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BREAKING NEWS! MANOLA IS A SLUT!
2006-11-13 02:01:00
Thank the good Lord for White Dade's readers. Even though both White Dade and Manola are blogging buddies who have reportedly agreed to disagree on who can be more tongue-in-ass, imagine my relief when one of White Dade's readers, a complete stranger, personally emailed me to set the record straight [verbatim]: Dude Girls who have guys they "fuck" and guys they "marry" aren't worthy of being married to, because they are sluts. That was my point on White Dade's post, these are the girls you "fuck". Girls who save it for a relationship are the girls you "marry". Manola Dear Dude, Thank you for taking the time to personally express to me your opinion. My life would not be the same without it. Peace, M Dude Oh you're welcome. It's always good to be thanked properly for trying to help people out. Indeed, I am so blessed to have some stranger, whom it seems might've been losing sleep over my limited knowledge of double standards in a male-dominated
Read more: BREAKING NEWS

Pimp My Pickle at Art Bagel
2006-12-09 07:45:00
Yes, I'm on hiatus but god damn it flowing martinis in cheap plastic glasses, cuban atomic nipples, jewish pickled side dishes and enough snobbery to put the insta-clamper down on the many celebrity ludic vaginas lately ... how could I resist? tags: art basel, miami beach, art, cartoon, pickle, pimp, parody, humorYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.
Read more: Bagel , Pickle

Meme Manola
2006-12-11 01:36:00
Mr. Burnettiquete is showing me some tough love or perhaps he's just pinching me to see if I'm awake. Although I am usually reluctant to play tag, here you go ... six weird things about the author of Sex and the Beach. 1. I once missed half a day of work to rescue a fledgling mourning dove that had fallen from its nest during a thunderstorm.2. I 've stepped into quicksand.3. I slept under the stars on a balcony in Tuscany because the night was so beautiful. 4. I've paddled over a barely submerged alligator in a tight mangrove tunnel in the Everglades; the alligator was bigger than the canoe.5. I used to be afraid of doing headstand.6. I'm the only woman I know who doesn't care for chocolate or shopping. Oh and did I mention I'm blogging using the wi-fi at Arnie and Richie's deli on 41st street? That's not weird, that's cool! This deli first opened in 1948 and still serves the best Reuben south of Manhattan! PS ... thanks to James and everyone for your encouragement.


Britney Spears Thong Found Ailing on Miami Beach
2006-12-15 08:39:00
Although Manola isn't dipping her quill in the ink, she couldn't resist sharing this photograph of a random thong she found lying on the sidewalk today. Don't worry, she contacted Horatio from Miami CSI immediately and didn't tamper with the evidence. Investigators suspect that this item of clothing may have desperately escaped from the loins of Britney Spears . tags: miami beach, thong, britney spears, sidewalk You won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach .
Read more: Britney Spears , Miami Beach

Professional vs. Amateur
2006-12-23 00:45:00
Manola is still on hiatus, but the universe has once again served an irresistible morsel on its silver platter. If an alien were to land on South Beach, he would surely be confused. The line between club fashions and a prostitute's uniform is blurred, without the benefit of a perineum. Where else in the world can you dress like a cunt and look like an ass? For example, can you tell if these women are soliciting tricks or simply prowling the nightclubs? Look closely. Don't let the daisy dukes fool you! Hint: the woman on the right has broken the cardinal rule of streetwalking. Girlfriend, never go anywhere near a street drain while wearing stilletos! Tsk, tsk! Don't you know a broken ankle can ruin your career? Photograph courtesy of The Maestro. tags: south beach, slut, stilletoYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.
Read more: Amateur

Manola Diagnosed with Turnstile Dysfunction
2006-12-28 02:17:00
In case you are going through Manola withdrawal, here is a video shot by BFF Shveckle during a visit to NYC circa June 2003. If only the NYC subway was as easy to handle as a sex toy! But no! This Brooklyn station turned Manola into a mass-transit-challenged drama queen! TRANSCRIPT OF RIVETING DIALOGUE Not to be read with sexual innuendo ... Shveckle: Just flip it through!Manola: I'm lost!Shveckle: One more. Go! 18 second before it comes!Manola: I'm lost! I don't know anything! tags: manola, video, subway, comedy, new york city, sex toy, you tubeYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.
Read more: Diagnosed

Bringing Hairy Back
2006-12-31 23:46:00
Happy New Year's y'all! Hope to see y'all real soon! justin timberlake, bringing sexy back, cartoon, celebrity, britney spears, uterusYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.


