Sepia
2007-03-14 03:03:46
Sepia
Originally uploaded by Monkee16. Very soothing. Like a warm blanket on a cold morning or a hot cup of tea at the end of the day, or a locked office door to hide behind and take a nap. =)
American Idol: The Return of the Pain
2007-03-15 05:01:25
So, it was Diana Ross night on American
Idol and I fully expected that
to mean a prescription drug haze of love would descend
So, it was Diana Ross
night on American Idol
and I fully expected that to mean a prescription drug
haze of love would descend upon the show and everyone would be flipping feather
boas at each other and copping an attitude while making big, crazy eyes at the
camera. Alright, I didn’t’ expect it,
but I was hoping for it. It was not to
be, though, as Ms. Ross turned out to be remarkably sober and sane for a drug
addled lunatic. Go fig.
I guess the best way to do this would be to start
with a breakdown of the performances:
Brandon Rogers (a.k.a afropuff)
At
first I thought he was just going to be boring, but not wanting to disappoint,
he totally showed me up. So, I
apologize. He wasn’t boring. He was torturous, not to mention
deluded. He actually told Seacrest that
he thought he was doing f
Read more: Return
Happiness
2007-03-15 05:00:14
Happiness Originally uploaded by Monkee16. I don't usually like yellow that much, but this picture just seems so bright and happy, I can't help myself. =)
Allergies, Grape Jelly, and the Circle of Life
2007-03-16 01:20:21
Internet, I insist you distract me
Internet, I insist you
distract me! For reasons I don't fully
understand, I am desperate for cinnamon buns I don't have, I am suffering a
severe case of writer's block, I'm having allergy issues so the inside of my
nose is itchy, cracked, and bleeding, and I'm trying really hard not to think
about the fact that I have a garbage can full of dead raccoons in the
garage. Internet, this is not a good
day! And, I know what you're thinking. You're wondering why I don't just go get
some cinnamon buns, but then I would have to go outside and I would have to
pass by the garbage can and I'm just not willing to do that right now. And, I know what you're thinking now. I know you're thinking, since I've brought
it up, how about explaining why we keep the garbage cans in the garage. Well, it's to keep the raccoons out of them,
of course, you silly Internet.
I suppose I should
explain, but I don't really hav
Read more: Allergies
, Grape
, Jelly
, Circle
Purple People Eater
2007-03-16 01:19:01
Purple
People Eater Originally uploaded by Monkee16. Not entirely the effect I was going for, somehow the purple flowers turned into something of a blob, but now I've just changed my goal...this is now a picture of the THING that ATE Cincinnatti!Hmmmm..I think I need a visit from the thing that can spell Cincin(n?)at(t?)i.
And so it continues...
2007-03-17 03:02:14
Dear Cat,
Dear Cat,
I swear,
I thought you were already as weird as you could get. Stupidly, I had convinced myself that I had already witnessed all
the bizarre cat things that there were (not to mention a few unidentifiable,
bloated, grub creature things and disgruntled, senile, old people things) and
that I could safely assume it was all down hill from here. Yet, here I find myself, with a vicious
headache, trying to figure out how to get by in a house with eight cats and no
litter because somebody who shall go unnamed (YOU, you rotten little animal!)
has decided to start EATING it! Okay,
okay, I’m not going to yell. We’re just
going to talk about this very rationally and calmly. Please, tell me, why? Why
are you doing this to me? You already
demand the best food on the market. You
already go through enough food to feed a little kitty army? (And don’t think it doesn’t show. Have you seen your belly rolls lately? Yo
Testing...
2007-03-17 03:01:23
Testing
... Originally uploaded by Monkee16. How close can we get? Hey, I think I see cells. =)
Then The Owner spake these words...
2007-03-18 02:05:35
Monkee household commandments:
Monkee household commandments:
1. Thou
shalt have no other Owner
’s before me.
I get it, you don’t care about anything I say unless there’s food
involved, but let me remind you that there would be no food without me, thus
you must respect me as the giver of food and stop scratching that couch.
2. Thou
shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any
hairball. I know you consider this your
art and you leave creative arrangements around to worship (read: snack on…ewww)
later, but that’s not cool, so stop it.
3. Thou
shalt not take the name of The Owner in vain.
