I Am The Cheese
2007-03-10 14:25:00
Sometimes, WonderBaby puts cheese on her forehead. Soy cheese slices, specifically, because they have good traction. Real cheddar just won't stay on there.
Today, I feel exactly like a limp piece of soy cheese product that has been pinched flat by a giant, shrieking toddler and then smushed onto the yogourt-smeared forehead of that same toddler and left to dangle pathetically for an eternity
Read more: Cheese
You Are The Cheese
2007-03-12 02:56:00
We're, what, only two and a half weeks into Lent? And WonderBaby has already broken her vow to abstain from imitating the Pope.
In the hungover fog that was yesterday, I completely forgot to acknowledge the wonderfulness that is this whole Thinking Blogger Award thingie. I mentioned it the other week, when I thanked OTJ, Mom-NOS and Kyla for their awesometasticness in naming me a Thinking
Read more: Cheese
The Mom in the Mirror
2007-03-13 16:51:00
She couldn't have been more than nineteen, maybe twenty, years old. She could have been much younger. She wore jeans and running shoes and a light winter jacket and no makeup. There were half-moon circles under her eyes, deep and dark, and she clutched a Mcdonalds take-out bag in one hand.
The other hand rested lightly on a small fold-out umbrella stroller. I would have known that she was a
My Bad Mother, Keeping Me On My Toes
2007-03-15 15:44:00
(From my inbox, yesterday...)Hi Sweetie,I am e-mailing rather than using comments because I can’t figure out how to post a comment. You know I read your blog faithfully. I'm not always touched by it because, while I am awed by your writing talent, I think that it's sometimes something of an exercise in self-absorption, and that it panders to an audience of mostly privileged women who have the luxury of philosophizing about motherhood. I hope that your experience on the subway brings you (and your readers) to a heightened awareness of those mothers who do not have the means of indulging their beloved children (or in a lot of cases, not even being able to provide what we would consider necessities). Can you imagine how your heart would hurt if you couldn’t give WonderBaby the world? I deeply felt your feelings as you described the young mother. As we have discussed many times, those very same feelings were the motivating factor in my chosen career.I hope that you don’t think my c
Gone Fishin'
2007-03-17 15:27:00
We're off to da farm for the weekend. WonderBaby would love to bring you with us, but as much as we love your company, we're going to go it alone. Plus, you would get muddy, and Internets don't wash well, or so I've heard.In the meantime, you can keep up with all of the blog-on-blog navel-gazey action by checking in at BlogRhet (and, then - maybe? - write your own post about writing posts and then post that post. Trust me, it's FUN.) (Questions for discussion HERE.)Or, if you're tired of all the meta-talk, you could go read about How WonderBaby Learned To Read (Sorta). Or, if you're tired of me, you could go read Bossy. She funny.TTFN.
Read more: Gone Fishin
Narcissus and Me
2007-03-19 17:07:00
I've been thinking a lot about Narcissus
lately. Narcissus, Ovid tells us, was condemned by the gods to fall in love with the reflection of his own image, and to waste away in that state, forever enchanted by that image, unable to break away from the posture of self-regard.So it was with Narcissus, so it is with bloggers, we are told: narcissists, all of them, but especially the mommy bloggers, who are so enchanted by the minutiae of their personal lives that they are compelled to lay them bare upon the screen. Photographs, stories, reflections, all manner of fecal anecdote: we cast these upon the reflective waters of our virtual pond and gaze and gaze and gaze, unable to break away. Narcissists, the lot of us, or so we are told.And not only narcissists, but privileged narcissists, as all narcissists must be. Who else falls in love with their own image, with their own story, if not those whose images and stories are struck through with sparkle and glimmer and gold? Who else has access
Real Moms...
2007-03-21 14:57:00
... feel the fear and do it anyway.
*******
(Real mom-bloggers share life-decisions with the Internets. Real mom-bloggers share everything with the Internets. Not because they're narcissists. Because bigger, whip-toting bloggers - and the occasional cheeky red-head - tell them to.)
(Real mom-bloggers like cracking the whip themselves, but this mom-blogger is late to the meme and so must settle
Read more: Real Moms
A Cautionary Tale
2007-03-23 02:46:00
Consider this scenario, oh ye bloggers, and learn:
So, one day, you and the husband are sitting around, tapping away at respective laptops when you notice that said husband is transfixed by something on his screen. Transfixed. Staring at the screen. Staring, blinking, and then leaning in to get a better look.
