Owner: I'm going to Hell URL:http://imgoing2hell.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:51:24 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Lists of Top 5s, created from what I see every day. some of this'll be funny, some of it won't, but I probably don't mean any of it. Site statistics:Click here
Things That Make You An Asshole - Commuting Edition 2007-03-23 11:36:00 I have to commute to work, I'm sure I've mentioned this before a few times. I have to take the train, and I pay about £1800, about $3500. For that sort of money I should be getting free meals and a bed on my train. However most of the time I manage to get a seat, and that's good enough for me, as I either read, sleep or play on my DS.Most of the people I travel with are nice enough, they are courteous and polite, we apologise to one another if we get in each others way, or say thank you if they let us pass. But there's always a few oxygen thieves around who make commuting even more tiresome. Here are the top 5 things that make you an asshole commuter:1. Standing on the left of the escalator.2. Stopping suddenly in the middle of the flow of commuters.3. Not moving into the train so more people can get on.4. Complaining loudly about nothing.5. Standing in front of the train doors.On the way to work these things are barely noticed through my blurry and semi-comatose morning haze. I s Read more:Commuting
, Edition
Ways To Stay Awake At Work 2007-03-27 17:21:00 Being knackered at work is a pretty big problem for quite a few people. Recently I've been having trouble as I don't have work that is that interesting, so I have to try and keep myself awake. Normal people just drink coffee, but if I did that I'd be sick all over my desk, because I'd rather grate my nut sack than drink coffee. Generally I don't have hot drinks at all.Luckily my workplace is rather lax. Not quite slumped over my desk with my head on my arms relaxed, but I've got pretty much free reign over what I do during the work day, as long as my work gets done. I've since come up with these ideas:1. Listen to music2. Watch some TV3. Drink something cold4. Try and find some more interesting work5. Don't eat carbohydrates at lunchOccasionally during the day I'll take breaks to watch crap on YouTube, or just on TV. I listen to music while I'm working, Pandora is excellent for this. Every now and then I'll request some more work, or pick up some of the jobs floating around
Reasons I Think I'm Getting Old 2007-03-29 14:45:00 It's sad that I think I'm getting old. I'm only 24 for God's sake. I still have nearly 40 years left till I retire! That's an even more depressing thought, as I have that long left to work. I'm not even middle aged yet. I'm not even late twenties, I'm still in my mid-twenties.So for a change I'm going to whine for a bit and then decide on exactly what makes me feel old. Here's what I have so far:1. I dream about doing nothing.2. I know what nostalgia is.3. I get irritated at my neighbours' loud music.4. I ache after exercise.5. My 25th birthday is this Sunday.After reading my list I've decided I'm no longer going to lay about and feel old, instead I will do exercise, play games and get drunk. And then feel old. The truth is I don't really think I've changed all that much. I'm not as active as I used to be, but I used to be forced to do that stuff, I never had the inclination to do it on my own. I still want the same things, listen to the same types of music, watch the s Read more:Reasons
Things That Annoy The Wench About Our Neighbours 2007-04-04 15:46:00 We've been in our flat apartment for just over a year now, I think, and during that time we were mostly neighbourless. The apartment to one side was occupied briefly, but the owner was hardly ever home, for months at a time, and she's just sold the place. The apartment on our other side was put up for rent, and only recently did anyone move in. We had grown accustomed to being alone and quiet in our corner of the building. Then Slammy McDoor-Swinger moved in next door.Here's the top 5 things that make the Wench pray for a small localised holocaust and/or nuclear blast:1. They're not particularly friendly2. They don't turn off the hallway light.3. They don't lock the hallway door.4. They slam their doors.5. They park halfway in our parking space.These may seem like small petty things, and they are, but they really get on the Wench's nerves. Only the parking really annoys me, as we only have one space (which we own), the car park is always pretty full and they're taking up two. O Read more:Annoy