Pecs and the Beach
2007-01-06 01:30:00
What a girl wants, what a girl needs ... certainly not Jessica Alba's completely useless ass. Women are practical. We want and need eye candy that's useful around the house. Ladies, may I present to you British singer Craig David, whose sexy chest and come-hither smile graced the shores of Miami Beach last weekend. What tasks would you have him perform? Photography courtesy of Mavrix Chatter. Copyright Mavrix Photo, Inc. tags: sexy, craig david, pecs, handsome, sex, beachYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.


Pecs and the Beach (UPDATED)
2007-01-10 22:30:00
NEWSFLASH! Here's Craig David acting all gay! What a girl wants, what a girl needs ... certainly not Jessica Alba's completely useless ass. Women are practical. We want and need eye candy that's useful around the house. Ladies, may I present to you British singer Craig David, whose sexy chest and come-hither smile graced the shores of Miami Beach last weekend. What tasks would you have him perform? Photography courtesy of Mavrix Chatter. Copyright Mavrix Photo, Inc. tags: sexy, craig david, pecs, handsome, sex, beachYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.


Me Thinks The Lady Doth Protest Too Much
2007-01-16 18:32:00
"Cockle-dooodle-do!" quoth the rooster. "Awaken ye Hens!" -- Edgar Allen Schmoe Attila the Hun may be long dead, but surely these ladies would've also bared their all to protest his slaughterhouse tactics against humans! Heck, even Ivan the Terrible would've been impressed at their courage, but not before disemboweling several of these fair maidens. We at Manola 180 do not promote the barbaric treatment of poultry, however, we must question the use of female sex objects as an effective means of engaging public awareness, especially in South Beach, where tits and ass are always in plain view. If these chicks had ruffled their feathers in Buffalo, New York right smack in the dead of winter, no one would deny they had balls! We contacted Susan B. Anthony with our ouija board for commentary; the legendary feminist was a bit befuddled. "Oh my lord. I thought they were protesting culturally-sanctioned crimes against womankind, such as the cliterectomies still performed today in
Read more: Protest

Planet Manola
2007-01-22 06:41:00
Random news, commentary and photographs. Updated at least once every menstrual cycle, if not more frequently. Ladies, if you can't grow old, wear a funky crochet short-sleeved blouse, pick your nose and drink a beer in public, what's the point? YOU SUCK, BUT IN A GOOD WAY What's better than working out at a gay gym? Working out at a gay gym with a touchy-feely Cuban semi-retired stripper who sweet talks you with free passes to La Bare, that's what! Actually, working out at a gay gym with a touchy-feely Cuban semi-retired stripper of the "oyeme, mama" variety who sweet talks you while you are toning your thighs on the adductor machine ... come on, ladies, haven't you ever wanted to clamp your legs on a man's head just so he would shut up? Tsk, tsk. And you thought cunnilingus was just for pleasure! SLIM PICKINGS Sex and the Swamp! Francisco Alvarado of the Miami New Times answered my age-old question: WTF? What's up with the hangman's noose at Loop Road? Naked


Tits and the Beach
2007-01-23 01:52:00
American Beauty star Mena Suvari contributed to the local scenery this past weekend. Perhaps the site of real breasts confused some locals; as SoFi reports, violence targeted at nipples erupted just a few blocks away. Photography courtesy of Mavrix Chatter. Copyright Mavrix Photo, Inc. mena suvari, naked, topless, miami beach, celebrity, titsYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach .


