Owner: USELESS ADVICE FROM USELESS MEN URL:http://uselessmen.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2006 10:18:29 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Answering reader submitted questions daily since 2005.
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QUESTION # 450: SHAVE AND A HAIR CUT 2007-01-10 17:20:00 Dear Useless MenWhat is the best season to shave ones head bald. I have noticed my hairline moving back faster than a platoon of French army men and don't want to do the comb forward thing. It's gone and I except it, but would it be better to shave it off now or wait until spring, I can wear winter hats for now to cover my lost manhood.Thanks, Follicley Challenged Dear Follicley Challenged (sic), Losing hair is not a loss of manhood. In fact, hair loss is your body's way of showing it is all grown up. You should accept it, embrace this change, not ignore it, or except it. As for the shave, the timing is relative to the French. Take my head shave experience. I went to a quality hair cutter in the local Wal-Mart. I ordered a #1 Caesar haircut. It is a very basic haircut, shaved around the back and sides with a little extra length on top. Imagine Joey from the early Friends episodes. Now put him in a toga, holding a salad, and crying from the knife in his back from Brutus, t
QUESTION # 449: NEW YEAR, NEW SCREW UPS 2007-01-09 16:23:00 Dear Useless Men, Since it is now 2007 is it ok to forget all of the screw ups of 2006 and start all over? PhillipDear Phillip, No, it is not okay. To forget the past is to something the future. I forget. Anyway, the point is that we learn from our experiences and if we forget them, we haven't learned a darn thing. All the mistakes, the inaccuracies, and the blunders of years gone by meld together to form the person that we are today. If not for your parents, and those screw-ups, you'd be a much different person. A better person, really.What the human race strives to do is become better. When we compete against the losers that came before us, we create bigger and better things that improve not only our own quality of life, but others, too.We create and invent things that make work, and our daily lives easier. Work becomes a small chore, and chores become tasks. Easy! And who doesn't like easy? I know you do. By the tone you've implied in your question I believe you'd rather for
QUESTION # 448: Y 2007-01-08 17:36:00 Dear Useless Men, I thought your answer to "Signal the Useless Gal" sucked. Could you try and be a bit more useless? Anyway, I have a question. The Letter Y? All alone with nothing to do... Dear All alone with nothing to do..., Well, thank you for reading our archives. You must really like us. I read the post you referred to and personally I found the answer to be very useless. But to each their own, I guess. If it wasn't useless to you, then perhaps you learned something useful. Which will likely turn out to be useless anyway. So it's a win/win situation for you...But on to your question: The Letter Y?When the alphabet was invented by the cave men, there was no letter Y. And there was no need for one until the Industrial Revolution took place in 1913, or thereabouts. People worked on their own, either on little farms or from their homes. But when the Industrial Revolution began, there was a need for people to work in the big factories. Working at home had advantages. The main adva
QUESTION # 451: RATED R 2007-01-11 20:13:00 Dear Useless Men,I recently scripted a letter to my vagina, and one of the concerns I brought up had me thinking - are you men being honest when you tell us how tight our naughty bits are, namely when you blow your loads two strokes in, or just trying to cover for your own shortcomings?DebraDear Debra,Oh my goodness. Mothers, put the kiddies to bed. I didn't even know we answered questions like this. And my, this one's a toughie. Are women just insecure, or are all men liars? I decided that the only way to really get to the bottom of this was to ask the vagina itself. So I picked up the yellow pages and gave a call to that vast and mystical profession of lore, that conjurer of secrets and informer of the ignorant: the vagina whisperer. With a recorder in one hand, and forceps in the other, she divined not only the answer to the question you asked us, but the whole suite of them included in your letter as well. So without further ado, I give you: The Vagina Dialogue. Vagina:
QUESTION # 452: WHO IS NICHOLAS HELLEN 2007-01-12 18:21:00 Dear Useless Men,Is Nicholas Hellen actually human?Friendly SuperwomanDear Friendly Superwoman,I had no idea who or what Nicholas Hellen was until I went into my research department and solicited an answer. By research department, I mean Google. And by solicit, I mean Press Enter.Based solely on the Google results, Nicholas Hellen could be a Girl With a One Track Mind. Maybe Nicholas Hellen is really Hellen Nicholas, and this was just some coy pseudonym to defer people from finding him/her.But a little extra investigating was in order, and I found an email address for Mr. Hellen/Ms. Nicholas. I sent one off, with your question, hoping to get to the bottom of the problem.As it turns out, at the time of writing this answer, I had not received a reply. This is KEY EVIDENCE in finding your answer. And the answer is: Human.While I can't prove concrete evidence at this time, (I've posted photographers outside the subject's alleged work place ready to pounce like paparazzi should the su
