Owner: USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN URL:http://uselessmen.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2006 10:18:29 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Answering reader submitted questions daily since 2005.
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QUESTION # 522: PURSEHOLDITIS 2007-04-23 18:12:00 Dear Useless Men,You all seem like a group of manly males with plenty of testosterone (of course I am excluding One Useless Gal), so I ask you the question that has bothered the entire population of y-chromosome creatures: Should a man agree to hold the purse of a female companion, when asked? If so, how long can a man do that before he starts to look like a total weenie and other men start to point and stare and then laugh? Is there an antidote for the post-purse-condition? I, I mean a friend of mine, has tried beer, alcohol, and other semi-legal forms of intoxication, but the scar runs too deep. Do you have any other recommendation? My friend has now started becoming useful, doing things around the house to help out his spouse. He is starting to question ideas like going out bowling with the guys, or skipping work and seeing a ball game. Is there hope?Mr. Shrinkingballs Dear Mr. Shrinkingballs, Your friend is doomed. But who are we kidding? It’s you, isn’t it? You're doomed.
QUESTION # 527: YOU SUCK. WE BLOW. 2007-04-30 17:01:00 Dear Useless MenI recently overheard my friends 14 year old son telling my son that his girlfriend is giving him blow jobs. Should I tell my friend?Squirrel Dear SquirrelYes, you should tell your friend about their son's blow jobs. And before you think about the morals and parent/child trust issues, let me explain the reasoning here. You see, while this kid is off getting blow jobs from his girlfriend, he is most likely skipping out on jobs, chores and homework at home. There are plenty of jobs around the house he could be doing. Blow jobs and hand jobs. Teenage boys are idiots when it comes to dealing with girls, and if I can be crude for a second, boys think with their penis. So, if it means a little attention from that adorable redheaded girl, that Charlie Brown will jump at the chance. The issue is simple. Your friend’s son is being taken advantage of by a pretty smile. His girlfriend sounds like she's letting him take care of her chores, like leaf blowing the lawn and
QUESTION # 529: PASTAFARIANISM 2007-05-02 16:23:00 Dear Mr. Henderson,CC: Dear Useless MenI am a recent convert to Pastafarianism (or should I just call it Pasta to be consistent with the Rastafarian/Rasta etymology?), but will now become the first (or not, you tell me) schismatic. We could publicize this with a full-scale blog war, but you seem much too good humored and also since my readership is much, much smaller by several orders of magnitude* it would probably seem like I'm just trying to drum up readership off your funny, enlightening, and enjoyable send up of the intelligent design idiots.At any rate, I have praised the Flying Spaghetti Monster on several occasions, and recently, my life was probably saved by Her** Noodley Magnificence when a wacko religious person (not normal nice and mainstream Christian) auto sales jerk failed to fix my windshield wiper while telling me I needed to submit to men to be saved (part of the full service auto parts store experience, I am sure) after which I had to drive without a working driver
QUESTION # 528: DISHONESTY AND DISMANTLING SOCIETY 2007-05-01 14:19:00 Dear Useless Men,I discovered your blog a few days ago while looking for something entirely different on the internet. Ah, the treasures we find when we are not seeking them. You can count me as one of your newest fans. (I have also shared your address with various friends and coworkers). Your blog is a refreshing break from a busy day.I work outside DC, where craziness has made a permanent home for itself. We never know what is going to happen next. Now I can turn to Useless Men to find a sense of... reality? Well, if not reality, I can get a laugh or two, various perspectives, and, well, read some fairly well written posts.(Good writing is hard to find these days) When I learned that you are Canadian... that just added to the attraction! I did not realize that Canadian men could do anything more than drink beer and play/watch hockey! (In all fairness, the most attractive guy I have ever seen in person was from Montreal... is that still Canada? Last I heard Quebec want