You watch, for a minute. You wonder what he's looking at. Can't be YouTube, because he
Groove Is In The Heart
2007-03-24 15:52:00
In a comment to my last post, SlouchingMom asked this: "Do I get points for thinking that your "I'm ovulating" post was unusually, umm, revealing for you?"
You know I love you, SlouchingMom, but no. Unless you consider boob-shots and engorgement chatter and actual pregnancy test results (a revelation that caused my mother-in-law to suggest to my husband that he might exercise better editorial
Read more: Groove
, Heart
Sugar and Spice
2007-03-26 18:01:00
WonderBaby is a girly-girl. A train-and-truck-lovin' bitch-slappin' thug of a girly-girl, but a girly-girl nonetheless.
(That bitch-slappin' thug part, I am not making up. You don't mess with the WonderBaby. She will take you down. Older or bigger children who see opportunity - easy! candy (or, more usually, toy trains) from a baby! - in her tiny form learn their lessons quickly and painfully:
Read more: Sugar
, Spice
Spring Has Sprung
2007-03-28 17:11:00
And WonderBaby...
... sings...
... the body electric.Also, she loves New York. Too bad that Her Bad Mother is only going to Kentucky.
********
I'm so sorry for being such a bad blog-citizen (blogizen?) this past week or so. What with preparations for this weekend's conference and stacks and stacks of undergraduate political philosophy papers to mark and planning some super cool surprises (
Read more: Spring
Zipless
2007-03-30 02:24:00
So, I'm feeling all good and all this past Wednesday afternoon, wrapping up teaching for the week, posting a little 'hey I'm off for a few days' post, gearing up for a little travel and a lot of talking, good friends, interesting projects, s'all good.
Then I head into the washroom to freshen up before heading home for the day - after an afternoon of lecturing - and notice. That. My. Fly. Is.
Saturday, Far Away
2007-03-31 15:08:00
Missing my baby, bad.
Read more: Saturday
, Far Away
Bizarro World
2007-04-02 17:58:00
Too many words. There are just too many words, more than I can manage right now, required to tell the story - stories - of the Magical MommyBlogger Mystery Tour, Kentucky Edition. It was wonderful, amazing, fascinating - all those good things that you love (or hate) to read about.
But I can't tell those stories right now, because I'm a little bit distracted, sitting in my office at school,
Read more: Bizarro
, World
The Heart is a Muscle, Redux
2007-04-04 16:31:00
It was just over two and a half years ago that we learned that my nephew, Tanner, has Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy, and that he will die from it. He was not quite five years old at the time. We were devastated. Wrecked. Heart
broken.
What very nearly got lost in the distress of those days and weeks and months was this: the decision that my husband and I had made, just weeks before learning of
Read more: Redux
Hoppy is as Hoppy Does
2007-04-06 16:54:00
Regardless of whether or not this weekend is one of religious observance for you, you are obligated - in the name of all that is good, sweet and fatty - to consume or hoard (depending upon the rules of fasting specific to your faith - atheists, you have carte blanche, of course) massive amounts of treats this weekend...
...or dese giant evil bunnies will be vewwy vewwy angwy and will smite you
Blogstipation Is A Bitch (And So Am I)
2007-04-09 18:34:00
One of the problems with taking a break from blogging is that the stream of stuff that one wants to write/blog about doesn't stop running. It just keeps coming and coming and that list in your head of things that you really must write about just gets longer and longer and eventually you start to get something like that cramped feeling that you get when your gastro-intestinal system gets all
Read more: Bitch
Heaven Can Wait
2007-04-11 16:54:00
I've got nothing against Christians. Heck, I've been one. I might even tell you that I am one - albeit a conflicted one - if you press me in my more emotional/less philosophic moments. And you might even, sometimes, hear me say that I think that Christians get an bad rap in popular discourse, that they are often unfairly characterized as being uniformly evangelical and extremist and narrow-minded
Read more: Heaven
There's Something About WonderBaby
2007-04-13 16:58:00
WonderBaby did her own hair today:
As she is wont to do:
This look is achieved through the application of her custom blend of liquid hand soap and drool (var. apple juice and snot). A strange concoction, but effective, and vastly preferable to other forms of hair gel.
Any resemblance between WonderBaby and fictional characters from Farrelly Brothers comedies is purely coincidental.
*******
Read more: WonderBaby
The Bad Mommyblogger Purity Test
2007-04-15 00:42:00
Greetings and salutations (first one to name the movie, the speaker of that line, and where I actually saw him in person – I’ll send you a mix CD). I'm Julie, and you can usually find me at mothergoosemouse. (Mix CD has been won by Amy Jo!)
