Owner: Larry Leek, Cyber Geek URL:http://www.larryleek.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 01 Mar 2007 12:35:06 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Larry's blog is the only thing in the world that listens to him, his sister Miv thinks he is terminally weird and he has accidentally dyed his hair pink. How can Larry get from Planet Geek to Planet Cool without being beaten up by the class bully Lennox? Site statistics:Click here
Madcap Moll 2007-06-16 16:06:00 Miv and me finally got to meet Dad's new puppet today.Madcap
Moll is a female pirate. She is meant to be Pirate Percy's girlfriend but Dad got his measurements wrong (I take after him in the maths department). Madcap Moll is twice the size of Pirate Percy. Dad said it would be alright though. All he has to do is rewrite his Pirate Percy act.Miv said, 'What? To include a giant girlfriend?'Sometimes Miv can be very unhelpful. It was hard not to laugh though but embarrassing at the same time. Sometimes I wish Dad was a bit more normal like other Dads.I mentioned this to Mum. Then I wished I hadn't. Talk about opening the flood gates. She went on and on and on and on.She began to look a bit like Madcap Moll so I went outside to practice on my unicycle. I just made it to the washing line before I fell off.
Dangerous Sports Club 2007-06-15 14:38:00 Fat Bob must have been earwigging when Mum gave me that boring lecture on exercise yesterday. He has taken to chasing cars.Not the whole car obviously. He's not big enough. Just the wheels or rather one wheel.When Mr Hopgood left for school this morning Fat Bob set off after him. He just about made it to the end of Plover Close before he had to have a lie down under the road sign. (Fat Bob not Mr Hopgood who is a lot fitter, of course and was in a car.)I'm a bit worried about this sudden spurt of exercise. It might put a strain on his heart. So I asked Mum if she would take Fat Bob to Mr Clipper the vets to have an ECG but she refused. She can be really mean sometimes. I bet if she was having palpitations she would be straight down the doctors demanding open heart surgery.Poor Fat Bob is resigned to being a second class citizen in the Leek household. I know just how he feels. Read more:Sports
HDD (Hobby Deficit Disorder) 2007-06-14 14:39:00 Mum is insisting I get a hobby. Preferably one that involves exercise.Her exact words were, 'You need to get out more. You don't get enough exercise. You're spending too much time in front of the telly with Fat Bob.' (Tonight was the last night of Springwatch.)I know I'm not the most energetic eleven year old in the universe but it's unfair to say I need to get out more. I pointed out that I have plenty of hobbies.Mum said, 'Name them.'I said, 'Unicycling, the Cyber Freaks Club, my Nintendo.'Mum argued that the Cyber Freaks Club and Nintendo didn't count as exercise and I have barely ridden the unicycle.I know I haven't been riding it as much as I should lately but it has been raining a lot.Then Mum started suggesting hobbies. I rejected the scouts (why?), karate (tried that), football (I have two left feet).Then she said, 'For God's sake Larry, do something. When I was your age I hardly sat still.'I resisted the temptation to ask if she had ADHD. She was looking like sh Read more:Hobby
Incommunicado 2007-06-19 10:14:00 Miv and Mum are still not speaking to one another.