QUESTION # 530: COLD CASE DETECTIVATING 2007-05-03 18:50:00 Dear Useless Men,Sometimes I happen to watch the show "Cold Case" when I'm flipping through channels. I've noticed a disturbing trend on the show lately. Say the cops question 4 to 6 suspects during the hour long show. It never fails that one of the suspects tattles on one of the other ones. Then the two detectives in the room at the time invariably say something like, "Funny how {suspect 1} didn't mention that. Looks like he had more to do with Susie's murder than we thought."Why do the "detectives" discuss their deductions about other suspects in front of the suspects they're currently questioning? Kind of defeats the purpose "detectivating", doesn't it?Your useless brother in blogging,mojotekDear Mojotek, It's elementary, my dear Mojotek. As elementary as Sherlock Holmes actually saying, "Elementary, my dear Watson". By elementary, I mean childish. You see, Cold Case is actually a show about a group of unsung heroes that are, to this day, continuously overlooked and
QUESTION # 531: WHEREFORE ART THOU, USELESS MEN? 2007-05-11 21:43:00 Dear Useless Men,You haven’t been updating your website for a while. What’s the deal?An Avid Reader,Spanky Dear Spanky,You’re really going to laugh when you hear this. In an effort to improve our Useless website, a few of us attempted some interweb tasks that were, in hindsight, far beyond our limited skill levels, and triggered an unpleasant domino effect. Another Useless Man wanted the site to have a more family friendly appeal, so went off to Nevada to find a wife. We haven’t heard from him since. Any More Useless, I’d Be A Cat thought the site would appeal to more people if we had links to porn sites on the right hand sidebar. His better half found the links he was “researching” and kicked him out of the house. With no house to live in, he also had no internet access. I, The Useless Wonder, was convinced that something bad happened to Another Useless Man and Any More Useless, I’d Be A Cat that I filed a missing persons report with the police. The police thought I kn
QUESTION # 532: FLOORING FEUD 2007-05-15 01:11:00 Dear Useless Men,I have a useless husband. He’s good at a lot of things, but since he moved into my home, I haven’t seen my garage floor in three years.How do I get him to clean this thing, short of threatening death (I already pulled the no sex card but couldn’t hold out that long) and short of just tossing all his crap to the curb. Keeping him of course.And since y’all live so close to me, are you available for hire? HELP!The NegotiatorDear Negotiator,I credit your husband in trying to ease the blow that reality is trying to deal you. It is actually extremely likely that your garage floor has indeed gone missing.Rather than cause you concern, he has opted to cover the bare ground with his own possessions to save you the trauma of the barren ground. Your withholding sex only solidified his position. He probably figured you were catching on to the absent floor and were so distraught you lost your libido. He would have responded by piling additional crap on the "floor" to fur
QUESTION # 533: OXYMORONS. EMPHASIS ON MORONS. 2007-05-20 10:39:00 Dear Useless Men,I don't get it. You claim to be useless, but you imply your usefulness with the following statement, found on your webpage: "Without your questions, we really are useless." So come clean - do you think you're being useful by answering our questions? Do ya? Sincerely, Chop BusterDear Chop Buster,Wooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Oh no, here comes the semantic police! Listen here, Buster, and listen good: You may be right I may be crazy But it just may be a lunatic You're lookin' for That's a good song, huh? It was just sort of stuck in my head. Did you know it used to be the theme song for the short lived Dave Berry sitcom? I think it starred the guy who played the Judge on Night Court. In case you don't know who Dave Berry is, you're actually banned from continuing to visit this site until you read his books, or column or, at the very least, stalk him at his Florida home. I've never be
QUESTION # 536: LOVING COFFEE LIKE A BROTHER 2007-05-11 09:21:00 Dear Useless Men,My brother laughs at my choice of coffee. I like flavoured beans like french vanilla and cream caramel and others which are really smooth and mellow and smell great. Anyway, he laughs and says my coffee sucks. Not very nice of him. I don't discourage him from drinking his battery acid blend of coffee.What is a good comeback I can give him next time he ridicules my coffee?SignedThe Sister of Bitter Coffee Man Dear Sister of Bitter Coffee Man, This little problem is not about coffee. No coffee drinker would put down another coffee no matter how wussie it is. Real coffee drinkers stick together. Unless they are drinking decaffeinated, then go to town on them. Your brother is simply trying to reach out to you in the only way boys know how. They make fun. He is pouring out his soul like a steaming cup-o-joe, and he's hoping you'll take a sip. Sounds creepy? You're right, but that's boys for you. If I were to give you a snappy comeback, and I have a few doozies,
