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The Old Explorer 2008-04-25 03:55:23 A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!" Read more:Explorer
The Laws of Golf 2008-04-25 03:53:56 LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come. (This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.)LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If o
Blind Skydiving 2008-04-25 03:50:10 A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.""But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered."But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack." Read more:Blind
, Skydiving
Baseball In Heaven 2008-04-25 03:49:09 Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond."Bob, Is that you?" Earl asked."Of course it's me," Bob replied."This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?""Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?""Tell m Read more:Heaven
Blonde Logic 2008-04-28 04:41:36 January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.November - B Read more:Blonde
, Logic
Test Tickles 2008-04-28 04:40:06 Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"
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