Fish Finger Sandwiches 2007-06-17 15:08:00 Mum and Miv had a massive argument this morning.Basically Miv didn't want to go on the bike ride with Mr Hopgood this afternoon. She wanted to go down the Rec. instead. Mum accused Miv of being selfish. This was like a red rag to a cow and Miv accused Mum of the same. Mum said it was only a bike ride. Miv said she would rather jump off a cliff. Mum said, 'No one's stopping you.'Miv would never jump off a cliff. She has inherited Mum's fear of heights. She would have to be pushed.Miv said, 'Why can't you be more like India's mum?'Mum snorted and said, 'After raising two ungrateful kids single-handedly for three long years I am entitled to let my hair down once in a while and if I wanted to bake cakes all day long I would get a job with Mr Kipling, but as it is I have no intention of staying at home while slowly climbing the walls and baking fairy cakes!'I had a strange picture in my head of Mum in climbing gear scaling the cooker hood with a whisk in one hand and a bowl tucke Read more:Sandwiches
School Uniform Shopping 2007-06-23 13:23:00 Dad has taken Pirate Percy and Madcap Moll to a two day conference on marionettes in Swindon so Mum and me went shopping this morning to get my school uniform for Wolsey High. Mum said I didn't have to come as she knows my measurements but she can remember shopping for her first proper school uniform when she was a girl and she remembers how excited she was. Mum can be really nice sometimes. We left Miv at home.I got three pairs of grey trousers, five blue polo shirts and a grey zip-up fleece with the school logo on, plus a pair of navy football shorts and t-shirt and a tracksuit for outdoor sports. Mum said we would get my school shoes and trainers nearer September.Mum bought herself a bright red dress for work. Its not the sort of boring navy or brown thing she usually wears. I hope they don't fire her when she walks into work on Monday.Then we went to Pizza Express for lunch. I had a pizza Margherita with a coke and chocolate fudge cake. Mum had a salad and coffee.Mum started talk Read more:School
, Uniform
, Shopping
Communicado 2007-06-22 14:05:00 Fat Bob and me are redundant. Our services as go betweens are no longer required. Mum and Miv are speaking again.
School Sports Day 2007-06-21 13:04:00 Today is the longest day of the year. It was also St. Clements Primary SchoolSports
Day.I am not a natural athlete. Although, you would think after years spent running home down Wolsey Road with Lennox Hardy snorting down my neck I would be a world class sprinter. Mum says I'm more a sort of intellectual. (How can you be sort of intelligent? Surely you either are or you are not?) Dad reckons I haven't discovered my niche. (Wherever or whatever that is.) Miv just says they haven't invented the sport I'm good at yet unless you count being annoying a sport. Either way I'm rubbish at games.In the 100m I came fourth in my heat. i.e. last. Lennox Hardy made it into the final but came third. Ha! Ha! Ha!Ryan Thompson won the boys 100m, the boys 200m and the boys 100m hurdles. Jammy with knobs on!Alice Noble won the girls 100m and the girls 200m. She is also a brainiac and basically brilliant at everything. Jammy with double knobs on. Except she loses points for picking her nose when she
Compulsory Gardening Club V 2007-06-26 14:30:00 Frankenstein was in a bad mood today. The rain had washed away his lettuces. He made us all scrub pots in the greenhouse again out of spite.Miv is practicing for her blue belt in karate. I can hear the thumps and crashes coming from her bedroom.The rain is having a bad effect on Fat Bob. He has had to stay indoors again today and can't get out to chase cars. He is lying on my cabin bed looking depressed. I googled 'feline mental health' into my computer but it didn't come up with much. There's no point mentioning it to Mum. Fat Bob would have to be at death's door before Mum would take him to see Mr Clipper again after the last time. I will just have to wait and see if he perks up when it stops raining.More anon. Read more:Compulsory Gardening
, Compulsory Gardening Club
