Going commando
2008-06-18 17:39:00
In early March I met Damian: a great guy and the best kisser in the world. We decided to stay fuck buddies and friends, and not become lovers (see A bristling stubble). I do have a crush on him, but I know he’s not the right guy for me (see Pain in my stomach). A month after we first met, he introduced me to two close friends (see A prophesy come true [1 of 2]), and then went away to deal with
Read more: Going
Yet uncovered topics
2008-06-26 00:12:00
Guys,
On the right, I added a list of topics
that I haven't covered yet. Did I omit a topic that you'd like me to write about?
Into the closet again
2008-06-24 16:37:00
Last week I felt those damn butterflies in my stomach again: Damian would return from his trip the next weekend and I thought of him all week. Nevertheless, I promised myself not to contact him during the weekend. I decided not to be so instantly available to him anymore. I’m known for my amazing self-control, but I know that if Damian called me, I wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’. I didn’t
La taccola ladra
2008-06-21 17:01:00
Two weeks ago, while waiting for a bus, I suddenly felt something wet on my arm. Since I was standing in open space, I thought it was a raindrop. However, when I looked up, I saw a second drop coming right at me. I stepped aside and most of the white blob splashed on the pavement. I should have stepped aside first and then looked up, but I am indeed more curious than careful.
The bird that had
Passion between the legs
2008-07-08 17:08:00
“In four years you can start taking motorcycle lessons; I bet you can hardly wait.” Thus spoke my father when I was fourteen years old. I would have taken that bet, if I hadn't been so reluctant to disappoint him. Like most fathers, he wanted me to share his passions and accomplish the goals he never reached. My parents never pushed me though and I’m eternally thankful for the way they raise
Read more: Passion
Top/Bottom/Versatile
2008-07-06 14:01:00
When I discovered I was gay, I thought anal sex was not for me. I just didn’t like the idea much. I never even played with my arse while masturbating, so I figured that if I had to do it, I would like fucking far better than being fucked. If I had to describe myself in terms of 'top', 'bottom' or 'versatile', I’d call myself ‘top’.
Fucking history
With my first boyfriend Ralph the sex w
Read more: Bottom
, Versatile
The skilled liar
2008-07-03 16:03:00
Matthew had been my partner for eight years and we were legal and financial partners for four years. Matthew had moved in with me from a distant region after we had known each other for only five months (see Love in the fast lane [1 of 2]), but we could very well share a household. The apartment only had two rooms, but that was no problem for us. Since Matthew worked four days a week, he did all
Love in the fast lane [1 of 2]
2008-06-28 16:57:00
After I left Ralph in September 1999 (see On the floor [2 of 2]), I lived with my parents again: there was no other option. I had left the old house when I was nineteen, and I was now almost twenty-five. In the meantime my parents had sold their home and were renting until the real estate prices would drop again. No room in their new place really felt like home.
Lonely nights
I lived so far
Friends at last
2008-07-23 16:14:00
After I discovered Matthew cheated on me (see Marc’s discovery) and I had my revenge (see Love in the fast lane [2 of 2]), Matthew and I talked about the practical part of the divorce. We decided not to tell anyone about it until we signed the papers. That way friends and family could not try and convince each of us to get more out of the divorce, which would end in us spending our money on
Read more: Friends
Straight flush
2008-07-20 11:28:00
In February I had a long MSN chat with a 25-year-old, who called himself Ned. He had a lot of sexual experience with women, but none with men, and he really wanted to experience that. Unfortunately for him, he was extremely shy. I first thought that, like many bisexuals, he was just afraid his true identity might be revealed, but that was not his biggest problem. He really was shy. We met each
Read more: Straight
, flush
Friendly cuddles
2008-07-15 17:02:00
On Friday, two weeks ago, I met a nice guy online (see Top/Bottom/Versatile). At first we chatted on MSN, then he came over to meet and watch a film. After the film we talked for hours, finally kissed and ended up in bed, where we first cuddled and then slept. On Wednesday he took me to the cinema. Afterwards we cuddled and slept in my bed, and again he was watching me with a satisfied smile
Read more: Friendly
A quota for friends
2008-07-14 17:03:00
I met Roland in early April and we had a romance for about a month (see Going commando). At first I didn’t notice much that he wanted full control over the situation, but then it became pathetically obvious. Whenever I came online he would start an MSN conversation within a second after I logged on. He told me to invite him over, and that if I did, he would accept. He would decide what to do
Read more: quota
Love in the fast lane [2 of 2]
2008-07-11 17:18:00
This is a story about pain, betrayal, revenge, loss and a profound turning point in my life. I'm more than content with the end results -- I’ll tell that another time -- but I still wonder how I must look to an outsider learning what I did. However, when I started blogging I knew I would have to 'strip naked' for those who cared to follow. It's the only time in my life that I consiously hurt
The friend I never met
2008-08-09 16:35:00
It must have been around the time that I used a gay chat site to trace down Omar in Rome (see Roma - Omar - Amor). Only twice I logged in on gay.com and entered the ‘Intellectuals’ room. Not that I considered myself an intellectual; I was just curious about chatting with fellow gay men and didn’t care for sex as a topic. In that chat room I met this American guy Rick, who -- if I remember we
Read more: friend
The Indian doctor
2008-08-04 17:03:00
On New Year’s Day 2008 for the very first time in my life, I was both single and a self-acknowledged gay. I was 33 years old and felt very inexperienced. My New Year’s resolution was to fuck around for at least six months -- maybe even an entire year -- so that I could gain some experience with dating and sex and make some fantasies come true before I got into another long-term relationship (
New Year’s resolution
2008-08-02 16:12:00
Matthew and I decided to officially break up on New Year
’s Day 2008, after the divorce was complete (see Friends at last). I looked back at my love and sex life trying to decide how to proceed.