It’s an honor to be here, trashing Her Bad Mother’s pristine blog with all of my trashiness. Frankly, I’m intimidated to be kicking off this burlesque show,
Our Dirty Little Secrets
2007-04-15 15:28:00
When Her Badjesty kindly asked me to blogsit, I was more than happy to oblige her. Seeing as I'm a bad mother in my own right, I figured I'd be able to conjure something up to fill this wonderful space.
But then she told us to make it dirty. And I sort of freaked, because I imagine your hostess's version of dirty is a bit classier than mine. It's my dildo to her Dante'. My poopy jokes to her
Read more: Secrets
R Rated Road Trip
2007-04-18 03:49:00
Brought to you by guestblogger, Gingajoy…
[SCENE]
The Wife, The Husband, Two Children, Fetid Dog, No legroom. Levered into the car for the four-hour trip to Grandma’s. Forbidden Lunchable snacks have been consumed, messily. The Baby has finally drifted off, and the DVD player kicks in for Big Brother.
For the grownups…this is as close to Couple Time as they are going to get.
The Wife coyly
Mom-101 Guest Post: Worship the Belly.
2007-04-19 12:00:00
Burlesque blogging? Seriously? That is my assignment as I guest blog for the great Bad Mother. And yet...
Seriously?
These days the closest you want to get this pregnant woman to a stripper pole is an episode of the Sopranos. Nudity around these parts constitutes the 18 minutes it takes for me to get my underwear up over my hips after a shower. And the dirtiest thoughts on my mind? How best to
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On a Wing
2007-04-21 05:07:00
It was a good trip, but we'll be glad to get home.
We've got some recovering to do. A few stumbles and scrapes, and a little bit of bleeding, but nothing that the heart couldn't handle. Nothing that didn't make the heart grow stronger. (Any damage is only superficial. Our time away did our souls good.)(We'll back soon. Missed you.)
The Time-Traveller's Life
2007-04-23 16:09:00
Travelling can be a little bit like - bear with me here - popping yourself into a sort of time-machine wherein the space-time continuum is temporarily suspended: you get into a big metal flying contraption and find yourself some hours later in a different time and place where you fritter away the hours in a life that is not really your own, not your own real life, before getting back into the
Read more: Traveller
Love, Fear, Memory
2007-04-27 22:33:00
Long before I ever got pregnant - long before I even knew that I would one day want a baby, desperately - one of my very, very dearest friends told me this:
When you have a baby, the one thing that you must never forget is that you WILL forget. You'll forget how scared you were, how anxious, how tired, how frustrated. But you'll also forget how tiny she was, and how she smelled, and what she
Read more: Memory
The Devil Came Down To Toys-R-Us
2007-04-26 18:35:00
(Edits and addenda below!)
Yesterday, Her Bad Father and I had a disagreement. About child-rearing. Which, of course, he has a say in, even though much of the time I try to pretend that I have sole authority on all matters WonderBaby. Most of the time, we agree entirely on the terms and conditions of WonderBaby wrangling, and on matters pertaining to the day-to-day care, feeding and amusement of
Read more: Devil
If truth is pants, what are shoes?
2007-04-24 22:51:00
This is a passage from a paper that I graded this morning:
Truth (can be likened) to a set of clothes, made to measure the man. In this way, man's measurements would be his own personal truth, and the clothes would be a form of living this out. Thus, the pants would be corresponding to his reality, and this reality would be the pants.And you thought that the life of a philosophy instructor was
Read more: shoes
Hearts and Darkness
2007-05-01 04:38:00
I started the Basement just over one year ago. I started the Basement - my secret space, my hidden lair - so that I could write about the stuff that I didn't feel comfortable discussing in the bright light of blog. But I realized very quickly that a publicly listed blog with my primary blog name in the url wasn't all that private, and so my foray into semi-private confessional blogging ended
Read more: Hearts
, Darkness
In Just Spring
2007-04-30 01:21:00
First Ice Cream
Sometimes, all you can do is take a picture, knowing that you'll forget the feel of the sun on your shoulders, the smell of the lake and the ice cream and the hot dog stand nearby, the sound of her giggle, the delighted squeal - eye ceem eye ceem eye ceem! - and the feeling of the whole of your being expanding, your heart rising up out of your chest, your lungs bursting with
Read more: Spring
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