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A Dining Guide For The Socially Challenged, Part 1 2007-05-06 22:26:00 This blog is great. I bartend as well. Here is an excerpt of something I am writing, please read and post if you like:A DINING GUIDE FOR THE SOCIALLY CHALLENGED PART 1Would you work for free? What an absurd question. After all, the point of a job is to generate income, correct? Unfortunately, this is not the case for roughly 775,000 workers everyday. According to the department of labor, in 2003 there were 775,000 waiters in the United States. This aforementioned group in society is a large base that for the majority, receives $3.00 an hour. A wage that is paid by their employers merely to compensate for otherwise lost income. I intend to dispel many myths about the food service industry, that I feel, through experience are commonalities in our society. Myth 1: Waiters/waitresses are sub-standard citizens and could not find employment else where. Therefore, it is not necessary to treat them with respect.As horrible as it sounds, many people disrespect and belittle servers merely becaus Read more:Dining
, Guide
, Socially
Perfect Mother's Day Cocktail 2007-05-09 13:00:00 This was a local favorite down in Costa Rica. I have sampled it numerous times, and it is great. Perfect
for an outdoor BBQ. MIAMI VICE1 Cup Pineapple Juice1 Cup Coconut Juice/Puree1/2 Cup Fresh or Frozen Strawberries1/4 Cup Light Rum2oz Dark Rum2 Cups IceBlend For 30 seconds.....MmmmmmmWhip Cream(optional)Adjust measurements accordingly, depending on how many you need. Guaranteed to be refreshing and a crowd pleaser!
TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 2007-05-09 08:24:00 TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.5. Don't take life too seriously-No one gets out alive!6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinningmedicine.12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Joke Of The Week: Sunday Afternoon Quickie 2007-05-13 11:30:00 The only way to pull off a Sunday
afternoon quickie with their 8 year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted. A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by."A few moments later," Looks like the Anderson 's have company", he called out."Matt's riding a new bike....."A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving.""Jason is on his skate board...."A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex!!"Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?""Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too." Read more:Afternoon
, Quickie
Ninja Kitty - A Classic 2007-05-22 05:43:00 Instead of a joke today, I thought this picture would be better. This kitty is kickin some dog ass!Ha Ha Funny Videos Read more:Ninja
, Kitty
, Classic
New Site Name 2007-05-26 05:51:00 So, I decided to change the name of this site. Why? Because it seems the old name is just too long for most people's memories to remember. So that is the main reason. That is all. And I think the new name is catchy. I like it. Enough said. Read more:New Site
Designated Drivers: A Hero In Disguise 2007-05-25 05:52:00 Designated drivers have probably saved nearly 50,000 lives and spared many more thousands of people from suffering injury from drunk driving. Over nine out of 10 Americans who attend social events where alcohol is served would like to see designated drivers used. And the proportion of people using or being a designated driver has increased dramatically over time. Each year over 73,000,000 Americans either serve as a designated driver or are driven home by one. A designated driver is simply a person who agrees to abstain from alcohol and be responsible for driving others home. The others are free to drink or not as they choose. Many establishments provide free non-alcoholic beverages to designated drivers.A Great IdeaA designated driver helps friends and family avoid embarrassment keep their drivers licenses avoid fines stay out of jail prevent senseless injury and death Advantages to the designated driver concept:The non-drinker has a legitimate and respected role at a social funct Read more:Drivers
, Disguise
Letter from The Penis 2007-06-03 04:31:00 Letter From The Penis
April 27th, 2007AskMen.com Rates This Joke: 8/10Dear Management,I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:1- I do physical labor2- I work at great depths3- I plunge head first into everything I do4- I do not get weekends or public holidays off5- I work in a damp environment6- I don't get paid overtime7- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation8- I work in high temperatures9- My work exposes me to contagious diseasesDear Penis,After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:1- You can not work 8 hours straight2- You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods3- You do not always follow the orders of the management team4- You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations5- You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working6- You leave the workplace r Read more:Letter
The Cop That Overdosed On Weed Brownies 2007-06-20 01:28:00 Freakin hilarious. I was in a bummed mood, and this news story cracked me up...so I knew I had to share it with everyone!!What A Dork!!
