Trash Talking the Hamster
2008-06-16 07:53:00
Generally, I'm not a super-competitive person. And while I've been feeling a little lax lately in regards to my workout routine, I've got all kinds of Big Plans to really step up my game and have '08 be The Summer I Lose The Weight. Yeah, yeah, I know I said that in '07 but my knee hurt. So anyway, I'm up in my daughter's room the other night and I look over at her hamster sprinting on its wheel
Read more: Trash
, Talking
Open Letter to 'Happy Nail' Salon
2008-06-17 20:37:00
Dear 'Happy
Nail' Technicians: Don't you guys watch Seinfeld? You know you're talking about me in Korean. I know you are. You're pretending you're not. I'm pretending not to know. But guess what - I totally do. And since I'm a paying customer, and a nice one, and I always tip well, after 15 years, I have had it. And so, Happy Nail, here is What I Would Say In Front Of You If I Knew a Lan
Read more: Letter
, Salon
Bathtub Gangsta Wardrobe Malfunction
2008-06-26 14:15:00
So the Bathtub
Gangsta
and I are hanging out, and I'm like "Dude -you gotta wear your jeans a little lower" and I go to scooch them down and.....
WHAT THE - ???????????!!!!!
No, no, no, no, no - a gangsta does not rock bikini tighty whiteys. No. Losing all kinds of street cred here.
So - I got out my Sharpie (did you ever wonder what your child would say if you were Sharpie-ing a doll's butt?
Read more: Wardrobe
Better Homes & Gardens & Hotties
2008-06-24 20:00:00
OMG. Forget the lottery. I have a brilliant magazine idea. You know how mens' motorcycle magazines, car magazines, health magazines all have bikini-clad babes sprawling about? OK - what about: womens' decorating magazines hoppin' on that bandwagon. I'm talkin' about:
Matthew in the beach house layout...
A little Marky-Mark in the living room...
and oh yeah: Prince Caspian in the kitchen
Read more: Homes
, Gardens
Marriage Math
2008-06-22 22:48:00
To my husband: Nothing to see here, Honey, just us girls talking about, you know, cramps and stuff. Move along.....Look! the U.S. Open is on!
OK. This is for all the newlywed girls out there. Remember how your fiancé was all involved and excited about helping you pick out stuff to register for? That's because he was spending other people's money. Now that you're married you need to master the 3
Bathtub Gangsta Does the Amusement Park
2008-06-19 21:42:00
By Popular Demand......
Another adventure with the Traveling Bathtub
Gangsta
.
Today we went to Dorney Park with the girls. Sunblock: check. Water bottles: check. BG: check.Hook me up yo! This ride is off the chain!
Check it. Smoked this height requirement.....
Still got room here, mamî..
.East Coast!!!!!!!!!Represent!!!!
Cotton candy is dope, G.
Editor's note: saw a few kind
Read more: Amusement
Off to the Hamptons!
2008-07-03 08:44:00
VACATION!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo! Yes, BG is coming, but he's not happy about it. He wants to go to the Jersey Shore.Hamptons are whack, yo.Anyway - he'll settle down once we hit the road. Plus, I told him Diddy has a place out there and I notice he did pack his teeny white outfit for the White Party. BUT. I just realized. What about my plants? Who's going to take care of my gorgeous plants?My pride and
You Rock!!!! Also: The UFO
2008-07-01 16:50:00
You guys - that was such an awesome Comment-a-Palooza yesterday! We hit 80 comments! I loved finding out stuff about you, and visiting your blogs and just knowing that you're really out there! I wish we could all get together for dancing and mojitos. Thank you, thank you - you may resume lurking. :) Still no comment from my Mom - though she did send me a separate email asking what "Holla" was a
HOLLA!!!!!!!!!!!
2008-06-29 20:12:00
I can't stand it anymore. I am dying of curiosity. Who ARE you guys????? I don't mean my new BBFFs (best bloggy friends forever) - the ones without whose comments I would pack up my computer and go home.....but you other guys.....the blogging community calls you "lurkers". I prefer the term "Comment-challenged Americans". My OCD-inducing widget "Sitemeter" tells me there are 120 or so of you v
Bathtub Gangsta: The Video
2008-07-27 22:00:00
BG's first fan vid. And yes, I am aware that I could be mentally unstable. Enjoy.Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com
Read more: Bathtub
, Gangsta
Jonas Brothers Concert
2008-07-26 12:55:00
Took the girls to the Jo Bros concert last night.Before concert: A little lame, but it'll be fun for them.After concert:Cougar to Joe Jonas
: RRRROWWWWRRRRRRR.
