Flight
2007-06-28 09:47:00
Sometime, over the past few days, over the past few weeks, over some period of time that I have lost track of, WonderBaby became a little girl.
I don't know when or how it happened. It wasn't overnight; I would have noticed if she'd gone to bed a baby and awoken a girl. That is, at least, I think that I would have noticed. You would think that one would notice something so extraordinary as the
Read more: Flight
Did Iron John Do Plumbing?
2007-07-03 13:32:00
I love my husband for many reasons, but chief among those reasons is this: he's a manly man.
He's the kind of guy who you know could totally protect you in the wilderness, or in the aftermath of a nuclear attack (which you survived because he's the type of guy who could build a bomb shelter, by hand, if there were any real threat of nuclear attack, which there's not, so stop giving me
Read more: Plumbing
Doing It
2007-07-02 08:13:00
(One very important edit, see below...)
We talk a lot, in the momosphere, about empowerment. About how blogging has, quite literally, changed our lives. About how we've found strength and inspiration in other women (and men) who are struggling and cheering their way through the incredible and incredibly challenging experience that is parenthood. About how we've found our voices.
When MBT
So, How Dilated Are You?
2007-07-06 13:12:00
... Fifteen centimeters? Ten? When was the last time that you checked?
I'm standing, clutching my club soda and lime, facing down a total stranger who has just asked me when it was that I last peered down between my legs to see if the baby delivery system was opening up on schedule.
I haven't checked myself, actually. Can't get past this gigantic sphere that's blocking my view. Would love to
File This One Under "UNDERSTATEMENT"
2007-07-05 10:29:00
Overheard, Her Bad Father to Her Bad Mother:
"Do you ever get the feeling that we're just rodeo clowns in one long WonderBaby Stampede?"
She's a cowboy, baby.
Mommy
2007-07-11 12:02:00
It's late when you return home. You pay the babysitter, who slips out the door and rides away on his bicycle into the warm night. You make yourself some tea - ginger peach, with ice cubes to stay the heat - and sit in the darkened living room, listening to the quiet, wondering how late the husband will be, thinking about how tired he will be in the morning.
Thinking about how tired you will be
Read more: Mommy
The Street Of Misfit Toys
2007-07-09 10:07:00
There's an old man who spends a lot of time on our street. Across the street, actually, at house in which he does not live. He has a friend there, another elderly gentleman, the father of the fellow who actually owns the house. Last summer, they spent the entire summer, the two of them, on the verandah, old and gnarled and batshit crazy, singing loudly along to songs playing on their transistor
Read more: Street
And On The Seventh Day, She Blogged
2007-07-15 11:51:00
Things have settled down 'round here. Wonderbaby has recovered from her mysterious fever and stopped throwing lemons at me. She still much prefers Daddy, but whatever. I'm used to rejection. I can take it.
Still - am exhausted from the trauma that was Thursday and the bitch-slapfest that was Friday and the tequila that I had to drink to recover on Saturday. So, all you get today is a Whassup
Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Day
2007-07-13 09:47:00
WonderBaby's Countdown to Friday the Thirteenth:
1) Sob throughout afternoon at daycare. Sob when Mommy comes to pick you up. Shout NO at daycare lady when she says see you tomorrow.
2) Blow kiss at daycare lady, to take the sting out of the NO. Kiss Mommy, then smack her on the head for having left you at daycare in the first place.
3) Arrive home. Ask for Daddy. Accept cookie in place of
Her Bad Mother's Home For Misfit Toys
2007-07-17 09:39:00
He had been sitting outside on the verandah of the house across the street for some days, perched unsteadily on a chair, facing the street. Occasionally, our old pirate - the apparently homeless fellow who has been permitted to occupy, in daytime hours, said verandah for two summers now - would sit down in the chair beside him, cross his legs in the manner of a gentleman settling down to a cigar
Like To Get To Know You Well
2007-07-19 10:14:00
A couple of months ago, I made the following confession:
Her Bad Mother is not me. That is, she is not entirely me. She's a voice inside my head; she's one of the many reflections that I see when I look in the mirror. She's the me who worries about being a bad mother (the kind of mother who lets her toddler fall out of shopping cart), and the me who takes pleasure in thinking of herself as a bad
Public Service Announcement
2007-07-18 19:22:00
Remember this little project? Well, we need your input on Part II: Finding Our Cause. Which is to say, we need you to:Whether you are Canadian, or just Canadian at heart, please, go, vote.
Read more: Public
, Service
, Announcement
, Public Service
, Public Service Announcement
Sunday Miscellany
2007-07-22 08:04:00
WonderBaby sez: Suffrage Rox!!!
1) There's still time to vote for which cause you'd like to see BlogHers Act Canada pursue in the coming year - you have until midnight tonight. You don't need to be a her, or Canadian, or even active to make your preferences known. If you support women blogging for a cause, and if you think that what happens in Canada matters to the world, even just a little bit
Read more: Sunday
, Miscellany
The Heart is a Muscle. Use It.
2007-07-20 10:37:00
Many of you have read this before, but I want you to read it again. Because I want you to help.
This is Tanner:
Tanner is WonderBaby's cousin. He lives on the other side of the country, so he only sees WonderBaby very infrequently. But he's her biggest fan.
When WonderBaby was still tucked away in Her Bad Mother's belly, preparing for her takeover of Her Bad Parents' lives, and also the
Read more: Heart
Baths, Not: A WonderBaby Jam
2007-07-23 14:28:00
WonderBaby likes her friends, her Daddy, her cat and bedtime; could live without Mommy, and baths...