Perfect Summer BBQ Menu 2007-06-17 02:41:00 After finishing an awesome dinner tonight, and with Summer
upon us, I thought it would be great to share my BBQ
recipe secrets with everyone. For years, I had a large group of bachelor guy friends that would show up frequently at dinnertime. I learned to master the art of quick, cheap, amazing dinners on the bbq. I could bbq every night....first of all, the food is great, and second, its easy cleanup. No pans to wash, no oven to clean, and to really make it mess free....go with paper plates. ~ First, pick your meat of choice- either Hamburger meat, hot dogs, chicken, or steak. - Hot dogs can be thrown right on the grill. - Hamburger meat, steaks, or chicken- season with a mixture of garlic salt, **broiled steak seasoning salt(by McCormick), and pepper.** McCormick's Broiled Steak Seasoning Salt has been my secret weapon for years. I buy it at Albertson's, however it should be available at your local grocery store in the seasonings aisle. Condiments: ~ Corn On The Cob Get the c Read more:Perfect
Quote Of The Week 2007-06-27 04:05:00 ~In the silence of night I have often wished for just a few words of love from one man,rather than the applause of thousands of people.” - Judy Garland
Read more:Quote
Funny Ass Commercial 2007-06-26 09:01:00 This shit makes me laugh every time I see it. IKEA is having a huge sale, and this lady saves so much money, that she thinks that there has been a mistake.Just watch it, and laugh your ass off.
Read more:Funny
, Commercial
Joke Of The Week: Dumbass Girls Night Out 2007-06-26 05:48:00 Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath. The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..." The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."
Read more:Girls
, Night
You Have To Read This Book 2007-06-26 05:32:00 So.....the other night, my friend Deana hands me over this book. She tells me that she already read it, and could not put it down. This is what she said to me, " You will be a different person after reading it." And you know what? I am not even halfway through it, and I get it. I know what she means. I feel different already. I do not want to give it away, just get the damn book. You'll be emailing me soon, thanking me for the recommendation. I am telling you, it is great. I am putting it on the ABSOLUTE MUST FREAKING HAVE NOW list.
Creepy Asshole 2007-06-26 04:16:00 Okay, so here goes my bitchfest.....There is this nasty,creepy,trashy, dirty ass dude that has been blowing in on one of those loud motorcycles every time I work for the past week. Just looking at him makes me throw up in my mouth. No matter what I do, he doesn't get the hint. This is the only thing I hate about my job: dealing with assholes like him. And the thing is, he is so scary, I am not to keen on the idea of pissing him off. I just deal with the bullshit, pretend to be busy, and ignore him.Okay, so I have a question for all you men:If you hit on a girl several times, and she turns you down every time, explains about her wonderful relationship, and is just trying to do her job,why the fuck would you keep trying .....?Again...and Again.....and Again..and Fucking Again..! ?Enlighten me please, because from a woman's point of view, we absolutely despise this kind of shit.