, Neighbours
Ways To Resolve An Argument 2007-04-12 13:25:00 At last, I drag together enough time and inspiration to squeeze out another post. It's been a long time coming but don't get too over excited. I've seen a lot of arguments recently, I've not participated in many, but I've witnessed quite a few. Argument
s in modern times seem to quickly dissolve into shouting matches, with all sides deciding they'll win if they repeat themselves the most at the highest volume. Well this may work for dogs and retards, but civilised human beings should use one of these less violent and noisy alternatives:1. Each side can put forth a well thought out and coherent argument, before hearing the next participants viewpoint, then decide on a course of action, possibly a compromise to the benefit of all parties.2. Flip a coin3. Rock, Paper, Scissors4. Russian Roulette5. Fight to the deathPersonally I find a flip of the coin works quite well. Sure it doesn't always work, but if your bad at presenting your point then winning half your arguments, even agains Read more:Resolve
Spartans 2007-04-17 18:15:00 So over two weeks after I said I was going to see 300 I finally managed to drag the Wench to the cinema to see it on The Big Screen. It was definitely worth the effort. The only thing I can think though is that it's probably not going to be as good the second time round. Sure it's impressive, the visuals are stunning, and everything looks just like a moving comic book, but other than all the dudes with rippling muscles killing hundreds of masked samurai-esque warriors what are you going to concentrate on now you know what's coming? What am I talking about? It was AWESOME!!In honour of the magnificence that was 300 I give you my Top 5 Spartans:1. Michigan State Spartans2. John Spartan3. Master Chief4. Kratos5. King LeonidasThe Spartans were apparently the finest soldiers the world has ever produced. What happened to them? If they were that great they can't have been annihilated. Maybe they moved. Or maybe, like those other highly evolved killers of long ago, the dinosaurs, they evol
Ways To Pay Your Rent 2007-04-19 18:25:00 I've never had that much of a problem paying my rent. I know it's a common complaint amongst students and the like, but I was lucky enough to get help in that department. While I was at university my parents covered my rent for me for the first two years while I was in halls. My third year I was working 'in the industry', and the in the final year I was supposed to have saved enough money to pay it myself. Since then I've been working and it's not really been a problem. So from my experience, and that of some of my less fortunate friends, here's my Top 5 ways to pay your rent:1. Don't2. Perform 'favours' for your landlord3. Sell your computer4. Get the Devil to pay it by challenging him to an elaborate Rock Off 5. Direct DebitThat's right, No.1 was 'Don't'. While this may seem like a stupid suggestion you'd be surprised how often this works. A mate of mine got away with nearly 8 months rent simply by not paying. Of course you need a landlord who is either stupid, lazy o
Shotgun Rules 2007-04-27 11:45:00 Calling Shotgun
is an ancient tradition, going back many decades to those pirate wannabes, the Cowboys. Back in the famous Cowboy Era people used to travel around by wagons and the person sitting next to the driver would carry a shotgun. The shotgun was mainly for show, as no one would be stupid enough to attack a Cowboy, and the mythical 'Indians' have since been debunked as Yankee propaganda.Since then the practice has extended to cars, with the rules of Shotgun becoming loosely defined. A lot of House Rules
have been created over time, with many regional variations and changes being applied. Here are what I consider to be some of the most important Shotgun Rules:1. Shotgun can only be called when in sight of the car.2. If two people call shotgun at the same time, whoever reaches the car first wins.3. Shotgun can only be called if you are on the way to the car.4. Shotgun can be called for all seats in the car, so the last person to call Shotgun gets the Bitch Seat (middle seat).5.
