Weathering The Storm
2007-08-17 15:34:00
A boatload of thanks to you all, for your wonderful words of support. How very, very sweet to hear, sshhh, we don't need to hear, to give our support, to extend our arms. And how very, very generous of so many of you to open your virtual homes to me as places where I might tell my story, share my upset and my anxiety, secretly.
I can't do that, I don't think, because my vow to not share stories
Read more: Weathering
, Storm
No Port In The Storm
2007-08-16 20:24:00
Today has been a bad day. A very bad day. And I cannot write about it. And it sucks.
I flatter myself that this space is not a diary. That it's a space for writing. No, wait - that it's a space for Writing. With a capital W.
Then I have a bad day, a very bad day in which very bad words are spoken and very bad feelings are provoked and, just, bad. But it's a bad day involving persons whose
Read more: Storm
staying up is hard to do
2007-08-22 07:00:00
Hi everybody, it's motherbumper holding down the fort for Her Bad Mother today.
Since rifling through HBM's bathroom cabinets has not produced anything worthy of posting about (and she was smart enough to lock the bedroom door), I am forced to tell you one of my own stories.
On the days when I can barely put a post together to publish., I reach back into the ol' memory box and think about some
Boarding the House
2007-08-21 05:57:00
While HBM is off cavorting in an RV with Clark and Ellen Griswold, I was invited to blog sit. I think she's hoping one of her squatters will pitch in to finish off that bathroom. Although I am usually her helpful friend with the jazz hands and the chocolate, renovations aren't really my shtick. I'd rather hang with the old pirate across the street.
In fact, I'm thinking of inviting him over to
Read more: Boarding
, House
A Beary Good Time
2007-08-27 11:53:00
by Redneck Mommy
When her royal Highness, er, Catherine asked me to blogsit for her today, it was all I could do to trip over myself and take her up on her offer before she realized the error of her ways and rescinded the invitation. After all, this is the HBM. I'm just a trashy redneck. This isn't an opportunity that is going to roll around every damn day.
I'm taking the keys she dangled
Don't sweat the small stuff
2007-08-24 07:27:00
When Her Bad Mother asked me to blog-sit last week while she took off in a giant RV for some good ol’ close-knit family fun I jumped at the chance, because I’ve never been asked to blog-sit before and because, hello! It’s Her Bad Mother doing the asking! I made a personal vow to do her and her kickass blog justice by writing an amazing, inspiring and totally hilarious post. I carried my laptop
Read more: stuff
Home Is Where The Internet Is
2007-08-29 14:59:00
Coming soon to a blog near you.
First, I need to scan - no joke - some 900 e-mails. And, wash nine days of RV stink from my body, and try to get the last grains of sand out of various Wonderbaby crevices.
In the meantime: WHAT'D I MISS???
Nine days of NO internet, no newspapers, no television, and did I say NO INTERNET? I can't possibly catch up, so, you know, if you could maybe lend a girl a
Read more: Internet
Of all we can offer
2007-08-28 07:00:00
Let me tell you about the boy who broke my heart.
(Hey, why not? It’s not awkward at all sharing my inner most thoughts on someone else’s blog. No way. But when HBM asks, I answer.)
You might think I'm referring to the storied “one that got away“ that everyone seems to have, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. He didn’t get away. Well, he did but then he came back and helped
Storm
2007-09-02 09:53:00
Two days ago, I wrote this:
It's too easy to forget that most of things that cause us stress and anxiety are actually quite ridiculous, when considered against the vast, inscrutable complexity of nature and the universe and life and everything. That being human is a condition of being relentlessly silly, insofar as being human means struggling against disorder and chaos and mess and
Read more: Storm
Rain. Dance.