So stop yelling at me in the middle of the night. Haven’t you heard the story of the boy who
cried wolf? What if you really needed
something and I ignored your screeching because I thought you were
Sepia 2
2007-03-18 02:03:32
Sepia
2 Originally uploaded by Monkee16. Still playing around and testing stuff. Don't mind me...
Anomalous Monkee
2007-03-20 00:22:36
You can yell at her, bop her on the nose, chase
her around the house with a frying pan; it doesn’t faze her. She sincerely believes that you couldn’t
possibly be mad at her and she just sort of looks at you funny and comes over
to purr at you and let you scratch her behind her ears. Here she is trying to convince me that she
is ethereal and angelic.
For the most part it works, but there are some
undeniably mischievous aspects to her.
Regardless of how many and varied the assorted cat scratching devices
are, she still insists on using the door casing and leather couches to sharpen
her claws and she has no problem doing it right in front of me. She is also the mastermind of the
couch/clothes/laundry basket/bathmat peeing in this house, which as you can
imagine puts a real damper on the sweetness.
She also has a bit of a staring problem. It’s not unusual to turn around and find
that she’s been sitting behind you for God
Read more: Anomalous
, Monkee
Monstrous Monkee
2007-03-19 02:39:54
You might be thinking
that she’s obviously just annoyed at the moment and I should try again another
time. Like this, for example:
So, now that we’ve
established that she’s angry all of the time, we can talk about her other
little habit. She likes to
supervise. She is always the cat that
finds the most comfortable, central, high, or otherwise advantageous position
to survey the household and it’s occupants.
Sometimes it’s our bed:
Sometimes it’s the back
of the couch:
Sometimes she’s
blatant:
Sometimes she’s sneaky:
But not matter what is
going on or where she is, she’s always watching:
Of
course, she’s not all bad all the time.
She has a pillow right next to The Husband that she sleeps on every
night and she’ll dance like a trained bear on her back feet when she wants you
to pet her, which is a habit I ne
Read more: Monkee
Leguminous Monkee
2007-03-21 00:59:19
He always makes these cute, inquisitive sorts of
faces when he’s looking at you. Like
here for example:
He does, in fact, like to party. He’s extremely playful and often brings us
feather toys to remind us of this fact.
He’s so playful, in fact, that he actually plays
tag with The Husband. He’ll chase The
Husband from room to room and then stop and let The Husband chase him, before
flopping over on his back to wrestle.
Though I don’t have picture of it, he also loves
a good towel ride, where he’s dragged around the house like a kid in a wagon,
but on the back of a towel. Damn he’s
cute. And while it’s unrelated, I just
thought it worth mentioning that he has a deep and unrelenting love for
computers.
Of course, the best thing about Beanie is that
he’s so easy going. He’s the bravest,
friendliest, and most flexible personality in the group and, for that, everyone
Read more: Monkee
We Interrupt This Program For An American Idol Update
2007-03-22 03:23:52
First of all, can I start by saying bad, Idol, BAD
THE PERFORMANCES:
First of all, can I start by saying bad, American
Idol, BAD! British Invasion? Have you seen your motley crew of
performers? Is there any doubt that
this is a recipe for pain and suffering?
For shame, Idol, for shame.
Haley Scarnato (Tell Him) :
Darn,
I forgot her again. I don’t want to say
the she can’t dance and sing at the same time, because I wouldn’t really call
that dancing. Instead, I’ll say that
she can’t walk rhythmically and sing at the same time without getting out of
breath and disappearing behind the loud music.
So Randy says, in the end it was just alright for me, Dawg. Or, at least that’s what I thought he was
going to say. Instead he said it was
her best performance EVER which, of course, left me wondering how what, to me,
seemed like an interminably boring snoozefest can sound like a breakout
performance when yo
Read more: Program
, Update
, American Idol
Odiferous Monkee
2007-03-23 02:24:18
The thing is, SuperTed isn’t all that interested
in goodness and justice and frolicking with a polka dot subordinate. She’s much more interested in being pissy
and finicky and stashing disemboweled (toy) mice in her secret lair. As such, she’s earned the aromatic nickname
of Poopy to match her sparkling personality.
Here she is disapproving of something.
One of my favorite poopyisms (eww) is her
reaction to a sneeze. Without fail, if
she is in the room with me when I sneeze, she immediately gets up and starts
crying these pathetic little cries at me.