Types of Crap 2007-04-26 12:13:00 That's right, a new low. I will today be discussing the many different types of shit people take. I feel that this a much ignored topic, even by blokes. Men tend to make comments when they come back from the toilet, but full on dump orientated conversations are fairly rare.To start things off, here's a few definition's that I've come across during those rare moments when the topic of releasing the chocolate hostage arises:1. The Ghost - You've pinched off a loaf, but when you go to wipe, there's nothing there.2. The Neverending - No matter how many times you wipe, there's still more poop to remove.3. The Shotgun - It comes out so quick with a bit of gas, leading to a lovely pebbledash effect on the bowl.4. The Ring Burn - After eating spicy food, mainly curries, you get a nasty burn around your balloon knot.5. The Guinness - The nastiest, blackest, most foul smelling turd made by man or beast.Of course there's plenty more out there such as The Train, The Behemoth, and The Rolle
Commercials I Hate 2007-04-25 12:34:00 Adverts can be great, but the vast majority suck like MySpace: badly. Adverts can bring you down in the middle of a good program, or film. I can't wait to get Sky+ (England's version of Tivo) so I don't have to watch adverts anymore. Most of the good ones you get to see on YouTube anyway. In fact YouTube has become quite a good trial for a commercial, if it's good, it'll be passed around, like a drunk cheerleader at a frat party.Bad adverts are boring, uninspired, stupid, badly produced, acted or dubbed. Here's a few of the adverts I've found illustrating a few of these points, or they just grind my gears:1. Toyota Yaris2. Get Unhooked (Anti-smoking)3. HI! I'M BARRY SCOTT!! (Cilit Bang) - Remixed version! Read more:Commercials
Words That Are Hard To Rhyme 2007-05-04 15:32:00 OK, so yesterday, despite my immense intellect, I thought it was Friday, perhaps my arch nemesis was using some kind of mind control to depress me when I discovered the truth. He will pay for this...Anyway, as a master wordsmith and giant of the literary world, I often spend my time lounging in green meadows, vast oak branches spreading over my head like Oberon's crown, the raging torrent of my imagination bursting it's banks onto the notebook in my hand. I can write some mean gangster rap in those conditions, I tell thee. But even a rhymasaurus with a flow as fresh as mine has trouble with a few words:1. Film2. Orange3. Month4. Purple5. SilverI'm sick like a leper,I'll make your brain burn, like you just snorted pepper.I got scary rhymes like Edgar Allan Poe,I make The Raven seem like a doe.This flow feels atrocious,like a small child acting precocious.Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.Yeah, yeah, what, uh-huh, yeah, dika-dika, yeah...See you never know when I'll just drop a fre Read more:Words
, Rhyme
Redundant Phrases 2007-05-03 12:41:00 Must post something! It's getting towards the end of the week and I've been really busy. Work is finally become pretty demanding, so I'm trying to find time to come up with a post every now and then.I'm not a Grammar Nazi. Most of the time I capitalize the wrong words, my punctuation needs a lot of work (what's a colon?), my spelling has deteriorated since spell check arrived. However I still get OCD about certain things. I hate redundancy. Here's my Top 5 redundant phrases:1. Twelve noon2. Advance warning3. Cash money4. Free gift5. Exact sameThere are a lot more redundant things in speech that annoy me. Like PIN number, or ATM machine. The word is in the abbreviation, it's not a personal identification number number is it? I think this stems from my laziness. I'm all about efficiency. If something is extra effort then I don't bother with it and it annoys me that other people wouldn't take the easier option.This may sound petty, and it is, but I like making things easier for Read more:Phrases
Reasons To Hate David Caruso 2007-05-08 18:28:00 Oh, DavidCaruso
, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. It's been a long relationship, for many seasons of CSI:Miami I didn't realise what you were doing. It didn't occur to me to actually pay attention to you. I was blinded by the greatness of the Vegas series, and eventually the New York incarnation.I can remember the exact moment it happened. It was like a switch being flicked in my head. I thought to myself: "You're SHIT!!". The next thing I know I recognised every cheesy line, every time you moved your glasses, your hero complex, and finally the fact that you're ONLY A CSI. You're not in SWAT, you shouldn't clear a house on your own, or lead in a team of heavily armed and armoured policemen into a criminal's home. You should be sitting outside, with the other CSIs, waiting for the scene to be cleared. You're a twat, and it's time people knew.1. Now watch this video...2. ...and again...3. ...and again...4. ...and again...5. ...and again!!!Does that not just grate on Read more:Reasons