QUESTION # 535: SPACE CATAPULTS 2007-05-10 09:41:00 Dear Useless Men,I know they used to send monkeys and such into space. I heard they were sending plants too for testing this and that. My boyfriend is a couch potato. Do you think they'd accept him for their testing, or something? I don't think he'd actually notice as long as they left him holding the remote.Bored GirlfriendDear Bored Girlfriend,As I understand it (which tells you something right off the bat), NASA puts its Astronauts through a rigorous training process to determine if they are fit for space travel, space work, and space relaxation.The space madness levels in the blood must register below 100 ppm, unless the rest of the crew is equipped with shotguns. If NASA can offset the weight of the boom sticks, then Space madness levels are permitted to exceed even 1000 ppm.All Astronauts must hold their FAC, and receive at least 8 hours of shotgun training, firing upon Zombies in a highly guarded zero gravity facility, which may or may not be located in Roswell, New Mexico. Y
QUESTION # 534: THINKING BLOGGER AWARD 2007-05-09 09:17:00 Dear Useless Men, Congratulations, you have been nominated for a thinking blogger award!ilyaDear ilya, In the words of many an Actor or Actress (or is it just Actors for both now? ( Political correctness will be the death of me.)) Let's start over, in the words of many a Performer, "It is an honour just to be nominated." To most people that statement is a load of crap, but I find it delicious that we would even be considered for such a prestigious award as the "Thinking Blogger". The irony about the "Thinking Blogger" award is that we clearly put no thought into our advice. It is mind boggling, some of the stuff we write. I mean, we go off on such tangents that readers are bound to be thinking, "What ..?" and be left pondering the response for days. The amount of time people must have wasted thinking on our responses must be incredible. "What were you thinking?" is heard more often than not, and the answer is always the same: we weren't. There is nothing more useful than a
QUESTION # 539: PERILOUS PHOTOGRAPHY 2007-05-16 11:55:00 Dear Useless Men,I know at least one of you is a photo taking guy, what are some tips for those of us who are getting out there scaring people with digital cameras of our own? For instance, how do you get a really good photo of a building compared to one that is just okay? Don't just fluff me off on this one, let's have something slightly useful with the fluff.Just to keep everyone guessing.Signed,She Who Must Take PhotographsDear Photographer,Being the photo-taking guy in question, I guess this one will fall to me. Luckily, the randomizer actually dumped it on me. I'm beginning to wonder just how random the blasted thing is? Then again, it is a useless creation, so this isn't too shocking in the end.As for tips, I can offer a few. First off, if you are serious about the "getting out there and scaring people with digital cameras of (your) own" statement, then a few simple tricks will maximize your effectiveness. First off, never underestimate the effect of spontaneity on your
QUESTION # 538: FIRST HOME BUYER 2007-05-15 10:10:00 Dear Useless Ones,Do you have any advice for a first time home owner who can't find a home? I have been looking for a house or condo and I am confused. One condo is missing an oven and has a funny smell, but it is affordably priced. One house is sooo cute but it is next to a Little League Diamond and baseballs hit the back porch all summer. Another condo has skylights and I would have to stand on a ladder with an extended feather duster just to get rid of the cobwebs.Why can't I find the perfect home!?Thank you,Ms Looking for a Mortgage in All the Wrong PlacesDear Looking for a Mortgage in All the Wrong Places, If I understand you correctly, you are not buying the house next to the Little League Diamond? Great! That house sounds like my perfect home. Let me be clear that I think this house is perfect, not because it is soooo cute, but it will satisfy my need for free season tickets to a sporting event. I looked at a house next to a Little League Soccer field, but the violence
QUESTION # 537: I FORGOT 2007-05-14 13:37:00 Dear Useless Men, I forgot the question I was going to ask. So how about you just come up with something and pretend that was the brilliant question I was going to ask you before I forgot what I was going to ask you. Thanks, Goblins Ate My Brain.Dear Goblins Ate My Brain, Thanks for your question. Why would you think we would have a brilliant question of our own? We give advice, not questions. The closest we could do is some questionable advice.Something like, “When chainsawing a boat dock, make sure you stand on the side that is still attached to land.” In and of itself, the advice is accurate. Why you would ever chainsaw a dock, that is what’s questionable. Why One Useless Brother didn’t heed that advice is just unknown. But it lead to this other pearl of wisdom, “It’s always harder to restart a chainsaw after its been under water.”The fact that you actually forgot your question but still went ahead and sent us a question, means that you are good at substitution.