QUESTION # 453: COPING WITH CHOCOLATE 2007-01-15 15:46:00 Dear Useless Men,Do you do anything special for your wife when she's crampy at that time of the month or is it special enough just to stay out of her way?Curious and Twisted SisterDear Curious and Twisted Sister,I'll tell you what you don't do. I remembering a time when I had a really bad leg cramp, and I made it go away by punching and kneading the muscle. I decided to help my wife get through her cramps. I can tell you that it worked... sort of. When I woke up several days later, the cramps were gone, as was my ability to urinate while standing up.Another time, I made the mistake of bringing home some flowers and candy. This proved to be a grievous error on my part, as the flowers implied that I had done something wrong, and the candy I offered was refused with force because I was trying to make her fat. I wasted $50.00, and realized I should have spent it on the case of beer and nice steaks that I initially wanted to get to help me survive this run of time.Really, there is
QUESTION # 454: MOST EVIL, WICKED AND MEAN WOMEN 2007-01-16 15:55:00 Dear Useless Men,I know this is a question for the Useless Men...Who is the most evil, wicked and mean villainess (female) of all time, real and fictional?Just Plain WickedDear Just Plain Wicked,Condoleeza Rice. Ha ha! Make sure to tip your waiters and waitresses. No, seriously though, the worst villainess, eh? I'd like to say Cruella Deville because she was quite the horrible human being, but she only really treaded in the comfortably non-taxing bounds of normal evil. Killing puppies for a coat? That's practically Chapter 2 in the Evil Handbook, right after the one titled, "Death Island; Why You Can't Go Wrong Building Your Secret Lair Here." Then there's always Ursula, (she ate those poor squirming little things alive!), Mrs. Beagley from DuckTales, Mystique, Rita from Power Rangers, the Ice Queen in Narnia, and Maleficent, the evil queen from Snow White. I, however, am going to have to throw my vote towards the Wicked Stepmother from Cinderella. See, in the Bible it say
QUESTION # 455: WINGED TO THE OUTER LIMITS 2007-01-17 18:13:00 Dear Useless Men,You know the Space Station? How did the astronauts get in there in the first place? Where is the rocket they took to land them there? All these space shuttle crashes seem to be occurring because they have to keep sending supplies and crap up there to the astronauts. Can they not just come back? And what are they doing up there anyway.Curiously yours,LizDear Liz,Yes, I know the International Space Station. Built in orbit around earth, it is a joint project between USA, Japan, Canada, Russia and Europe. It weighs half a million pounds, and has 15,000 cubic ft of living space, which is home to three astronauts. Power comes from a large array of solar panels, and it can orbit the earth in about an hour and a half.All lies."But," you ask, "if all this information is false, then what secret is so important that this web of deception need be so intricate and believable?"It is true that the space station is home to three living beings, but they aren't astronauts. In fact, the
QUESTION # 456: HOARY HOAR WHORE 2007-01-18 16:47:00 Dear Useless Men,I love all the useless men…does that make me a hoar? Thanks ,Heidi Ho ho hoDear Heidi Ho ho ho, I think sometimes that people can develop their own useless advice, with just a little direction. While I'm not trying to put myself out of work, or questions, I want to help direct you, Heidi Ho ho ho to look into your question a little deeper, and you'll find the answer that you probably already knew, deep down inside.It's difficult for me to determine if you are a hoar or not. It depends on what you mean by hoar. And there are three possible answers.If you are a hoar, as a noun, which is a person, place, or thing, then Webster's (the dictionary, not the Emmanuel Lewis Fan Club) would tell you that you are "ice crystals forming a white deposit (especially on objects outside). So, if you love a lot of men on outside objects, would you say that the white deposit that forms is made of ice crystals? If yes, then you are a hoar. If no, continue reading.Hoar is
QUESTION # 457: COMB FLY AWAY 2007-01-19 16:04:00 Dear Useless Men, How do you tell a man his comb over really isn't all that attractive? If He Flaps Enough Will He Fly Away Dear If He Flaps Enough Will He Fly Away, There are several ways to tell a man that comb overs aren't attractive. 1) You could get drunk and then say something like "Your comb over makes you look stupid". Of course you will want to slur your words a lot more. 2) You could just tell him over a coffee or something. Men appreciate honesty. And a chance to cry uncontrollably. 3) You could cut all the hair off the top of your own head and comb the sides over. It should give him a hint of what his comb over looks like. 4) You could leave other subtle hints like mentioning that so-and-so has a comb over and laugh really loud. And long. Loud and Long. Still laughing… 5) You could bring your girlfriends over and have them all laugh at his comb over. 6) You could take him to a horse race track and tell him that his hair looks just like the comb overs on the horses.