Things I learned about Spain 2007-05-30 06:08:00 It's been about 3 weeks since I last posted. I do have an excuse for a large part of that time, as I was away on holiday in Spain
, visiting some of the Wench's family (she's not Spanish, they just live there). Since returning we've had a bank holiday in the UK, so that's even more time off. In fact I've only worked a few days in 3 weeks, and been pretty busy while at work.Anyway, I'm back now (for a few days at least) and ready to tell you the truth about Spain. I'd gathered that the Spanish are fairly lazy, what with their siestas and the building site that is their country. There's also a lot that I'd been told that had misled me about Spain, but on the other hand some of what I'd been told was totally correct:1. It's not as cheap as I previously assumed.2. Young Spaniards have a death wish when driving bikes or quads.3. The food is as good as you've heard.4. It's not as warm as everyone says.5. It's an entertaining drive back to the airport.During my time in Spain the
Stupid Long Words 2007-06-01 06:10:00 I hate government or military speak. It's the kind of talking where the speaker could say what they wanted to much simpler, but decides to throw in a bunch of big and possibly made up words. This makes the speaker feel big and clever, and the ordinary person listening think he's a giant cock. Generally I see people who use words like this as condescending fucktards.I don't do this that much as I often run out of big fancy words and end up repeating myself, saying the wrong word or just making up my own words, like George Bush (but on a good day, with a slow autocue that's spelt phonetically). A few examples of words like these are below:1. Irregardless2. Pejorative3. Obfuscate4. Egregious5. BehoovesI am aware that irregardless isn't actually a word, but it is used rather a lot considering. In fact irregardless is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. It's a word that is nonsensical sorry, I mean, makes no sense, but people still use it to try and sound clever, they probab Read more:Stupid
, Words
Bands At The Download Festival 2007 2007-06-06 10:12:00 I'm off to the DownloadFestival
again this year. I'm leaving in about 30mins actually. The Wench's brother (let's call him Bitch for now) is already there, with his tent set up and waiting for us. This year Bitch supplied the tent, a £100 10-man mansion, for just 4 people: Me, the Wench, Bitch and his band mate Spider (not his real name, but he is a drummer).I'm currently waiting to leave, I've got half an hour. the last 3 days have been the slowest of my life! I've been looking forward to the music I've got to listen to, alcohol to drink, fields to pass out in and all the rest. Here's who I'm looking forward to seeing:1. Wolfmother2. Korn3. Iron Maiden4. Marilyn Manson5. Linkin ParkOf course they're not the only bands there I'll see. I'll also watch Mastodon, Megadeth, Slayer, Lamb of God and many other wholesome and family friendly bands. Last year was a great festival, hot, sunny, lots of friends, good music and women giving away free Snickers Ice Creams. I hope this Read more:Bands
Reasons I'm Glad To Be Home 2007-06-12 11:18:00 As fun as Download Festival is every year, it's always great to get home. I enjoy camping quite a bit, but at a festival it's not quite the same. You don't have as much room, you don't have ready access to your car (it's a 50 minute walk away), the toilets are always far away and they stink. And if you want a shower you have to wait hours for it.The camping is something to be endured, not enjoyed. No one enjoys camping at a festival. The only good thing about camping is... hang on... I'll think of something... It's doesn't take as long to get into the arena the next day! Ha! I knew I could think of some reason! Now for 5 reasons why I'm glad to be home:1. My living quarters are no longer a tent2. There is a supermarket just down the road3. I don't have to walk everywhere4. I can have a shower/wash whenever I want5. I have immediate access to a toiletFor days my bathroom has been a pack of wet wipes, my kitchen a camping stove and a bag of various cans (all the labels got ripp Read more:Reasons