Looking back
I used to consider myself a heterosexual. I had sex with girls and thoroughly enjoyed that. During my college years I experimented a bit with a male friend: we jerked off together and had
Unspeakable!
2008-07-27 17:57:00
I’m not easily offended by people’s views on homosexuality, as long as they treat me with respect. I am fully out of the closet. Back when I was 'married', close colleagues knew I was gay if only due to the regular discussion of weekend plans that included my boyfriend. Now that I'm single again, it's less natural to come up in a conversation. Most people from other departments don't know,
One more funny story
2008-07-26 16:05:00
I work with seven other scientists in one large room. Most of what we do involves reasonably technical mathematics and our communication with the other departments about the mathematics is almost all by email. Evan, our boss, can't work with noise in the background and even banned music. Despite the number of people in the room, it’s a pretty quiet place -- or rather, it was. Sometimes I use
Read more: story
A tight fit
2008-08-24 13:08:00
All guys I have had sex with have commented on the size of my cock, ranging from “Wow” to “My God, you’re big”. The funny thing is that I’m not; although it’s rather thick and it admittedly looks quite big, my cock is only about seven inches long.
It’s still remarkable that all the guys I slept with and who claimed to have eight inches were smaller than me. From this I infer that
Read more: tight
Little red car
2008-08-22 17:02:00
My alarm goes a 5.57 a.m. The idea behind this is that after hitting the snooze button twice, it’ll be exactly 6.15 a.m.
The snooze button puzzles me. First of all, I don’t believe I will feel better using the snooze function, than setting the alarm eighteen minutes later and not snooze. Still I keep doing it. Secondly, there’s the enigmatic snooze duration of nine minutes -- standard for a
Longing for love
2008-08-21 16:10:00
Until a few weeks ago I was only dating for fun. I got to know other gays, I went out on some romantic daytrips, and I had sex with a few. I suppose my thought was that if I should happen to fall in love along the way that would be a nice extra, but I would also be perfectly content simply to add some new gay guys to my circle of straight friends. I think this is the most promising stance one
Read more: Longing
Horribly cliché
2008-08-14 17:38:00
“Maybe horribly cliché, but you have beautiful eyes.” It was a message I received on a gay personals site sometime in May. I have a few pictures on my profile page -- one of which is a large close-up of my face -- and almost all introductory messages I receive are about my eyes. Still, it flatters me every time.
I always respond to friendly messages, but when I checked the sender’s profile
I love the English language
2008-08-12 17:02:00
Before I went to college I developed a preference for reading books in their original language
. Because I think English
is a very beautiful language I read many an English book. As a student I watched English television a lot, mostly comedy and documentaries. As my education got more specialized, the few available textbooks on the subjects were written in English, and so was my master’s thesis.
Read more: English language
A sinister analogy
2008-08-10 18:02:00
Left-handedness is not an issue in the country where I live, but for the generation before me it really was. In elementary schools children were taught to write with their right hand. It was the most sensible thing to do: children start out by not being able to write at all and our writing system is based on right-handedness. Write with your left hand and you smudge the fresh ink, except if you
Eating chicken, eating pork
2008-09-16 17:01:00
I ate too much chocolate over the weekend. I really shouldn’t do that, because as a result I now have a few pimples. I avoid eating
chocolate as much as possible, but I love the taste so much that every so-many weeks, I cannot resist eating a lot of it.
The only other food that gives me pimples is pork. However, eating little pork is not a real sacrifice. I use pork as the main meat of a dish
Something stupid
2008-09-14 17:22:00
This weekend I expected to pay a return visit to Richard, who visited me for a weekend about a month ago (see Longing for love). When Richard got home after that first weekend, we chatted a bit on MSN and I told him that I was not in love with him, but that I did like spending time with him. That was a heavy blow for him as he seemed to be falling in love with me. Afraid of getting hurt, he kept
Anonymous blogging
2008-09-10 17:07:00
No sane person would ever be fully open to anyone. True, there are several levels of openness. In general, people are more open to people they trust better. They often say that their partners and closest friends know everything about them. Nonsense: even if partner and friends combined their never fully overlapping information sets, they still wouldn’t know everything. And not because some thing
Dying to wake up
2008-09-07 18:49:00
Dreams have always intrigued me. As a teenager I used to set my alarm fifteen minutes earlier than necessary, so I could try and remember what I had dreamt that night. After the first two weeks I could usually remember three to seven dreams. At some point I stopped doing this -- I don’t know why.
Big bird
When I was four years old or even younger, I often had this very short, recurring dream
Read more: Dying
The jealousy of an ex-boyfriend
2008-08-31 17:01:00
After our breakup, my former boyfriend
Matthew (see Love in the fast lane [1 of 2]) adopted my honesty principle. He announced that he never wanted to get tangled in his own lies again. He said that if he could commit adultery while in a perfect relationship, he would do so in any relationship. He faced the fact that he was an adulterer for life, and therefore would warn anyone about this
My exhibitionist neighbours
2008-08-28 17:07:00
There is a twin building about two hundred feet away from my apartment house. Two months ago some new people were busy redecorating their brand new apartment in the other building before moving in. As I came home on a Friday night at about an hour after midnight I noticed that all the windows in my building were dark. I went up to my own apartment and turned on the lights. I hardly ever close the
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