QUESTION # 541: LET MY BOYS BE FREE 2007-05-18 11:14:00 Dear Useless Men,Now that summer time is on its way up, when is it socially acceptable to start wearing my Speedo bathing suite again on a daily basis? It makes my boys ride a little higher than they are used to so I am going around half cocked all the time. I think they passed some laws about this in Canada, so I thought I would ask someone who might know.Thanks.Your nutty buddy friend:SpeedoDear Nutty Buddy,I think the answer to this is highly contingent on how you intend to wear said “speedo”. If you are looking at wearing it instead of underwear, in order to take advantage of any unannounced pool-type opportunities, then I applaud your zeal and foresight. If, on the other hand, you are referring to parading around in naught else but said “speedo”, I would be less ready to support your choice.It's not that I have anything against Speedo, but many people just can't pull of the fashion requirements that go along with these items. I have seen several of them in my neighbo
QUESTION # 540: AL GORE-GEOUS 2007-05-17 14:03:00 Dear Useless Men,As that amazing woman who comments here, Laura, said. "You could interview the Al Gore clone next. The new clone went environmental when the political clone didn't work out." Well, could you interview Al Gore? Is he making more money and/ or more fame as a politician or an environmentalist? Have they made him into an action figure yet? Is he going to replace the old Ken doll and have an affair with Barbie then leave her to be a single Mother when he starts his next career, whatever that might be now that he's done politics and the environment. Maybe he wants to break into the movie industry?LauraDear Laura,I opened a fortune cookie and this fell out!Despite the fact that Gore-san and I are best buddies, (we served together in the Eggo wars of '46), he didn't actually get back to me on this one. Which, while a shame, does give us freedom to do what we, as men, love to do, almost as much as grunting inaudible responses to stupid questions like, "Help! My hair's st
QUESTION # 544: RED LIGHT DISTRICT 2007-06-20 14:13:00 Dear Useless Men,Why are we supposed to stop for red lights? Red is the colour of passion, speedy cars and excess in general. Wave a red flag in front of a bull and see how much stoppage you get.LauraDear Laura,We have to stop at red lights because passion is dead. Or so it seems. In this fast paced, high stakes world of ours, people no longer have time for passion and love. In an effort to curb this trend, The World Heritage Organization invented traffic lights and distributed them worldwide. The idea is that green means go because green symbolizes a broader sense of life. Go forth, life and love is an open road ready to be explored. Yellow is a cautionary step put in as harmony through conflict. Do I go or do I stop? It's a delicate balance that speaks volumes of the individual driver. The yellow traffic light can be a good measure for deciding how you feel towards the driver. If a driver runs the yellow, they have a lust for life, but may be too hasty or rash. If the dr
QUESTION # 543: GRILLING YOUR WAY TO SAFETY 2007-05-23 08:16:00 Dear Useless Confederation,I'd like to ask a question that I'm sure will be something most readers have been wondering about. Can you tell us some creative ways to discourage tail-gaters while driving? ...You know, things that don't require injury or time behind bars for road rage...Thanks for driving!Mr. IncredulousDear Mr Incredulous,Tailgating is one of those horrible, horrible crimes against humanity that ruins a perfectly good word for the rest of the world. There was a time, a blissful and peaceful time, in the not too distant past, when to tailgate meant beverages and food cooked and eaten out of the back of a vehicle. Usually this took place before a sporting event or concert and would attract many other like-minded folk in a veritable swarm of culinary and alcoholic delight. A person could invariably attend a tailgate party and have a better time than at the actual event which followed.These days are a much darker time though. That sweet, sweet word that once made us fa