Postponed Bike Ride 2007-06-24 13:38:00 Mum, me and Miv went on a bike ride with Mr Hopgood today. It was the same bike ride that was cancelled due to the rain last weekend. Mum threatened to stop Miv's pocket money if she didn't come along. So Miv agreed but only because her mobile phone needs a top up.We cycled for miles along a really boring disused railway line before we had lunch outside a pub in Buxton. I had a cheese and pickle sandwich. Miv had a cheese sandwich without the pickle. Both Mum and Mr Hopgood had a ploughman's lunch.Then Mum and Mr Hopgood decided we would take the 'scenic route' back along the country lanes and not the railway line. Personally I preferred the railway line and said so. Even if it was deadly dull it would get us back quicker. But I was outvoted by Mum and Mr Hopgood. Miv abstained because she was sulking. I don't know why Mum made her come along.Mr Hopgood can be very bossy. He hogged the map. I hope Mum was taking note. Dad was hopeless at map reading and never interfered when we w
Faggots and Tripe 2007-06-30 15:06:00 Granny Leek likes old fashioned food, things like faggots and tripe. Dad has definitely lost weight since he started living in her spare room. For tea we had liver and onions followed by rice pudding. We all sat crammed round Granny Leeks' tiny table behind the sofa in her living room with Peter the budgie scattering seed on our heads.The rice pudding wasn't as nice as Mums'. Granny Leek makes hers with real rice and puts a skin on top. I definitely prefer it out of a tin. Miv hardly touched hers.Granny Leek started to give Miv a lecture about the 'starving children in Africa' but Dad suddenly got up and said he had promised to have us back by seven o'clock. This was a big fat lie but Granny Leek didn't even notice. All she said was, 'Still dancing to Alison's tune?'Dad said, 'Leave it Mum,' in a weary kind of way. I feel sorry for him. I find Granny Leek very tiring too.On the way home Dad promised to help look for Fat Bob tomorrow which was kind of him. I asked him what G
Fat Bob is Missing 2007-06-29 14:37:00 Fat Bob didn't come home last night. He has been missing for 24 hours and 30 mins. I last saw him in Mr Purefoy's garden yesterday after tea when he ate one and a half tins of beef and heart Butchers Choice.Mum isn't too worried. She said cats often go missing for days then turn up.I said, 'But Fat Bob isn't like other cats. He wouldn't know how to survive in the wild. He has never caught anything in his life.'Mum looked as if she was going to say something but didn't.I phoned Dad but he is out with Pirate Percy and Madcap Moll at a children's party. I didn't mention Fat Bob is missing to Granny Leek. She is still calling Percy, 'Pinnochio' and Dad, 'Geppetto'.Granny Leek has invited Miv and me for tea on Saturday. It isn't her birthday or anything. That's October the 26th. Mum says it should be the 31st. I asked Mum did we have to go but she said yes.I said, 'What if Fat Bob isn't back by then?'Mum says she will phone if there is any news about Fat Bob but she is ce Read more:Missing
Summer! 2007-06-28 14:16:00 Hooray! Summer
is here! It has stopped raining!We all rushed outside at lunchtime today. No more wet play indoors. Yippee! Lennox Hardy fell over in the mud by the assault course. Ha! Ha! Ha! Alice Noble went to help him and slipped in the mud as well. Double ha! Ha! Ha! It was like a mud bath. I skidded on a patch of mud by the music mobile and got mud all over my trousers. Lennox laughed like a drain.Mrs Harboard the lollipop/dinner lady ordered us all back inside to change out of our muddy clothes and into our PE kit. Lennox stopped laughing when he realised he had forgotten his and Mrs Harboard went off to the lost property cupboard. Lennox had to sit through double maths this afternoon wearing a pair of girl's pink shorts and a polo shirt two sizes too small. Ha! Ha! Ha!Mum is in a really good mood for a change. She didn't even mind my muddy trousers. She is dusting round the house singing really old songs from the 1980s.Miv is out in the garden on my unicycle making tyre tracks
Roxy II 2007-07-04 14:31:00 I returned Mr Hopgood's Nokia today. He just said, 'Oh, thanks,' and smiled at me.I wonder what Fat Bob is doing now. It has been 6 days.