2007-08-31 08:38:00
I'm still sorting through the literal and figurative detritus of the National Lampoon adventure that was our recent camping holiday. So far as I have been able to determine since our return, I think that I came away from the experience with nearly 400 digital photos, 60 lbs of dirty laundry, innumerable mosquito bites in unmentionable places and the discomfiting realization that I am currently
Read more: Dance
The Swimmer
2007-09-26 14:21:00
The first time that you do it, it's like taking a long jump off of a short pier into unfamiliar waters.
Maybe it was something that you always wanted to do. Maybe you were enticed by the sight of all those other swimmers, out there in the water, swimming toward distant shores. Maybe you got too close to the end of the pier, and slipped. Somehow, you got in that water, and when you did, you
THEIR Bad Mother
2007-09-24 14:31:00
(It's early days, but I'm sharing anyway. Because so many of you figured out that my anniversary message to my husband was coded. Also, because it's all that I can think about, and how am I not supposed to write about it? Also, because our realtor knows, and if he knows, why shouldn't you?)
Decade, Plus One
2007-09-22 19:32:00
September 22, 1996
Every year, more amazing than the last.Ever more amazing years to come.You, me, we three, we three plus.Us.
Read more: Plus One
Getting The Funk Out
2007-09-20 08:05:00
I'm in a blogging funk.
I keep posting because I need to keep writing, keep talking, but I'm finding it difficult. And I'm finding it even more difficult to venture beyond the confines of my virtual quarters and be neighbourly and friendly and chatty. I wander out into the neighbourhood and hear the chatter and the camaraderie and the friendly debate and am torn between wanting to jump in and
Potty On
2007-09-18 08:58:00
This morning, Wonderbaby tugged on my arm as I lay on the sofa, sniffling and coughing and muttering softly about the evil of Bill Maher and of viruses in general. She tugged on my arm, and said, potty. Pee-pee. Go potty.
Potty?
Potty.And so I dragged myself out from under the covers, and took her by the hand, and - asking, all the way, are you sure? you want the potty? - pulled out the little
The Physics of Domesticity
2007-09-16 18:29:00
The Second Law of Domestic Dynamics - the Law of Parental Entropy - states that one's children will be demanding in inverse proportion to one's level of energy. Which is to say, the slower the parent moves, the faster moves the child, from which it follows that if one has flu, the rate at which one's toddler speeds around the house (and, correspondingly, the decibel level of the noise that said
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Using My Muscles
2007-09-14 09:37:00
Edited below; more information.
I don't exercise. Never have, really. Oh, I've tried, but I just can't get into it: gyms are smelly, and yoga bores me. This is not to say that I have never engaged in anything fitness-y, just that I need to have better reasons than fitness. I like my bicycle because it gets me places. I love horseback riding because I love horses and I love the discipline of
Read more: Muscles
Kicking The Juice Box Habit
2007-09-13 08:08:00
September is a time for pulling up one's socks, straightening one's sweater and resolving to do better: this is the year - we say each September - that I try out for basketball/pass math/clear up my skin/save the world.
I never did try out for basketball after Grade 7, I only passed math with difficulty, and I still struggle with my skin, but I still sometimes resolve to save the world. This
Read more: Kicking
, Juice
, Habit
Britney and Me
2007-09-11 23:15:00
I have long believed that, when it comes to discourse on celebrity and celebrities, no holds are barred. High-minded proclamations of the sort that insist that they're people too, they deserve respect, privacy, etc, etc are, to my mind, entirely unconvincing: celebrities are not just like you and me, and they do not have an automatic right to privacy and respect. They're celebrities: it's their
Read more: Britney
Beware Bad Mothers Bearing Scissors
2007-09-10 07:30:00
Wonderbaby has always been, shall we say, follically challenged. Sparsely-haired. So much so that that we were asked, more than once during her first year, whether we shaved her head. (For the record: no.) Since her first birthday it has been coming in - surely, but very slowly - and although she now has a thickish mop of fluffy flaxen hair, it is nonetheless a very short mop. Short, that is,
Read more: Beware
, Mothers
Fashion Victim
2007-09-07 13:53:00
I've always loved clothes. When I was very small, and for a very long time after, when I was no longer quite so small, I would spend hours in an attic room in my grandparents' house, a room that used to be my mother's, but which came to serve as a repository of all my grandmother's more glittery treasures: endless boxes of costume jewellry and hats and old dresses and robes and the occasional
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, Fashion Victim
Deliverance
2007-09-06 09:06:00
One of the many, many things that I foreswore ever doing as a parent, before becoming a parent, was giving my child a pacifier. I didn't really have any good reason, other than disliking the look of them, but still, I'd decided: my child would not have some silicone dummy stuck to her face.