Read more: Brothers
, Concert
, Jonas Brothers
Words I Made Up
2008-07-23 23:00:00
In the grand tradition of Sniglets, "words that should be in the dictionary but aren't", I have some new additions.namenesia (naym-nee'-sha) n. The horrifying moment when you are having a conversation with an acquaintance, and a third person joins in, expecting you to introduce your friend but you've completely blanked on their name.spreeject (spree'-jekt) n. An item that gets jettisoned in the
Read more: Words
The Mind of a Guard Poodle
2008-07-22 14:35:00
0800 hours: Large, strange male in backyard. Huh. I want toast. 0900 hours: What the-???!!!!!!!!!!Holy Crap!OhOhNoOhNoNoNoNo...It Can't Be - Don't Panic. SweetJesus It's a SQUIRREL!!!!!!SQUIRREL!!!!!!God In Heaven! Get the Children!!!! SQUIRREL!!!!!Back up!!! I need Back Up!!!!!Are You Listening to me?!!!??!!!!SQUIRREL!!Why aren't you panicking.
Read more: Guard
, Poodle
The Pee Purse
2008-07-21 14:14:00
So I'm in the market for a new purse. On account of I spilled urine in mine. Don't you hate when that happens?Come on, you're saying, you're making this up. No: this would be the freak-show that is my life.I'm at the doctor yesterday and she needs a urine sample. So I know the drill...little wipette packet, plastic cup, lid, yada yada. Come out when I'm done and the nurse says to go back to the w
And the Award Goes To....
2008-07-19 07:57:00
Put on your Spanx and get yourself a spray tan because it's Award
s Time! I don't mean "love your blog" awards (love getting them, suck at the re-gifting part). These are awards I made up with design skills bordering on breathtaking. First up: The "Cringies". You know what I'm talkin' about: Any celebrity, photo or show that gives you the "douche-chills". (think presidential candidate boogying
Pervy Craft Project
2008-07-16 23:00:00
I heard on the radio that there was some big hoopla a few weeks ago over Starbucks unveiling a new version of their logo. old logo new logoNot sure why they felt the need to change the logo, I'm pretty sure that feisty little company might just make it, but anyway. This Christian group called "The Resistance" has their knickers in a twist saying the mermaid is "topless with her legs spread". Um,
Read more: Craft
, Project
Webster's Has Lost They Mind
2008-07-16 11:43:00
(The following originally appeared as a guest-post over at The McMommy Chronicles)After smugly correcting someone recently on their use of the word 'ginormous', I was informed, to my horror, that it is, in fact, now officially a word. In Webster
's. Ginormous.Fearing the worst, I surfed over to Merriam-Webster.com and typed in 'bazillion':.... Yes. Oh for the love of God. 'gazillion': Yup. 'nother'
No title
2008-07-16 03:00:00
Bathtub Gangsta Does the Hamptons
2008-07-13 11:28:00
We're back!!!!!! Turns out, the Hamptons are NOT whack. Our vacation was awesome - our weather was sunny all week...I tried to look up your weather, but "Blogosphere" isn't listed. Missed all you guys. You would think East Hampton is no place for a Bathtub
Gangsta
. Lotsa yellow sweaters. Lotsa oversized muffins. Lotsa wide eyes when my "Play That Funky Music" ringtone went off at high volume
Top 10 Things Hillary Has Time For Now
2008-08-11 21:16:00
#10. Host a Pampered Chef party #9. Read "Breaking Dawn" #8. Bling her cell phone #7. Catch up on Project Runway #6. Join Curves #5. Remove Barack from her MySpace friends #4. Scrapbook #3. Get tickets to Jonas Brothers #2. Sudoku! #1. Install spyware on Bill's computerDisclaimer to 'Anonymous' who is about to post a rude comment: This is in no way a personal or political attack against Senator C
Read more: Hillary
The Lifeguard
2008-08-10 15:57:00
Job Requirement: Be on alert every second, scanning a deep pool full of 50 or more young children of varying swimming abilities. Must be able to scan, assess and anticipate every possible situation and scenario. Full visual and mental focus on pool at all times.Job employee:Hormone-distracted teenage boy thinking about current girlfriend, Maddie, ex-girlfriend, Jessica who keeps texting him, futu
Party To-Do List
2008-08-09 09:33:00
Woo-Hoo!!! Party
tonight at my house.....TO-DO LIST#1: Chill wine & beer#2: Clean grill#3: Sweep pergola sitting area...Wait, what the-What IS that????????#5: Remove dead kamikaze bird from lattice.