Planet Manola
2007-01-25 21:25:00
Random news, commentary and photographs. Updated at least once every menstrual cycle, if not more frequently.Manola hawking motor oil back in the day when she met men in Miami who were running dry on respectability.SEX AND THE CITYMy boys are getting all Carrie Bradshaw on me!White Dade confesses to a love hate relationship with Miami, or as I call it, the new MILF: Miami I'd Like to Fuck. Or have fucked. Or have been fucked by.Because you see there are cities you marry and cities you fuck. And Miami, well, Miami is the city you fuck. A lot of people come to Miami and fuck her for a weekend and go home. And they swear it's the best sex they've ever had. Many get a taste of her and make the mistake of trying to make her theirs. But most, after a few months, realize her inherant sexiness wears thin pretty quick. They learn about her insanity, her volatility, and her constant abuse, wise up and leave. But man, it was a good time, wasn't it?And Duran at Miami Nights confesses he too


Groping on the Beach
2007-01-31 16:39:00
Tourists, be safe during your visit to Miami this Superbowl week! Craig Ferguson interviews officers from Reno 911 who really know how to cop a feel. Remember, don't wear your wallet on your ass and don't let perverts grope your tits! tags: superbowl, miami, humor, groping, reno 911, craig fergusonYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach .


Sex and Football
2007-02-02 07:27:00
Manola News, Miami Beach, February 1, 2007 -- As the city prepares for a major celebrity infestation and on onslaught of parties thrown to kiss the media's ass, residents have been raiding store shelves for supplies as if stocking up for a category five hurricane. Joe Manager of Walgreen's on Fifth Street reports that even during hurricane season, customers aren't nearly as anxious. "Today, we ran out of turkey jerkey, tampons and Tanqueray before noon. It's good for business, but people are reacting like it's Art Basel on steroids" Since early this week, National Fucking Lunacy has taken over the usually sunny disposition of the city's residents. One customer threw a fit at the cash register as she waited for the cashier to get cigarettes. "This is outrageous. I don't give a Jessica Biel's ass about the Superbowl! It's sabotage, let me tell you. I'm splitsville to Kendall for the weekend. Yeah, you heard right. Kendall. I'm freakin' evacuating
Read more: Football

Anna Nicole Smith RSVP
2007-02-11 12:44:00
Anna, while you were alive I didn't think much about you. And when I did, I thought you were a blonde, buxom bimbo who had thrived on the leeching public and bloodthirsty yellow journalism industry to keep you alive - you know, alive as far as the public was concerned. Whenever we crossed paths, it was through the pitiful road of media, when all I could see was a caricature - a pathetic yet gorgeous woman sucking the gullible billionaire and the media dry for money and publicity. No sane woman living in South Beach would've noticed the fate of the Texas trick. Ah heck, I lie -- we see this everyday -- those sugar daddies with better comb-overs than the Trump are hooking up with hare-brained, silicone-boobed damsels like the sand is a blowin'! But, Anna, now that you're dead and your most recent claim to fame is being a mother who has recently lost a child just after giving birth to one, all I can think is that no matter what the medical examiner says, you were born in
Read more: Smith

South Beach Halloween Costume Made Easy
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Halloween is easy on sexy Slut Beach ! Just add a garter or some handcuffs to your usual hobag outfit!Image courtesy of Incredibly Smooth Blondie, South Beach photographer extraordinaire!south beach, costume, halloween, slut, sexYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach .
Read more: Halloween , Halloween Costume

Why Fashion Models Are Dumb
1970-01-01 00:59:59
tags: cartoon, kate moss, parody, cocaine, cosmeticsYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.
Read more: Fashion