Reasons I Haven't Been Posting 2007-07-19 04:51:00 I have been sehr, sehr busy at work these last couple of weeks (months?). We've been working on a new web site which is absolutely massive. It's the biggest site our company has ever had to produce and we've had about 3 months to do it. We're pretty much into testing and back end stuff right now, but it's debatable whether or not we're going to hit our August deadline.I was going to say that my post rate is going to increase and hopefully I'll get back to where I was posting a few times a week, but it's doubtful that'll happen for at least another few more weeks. In the meantime this is what's keeping me busy:1. The new site project2. Laziness3. Commuting4. Maintaining all our websites5. Trying to relax while at homeThe most annoying thing at the moment is that combining my commute and my commitments at home, and spending time with the Wench means I have very little time to myself. Everyone needs some alone time and I don't really get any to myself. I'm a gamer who doesn't Read more:Reasons
, Haven
, Posting
Reasons The Wench Is Awesome 2007-08-07 09:46:00 I give the Wench a lot of shit on this blog, mostly in my whiny way where I whine and sound all whiny. Then whine. But she's been really good to me recently, and when I say recently I mean since I've known her. Although she has put in real effort in the last few weeks as I've been working late a lot and not exactly jumping with energy when I've gotten home. She picks me up from the station already, but now she's got a smile on her face.Basically I don't think I give her enough praise (not that she gives me any), but I complain a lot as well, as I just demonstrated. Anyway, here's 5 reasons why she's awesome:1. She always talks to anyone.2. She's always up for getting wasted.3. She's watched more of my porn than I have. 4. She's just as lazy as I am, which means she can't bug me about being lazy.5. She's Hot.I think the first point is very important. The Wench talks, she talks a lot, to anyone who will listen. And most of the time they do want to listen. When I first met he Read more:Reasons
Reasons Why I Hate Big Brother 2007-08-15 04:57:00 I used to be into Big Brother
, not in a big way, and it would always take me some time to get into it. I hated the first few weeks, you watch everyone go in and comment on how annoying they are, and the first night is terrible. Everyone just gets drunk, and you can't hear anyone speaking, it's just noise. Loud drunk people talking over one another, I may as well go down the pub. That's also pretty much what goes on for the first few weeks, everyone is loud, there's too much to follow, as there's too many people.Once the crowd has thinned out a bit and the most annoying have been booted out the house, getting booed mercilessly by the waiting crowd, that's when I'll get into it. But after the first few years, it got even worse. Now I go out of my way not to watch it, for the following reasons:1. The pointless 'surprises'2. The bitching3. The stupid contestants4. The fact they all think we care after they've left5. CharleyBasically in this country the 'contestants' are always Read more:Reasons
Zombie Related Media I've Seen 2007-08-20 10:47:00 A lot of people like Zombies. I was going to say everyone, but I don't think that reanimated rotting corpses are everyone's cup of tea. I think the reason I like the Zombie genre is because it kind of crosses over into the post-apocalyptic genre as well, and I love all that Mad Max type stuff.I loved all the George Romero films, Night of the Living Dead (He's coming to get you Barbara!), and even his latest Land of the Dead, which a lot of people slated. I especially like the Resident Evil games, battling through destroyed towns and Zombie infestations, always good to play on a dark night. Other than that I've also recently:1. Read World War Z2. Watched 'Dawn of the Dead' (The new one)3. Read 'The Walking Dead' Comic4. Got excited about 'Left 4 Dead'5. Love 'Shaun of the Dead'I like seeing or reading about things which may happen in a zombie invasion, but out of the ordinary. You can get a basic overview from George Romero's films, get somewhere easy to defend, with stores