QUESTION # 458: SPOTTY THINKING 2007-01-22 19:25:00 Dear Useless Men,What do men think about when they aren't thinking about the standard things like beer/ food, sex, cars/ machinery, sex, big toys and sex.Brain Cells to Spare Dear Brain Cells to Spare, You ask a very thought-provoking question. Unfortunately, I couldn't give it the thought it deserves because, as a man, I think about sex every 7 seconds. You throw in beer, cars and European extreme metal bands, and I'm lucky to remember my wife's birthday, our anniversary, and to take out the garbage. I don't, by the way. I"m very unlucky. You're probably thinking, "What about all those inventors and great historical philosophers and such?" Well, they were all mentally challenged. They actually accomplished things and made stuff that we all use everyday. I can't think of anything offhand, but you get what I'm saying. There are times when men get a chance to do some serious thinking. I have my own special "Thinking Spot" myself, where I ponder thoughts
QUESTION # 459: HEY! LOOK AT ME! 2007-01-23 14:41:00 Dear Useless Men,What are your suggestions for handling unwanted attention from a man? (If you were a woman, not a guy who can tell another guy to eff off, kick in him the jewels or use pepper spray and other such things without being afraid of having them taken away and used against yourself) how would you handle a guy who manhandles you, holds your hand and won't let it go and won't leave until you finally say he can phone you and come over again? This all takes place in your own home, by the way, no one is home but you.Home AloneDear Home Alone,You didn't really specify what kind of attention you are receiving. The actions of this man should dictate your reaction. If he's doing things like yard work and car washing for you, I suggest you play stand-off-ish with him, in order to get some stuff around the house done. When you get through the list of simple tasks, you can have him do things like roof your house or dig a swimming pool. When these big jobs come up, and he begins
QUESTION # 460: READ 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM 2007-01-24 17:47:00 Dear Useless Men,Should your blog have a warning for children not to read it? What do the hamsters who really run the site say about that?Bee BonnettDear Bee Bonnett,Ha, ha. Children? Reading? Apparently someone has forgotten what Dora the Explorer, Go Diego Go, Blue's Clues, Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends, Yu-Gi-Oh, Avatar the Last Airbender, Code Lyoko, Ben Ten, The Xs, the Fairly Oddparents, and Spongebob Squarepants are for. We have them specifically so children stop going around reading things, which is always for adults only! Why, it's the only code we have to keep things from them. Can you imagine how awkward it would be if children could read (an by extension, spell)? You'd be all like, "Hey, where should we hide the b-o-d-y?" And those little snots would be all like, "I'm calling 911!" In our case, however, we'll make an exception. In fact, we're just about to undergo a series of renovations which will install us in a younger crowd. There's a sign hangi
QUESTION # 461: TINY APARTMENT, HUGE TV 2007-01-25 20:24:00 Dear Useless Men,
I'm buying a new TV for my tiny apartment. What would the Useless Men suggest? I don't want a big screen monster - someone has to move this thing down the stairs (like some other useless man so you should have some sympathy for him). I'm thinking to get either an RCA which is a brand name I know and it does seem to have the clearest picture. Or, some other brand I've never heard of which isn't as great a picture but it comes with a DVD player built in. Not that I have any DVD's but I'm sure I can find a video rental place in downtown Toronto.
Not Quite Yet Famous Enough to Be On TV Myself But I Can Watch It.
Dear Not Quite Yet Famous Enough to Be On TV Myself But I Can Watch It,
Just to clarify things, we don't have any sympathy for other Useless Men who have to struggle moving stuff. In fact, the thought of someone else hurting themselves like we've been hurt makes us very happy.
As to the TV question, who knows? Well, I didn't know until I did some resea
QUESTION # 462: TRADEMARKED ADVICE RANDOMIZER 2007-01-26 20:45:00 Dear Useless Men,
How do you decide which Useless Man answers each question? Is it truly random or do you each have specialties?