QUESTION # 542: ONE WOMAN LAUGHING 2007-05-22 11:08:00 Dear Useless Men,Is it really pathetic when a person who lives alone talks to herself AND laughs at her own jokes?Signed,She Who Does Not Do ThatDear She Who Does Not Do That,A wise man once said, “He that laughs last takes longest to get the joke.” I’ll wait while you think about that….Now, you get it.The problem with living alone is not pathos, but insanity really. But insanity does not beset a person alone. It’s only once you’ve got someone around you that you become insane.For example, let’s say you like to vacuum naked at 4AM. Nothing wrong with that when you live on your own. But after you get a roommate or spouse or neighbour, they wake up to the vacuuming at 4AM, see you in the nude, and shout, “You’re INSANE!”At which point, you are. Not to mention, if you actually vacuumed at 4AM in the nude, it would be safe to assume you are probably pathetic as well.Other activities that may lead to the Insanity response include:Playing bongo drums while drunkSheep farm
QUESTION # 546: IF IT'S FREE, IT'S FOR ME 2007-06-26 15:49:00 Dear Useless Men,I added your blog and my own to youmob and it shows clicks on the youmob site. The traffic from this site doesn't seem to be showing up on my counter. Funny about that. Might be interesting. At least it's free. :) LauraDear Laura, You again. I can’t seem to find a question in your question. Funny about THAT. Now you’ve got me thinking, which is not my strong suit. Am I so utterly useless that I’ve missed your question, implied or otherwise, completely? Or, did you forget to ask a question?I figure it’s the first one, as I can’t quite figure out what you’re rambling about. I know you’re not really rambling in the classic sense of the word, because your email is so short, but I couldn’t think of a better word to use. Our trademarked Advice Randomizer doesn’t filter out personal email very well. Who knows whom you may have wanted to send this to. Not wanting to pass blame, I will still address your submission.Your math equation baffles me. Yo
QUESTION # 545: MOST WANTED A-LISTERS 2007-06-26 13:56:00 Dear Useless Men, I went to one of those blog traffic ranking websites and it says I have an A-list blog. As nice as that is, what does it actually mean? Signed, Blog Goddess, I GuessDear Blog goddess, I guess, It is very well known in the “industry” that “A-list” actors are “wanted” “Wanted” by directors, producers, marketers, paparazzi, rehab clinics, and let’s not forget the general audiences as well. It’s not always good to be “wanted”. Consider those “wanted” posters. Criminals of the old west were yesteryears celebrities. Their pictures were posted all over the country, and the more popular they were, the more audience their pictures would reach. That is a marketer’s envy, and why Western movies win a lot of awards at Oscar time, like Dances With Wolves, Unforgiven, and Brokeback Mountain.Criminals were on the run, afraid of being recognized by the authorities and prying eyes of the general populations, just as today’s top celebs will build hu
QUESTION # 549: IT'S A BLOGGER'S CHOICE 2007-05-31 16:23:00 Dear Useless Men, I've voted for your blog in the Hottest Daddy Blogger category. You all have cool personality!I'm also a dad (of 2) blogging at i Thought, therefore i Blog. I'm on a personal quest to climb up the Technorati top 100 most favourited blogs and I request your help to fave my blog. i'll reciprocate your fave. (related post)If you are interested to exchange links, or any other kinds of blog collaborations, I'm open to these ideas too.I don't blog about fatherhood or about my children, but if you want to nominate my blog as the Hottest Daddy Blogger or any other category, I'm totally cool with it! cheers!betshopboyDear Betshopboy, Is Bloggers Choice still going on? The speed of the internet be damned, I thought that was already over. Consider yourself faved!…Okay, you caught me. I have no idea what faveing is. I didn’t fave anything. I didn’t even read your links... I'm sorry.A fan of Useless Advice from Useless Men listed us in the Hottest Daddy catego