That noble intention was revised about 24 hours after Wonderbaby arrived. I wish that I could say that it
In The Outside
2007-09-04 08:45:00
I've always liked fall. I've always associated fall - even more than spring - with newness: the smell of new erasers, new pencils, new books, the deliciously crisp whiteness of the pages of a brand new notebook. So I've never minded when summer draws to its inevitable close. More than that - I usually feel a prickly impatience throughout the last days of August, an urge to get on with it, to move
Read more: Outside
Knocked Up And Knocked Down
2007-10-02 14:36:00
Last pregnancy, I had no morning sickness. This pregnancy, the morning sickness is lasting ALL DAY. I've been curled up in the fetal position on the floor, eyes squeezed shut to stop the endless waves of sea-sicky vurp, moving only to take position by toilet, for two days now. (Last week, it was only lasting through the afternoon.)
The doctor prescribed Diclectin, an anti-nauseant, but it knocks
Heroes
2007-09-30 19:56:00
My sister, finishing, in competition-rank timing, the Toronto Waterfront marathon.
She ran for her son. She ran her heart out. She's my hero.
These are heroes, too. Walking their hearts out for a little boy that they don't know, cheering on a mom that they don't know, just because they can. Because their hearts are so, so big. Heroes, all.
I'm compiling a list of everyone who pledged this
Fear And Hope And Love, Oh My
2007-09-28 07:51:00
My first pregnancy was - for the first six months - a long gauntlet-run of fear and anxiety. I started bleeding about seven weeks in, and this continued off-and-on until well into the second trimester. I was on permanent miscarriage watch, and spent a great deal of my time in a state of confused terror, never sure when the bleeding would increase, when I would have to go back to the hospital,
What I Don't Know Can Hurt Me
2007-10-12 11:10:00
"Late Maternal Age," they call it. It's a fancy term for OLD MOM.
I was not late of maternal age when I had Wonderbaby. I was not entirely early of maternal age, but still - I didn't qualify as elderly. Somehow, between the time of her birth and my current pregnancy, I became old.
I don't mind being old. I much prefer the older me to the younger me, and I intend to go on liking myself even more
No Shame
2007-10-09 21:47:00
A confession: I was deeply, deeply ambivalent about breastfeeding before I had Wonderbaby. I knew that I was going to try to breastfeed, I knew that I was going to try my very best, to do whatever I could, to breastfeed - but I was also pretty certain that I wasn't going to like it. I was squeamish: would it feel weird? What if it hurt? How would I ever - ever - summon the nerve to do it in
Give Thanks...
2007-10-08 10:05:00
... for sweet babies and fat pumpkins and - because it's Canadian Thanks
giving - maple syrup and Leonard Cohen and universal health care.
And, also, for boobies. Today's a good day to go look at boobies. (And, to speak out against the stupid twits who have commented, at YouTube, that breastfeeding in public is like pissing or masturbating in public. Between these asshats and yesterday's twittage
I'm Mean When I'm Angry
2007-10-06 17:05:00
I don't write here, much, about my moonlighting gig as a gossip blogger. Mostly because, I figure, if you like celebrity gossip, you probably already read Famecrawler, and also because there's just not that much to say about it, most of the time. Britney's flaming out, you knew that; J-Lo's pregnant, you probably knew that too. Unless I feel like waxing philosophic or feminist on the cult of
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