Random Questionizer
Dear Random Questionizer,
As many of our long time readers know, it is the job of our trademarked Advice Randomizer to collect and distribute the questions we receive in an orderly fashion so that they can sit for weeks in an inbox filled with Read more:ADVICE
QUESTION # 463: LONG AND SHORT OF IT 2007-01-29 22:03:00 Dear Useless Men,Do you read really long blog posts or do you prefer short snappy ones?My Name is Too Long to PostDear My Name Is Too Long To Post,What we Useless Men read, and what we prefer, are two entirely different animals. On one hand, we are offering a wonderful free service to our readers, and as such, we make every effort to read through all questions received, no matter how long or boring or absurd they might be. Now, it's important our "customers" appreciate this, as reading is not one of our strong points.On the other hand, we are men (mostly) so short and snappy is a surefire way to keep our attention. Even long blogs which include detailed, fully illustrated instructions on how to hold a successful wet t-shirt contest will eventually get boring: Beer and boobs only go so far. Things that intrude upon our concentration include tanks, hunting rifles, home theatre systems, V-8 engines producing in excess of 400 horsepower (because everybody knows 399 hp is for wussies), exp
QUESTION # 464: HE'S DEAD, JIM 2007-01-30 19:15:00 Dear Useless Men,How do you know if your boyfriend is dead or just faking it?No Fog on the MirrorDear No Fog on the Mirror, What a devilishly difficult problem you present. We women are almost entirely out of our league when it comes to men faking. Sharon Stone was right: "Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships." You might wish to give up now. If you strongly feel you should make SOME effort to discern if your boyfriend is faking or dead, there are a few things you can try. You can try to provoke a response by subjecting him/his corpse to things that would normally irritate him enough to generate a strong response. Tickle his toes. Yank out his nose hairs. Use his power tools in completely the wrong way, or prop him up on the sofa and make him watch a full season of Gilmore Girls with you on DVD. If he can withstand all that without a peep, he's either dead or has the fortitude of a saint. (Upside to this method: it'll be fun for you, and you'll be sp
QUESTION # 465: CSI - THE HOME GAME 2007-01-31 20:29:00 Dear Useless Men,why husband works all day at construction when i do the washing his undies always have a small looking stain like seman he says it is not cum sometimes he has dried toilet paper on the stain which does not smell like pee his excuse is that the toilets at work when he poos he has to line the seat and it gets stuck on his penisPrivate Dick Dear Needs A Hobby, It sounds to me like you have a lot of time on your hands. That, or you are very thorough with the laundry. My wife doesn't even remove the Kleenex from our pockets, let alone take the time to sniff our undies. When I gather up the evidence you've provided, I come up with this: Your husband works in construction, but is germ-a-phobic enough to line the toilet seat with toilet paper. That tells me that he is the guy that holds the Slow/Stop sign. Sweet gig. I suspect by this question that English is not your first language, and therefore your husband obviously eats a lot of ethnic foods. Taco Bell for lunch
QUESTION # 466: JEALOUS DOG 2007-02-01 18:38:00 Dear Useless Men,In light of the nature of this Useless Man forum: I am a very young looking, single, hot, 43 year old woman with a great job, varied interests, many talents, no kids, no baggage.About 2.5 years ago, I met a wonderful man (I was 41, he was 44). He had been divorced for 7 years, and he had a smaller, female mutt for 12 years. The dog had been with him all through is divorce, and during his years of living alone. For that, I had a lot of empathy for his love of his pet, because I had just been through a divorce, and my cat was my best buddy, all through it.About 1.5 years ago, Mike asked me to move in with him. I was struggling financially as a result of my divorce, and we had been seeing each other for a while, so it seemed okay, except for 1 thing: his 100% indoor 35lb. female dog. The dog had urinated and defecated in the house so much, that the smell had seeped into the floor boards of the front room. Even though he cleaned it up, the carpets smelled pungently
QUESTION # 467: LATE SHOW WITH YOUR NEPHEW 2007-02-02 22:37:00 Dear Useless Men,My nephew just turned 11 in October. He has decided he wants to become a late night talk show host as a career. Being on the track of fame and fortune yourselves, what kind of advice would you have for him? Aunt to the StarDear Aunt to the Star,If a strange man with a unibrow and a coat with the tag still on it approaches him on the dirty stretch of La Cienega Boulevard telling him he's an agent to the stars and asking just how bad he wants to make it, you tell him to look that man square in the eye and say, "Real bad! Where's your trailer?" Agents are the only way for anyone to really get successful. All that tripe about pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps only really happens in movies like An American Story (which is fictional because Russian mice don't speak English). Agents are great because they're the first steppingstone to fame. Once you have one, you're practically guaranteed success! Agents have to see people, and read letters from people, al