QUESTION # 548: SHOULD I BE COMMITTED 2007-05-29 21:33:00 Dear Useless Men,I have a hunting question to ask. Now you may say that we women are needy, clingy, and marriage driven.but not I. I am one of the independent kind. You see, I have been with this guy for three years. Great guy, gorgeous, sexy blah, blah, blah. oh and good in bed. Anyway, recently we just decided to move in together and he has been bugging me about one thing. What is that one thing you ask? MARRIAGE!!!! I love him, I love his company, I love the sex..but I was married before, and I am not interested in doing it again. (no crazy baggage.I just would never get married again). He won’t drop the subject. He understands my reasoning, he respects it, but he still wants to get married. So ??. what do I do to get the point across. I am afraid if he pushes me for marriage I am simply going to end the whole thing and I don’t really want to break things up.Thanks for your useless advice.-In denial Woman.Dear In Denial Woman,Congratulations on taking a stand agains
QUESTION # 547: BIODEGRADABLE REASONING 2007-05-29 15:30:00 Dear Useless Men,Yeah, I just wondered about that photo you printed on 4/11 with all the urinals featuring the cardboard "Out of order" signs. Won't the cardboard get wet? And once that happens, NOBODY will be able to read them. Follow-up question: Are those cardboard signs... Bio-degradable?Mr. IncredulousDear Mr. Incredulous, While I would like to claim that the photo was just a ruse that was set up for our use on the Useless website, the fact is, I had to go pee, and there was no urinal available. Fortunately, the sinks were in perfect working order.Clearly the signs won’t get wet because the urinals are “Out Of Order”. The whole sign in the urinal idea is completely male! I suspect that the man that is in charge of fixing the broken urinals went through a very manly process of reasoning. 1) The urinals don’t work, so people will need to know. Put up a sign.2) Putting sign on door of washroom, unnecessary. What if a man just needs to wash his hands? Put sign on urina
QUESTION # 553: CARPENTRY CONUNDRUM 2007-07-05 21:39:00 Dear Useless Men,Maybe you have covered this before - Still, I'm asking... I have a friend who was making a beautiful cabinet. While putting a final piece on a screw broke off. He went into a fit of rage, took the board out back and destroyed it with an ax. Then he made whole new board and finished the piece.Why didn't he just destroy the screw?Puzzled ObserverDear Non-Carpenter Type Person,It is apparent that you never took shop class when you were younger. The first rule when making a project is that if a component of said project causes you trouble, it is to be destroyed and replaced with a more docile replacement. This is often misinterpreted by non-professionals, or the uninformed, as an act of aggression, of rage on the behalf of the carpenter, when it is actually a public service. What many do not know is that it is completely possible to have a bad piece of furniture. I'm not talking about those red velvet love seats our family had back in the seventies, nor am I trying
QUESTION # 552: ONE DEGREE OF STALKER 2007-07-05 09:21:00 Dear Useless Men,My friends and I were playing six degrees of Kevin Bacon. Who is the biggest celebrity you have ever met? Do you have photographic proof?One Degree From KevinDear One Degree From Kevin, In the summer of 1985, sitting in a sticky movie theatre watching Back to The Future, I developed a typical 10-year-old crush on Marty McFly’s girlfriend, Jennifer.At that moment the goal was set – I had to meet Jennifer – someday. As my crush developed further, my walls filled with more and more posters and magazine cutouts of her. My parents were slightly concerned, trying to get me interested in other things, like building bordellos out of Lego, knitting, and getting my driver’s license.Getting my driver’s license was an exciting time. I started to think that maybe Jennifer loved Marty because of the cool car he drove. Maybe she could love me too! So I saved every nickel I could* and bought myself some stainless steel Jennifer bait. With my Delorean I knew I couldn