The first time she ever did this, I thought she was concerned. (I’m not
insane. My parents used to have a cat
that would cry and come over to check on you if you sneezed, coughed, cried, or
yelled.) It turns out, my cat is a
little less benevolent. What she’s
actually doing is complaining as she gets up and leaves the room. Huh?
How’s that for nurturing? Suck
it Mother Ther
Read more: Monkee
Voluminous Monkee
2007-03-25 01:20:23
I think what I love the most about Splotch is how
simple she is. For starters, she’s not
very bright and wears a perpetual look of innocent vacancy that is incredibly
endearing.
Also, while she took the longest to really warm
up to us, she has become very clingy and sweet. Every day as I type the posts, she is my constant companion,
sleeping on the desk next to my arm, while basking in the warm light of the
desk lamp. Even when The Husband is sitting on the couch watching Television, she
loves to sit in his lap and rest her head on his stomach. When she’s not plastered to my appendages or
The Husbands abdomen, she likes to find the exact center of the room and mark
it with her back. Even at night,
instead of cuddling in the bed or retreating to some unknown cave somewhere in
the house like the rest of the cats, she finds the middle of the floor closest
to my head and keeps it company during the night. Here she is pinpointing the middle of
Read more: Monkee
Schmooinous Monkee
2007-03-24 01:46:55
It’s a little sad because a lot of the best and
most hilarious Schmoo traits are things I don’t have pictures of. For example, one of Schmooey’s defining
characteristics is a penchant for soap smells.
Whenever I’m seated in a way that he has access to my head, he loves to
grab my scalp between his paws and rub his face in my hair, sometimes stopping
to try and bite it. (On Christmas day,
when he decided to involve my mom in this little ritual, I found it
particularly endearing.) Also, he likes
to sit on my shoulder like a parrot when I’m in the bathroom and sometimes he
will lay on his side and, grabbing his back feet with his front feet, try to
clean them. What inevitably happens though,
is that his back feet become unruly and start kicking him in the chin as he
holds them in his front paws and tries to bite them. This, of course, is fantastic and a great source of amusement on
my part. Something I do have picture of
though is one of his adorably
Read more: Monkee
Mischievous Monkee
2007-03-26 03:12:31
LittleOne got her name in the most unimaginative
and pathetic way possible. At first,
The Husband and I couldn’t decide on an appropriate name for her and while we
were deliberating we kept referring to her as “the little one.” After a couple of weeks of this, I’m sure in
some attempt to rid myself of the guilt of having this poor, nameless cat, I
decided that LittleOne was the perfect name, much like StandsWithFists or
KickingBird and gave up.
As it turned out, LittleOne is incredibly
mischievous and fun and though she never did get very big (probably because she
didn’t get great nutrition early in life), she has plenty of personality to
make up for her short stature. One of
my favorite things about her is her relationship with the boys. Unlike all of our pissy little girl cats
that just LOVE to hiss and spit at each other and the boys all day, she is a
real pistol. She’ll take on all of the
boys when they want to play and she’l
Read more: Monkee
Disastrous Monkee
2007-03-27 02:59:50
But not so much appropriate for this possessed,
satanic, devil animal with laser eyes and sharp pointy teeth.
Now it just so happens, that this particular cat
resembles a demon creature far more than a lovably spunky fish and so we had to
do away with the cutesy name and come up with something more suitable to his
personality. Naturally we named him
Fungus. Having come from a single cat
household where his only playmate was a large stuffed cow, Fungus had some
social problems that didn’t exactly endear him to the other cats.
Since he decided that the rest of the cats were
significantly more fun to wrastle with than his dumb old cow, he immediately
abandoned it and started tackling and pushing around the other cats. This went over extremely poorly and since
we’ve never been able to break him of the habit, when he’s not supervised he
has to go to jail.
This is an older picture of his cage set up, it
has si
Read more: Disastrous
, Monkee
American Idol: The Stuff of Nightmares
2007-03-29 04:11:08
The Performance Show:
The Performance Show:
It’s
American
Idol night!! Woohoo!!
Yeah!! They’re going to butcher No
Doubt songs!!! Rock On!!! Hoorah!!…Wait a minute. What? Oh, okay. They can sing songs from bands that inspired
No Doubt. Odd, but significantly less
scarring. Hehe, for a minute there
Idol, you really had me going. I’ll be
right back after I change my pants.
LaKisha Jones (Last Dance) :
Not even Gwen Stefani is immune to the
luscious boobage that is Lakisha Jones.