QUESTION # 468: CREATIVE CONUNDRUM 2007-02-05 05:58:00 Dear Useless Men,Q. Which is more useless ... writing a useless blog or painting then writing about it on a useless blog?Lesly FinnDeal Lesley,The answer here lies simply in intention and medium. The writing of a useless blog is not something that we, Useless Men, take lightly. No ma'am, not one bit. Many hours of harassment and strain are undertaken by our fearless administrator so that you, our constant readers, can enjoy you superiority to our beleaguered minds. Our function is simply "to spread the useless word" as many of us have exhausted the listening capacity of our collective spouses and relatives. Some even have pushed co-workers to the brink of apathy themselves.As for your concern, over the uselessness of painting then blogging, it would depend on what you are referring to. If you have one of those blogs where you show us the splendorous high resolution photographic detail about those amazing body paintings that look like clothes on naked women, then I'd say that is
QUESTION # 469: INTERGALACTIC CONFECTION CONSPIRACY 2007-02-06 15:20:00 Dear Useless Men,I was wondering if you could tell me what the name of our (Earth's) universe is. Thanks!KyleDear Kyle, This question is easy. It's the Milky Way. Or that's what NASA and the fat cats on Parliament Hill would have us think. It's funny that both parties would agree on the same name for completely different reasons. I've done lots of research on this. In fact, I was late for dinner the other day, something about a birthday thing, and my Wife was mad, but research is research… NASA would have us believe that our galaxy's name originated due to the hazy band of white light topping the celestial sphere, which consists of sparkling stars and various other chunks of material. Sounds delicious, eh? Throw in the Universal coating and we've got a yummy galactic treat. Seriously, the name was originally coined by Greek philosopher, Democritus, (the laughing philosopher, mind you), somewhere around 400 BC, for Pete's sake. That's around the same time that peop Read more:INTERGALACTIC
THE MEN (AND GAL) BEHIND THE USELESS 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Don't look behind that curtain... ONE USELESS MANHead Useless Man; Engineer of the trademarked Advice Randomizer Age: Coming up to middle age. Acting like it's the Middle Ages.Sex: I beg of you…Favourite Quote from Pigskin Pete: I've met more meals than mealtimes.Most Often Confused for: Jay Leno. Or Skippy from Family Ties.Favourite Time Of Day: 11:11About: Started receiving Useless Advice from his father, who imparted him with knowledge no one really needs. As a child of divorce, his path became like Luke Skywalker, having to become a Jedi without finishing the full training from Master Yoda. "May the Force be Useless."Personal Homepage: JPTH InternationalANOTHER USELESS MANFormer Father of Useless Advice from Useless Men.Age: Daily.Sex: I wish.Favourite Music: I like heavy metal. Bands like The Carpenters, Bing Crosby and Al Jolsen really get me rockin'.Book I'm Currently Reading: Ha, ha, ha...Did I mention ha, ha,ha…?Hidden Talent: I can touch my tongue to my hairline.
QUESTION # 368: CLEAN CAR REPAIRS 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless Men, I am a woman. Just wanted to get that out of the way first. So, let's say I go to the car dealership to get an oil change and the technicians come out with a list of repairs that need to be done. How can I tell if they are just trying to rip me off? I suspect that mechanics think women don't know anything so they suggest more repairs to women than they do to men. Since I actually *don't* know much about cars, I have no idea if I am correct or just paranoid. Help! -M.L.Dear M.L.,Oil changes are best done by your dad, in the safety of his own garage, behind the gates of his estate, with the security cameras turned on, the fence electrified, and the Dobermans on the prowl along with the estate lawyers. Much like some video game that hasn't yet been invented, unethical mechanics will come running up to the estate when they hear the oil draining into the pan. If you're lucky, they'll pile up against the fence a la World Cup Soccer, and become fried.But sometimes
QUESTION # 251: PERIODS SHOULD BE PUNCTUATION 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless Men,I don't try to change men but I would like to know more about them. Why will men not have sex while a woman is having a period? It washes off!angelDear Angel,As an obvious, if you don't want to change a man, do you expect him to do it himself? Or is he supposed to stay in the same clothes that he "did the deed" in? I can only assume you don't mean diapers… A similar argument to yours would be one of "Why does a woman not want to do any of the following: camp, go ATV bogging, or mud wrestle?" It is only dirt and can be washed off, too. It isn't that men don't want to, goodness knows we DO, but rather that the sight of blood terrifies a man. Especially when you are talking about blood from girly bits. Most men have this irrational fantasy that they are unbelievably strong, and able to cause harm, even accidentally. Women do little to discourage this because, while you harp on and on about our lousy habits, you'd rather have a guy who seems strong than a Read more:PERIODS