Skeleton Riding A Motorcycle 2007-07-01 05:21:00 What do you like to do when you drink? Laugh! So, every week, Famous Martini will have a new funny joke of the week, and whatever other funny ass shit we can find. Tonight, my daughter and I were scanning through youtube videos, and we decided that this one was the best. It is not even in English, and it is some funny ass shit. These people don't even know what the hell's going on, but they are not going to stick around to ask. They are genuinely scared shitless, and it is funny as hell! ~ If someone pisses in your pool of life, add some chlorine, and keep on swimming. ~
Read more:Skeleton
, Riding
, Motorcycle
European Women vs. American Women 2007-07-08 03:40:00 Being a Bartender, I am fortunate to meet people from all over the world. On several separate occasions, I have been asked by different patrons why American
women are so huge. And, the women in their country are not as big. I'm talking people from India, Australia, England, Germany, Russia, Austria, and Africa. I myself, am a small, health conscious person, and I refuse to be fat. I am not against being fat, it is just not my personal choice. I believe the obesity problem in America is because the general public is not properly informed on nutrition. Even medical doctors get hardly any training on nutrition. Working in a restaurant, I witness people everyday shoveling in enough food for several people- eating until they are sick. Hey- whatever blows your hair back. If stuffing your stomach to maximum capacity, until you feel the food start coming back up is fun for you, have at it! My only complaint is this picture. Come on, Ladies, this is not how we should represent! It sucks to kno Read more:European
, Women
2007-07-11 04:46:00
Joke Of The Week - Camping Trip 2007-07-11 04:24:00 THE CAMPING TRIPSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a great dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.“And what do you deduce from that?”Watson ponders for a minute.“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you dipshit!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Read more:Camping
World's Greatest Bartender 2007-07-31 05:37:00 This is an article from Forbes.com about the Greatest
Bartender In The World
:The World's Greatest Bartender Charles Dubow "In every profession there is a pinnacle beyond which it is impossible to climb higher. These positions include such noble offices as President of the United States, Chief Executive Officer of General Electric, Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court and, in a slightly more modest way, head barman at the Hemingway Bar in the Hotel Ritz in Paris. There is no more famous bar in the world than the Ritz. It has been celebrated by many of the 20th century's greatest authors, including Ernest Hemingway, of course, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and is patronized today by an international smattering of diplomats, bankers, fashion models, playboys and tycoons. One will always be welcomed there with cordiality and respect by head barman Colin Field, who will then proceed to make the best cocktail (and probably the most expensive one) you ever had in your life. What Colin partic
Hollywood Martini 2007-07-31 05:25:00 In celebration of my weekend visit to Hollywood
Boulevard, This week's recipe is the Hollywood Martini
. Experience it before summer is whisked out from under our feet.INGREDIENTS:1. 2 oz vodka2. 1 1/2 oz black raspberry liqueur3. 1/2 oz pineapple juicePREPARATION:Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.
Joke Of The Week - Choosing A Bride 2007-07-31 04:24:00 A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so Read more:Bride
Coffee Dream Martini 2007-08-18 06:55:00 I have an AMAZING CoffeeMartini
recipe that will make you look like an absolute pro. This drink would be most appropriate as an after dinner cocktail among close friends. It is a high maintenance martini, so I do not suggest it for a large party, unless you have a bartender on duty that is prepared for the job. This recipe is more than just a martini - it is a decadent masterpiece. COFFEE DREAM MARTINIIngredients:Starbuck's Coffee LiqueurContreauWhite Creme De CocoaCold CoffeeBacardi 151 RumHeavy CreamKahluaSugarCinnamonNutmegChocolate PowderLime JuiceEquipment:10 oz Martini GlassesShaker/StrainerLong LighterJiggerInstructions:1. Coat Martini Rim with Sugar (Dip Rim in lime juice to get the sugar to stick to the glass)2. pour 2oz Bacardi 151 Rum into martini glass. Using a long lighter, light the rum on fire*. Swirl the fire around the glass until all the sugar is carmelized. Blow the fire out. 3. In a shaker filled with ice, add 3/4 oz Starbuck's Coffee Liqueur, 3/4 oz Contreau, 3/ Read more:Dream