QUESTION # 551: PSITTACINE PLAYTHINGS 2007-07-03 21:40:00 Dear Useless Men,I have a young Eclectus parrot named Tiki. I am a poor college student and can't afford to give him many toys. He manages to tear up his new toys in a few days. If I give him a more durable toy, say a plastic one, he won't play with it. What toy do you give a bird that he will actually play with and won't tear up in a couple of days?Oh, and your useless advice fills my day with joy.Signed,Puzzled Parrot ParentDear Puzzled Parrot Parent,That will teach you to take on the responsibility of a pet when still trying to take care of your self. Since you've obviously grown attached to this destructive beast, we shall have to figure out a solution. My best guess, being a parrot whisperer and all, is that your poor Eclectus is bored. Shredding his toys give him a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that an indestructible toy just can't provide. This is why he tires of the hard plastic ones so quickly, as they probably just sit there and take abuse like a new gro
QUESTION # 550: USELESS MEN, WHERE ARE YOU? 2007-07-03 13:30:00 Dear Useless Men,Where in blazes are you guys? You'll notice that is also in the form of a question. Don't make me come out to Hamilton! (The lake probably really stinks this time of year out there.) :PDon’t make me do itDear Don’t Make Me Do It, And welcome back to you too, I think… It is nice to know that someone wants us, even if it is slightly threatening and makes me a little afraid. But to answer your question, we are in Hamilton. But you already knew that. The lake smells fine as long as you don’t go in or near it. Most people stay up on the mountain where it is cooler. Calling our escarpment “The Mountain” is really kind of cool. I think it makes those Upper Hamiltonians feel more uppity. Of course, when I had some friends up (or is it down) from Denver, Colorado, they asked me where the mountain was. I told them we were on it, and they just laughed. It’s not much more than an embankment, but it is ours and it is on rock, so it’s our mountain to climb
QUESTION # 555: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS GET USEFUL 2007-07-10 13:16:00 Dear Useless Men,I am very worried about a friend of mine. He is a really nice guy, he listens, advices, likes shopping, hates soccer, knows how to dress, uses facial creams, etc. Recently, he left his girlfriend because he needed to sort out his life, learn to live alone and grow workwise before sharing himself with someone else. What bothers me is that that is something I thought only us girls were allowed to do. That's our thing, right? Guys don't do that! They are supposed to act distant so that we think there's something wrong, not to give reasons that make us unable to hate them! Maybe there's something wrong with him? Or maybe it's true what they say and the difference between a metrosexual and a homosexual are only two gintonics?Thank you!Love,Better Drink WhiskeyDear Better Drink Whiskey,Thanks for the love! We may be Useless, but we are also emotional beings sensitive to the needs of those around us. With all the giving we do, it's great to get some love in return! Now
QUESTION # 554: EMPLOYING ENTERTAINMENT 2007-07-08 21:42:00 Dear Useless Men,I hate my job. I am paid well, so can you help me to come up with some coping mechanisms to hate my job...and my co-workers a little less?Love,The woman with the life being sucked out of her, stomped all over, mashed up, and stomped to the ground into a pulp like form.Dear Ms. Woman with the life being sucked out of her, stomped all over, mashed up, and stomped to the ground into a pulp like form,Many would suggest drinking on the job as a good antidote to job dissatisfaction. I can't tell you strongly enough that this is a terrible idea. Not only is there the legal mumbo jumbo that goes with working while intoxicated, there is the far less publicized problem of getting your work done while the legions of co-workers come by for a quick nip of their own. You'll end up playing bartender all day instead of doing your job. This is even more depressing if you are already a bartender, as it will only reinforce the woe you currently feel.I would suggest you search out t
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