflections
Musings on the blog title 2008-05-28 17:05:00 The Lorenz butterfly is not the kind that you find pinned to a board in a lepidopterist’s dusty drawer. It is a mathematical graph that the American mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz made in 1963 in order to show that a deterministic model can exhibit chaotic behaviour. More specifically, it shows that a minor change in the initial conditions for a simple model of the atmosphere, can Read more:Musings
No Reply 2008-05-08 15:16:00 Yesterday I got an email from a former friend. Against my general urge to be nice and polite, I have decided not to respond to his email.
When I discovered I was gay I was 22. Soon after that I fell in love and this love was mutual. Since I don't like lying to my friends and family, I wanted me and my boyfriend to come out as soon as possible, and so we did.
The first person I told was a fellow
Crossing the road 2008-05-29 18:06:00 It was just another evening in early 1997. I was a 22 year old student, lying in bed watching television when I should actually go to sleep. I was a bit horny and jerked off, until I realized I was actually jerking off on the cute guy on the telly. The first thought that went through my mind was that is was a bit pathetic to jerk off on a ‘serious’ tv show; it was the second thought that upset Read more:Crossing
Pain in my stomach 2008-06-01 07:38:00 When I got home after this crazy night (see Straight porn) I was still wide awake: adrenaline did for me what the coke had done for Kelly and Damian. Two hours later I went shopping with my ex-boyfriend Matthew (see Obsessed by appearance). After telling him most of the story, he responded very carefully in understatements. I hate that; friends should be able to tell you in your face what they
Straight porn 2008-05-31 16:55:00 I just came home from another night I can hardly believe I experienced. I’m saying to myself, “Oh my God, is this really happening?” and at the same time I’m wondering what to do. I’ve got mixed feelings about all of this: I’m so confused...
A sex date after midnight
It all started with a sex date three months ago with a seemingly uninteresting Aussie who soon stole my heart, but di Read more:Straight
On the floor [1 of 2] 2008-06-03 01:06:00 At the age of 22, I met my first true love. He's not in my life anymore, but I get this melancholic feeling inside when I think of our time together. Apparently true love never dies... Let me tell you the story of him and me.
When I realized I was attracted to men, I decided that I was bisexual, and that I needed to explore my feelings a bit (see Crossing the road); that included having sex
My type 2008-06-04 17:11:00 Some people know exactly what their type is. They can easily look inside their minds and see what kind of man they fall for. I’ve never been able to do that by just closing my eyes and searching inside; instead I had to open my eyes and see from experience what kind of guys I had felt attracted to. Some features kept returning, and the combination of those is what I call ‘my type’ if someone
No title 2008-06-06 18:00:00 On the right you see a poll. I'm very curious which posts my faithful readers like. Could you please mark your favourite ones?
Amélie 2008-06-06 17:04:00 I had seen the film posters, but they didn’t really lure me to the cinema. Besides, it was advertised as a romantic comedy, which is really not my genre. Then I had my friends Matt and Marianne over and we discussed films. Marianne told me that I should just buy it on dvd, because I would love it; she wouldn’t tell me anything more. Now her taste in films is rather different from mine and I
Roma - Omar - Amor 2008-06-08 17:10:00 In the summer of 1998 I was 23 year old and lived with my boyfriend Ralph in his apartment. Ralph had been working very long hours for months, so we needed to spend some quality time together (see On the floor [1 of 2]).
Roma
We had some fun close to home and went touring through Italy after that. Our visit to Venice was very romantic and we were so in love. Then we visited beautiful Tuscany
The power of thin thinking 2008-06-11 13:54:00 This morning I was standing on the tube and enjoyed looking at my fellow travellers: men and women of different ages and races, with different religions, jobs, interests -- each with a distinctive sense, absence or nonsense of style. Technology has made the world much smaller. The development in means of transport has made it easier for people to settle far away from their place of birth; the Read more:power
, thinking
A prophesy come true [2 of 2] 2008-06-12 17:01:00 On my twentieth birthday anniversary, I told my best friend that there were two things that disgusted me, but that I knew I would do at some point in my life. One of these was committing adultery (for the other one, see A prophesy come true [1 of 2]).
Two years later I got a boyfriend with whom I had a monogamous relationship (see On the floor [1 of 2]). After a year Ralph and I met Omar, a
Note to my readers 2008-06-14 08:27:00 When I started writing this blog, I was afraid my life would be too boring to write about. Still, I thought writing was a good instrument of introspection. I decided to tell a bit about my history, because that is an important part of why I see the world in the way I do. What I didn't intend to do, did happen. I wrote about my relationships, my coming out and a short period of sluttery, and Read more:readers
On the floor [2 of 2] 2008-06-14 18:23:00 In the spring of 1997, when I was 22, I discovered that I was gay and met my first boyfriend (see Crossing the road). We each came out to our families and I moved in with him that same summer. Ralph was a 27 year old jock with eight jobs and an agenda to match. He only came home to eat and sleep. In order to see him more often I accompanied him to his matches, but people claimed so much of his
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