Planet Manola
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Random news, commentary and photographs. Updated at least once every menstrual cycle, if not more frequently.Ah, the innocence of youth, when bubbles are the only thing you consider blowing!In this week's edition we explore the vicissitudes of crime and punishment.COMPASSION KNOWS NO BOUNDSCould this be love? Nay, could this be a shining example of the teachings of Jesus Christ, Krishna and Buddha? You tell me!Last week, a Pinecrest cop gave me a moving violation ticket because I cut through a gas station. Folks, my driving record is so clean, Mother Teresa could eat off of it!So why did I cut through the gas station? Because I was on my way to the only avian veterinarian in town for an emergency appointment. My mini-macaw, Samba Jalapeño, was lying half-conscious in her pet carrier and three trucks were waiting to turn right on US1. What would you do?Well, if you're a Pinecrest cop, you give someone with a legitimate excuse and a perfect driving record a $150 ticket, that's


Valentine's Day
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Manola Hearts Her Readers! Happy Valentine 's Day From Miami Beach!Last year, still freshly wounded from her association with Mr. Thinks He's Huge, Manola pondered the meaning of Valentine's Day:There are men who buy you flowers thinking they are going to seduce you for a night with such a simple gesture. There are men who pretend to want to spend the rest of their lives with you who never buy you flowers. And then there are men who buy you flowers because they love you and never want to spend a night without you. The MAN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH will know the difference. And so will you.We've come a long way, baby. In 2006, I wrote that I hadn't experienced "any garden-variety angst" about being single on Valentine's Day but the truth is, I could never have imagined how truly relieved I'd feel 365 days later.As a matter of fact, having the opportunity to work on the most important relationship in your life -- yourself -- is quite liberating. After spending time wiping my as


Does That Make Me City?
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Have you ever been stuck in a drive-thru, a dental appointment or a divorce proceeding and wondered:"What would Manola say about this?"Well, wonder no more! Manola is coming to a local paper near you!City Link Magazine has latched onto the cervical lining of Manola to cover SoFla when it comes to all matters sexy great and small, starting March 7!Yeah, first I used to say, "You won't see me on the side of the bus, I AM THE BUS."Well, wouldn't ya know? Hell, now I really am the fucking BUS!In between really serious correspondent work in Africa, Panderson Pooper managed to squeeze in an interview with Manola."What's it really like, lady?""Oh shit. Now I have to be like all fucking serious and stuff," Manola said. "It's been a long time coming. Ya know, as a freelance writer, I sucked a lot of proverbial dick. Man, I lived on faith, scrambled testicles and scotch bonnet pepper sauce till the paychecks came home."tags: sex, miami, writingYou won't see me on the side of the bus


Kisses on the Beach
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Last month, some celebrities were caught swapping spit on the shores of our fabled beaches, but you don't have to be a star to enjoy one of the finest sporting activities in life. I highly suggest a romantic picnic on the full moon rise, somewhere between 30th and 41st Street off Collins Avenue, to set the scene for your smooching.Kissing should be taken very seriously. A relationship without kissing is missing the mark. Kissing is foreplay and bonding, even if it's a peck on the cheek. When was the last time your heart beat so? Your knees trembled? Your panties got wet?Behold, here is some inspiration, from sweet to slobbering ...Aw, shucks. Rachel Hunter and boy toy Jarret Stoll of the Edmonton Oilers Ice Hockey Team remind us it's never too late to feel puppy love.Marc Anthony is a small guy, but you know he's gonna make her shake that ass.And here's Mickey Rourke, who works out at Manola's gym (yes, those biceps are impressive), inhaling a female companion.Photography
Read more: Beach , Kisses

She Wants to Move
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Hi, I'm a Mac! Welcome to the new and improved Sex and the Beach where we're riding the wave of Sex 2.0! This year, we'll be adding video entertainment to our usual schedule of superb content. (For example, "her ass is a spaceship I want to ride" and other delicate, poetic tidbits.)In this first installment, Manola goes behind the scenes as Locarbhiflavor to expose the Flickrholic behavior of Shveckle. And you thought Britney Spears had coiffure issues!Move over, Bang Brothers! Who wants skanky porn when you can see the world through Manola's celebrity sunglasses? Stay tuned for truly sophisticated video productions direct from Miami Beach!tags: video, humor, you tube, flickr, n.e.r.dYou won't see me on the side of the bus! I AM THE BUS! A single woman's guide to chronic living on South Beach.
Read more: She Wants

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