Nationalities I've Been Mistaken For 2007-08-17 08:17:00 I've traveled a little in my life, not enough that I'd call myself 'well traveled', but more than the average person. In the course of my travels I've often been mistaken for different nationalities. This is mainly because I'm in that particular country and people just assume I'm from there. It's not that big a deal when the people don't speak the same language as you, as you can't really notice accents unless you speak their language really well, so generally you just shrug, smile and speak louder and slower.So the times I've been mistaken for being a different nationality, people have guessed that I'm:1. American2. Canadian3. German4. Irish5. AustralianThe first two were in random countries, with the locals assuming I was from Canada or the US as I spoke English. The third I was actually in Germany and someone started speaking to me in German. Luckily I actually know a little German, so I got him to speak for me (sorry, that was a bad Dad pun). I do actually know some Ger
RPG Weapon Names 2007-09-20 05:52:00 If you've ever played an RPG you must have noticed the ridiculous names given to pretty much every weapon. A sword can't just be a sword, it must be a Blinding Sword of Justice, or an Ice Sword of Supreme Uberness. My favourite was a Grand Club of the Badger. It adds to the illusion of the world your playing in, but sometimes it's just stupid.Here's a few weapon names I'd like to see:1. The Darth Maul of Untimely Demise2. The MC Hammer of Badness3. The Millennium Falchion of Awesome4. R Kelly's Statutory Rapier5. The Britney Spear of DisappointmentI've had some serious writer's block over the last few weeks. I was on holiday for two weeks, but it's been a whole month since I've posted, to the day. On top of which I actually missed Talk Like A Pirate Day yesterday, now that was disappointing. Once again I have to say that I'm gonna get back to posting. They may not be good, or long, or regular, but there should at least be more of them.
Read more:Weapon
, Names
Films I'm Ashamed To Admit I Like 2007-10-12 05:05:00 OK, just to disappoint you I'll clarify that maybe 'ashamed' is too strong a word. I'll admit that I like these films if they come up in conversation. Most of the time I'm met with disbelief, although there was that time I ended up with 6 stitches. To be fair I did call her Mum a whore and curse her family, I wonder how that's working out. I consider these films underrated classics, so I don't mind sticking up for them, especially if the reason the conversation came up is to diss John Woo. No one disses The Woo! Anyway, here's my five films:1. Transformers The Movie (1986) - 42%2. Army of Darkness - 78%3. Hard Target - 32%4. Hulk - 61%5. What Dreams May Come - 56%*Scores courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes*OK, I am kind of ashamed of liking What Dreams May Come, I think I could officially have my balls revoked for admitting it. It's a good film though! It looks awesome and the dude goes to hell to get his wife back. You've got to admit that is impressive. Plus The Wench loves it so I Read more:Films
Cross Bred Animals 2007-10-02 10:06:00 I noticed in the news the other day that a strange looking Zorse had been bred in Germany. Now I didn't know about Zorses, but isn't that a cool idea? Cross
breeding different species is definately something that should be looked into a bit more. We already have Wolphins and Ligers (bred for their skills and magic). Here's a few more to think about:1. Giraffe + Camel = Giramel2. Peacock + Eagle = Peagle3. Fox + Skunk = Funk4. Shark + Salmon = Shalmon5. Chimpanzee + Gonorrhea = Paris HiltonImagine some of these creatures! Limited only by your imagination you could be Dr Moreau, but without Val Kilmer's bad acting. The beautiful Peagle, good looking, but a vicious killer, kind of like me. The animal so cool it inspired a musical movement: The Funk. Or the majestic Shalmon, massive and tasty, leaping up waterfalls and eating bears.Seriously though, genetic experimentation comes at a price. For every Cheetorse (Cheetah-Horse), there is a Slake (Slug-Snake). Not every mutant is useful Read more:Animals
Most Annoying Celebrity Gossip Magazines 2007-10-26 06:09:00 There's very few thing's I find more frustrating than modern civilization's fascination with 'celebrities'. I don't mind it about people who are actually famous, but who cares about someone whose only claim to fame was that they were on a game show over four years ago. And they didn't even win!The worst thing about this is the magazines I see in newsagents and supermarkets. They obviously sell, otherwise there wouldn't be so many of them. I don't see why people need to know this sort of information about these people, or why there's such a market for this crap. Here's the worst offenders:1. Glamour2. Now3. OK!4. Closer5. HeatI hate these magazines. It's pure shit disguised as journalism. If I want to know about celebrity news I'll just read The Superficial instead. It's not that I care about what is being written, I just think that it's written in a funny way, which actively encourages you not to care. However the thing that makes me ashamed is when a new magazine comes Read more:Annoying