Roxy 2007-07-03 15:44:00 With all the worry of Fat Bob missing (5 days now) I have forgotten to give Mr Hopgood his phone back. When I got home from school today there was a missed call from someone called Roxy!I showed it to Miv. She hasn't been very keen on Mr Hopgood ever since the barbecue when she was banned from going to the Rec. 'Do you think it could be his mother?' I said.'Hardly with a name like Roxy,' said Miv. 'Anyway, it would say Mum obviously. Roxy is probably the name of some sad bird watching twitcher friend of his.'I could tell she wasn't really interested so I went to put the phone in my school rucksack to give back tomorrow.Why didn't I just put the phone back? Why did I have to press the call back button? It rang a couple of times then a very unmotherly woman's voice said, 'Hi babes.''Sorry. Wrong number,' I managed to squeak before I stuffed the phone down the bottom of my rucksack.And now I can't sleep for worry.If I give Mr Hopgood his phone back he will know I have calle
The Search Party 2007-07-01 15:15:00 Today started really promising. We all met (or should it be convenienced) at 1100 hours at No. 2 Plover Close. Mr Hopgood turned up just to show off to Mum how kind and caring he is (not).Once again Mr Hopgood revealed his bossy streak by organizing us into groups of two: me and Dad, Mum and Mr Hopgood (of course), Miv and her friend India who came along because she likes cats. Then we all set off in different directions to look. If we found Fat Bob we had to phone the others on their mobiles. There was a bit of a delay in setting off because Dad had forgotten his mobile. But Mr Hopgood made a big thing about lending Dad his new Nokia, showing Dad how the buttons worked and everything.At 1109 hours we set off. Mum and Mr Hopgood searched the bushes in the front gardens of Plover Close. Miv and India wandered off towards the Rec. Although, as I pointed out, Fat Bob never went that far. Me and Dad searched down Plover Close and along Wagtail Avenue and back round by Magnolia Green. There Read more:Search
, Party
No News 2007-07-08 07:52:00 Mum and Mr Hopgood have gone bird watching today. They asked me if I wanted to go with them but I wanted to stay home in case anyone came round with news of Fat Bob. Miv has gone down the Rec. with India. Mr Purefoy next door is laying down some patio slabs. It is 10 days now.
Poster Run 2007-07-07 14:54:00 Me and Miv put up the Fat Bob reward posters today. Dad took us to the Rec. this afternoon. Miv sloped off to the skateboard park as usual. I hung about with Dad and Pirate Percy but I wasn't really in the mood to play football so we went and watched the old men and their boats at the yacht pond. One of the old men recognised us and let me have a go at driving his ocean liner. It was actually harder than it looks and I steered it by accident into a little blue speed boat. The liner dragged the speed boat under water. We left at that point. The speed boat owner was looking a bit cross. I don't know why. The pond isn't that deep. All he had to do was wade in to get his boat back.It has been 9 days now since Fat Bob went missing. Read more:Poster
Reward for Fat Bob 2007-07-06 15:31:00 Miv had a really good idea today. She suggested we print posters offering a reward for knowledge of the whereabouts of Fat Bob. The most we have combined in the bank is £49.75. Obviously Fat Bob is worth more than this so we are offering my unicycle as a reward as well.It was hard to describe Fat Bob. Miv suggested, 'Missing - fat lazy smelly ginger tomcat. Answers to the name of Fat Bob. Eats 3 tins of dog food a day. Hobbies are digging holes and chasing cars. Reward if found £49.75 and a unicycle.'I have printed 10 posters. Miv and me are going to put them up around Plover Close, Wagtail Avenue and Magnolia Green tomorrow.
Roxy III 2007-07-05 13:13:00 Mr Hopgood hasn't said anything about the missed call yet. Poor Mum. Little does she know her boyfriend is a two-timing love cheat. Still no sign of Fat Bob.
Roxy IV 2007-07-12 13:03:00 Mum and Mr Hopgood have gone on a bat walk this evening. If it isn't birds it's bats. I was really glad they didn't ask me to go along. Mum said they had something important to discuss and they didn't want me or Miv 'getting in the way'. I hope this 'something important' is Mr Hopgood telling Mum he is a two-timing love cheat who already has a girlfriend called Roxy. Then Mum could do a karate kick on him. Ha! Ha! Ha!
Mistaken Identity 2007-07-11 13:38:00 Someone brought a cat round today. I was in my room. Miv answered the door.I heard a woman's voice say, 'Is this your cat? Cos if it is I'll have the money but not the unicycle. I haven't got the room.'Miv replied, 'It isn't fat enough.'I took a peek out of Mum's bedroom window. The cat wasn't even ginger. It was a tabby.It has been 13 days now.