File this under Dubious Achievements, 2007: after many, many hours, most of which would have been better spent pursuing world peace or building her portfolio of paper-clip art, Her Bad Mother finally figures out how to upload video, which is really pointless, seeing as she has the film-making
Read more: Baths
, WonderBaby
Meanwhile, At BlogHer...
2007-07-27 15:52:00
From A Distance
2007-07-25 08:57:00
We're leaving soon. The car is packed, almost. The maps have been consulted, the route plotted, the schedule worked and reworked and reworked again (do we have time to detour to Frankenmuth? To stop at Target? To visit Joy?). We're ready. We're excited. Everything is perfect.
Except for this one small thing, this very small thing, this very small girl, to whom I have already said goodbye, whose
Better Than Pasties
2007-07-28 13:33:00
Last year, there was this.
This year, there is this.
Any questions?
(PS - Am not drunk in those pictures. Okay, maybe a little. But really, that's not drunkage that you see there, preserved for all of internet eternity there on Liz's site. That's TIRED. WAS SO FUCKING TIRED.)
(PPS - I love those evil bitches even though they commited a gross violation of my person. Actually, I love them
High School Confidential
2007-07-31 09:39:00
I've said before that I don't think that the blogosphere is like high school, or, at least, that the corner of the blogosphere that is populated by parents is like high school. Hell, I just said it just the other day, on public record, in front of a room full of bloggers, some of whom who were probably thinking that were it not for the facts that I wore no scrunchie in my hair and was not running
Read more: School
, Confidential
, High School
A Message From WonderBaby
2007-07-30 13:41:00
(PPS - that means YOU. Yes, you. And you too, sweet Internets. 'Speshully you.)
Read more: Message
, WonderBaby
Perfect Love
2007-08-02 08:13:00
It was my husband's birthday the other day. Day before yesterday, in fact; one day after my return from the Road Trip That Shall No Longer Speak Its Name. It was a nice birthday - we went down to the lake and had a picnic and WonderBaby sort of sang Happy Birthday - but I didn't write about it. I didn't post a picture, or even leave a little Happy Birthday message here.
I don't say much about
Read more: Perfect
Whitesnake, Baby. Bang Your Head And Pass The Tylenol.
2007-08-05 21:06:00
(Or: Here I Photoshop Again On My Own)
Whitesnake, circa 1987. The Tawny Kitaen Era.
Whitesnake, circa 2007...
... the WonderBaby Era. Any questions?
Please Stand By...
2007-08-04 14:33:00
... while Her Bad Mother pulls herself out of the dank purgatory that is Very Unpleasant Viral Illness (a state that was no doubt entered into as a result of, as Her Bad Mother's mother would claim, "too much excitement," a condition that can also lead to Ill Temper and Very Bad Sugar Headaches.)
If anyone knows of any remedies for throats that feel as though they've been razed by barbed wired
Read more: Please
, Stand
In The Bag
2007-08-09 08:56:00
This is my bag:
Notice that I do not call it a purse. That is because, like my dear friend Katie, I do not like the word purse.
(I also do not like the word moist, which is why you will never see any discussion of Duncan Hines products in this space.)
Anyway, back to my bag: it contains my life, or at least a good portion of it. And seeing what's inside might tell you a little somehing
Songs of Innocence and Experience
2007-08-07 09:50:00
One of the most difficult things about pregnancy, for me, was that it forced me to confront myself as a biological creature. It forced me to experience myself as a body, as a being put entirely into the service of nature. My every wakeful - and not so wakeful - moment was spent in a state of hyper-consciousness about my physicality: I was nurturing a life, and that life depended upon my physical
Read more: Innocence
The Good, The Bad, And The Bloggy: A Weekend In Review
2007-08-12 12:46:00
The Good:
We think that my hard drive lives. It - the dark, preshus heart of my techie being - still beats, and where there is heartbeat, there is hope.
The Bad:
We need to pry it from the cold, dead body of the laptop that housed it, a laptop that has, otherwise, totally flatlined. (But! More Good: After we pry it from the cold, dead body of the old laptop, it will be transplanted into a
Read more: Weekend
When Your Laptop Dies, Nobody Hears You Scream
2007-08-11 06:02:00
Because you can't get online to scream (that is, you can't get online comfortably, from your usual happy perch on the sofa or at the dining table, because you have to sit in the hot room with the uncomfortable chair and use the stupid desktop).
Because you've lost all of your document files of haikus on the theme of screaming.
Because you've lost all of your image files, and in any case can't
Read more: Laptop
, Nobody
, Scream
Where Dora Don't Go
2007-08-15 10:12:00
WonderBaby has discovered her nether regions.
She's known that they were there for some time, of course, but she hadn't really done any, um, exploring. But she's recently discovered what a fascinating area it is, and has been checking it out at every opportunity.
The character of her exploration, however, is not the idle tourism of which I've sometimes heard other parents speak. It is not the
Desperate Feminist Housewife Moms Rule The World!
2007-08-13 11:24:00
Last week, a Canadian journalist wrote an op-ed piece on what she referred to as the prevailing "culture of porn" in Western society. You know: desperate housewives and panty-free celebs and Bratz Dolls and silicone, silicone, as far as the eye can see. We face an onslaught of skank every single day, she said, and this relentless onslaught of skank is teaching our daughters that their worth
Read more: Desperate
, Housewife
, World
Wherein I Do National Lampoon One Better
2007-08-19 07:48:00
Six weeks ago, there was this:
Now, there is this:
Which, despite its incompleteness, it still a vast improvement over buckets, and so not to be disdained:
Still, it is not enough to prevent us from moving into this for a nine-day (ahem) holiday:
We leave tomorrow, and will set off across southern Ontario and on into New York state, where we will comport ourselves like retirees and hang
Read more: National
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