, Celebrity
, Gossip
, Magazines
Slutty Halloween Costumes 2007-10-30 10:36:00 Halloween is rolling around again and as usual it's time for everyone to decide on what they're going to dress up as. For children this is pretty easy, you just ask your parents. They'll probably put some face paint on you and give you some old clothes, so you look like a zombie midget, or a witch with a pituitary disease. Men have it a little more difficult, they actually have to put some effort into their costumes. Especially if you're headed to a party and are on the look out for a helpless damsel your vampire count can prey on, or trying to find a sexy Velma to complete your Scooby Gang.Of course for the ladies it's simply a matter of making a costume designed around 'Slutty [Insert Occupation Here]'. This may sound like I'm complaining, but far from it. Here's a few of the more popular costumes the girls choose:1. Slutty Cop2. Slutty Schoolgirl3. Slutty Pirate4. Slutty Nurse5. Slutty SlutI think I speak for all men when I congratulate women on the effectiveness and ingenu Read more:Halloween
, Costumes
Reasons NOT to do NaNoWriMo 2007-11-06 05:52:00 In case no one knows about it yet, I feel the need to point out that it is actually National Novel Writing Month (It should really be International, but whatever). I really should have said this before the month started, so if you wanted to you could join in, but I'm selfish like that, I didn't want you stealing my glory.I've wanted to do this for a few years, so this year, despite not being any more prepared, or with more time than any other year, I took the plunge and signed up at NaNoWriMo
.org. Here's five reasons I shouldn't have done this:1. It's 1,666 words a day, the number of the beast!2. I hardly write in my blog.3. I don't have a plot.4. I'm as easily distracted as a chubber* at a buffet.5. I can't actually write.The basic premise is that you spew out 50,000 words in one month. It is an incredibly rough first draft that you can then do whatever you want with. Even if that is storing it away and calling yourself a writer for the rest of your life, which is what I plan Read more:Reasons
Chat Up Lines Gone Wrong 2007-11-15 09:23:00 It's been quite a while since I've had to try and pull a girl. I've been with the Wench for so long it seems like forever (Eight years, I didn't forget, it was a joke! Not the face!), so I've not had much use for chat up lines. Of course before I met the Wench I never had to resort to such vulgar tactics, being the suave lady killer that I am.Below are a few of the worst chat up lines I've ever had the misfortune of hearing. And when I say hearing I don't mean they were tried on me, otherwise I may very well have not been single when the Wench came around. Here they are:1. Fat Penguin? (It breaks the ice!)2. If you were snot I'd pick you first.3. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.4. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.5. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?I did in fact lie before. Not about being a debonair casanova, that was all true, but about never using a chat up line. In my extensive experien Read more:Lines
, Wrong
Ways To Rape My Childhood 2007-12-05 11:27:00 Nostalgia is a funny thing. While I revel in stuff from my past and relive great experiences there's always the times when you realise just how crap everything used to be. For example there's a lot of computer games I've tried again which are just rubbish, films that are totally unwatchable, food I'd rather use to waterproof my attic than eat again. There's also Thundercats the Movie.Nostalgia is probably a billion dollar pound industry now. The reason for this is the liberties people take with your most treasured childhood memories. Here's a few examples:1. The Wicker Man2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory3. Rollerball4. The Italian Job5. The Star Wars PrequelsIt's true that I've only listed films, but this is mostly what I come across nowadays. I could just as easily have listed song covers, or remade children's cartoons. However films are probably where you are most likely to see this. Hollywood remakes are shockingly awful. Sure every now and again they'll pull out 'The Read more:Childhood
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