Why Dooce Wishes She Was Me
2008-08-07 19:30:00
This is Dooce. For those of you who don't know, Dooce is the über-blogger. The high priestess of the personal blog genre. Attendees of the BlogHer '08 conference were "too nervous to approach her" at cocktail hour. So she gets millions (literally - millions) of hits a month and has 13,000 followers on Twitter. And she has to close her comments at 700. And she has corporate sponsors and 2 b
Read more: Wishes
I Miss U, Pluto
2008-08-06 16:00:00
It was 2 years ago today that the Solar System was all: "Pluto
, I'm just not that into you."And bam- Pluto was officially dropped as a planet. Like the Michael Anthony of the solar system. One minute you're on stage jamming with Eddie Van Halen and the next minute you've been replaced by a chubby teenager named Wolfie. Saturn: Hey, Dude.Pluto: Hey.Saturn: Sorry about the whole "downsizing" thing.
Genitalia, Part 2
2008-08-05 23:00:00
Oh. My. God. How hard did I laugh at all the comments you guys left for the Front-Butt post. (81 at last count).I would be remiss and irresponsible if I did not provide a recap, a "roll call", if you will, of all the genitalia nicknames that you have bestowed upon your kids, or that they have made up themselves. Some apparently have been passed down through the generations. For the few readers wh
The Front-Butt
2008-08-03 23:00:00
You know those parents who are all: "You need to use the proper terminology for genitalia with your kids"? Yeah, I'm not one of those parents. Because my 7-year old daughter? Over-sharer. Princess TMI. Always talking about The Junk. Her junk, other people's junk.....So to avoid the inevitable "Mommy, my vagina itches..." in the produce aisle of Stop n' Shop, we've adopted the term "front-butt",
Read more: Front
Warm & Fuzzy Weekend
2008-08-01 02:00:00
Enough with the humor. Let's have a cry. This is the sweetest, most heartwarm-alicious video. Makes me tear up Every. Single. Time. (and no-he's not going to attack them.;)Have a great weekend!
Read more: Fuzzy
, Weekend
Judgement Day
2008-07-29 22:10:00
It occurred to me recently, that if there really is going to be a "Judgement Day", the odds are I will be in my kitchen. Probably watching reality television while loading the dishwasher, eating cheese.Jesus: I'm Back.Me: HOLY-. What - now? Like, 'BACK'- back? Jesus: Yup.Me: So you're all, 'today, Wednesday July 30th, is Judgement Day'?Jesus: Why not.Me: I don't know, it's so random...I thought t
Fear of Flying
2008-08-28 11:54:00
There are people who "don't like" to fly.There are people who say "flying makes them nervous".There are people who say they "are afraid to fly". And then there's me. For me to even pass through the Revolving Door of Hell at the airport entrance, I must be so high on pharmaceuticals and alcohol that I need a "handler".I have tried flying sober. I have tried "relaxation techniques" and "positive v
Read more: Flying
MORE Words I Made Up
2008-08-26 19:35:00
To continue my quest to invent more "Words
That Should Be in the Dictionary But Aren't"..........I give you:pewblurt (pyoo'-blurt) n.A wrong word or phrase said out loud in church when everyone else is silent. Usually a result of confusing Catholic vs. Protestant "refrains" combined with unwarranted overconfidence.shrinkspiracy (shrink-speer'-a-see) n.The baffling mystery of clothes that used to
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