Justify My Love
2007-04-09 04:10:36
Read more: Justify
Did you know?
2007-04-08 04:45:49
Babies dream of peace.
Babies love to show you their feet.
Babies are extra flexible.
Babies think you’re untrustworthy.
Calling on the Interweb
2007-04-10 03:40:06
Read more: Calling
, Interweb
American Idol: More Than Words Can Say
2007-04-12 04:34:23
We thought we’d experienced the worst of what American
Idol’s themes and
guests could bring
The Performance Show:
I thought I’d
experienced the worst of what American Idol
’s themes and guests could
bring. I’ve heard show tunes, swing,
and disco. I’ve twitched and blubbered
with the likes of Diana Ross, Barry Manilow, and Stevie Wonder. So, after all that, what two words can still
strike fear into the heart of even the most cynical and jaded American Idol
watcher? Why, “Latin Night”, of
course. And, after being stricken by
these words, what other two words could cause that same world-weary American
Idol watcher to convulse in fear and disgust?
What two words could make even the most hardened and stoic person soil
themselves in horror? Jennifer. Lopez.
Brace yourselves, people!
Before
I even get into the singing, the J.Lo, and the Sanjaya, I have to take a moment
to point out the unspeakable atroci
Read more: Words
Damn Kids
2007-04-11 04:35:07
All About Perspective
2007-04-14 02:21:54
Read more: Perspective
Monkeeism
2007-04-13 03:24:21
Thought I’d change it up a bit. This is the other office baby. Jealous?
NoPost Post
2007-04-15 05:08:44
Well, here's the skinny... Maryam is spending a little quality time Praying to the Porcelain God, and thus, this post is NoPost. I know that her wonderful and faithful readers expect a post a day so, to prevent her picture from being on milk cartons in the morning, I wanted to place an excuse on her behalf. I'm sure she'll be back tomorrow with some rip-roarin' good stuff unless, of course, she is actually sick or something in which case you'll probably just get another dull & boring post from me.
Let's all hope it doesn't come to that.
-The Husband
I guess it could have been worse...
2007-04-17 02:55:18
Ugh…I’m having such a bad few days here
Ugh…I’m having such a bad few days here. Between not feeling well and cat issues and
computer issues and general busyness I’m going to snap very soon. Let me break it down for you.
I haven’t had much free time so The Husband and I
have been eating various forms of congealed, processed, and otherwise
homogenized foodstuffs for a week or so.
This, of course, has led to me feeling like a giant bulging sack o’
crap. Feeling like a giant sack o’ crap
has prevented me from getting a good night’s sleep, the result of which, is
that I have little or no patience to deal with anyone or anything that dares to
so much as breath in my general vicinity.
This includes smug and belittling bosses, husbands who suddenly decide
to tell the computer not to listen to the either the mouse or keyboard and then
are surprised to find that they’ve locked us out of the computer, and the many
and varied forms of misbeha
Flawless Logic
2007-04-16 03:18:52
Me: Ahh, stop that
Me: Ahh,
stop that! Why are you doing that? You're not thinking!
The Husband:
You're not thinking! The
fact that you're even letting me handle this proves that you're not thinking.
Me: ...
The Husband:
See, I'm a winner.
Read more: Logic
American Idol: The Premonition Comes True
2007-04-19 04:54:24
The Performance Show:
The Performance Show:
I gotta warn everybody
here. I’m not feeling it tonight. I have just about as much interest in
country music as I have in plucking out my own eye with a shrimp fork and twirling
it around my head while yodeling so, as you can imagine, I wasn’t exactly on
pins and needles about this show. On
the other hand, I know Simon hates country music, so the knowledge that he’s
suffering more than I am, should get me through this.
Phil Stacey (Where the Blacktop Ends):
You
know what just screams country to me?
Bald, pudgy faced aliens in shiny shirts, of course. Obviously, Phil did a very good job, but
let’s not kid ourselves here, he’s the physical manifestation of boredom and
that does not an American
Idol make.
Jordin Sparks (Broken Wing):
Jordin
thinks Martina gave her some good advice and I totally agree. Telling Jordin to just stand stil
Read more: Premonition
, American Idol
M-O-N-to tha kizzle is the shiznit, WORD!
2007-04-18 01:55:40
Up To Something
2007-04-20 05:23:29
Pop Quiz
2007-04-22 04:27:38
Read more: Pop Quiz
Like being beaten repeatedly with a rubber mallet...
2007-04-21 05:00:52
Completely faithful and unaltered recounting of a conversation I had
with "shall-remain-nameless" publishing company about buy
Completely faithful and unaltered recounting of a
conversation I had with "shall-remain-nameless" publishing company about buying
cases of books for resale:
Me:Â Hi,
I'd like to place an order for some books and the website directed me here to
set up a retail account.
X:Â Well,
you need to have ordered $2500 dollars worth of books from us before we can set
up a credit account.
Me:Â Oh, I
must have misunderstood. But, I want to
order some books now, so how do I do that?
X:Â You
can just send us your order.
Me:Â Yes, that's what I want to do.
X:Â So
yeah, just order and once you've ordered $2500 then we can set up an account
for you.
Me:Â Well,
how do I order?
X:Â Just
send us your order.
Me:Â Is
there an order form?
X:Â No.
Me:Â
What happened to the funny?
2007-04-23 03:55:06
Last Night's Sleeping Arrangements
2007-04-28 02:27:07
And now, your baby of zen.
Read more: Night
, Sleeping
, Arrangements
Truths
2007-04-27 04:59:01
American Idol: Nothing Is Sacred
2007-04-26 05:53:06
Read more: American
, Nothing
, American Idol
The Theory of Evolution
2007-04-25 03:10:44
Read more: Theory
, Evolution
But you already know all this...
2007-04-24 04:02:15
First of all, taking a picture of yourself in a
mirror can be significantly harder than it looks. Second, none of you have the slightest idea of what I look like,
do you?
I'm going to Hell, aren't I?
2007-05-01 02:51:12
Monkee Music
2007-04-30 04:09:24
Read more: Monkee
, Music
Wasted Day
2007-04-29 03:35:46
Read more: Wasted
American Idol: My Own Private Christmas
2007-05-03 04:56:08
The Performance Show:
The Performance Show:
After a week of charity and
goodwill, comes this week’s welcome return to American
Idol’s ruthless,
dream-crushing roots. Oh, and speaking
of roots, tonight’s theme, if you can call it that, is Bon Jovi. You know that sensation you’re feeling, like
a rock in your stomach making you contort in pain? Yeah, that’s dread.
So, my first impression
of Bon Jovi was that he was conspicuously present. He was totally, like, there, you know? I mean, his visage was oddly visible and, like, tangible and
stuff. Normally, I suppose I wouldn’t
really bother to point this out, but after last week, when, in all THREE HOURS
of American Idol
, there wasn’t even so much as a picture of Bono, I wasn’t
expecting great things. I thought for
sure that tonight was going to feature a Bon Jovi bobble head or maybe a potato
with a mop of golden locks. So, you can
imagine my surprise when a real person showed
Read more: Private
, Christmas
Updates
2007-05-02 02:14:19
The Accidental Exhibitionist
2007-05-06 02:49:18
Read more: Accidental
You know you're addicted to a videogame when...
2007-05-05 03:31:50
Choices...
2007-05-04 03:39:38
Thinking Shminking
2007-05-08 05:33:44
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