After informing the viewers at home that Lakisha’s performance had
gotten her all hot and bothered, she then admitted that she should be the one
asking for advice and, frankly, I couldn’t agree more. LaKisha, how do you do it? How do you come out on that stage every week
and wow us all with your tremendous, voluptuous, and heaving talents? Is there some sort of winch or pulley system
involved? Enquiring minds want
Read more: Nightmares
, American Idol
More Sepia Fun
2007-03-29 04:07:35
Sepia
3 Originally uploaded by Monkee16. Two, two, two pictures for the price of one! If I make a black and white version too, I can get three pictures out of this. It's recycling at it's finest. =)
Count Your Blessings One By One
2007-03-28 04:52:43
People of the Interweb
People of the
Interweb! I am injured! Send help!
And cinnamon rolls! Alright,
I’ve mentioned before my compulsive desire to post everyday and in the spirit
of my psychoses I now find myself sprawled on my bed, unable to use my right
arm, covered in ice, and dictating this post to The Husband. Say Hi.
“Hi.”
Naturally,
as you all know me so well, you know I will not use this power for evil. I will not, for example, say “The Husband is
a Doody-Head” and make him type it. Nor
will I say “I, The Husband, promise infinity foot rubs to my invalid wife
forever… because I am a Doody-Head.”
And I certainly won’t make him read it back to me. (Hey, will you read that back to me?)
So,
what happened, you may ask? Well, I’m
not entirely sure. It’s probably eighty-five
percent carpal tunnel, ten percent a hard life of drinking and illicit drugs,
and five percent demons and serpents.
Nothing a good bloodletting and the applicat
Read more: Blessings
They call me...Auntie Monkee.
2007-03-30 03:25:48
Height: 20 inches
Weight: 8 pounds
11 ounces
Born: March 28,
2007 at 9:51 pm
Welcome to the
world, little one.
Read more: Monkee
Normally, I'm not that kind of girl...
2007-03-31 05:35:00
Read more: Normally
Why I'm afraid of showers and septic tanks.
2007-04-02 04:03:38
Read more: afraid
What you never think of before...
2007-04-01 03:19:31
Read more: think
Make it stop!
2007-04-03 03:38:50
American Idol: What's the point anymore?
2007-04-05 04:55:56
Last week I optimistically presumed that the presence of the youthful
and exuberant Gwen Stefani was a step toward a new era i
The Performance Show
Last week I optimistically presumed that the
presence of the youthful and exuberant Gwen Stefani was a step toward a new era
in American
Idoldom, an era in which the guests are decidedly non-senile and
still in full possession of their bladder control. I am surprisingly happy to say that, with this week’s
introduction of Tony Bennett, Idol has officially given that idea the old heave
ho and thrown in a swift and powerful kick in the Depends to boot. It turns out, seeing which forgotten old
fogey the producers have plucked from the nursing home, dusted off, and sweet
talked into coming on TV to give the youngsters a giggle is at least half of
the fun of this show. So, roll down
your support hose, put your dentures in water, and let the incontinence
begin! It’s time for American Idol
!
Blake Lewis
Read more: point
It takes mad skillz...
2007-04-04 03:18:01
The Husband has an extremely annoying habit of needing to share
unpleasant information
The Husband has an
extremely annoying habit of needing to share unpleasant information. Granted, sometimes that information is
pertinent and thus, there really is no avoiding it, but while I find the
information itself unfortunate, it’s the presentation that really gets me. Say, for example, when I’m in the bathroom
and he comes to the door to share the morning updates.
The
Husband: Honey?
Me: Yeah?
The Husband: Let me know before you open the door because
I’m right outside here cleaning up a hairball.
Me: Okay.
The Husband: Oh, and Bean is sitting out here. He really wants to come in and he looks so
sad.
Me: I’ll be out soon. He’ll be fine.
The
Husband: Honey?
Out of Left Field
2007-04-06 02:43:15
Read more: Field
Nine
2007-04-07 02:24:38
Damn cats.
Damn stray cats. Damn injured
stray cats that were obviously indoor cats at one point and who have been
dumped in our yard and who are insanely sweet and calm and gentle and who
endear themselves to The Husband who gets all attached and who then show up
injured and need care and after a couple of weeks at the vet getting a tune up
find themselves suddenly and inexplicably deposited in my house. Damn cats.
And now your baby of zen…
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