Owner: I Serve Idiots URL:www.iserveidiots.com Join Date: Sun, 04 Mar 2007 09:49:40 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: I am a waiter and I serve idiots so you don't have to. Site statistics:Click here
Crocs And The Women Who Love Them. 2008-06-02 22:04:08 What is it about women in crocs that gets me so angry? Regardless of what it is or what it tells me about a person, a chill always runs up my spine when a woman struts in showcasing a pair. And when I see a customer sporting those ridiculous, looks-like-they-were-made-with-playdough things on their feet, I [...] Read more:Women
, Crocs
Two Noodles Ain’t No Last Supper, Lady. 2008-06-04 10:30:08 One thing I’ve never understood about restaurants is when people come in, grown-up people with jobs and tax breaks and car payments, sit down and order one meal for the two or three of them because “they’re not hungry.”
You’re not hungry? Well, you came to a heck of a place for not being hungry! You [...] Read more:Supper
So I Said “Guys”. Big Deal. 2008-06-07 14:24:45 I don’t understand women. Hell, I don’t even think women understand why they do half of the stuff they do. But they do it. And there’s no stopping them.
Ever.
So you can imagine my frustration when I’m slammed with half a dozen tables on a Friday night between 7 and 8 o’ clock and I absentmindedly [...] Read more:Big Deal
Overheard In A Restaurant #1 2008-06-06 15:22:33 In the restaurant industry, you are privy to many of the funniest conversations you’d never hear if you weren’t a server. It’s almost comical that people will say when they think no one else is listening.
——————————————————
Woman #1: “So I went all the way to Orlando
Yes, Milk Comes In Plastic Jugs. Don’t Have A Cow. 2008-06-10 00:15:23 Mom: “Do y’all have any milk for my lil’ boy down here?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to get him a cup of…”
Mom: “It don’t come in one of those there plaa-stick jugs, now does it?”
Me: “Um…well…yes, ma’am. It does.”
Mom: “You can’t go nowhere and find just decent milk anymore, can you? Read more:Plastic
What The Hell Is Coke Dependency? 2008-06-11 15:35:35 Every once in a while, a customer will come into our restaurant that says one or two words that makes me lose my frickin’ mind.
And I’m sure you all have had the same thing happen to you. Someone just says something and you lose. your. shit. They’ll just say something so retarded, so inane, that [...]
If You Don’t Want Dessert, Don’t Pitch A Fit. 2008-06-12 18:25:19 Me: “Will there be anything else for you all tonight?”
Woman #1: “No, I don’t think so.”
Me: “Okay, well, let me get these plates out of your way.”
Woman #2: “Thank you.”
Three minutes later.
Me: “Here’s the check, you two.”
Woman #1: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Handing off the…check?”
Woman #1: &# Read more:Dessert
, Pitch
I Looked Up “Thingger” In Webster’s. Not There. 2008-06-16 00:34:07 From time to time, I get an story e-mailed to me from a reader that I think should be put up here for everyone to see. This one’s from Heather. Enjoy.
I live a medium sized town and work for it’s biggest video store. As a supervisor I get to deal with all the adults [...] Read more:Webster
At Least It Wasn’t A Pickle Factory. Those Things Are Tremendous. 2008-06-18 12:51:29 A little backstory: There’s a homeless woman named Jeannie who frequents the dumpster in the back of the restaurant.
Jeannie: “I need some mayonnaise. Do y’all have any mayonnaise?”
Me: “There’s actually a worldwide mayonnaise shortage because of the suicide bomber that ran his car into an Iraqi mayonnaise factory.”
(Cue Jeannie bursting into tears.)
We co Read more:Pickle
, Factory
, Tremendous
I’ll Take The Pre-Menopausal Women, Thank You. 2008-06-27 14:23:20 There’s a certain undefinable brokenness that comes with being 50-year-old woman, in my opinion.
It’s at this point you’ve realized that the difference between a hot 40-year-old and a “was-hot-when-she-was-40-but-now-is-a-50-year-old” getting with a boy of 22 is the difference between “frickin’ awesome” and “I have to get up early in the mornin Read more:Women
, Thank
Mohammed Ain’t Paying The Electric Bills Either, Akmed. 2008-06-24 18:52:30 If it’s not Christians, it’s somebody else.
I was serving a group of Muslims one night (what a group of Muslims were doing 1. in St. Augustine and 2. eating sushi is beyond me) and when I went to get their plates, they ask politely for the check.
Me: “Here you all are. Have a nice night.”
Husband: [...] Read more:Mohammed
, Electric
, Bills
Beards And The Restaurant Industry 2008-06-23 17:07:36 To all aspiring waiters, hosts and busboys: Do not, under any circumstances, grow a beard.
And I’m not talking about the I-just-woke-up look that Carson Daly pulled off so effortlessly on TRL many moons ago. I’m talking about the Zakk Wylde, grow-it-to-show-it wonderment that is a beard.
In my years as a waiter, I’ve found that [...]
A Long Letter. 2008-07-10 08:56:59 Hey, all.
First off, the traffic this site has been receiving the past few days is incredible. In the last two days alone, I Serve Idiots has received over 4,100 unique visits and 11,000 page views. In two days. Wow.
Second, I’m going to go homeless. Again.
I know I’ve mentioned briefly in a few posts how I’m [...] Read more:Letter
What Are You, Five Years Old? 2008-07-09 15:28:44 Every once in a while, and I’m sure you all can relate, there comes into my section an anomaly.
See, they look like an adult, they dress like an adult, they drive a car like an adult…hell, they even wear dress shoes. But I’ll be damned if they act anything older than five years old.
You know [...] Read more:Years
, Five Years
Get My Own Napkins? Get Your Own Help Cleaning Up Your Mess, Sir. 2008-07-08 00:42:55 The other night, I had a dining table of two people. An older gentlemen in his late 50’s and a yuppy middle-class white guy in his 30’s.
I believe when I describe someone as a “yuppy middle-class white guy” we all know what I mean, right? These are the men that will overpay thousands of dollars [...] Read more:Napkins
, Cleaning
Note To Self: Stop Selling Pianos To Customers. 2008-07-07 13:48:20 So I’m in my restaurant last night and a customer overhears me talking with a co-worker.
Me: “Yea, I’ve got to get rid of this piano at my new house. It cost me and my new roommate about a grand…you think I could get anything for it?”
Lucy: “Probably. I’d sell it on Craig’s List if I [...]
Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That. 2008-07-24 17:25:32 Am I gay? No. Is my boyfriend? Probably.
Gay or not, I’m a human being. I don’t think being gay makes you any more or less one. It just means that when you pat a guy on the ass during football, you mean it. You sure as hell mean it.
The other night, I’m serving a table [...] Read more:Wrong
I Didn’t Hear You Not Say Thank You. Sorry. 2008-07-21 15:28:06 What is it with people? First they’re in a rage that you don’t say “please” or “thank you”.
The other night, I’m in a restaurant and I drop off a dinner plate for one young couple.
Me: “Here you two are.”
Woman: (mumbles something that sounds like “Thank
you.”)
Me: “You’re welcome.”
You’d think I’d cruc
Please Help Out The Love Alliance. 2008-07-18 14:06:40 A friend of a friend recently started a non-profit organization called The Love Alliance
.
The Love Alliance is a non-profit organization that works to educate individuals on the many issues of social justice and to give them practical ways they can impact them in their every day life.
Right now they are one of three candidates for [...] Read more:Please
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