Labels Created For The Stupid 2007-09-14 04:27:00 There can only be two reasons these consumer labels were created. 1. For a stupid person, or 2. By a stupid person. Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:- A Sears Hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Since when? That's the only time consuming way to work on your hair!)-On A Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)- On A Bar Of Dial Soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be... how???...)- On Some Swanson Frozen Dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).- On Tesco's Tiramisu Dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)- On Packaging For A Rowenta Iron: "Do Not Iron Clothes On Body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)- On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car, or operate machinery af Read more:Labels
, Stupid
Life As A Bartender #1 : Getting Started 2007-09-11 18:29:00 If you want to be a bartender, have been thinking about it, or are already bartending but want to become better, the upcoming articles titled Life As A Bartender may be very valuable to you. You may have not grown up dreaming about becoming a bartender one day, but consider this: I work 3 days a week, and bring home between $800 and $1200 per week. That gives me 4 days off every week to work on my future/dreams/education/family, and enough money to survive at this moment in my life. Not to mention the people that I meet. The memories and experiences I have shared are priceless, and for that reason alone, if I could do it all over again, I would not change a thing. I'll be honest-I never planned on being a Bartender. It happened out of desperation. I was a certified home inspector for the government for going on 9 years, making around $70k per year....not too bad for a single female in her 20's. The Real Estate market changed, and along with everyone else in the company, I was suddenl
October Cocktail ~ The O Hurricane 2007-09-30 01:24:00 This classic New Orleans party drink is traditionally made with rum and passion fruit syrup and served in glasses shaped like hurricane lamps. The bar manager at West Hollywood’s O-Bar, (designed by Thomas Schoos), offers his interpretation: A sweet blend of fruit juices amped up with two kinds of rum.Ingredients: * Ice * 3 oz Rum * 1/2 oz DeKuyper Pucker Berry Fusion Schnapps * 1 oz Grenadine * 1 1/2 oz Lemon-Lime Soda * 1/2 oz Pineapple Juice * 1/2 oz Orange Juice * 1/2 oz Rose’s Lime Juice * 1/2 oz Bacardi 151 rum * 1 Orange Wedge * 1 Lime Wedge*How To Make: 1. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the rum, schnapps, grenadine, soda, fruit juices, and shake well. Strain into a hurricane glass or large wine glass over ice and top with the Bacardi 151. Garnish with the orange and lime wedges.
Read more:October
A new site in the works 2007-11-11 04:20:00 I am working on a new and improved Famous Martini website. In the meantime, there will not be any new posts while I work on the new site. However, there is a lot of great stuff here, so take the time to get it all in during the break! And of course, not to leave without sharing something useful, and to wish the world a Happy Thanksgiving, here is an awesome Thanksgiving cocktail recipe to add to your Holiday dinner table. Spiked Apple Cider• fresh apple cider• cinnamon sticks• whole cloves• white rum Heat apple cider in a saucepan over medium heat. Add cinnamon sticks and cloves, and stir occasionally. When cider is heated, remove cinnamon sticks and cloves with a spoon. Pour a shot of rum into each glass, and fill with cider. Put a cinnamon stick in each glass. MMMMMmmmmm......Share with everyone! (Over 21, of course!)
Skeleton Riding A Motorcycle 2008-03-09 07:49:49 What do you like to do when you drink? Laugh! So, every week, Famous Martini will have a new funny joke of the week, and whatever other funny ass shit we can find. Tonight, my daughter and I were scanning through youtube videos, and we decided that this one was the best. It is not even in English, and it is some funny ass shit. These people don't even know what the hell's going on, but they are not going to stick around to ask. They look scared shitless, and it is funny as hell! Skeleton
- Prank - The best home videos are here Stumble It!~ If someone pisses in your pool of life, add some chlorine, and keep on swimming. ~Have a Shameless Secret? Skeletons in the closet? Let those bastards out here....
ENTER THE CONFESSIONS FORUM Read more:Riding
, Motorcycle
The Last Barman Poet 2008-03-09 07:48:35 Dirty Dancing is on, which has brought me to the conclusion that I miss the 80's. The music, the movies, Madonna, legwarmers.....Since we have the absolutely GIGANTIC getting trashed day upon us(For those of you who are already slammed and don't know what I am talking about - I am referring to St. Patricks Day......Here on Monday, March 17 ), and in remembrance to the wonderful 80's, here is my favorite clip from the 80's classic Cocktail, when Tom Cruise was the Prime Hottie in Hollywood & everyone wanted to be a bartender because of Cocktail.Doesn't it make you want to tease you hair to the ceiling and get down to the club? Stumble It!Have a Shameless Secret? Skeletons in the closet? Let those bastards out here....
ENTER THE CONFESSIONS FORUM
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