Fleas 2007-07-15 12:40:00 The honeymoon is over. Fat Bob has fleas. He is banished to sleeping in the shed until Mum can get some flea powder. Read more:Fleas
Return of the Prodigal Cat 2007-07-14 12:57:00 Fat Bob is back!The cat flap crashed open at precisely 9.35am this morning. Mum and me were at the kitchen table eating toast. Miv was still in bed. Fat Bob sort of staggered in looking really pleased to see us. It was like a mirage. He had been gone a total of 16 days.I gave him a big hug even though he was damp and smelled like compost. Mum started cooing over him like he was a baby, saying he looked peaky. Fat Bob wolfed down a whole tin of lambs liver Butcher's Choice straight off.We got Miv out of bed and took Fat Bob down to Mr Clipper, the vets, for a check up. Mum explained how Fat Bob had been living rough for the past two weeks and how she was worried he might be malnourished. Mr Clipper checked Fat Bob's eyes and ears, felt his ribs then weighed him.'Is he very underweight?' asked Mum.What Mr Clipper said was unbloggable. But it turns out, for the first time in his short furry life, that Fat Bob is actually the right weight for his height or whatever.That visit cost Mum Read more:Return
, Prodigal
Roxy V 2007-07-13 10:59:00 Mum announced at breakfast today that we are all going on a caravan holiday to Devon with Mr Hopgood in the summer break. This was the 'something important' they had to discuss on their bat walk. Miv said she would rather go on holiday with Gordon Parks, who is the most boring nerd in her class. Mum said Miv was welcome to bring him along as it was a six berth caravan, which made Miv storm up to her room and slam the door.'What about you Larry?' said Mum. Normally Mum doesn't care what I think so it was a bit of a shock to hear her ask for my opinion. I decided not to waste the opportunity and said, 'I don't want to go on holiday with a two-timing love cheat.'Mum replied that she didn't know I felt that strongly about him but she would ask Miv not to bring Gordon Parks along.I said, 'That's not what I meant.'Mum sighed and said, 'Here we go again. What is it now? Oh, wait let me guess. Steve is having a torrid affair with Mrs Harboard?'I didn't know what 'torrid' meant
Last Post 2007-07-20 12:59:00 The last day of school! Hooray!We had a special Leavers Assembly today. The Head. gave out merit certificates for good behaviour and achievement. Alice Noble got one for being a brainiac. Ryan Thompson got one for being top at sports. I got one for my help with the Cyber Freaks Club. Mr Hopgood gave me a smarmy grin when he shook my hand.If I was the Head. I would give Lennox Hardy a certificate for being the most annoying pupil ever. I would give Frankenstein one for having the biggest rubbery earlobes and one to Mrs Harboard for having to deal with Lennox Hardy and the Year 1s on a daily basis. Some of the girls got a bit tearful in assembly. I didn't. Just think. No more work for six whole weeks! No more Compulsory Gardening Club ever! Au revoir Frankenstein! No Lennox Hardy for six weeks! Less Mr Hopgood!Talking of which, or whom, or what, Mr Hopgood came round for tea. Mum cooked my favourite: spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread and because it was a special day she let me have
School Disco 2007-07-18 14:41:00 Mum made me go to the End of Year School
Disco tonight. She knows I can't dance but she insisted and told Miv to take me there and make absolutely sure I went in.'But what about Fat Bob?' I said. 'He might pine while I'm gone. He's only been back three days.'Mum said rather callously, 'You're not Romeo. Fat Bob's not Juliet. So get down to the disco and socialise with your own species.' Then she shoved me out of the door.Ever since she has taken up karate Mum has developed a rather aggressive streak. I hope Mr Hopgood is taking note.Hardly any of the Year 6 boys were there. Ryan Thompson turned up wearing a Norwich City shirt. He reckons he's going to be a professional footballer when he grows up. Lennox Hardy made faces through the school hall window but Mrs Shap, the Reception teacher, closed the curtains. Then he tried to get past Frankenstein at the door without paying the £1 entrance fee. Frankenstein suddenly developed supersonic eyesight and grabbed Lennox's collar
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