QUESTION # 173: BUDDING BATHROOM BUDDIES 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless MenWhat exactly is it that women do in the bathroom that take them so long? Is the size of the task somehow related to them often going in twos or threes? Can they subcontract some of the work to each other?Kevin of "The Archies"Dear Mr. Of "The Archies",Many men have considered this point a great deal. Some assume it is because women are really evil space aliens, and before they do their business they require a hand getting out of their human costume. This is, of course, laughably absurd, because it is a well-known fact that their human costumes are quite user friendly. Another hypothesis put forward by some is that women use the bathroom as an escape, a way to disappear from the hectic goings on of the social scene, and reflect on the events at hand. This, too, is incorrect, because if you've ever seen a mud-wrestling match, you would know that women cannot stand to be in the same vicinity of each other without stripping off their clothes and attempting to hold
USELESS CONTEST DETAILS 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless Men, How do I enter your silly useless contests that everyone on the internet is talking about? Aren't you required to post them or something?Curious Dear Curious Contest Detail Person, Required to post them? How do I know? Our lawyers only accept Am Ex, and I only get paid in Canadian Tire money. But since you asked, you stickler for details you, here is what should likely happen for this and future contests. 1. You submit a question. If we have a sponsor for the contest, we do ask that you visit their site during the contest period. 2. We record your email. We enter all the emails in a random drawing for some random prizing. Your chances of winning are solely determined by the number of entries received in the contest period. To pick a winner, we like to involve random strangers in order to keep our hands clean of any favouritism. No purchase is required at Useless Advice From Useless Men or our sponsor to participate. Just a skill-testing question. One f
QUESTION # 260: VISUALLY IMPAIRED DATING 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless Men, I have been going on (blind) dates on a few occassions and none of them have really turned out right For instance: a guy who told me he was 6 ft and turned out to be 5ft2.... (did he think actually think that would go unnoticed?); a guy who had nothing else to say to me than going on about his parakeets; men who turn out to be married; etc... Can you give me some blind dating advice on quickly establishing such dating disasters and how to deal with it if I do encounter them in person? Dutch BitchDear Dutch, May I call you Dutch? I, myself, have never partaken in a blind date, mostly because I don't qualify. However, that being said, you don't have to be a celebrity to be an expert on divorce.Blind dates are tough. Not only do you have to deal with the awkwardness of conversing with someone you don't know, and mentally deal with the fact that you already know the one thing he's after, but you also have to drag your 15-year-old incontinent seeing-eye-dog along wi
QUESTION # 410: MAN THONG 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless Men, I know I'm a really sick kitty but I want my boyfriend to wear a thong. How do I trick... I mean convince him to do it? I can't tell him it looks good on him cause it really doesn't. I really just want a good laugh. Sick Kitty Dear Sick Kitty, We all want a good laugh so after I tell you how to get your boyfriend to wear the thong, be sure to send us pictures. It's really too bad that Halloween has passed because a lot of men love dressing up as girls for Halloween. I don't know why. They just do. If you can hold on from laughing for about a year, you can probably get him to wear whatever you say he has to wear, including the thong. And, of course, you can take as many pictures as you want, so you will be able to keep laughing the whole year through. If you can't wait that long, then I do have a few other suggestions. You could take his most raggedy pair of underwear and start secretly cutting them into a thong shape. We men have an unnatural attachment to our
QUESTION # 269: MASTER OF THE BDSM 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Dear Useless Men,My bf of 2 years came to me the other day and informed me that he was a "bdsm master" wanted me to embrace the lifestyle and wanted to add another woman to our relationship. Should I become his love slave or just chalk this up to playerism in the 1st degree?SlaveDear Slave,Be careful of this activity. It can open the door to a floodgate of other activities he may be looking at for Total Power Exchange in which he is in control of your life 24/7. This can easily be confused with a pretty lousy marriage with no benefits of alimony or settlement cheques, so be warned.In my experience, he may just be afraid to ask to see other people and is trying to scare you off. Or he's hoping to have the two of you at once. Or it may just be a cunning plan to avoid employing expensive cleaning staff at his home. I have used a similar trick in the past simply because I can't afford a maid. By making sure that my sub engaged in kink using a vacuum cleaner and feather duster, I managed
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