Owner: Schmutzie's Milkmoney Or Not, Here I Come URL:http://www.schmutzie.com Join Date: Sat, 24 Feb 2007 10:06:22 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Schmutzie writes, photographs, and codes the content, and has been since August 2003. Site statistics:Click here
#722: Almost There 2007-06-01 19:09:00 Today, in a doctor's office, I signed away my uterus and cervix. There were fluorescent lights that made the papers appear to vibrate and something hung on the wall next to a placard that read "African Body Mask". It was a mould of a woman's breasts and pregnant belly. Behind me was a bulletin board crowded over with babies at Christmas, babies with proud new fathers, babies' first birthday cards, and babies smiling above shiny, spit-covered chins. I suddenly felt that an obstetrician's office was the wrong place for someone in my situation to be. Everything was pointing its finger at me and saying You can't.For someone who has never wanted to have children, this cat's got issues with outside forces telling her no and removing a supposedly useless organ.I had terrible dreams last night. In one of them, my mother was holding a long, clear plastic tube to my right nipple. There was some kind of suction device that forced milk from my breast, and it ran and sputtered down the Read more:Almost
#721: Someone Named Colleen Deserves A Thank-You 2007-06-01 17:35:00 I received a lovely gift a couple of weeks ago, but without an e-mail or website address, I have no other way to thank the person who gifted me other than to thank them here.Colleen
, whomever you are, wherever you are, THANK YOU. For all I know, you could be a sadistic freak who drives chopsticks through the ears of kittens, but based solely on your present of an Amazon.com gift certificate to me, I am going to assume that you save orphaned kittens from trees and nurture them at your own bosom. I thought that you might like to know how I spent your gift. I picked out The Complete Poems: Anne Sexton, Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, and Elizabeth Cotten's "Shake Sugaree", and I love all of them. The poetry by Sexton is especially crazy running through my brain right now, and it will carry me well through my post-surgical recovery.For a taste of what I've got, listen to Elizabeth Cotten at Smithsonian Folkways Recordings, watch an interview with Alison Bechdel, and read Anne Sexton' Read more:Thank
#726: I Am Some People 2007-06-06 16:57:00 I was going to go on and on today about all the crap I have been appreciating since I began to come out of the shock of my diagnosis with cervical cancer. Like, for instance, that I usually hate wind, even breezes, but I have been standing out in it on purpose just to feel the cold rush of it over my skin. I pretend that I am lying in a shallow river. I sucked on an olive the other day just so that I could enjoy hating it.I was going to say crazy things like Cancer has its upside! and You get more candy when you have cancer! and Stuff that you forgot was important or never even noticed before is suddenly all so awesome! Yeah. Huh. I am not saying those things right now.It is harder to say them when the uterus you are losing in less than a month (approximately) up and starts menstruating on you, like it has any stake in that business anymore. Fucking uterus. I spend years wishing it would shut up because I never wanted it, and now I am wishing it would shut up because it is upse
#725: This Photograph Begs For A Title* 2007-06-05 23:05:00 My Cat Itches Over A Bag Of Specialty NutsorMy Pussy's Got A Case Of...* This entry in no way relates to any kind of nastiness inhabiting my own tweeter. My cat, on the other hand, smells like he might have issues at times. Read more:Title
#724: Saturday In And Around The Park 2007-06-04 16:23:00 Mr. Head and I had a date to gallivant on Saturday
afternoon. It has been a good while since I last gallivanted, and I had not realized how much I missed fresh air and watching crazy people in the park and getting a sunburn on my shoulders.Our first stop was an Italian deli where a man with a salt-and-pepper curly mullet and a voice like Joe Pesci made us three-meat sandwiches rife with banana peppers and a side of pepperoni. We basically bought meat on focaccia with a side of meat. How old do Italians get?We walked our carb-wrapped reconstituted dead over to a park and settled in on a shady bench to watch the park life. That particular park is a magnet for pothead, gothic teenagers, weary-looking homeless people, and on Saturday, a new brand of religious zealot.What you cannot see in the above picture is the small assembly of people seated on a bench in front of him. A man had his hands held open with palms up to receive the holy spirit. A woman next to him wept into her bleach-
#728: The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance 2007-06-08 15:02:00 The days have never moved so slowly as they have over the last month. Cancer is a millstone around time's neck, breaking down its pace into minutes that drag themselves forward with all the energy of a sloth on antipsychotics.It must be this waiting that I am doing. I wait and I wait and I wait. I want them to take my uterus tomorrow; I want them never to take my uterus at all. Each thing I do, each thing I consume, is there to fill in the empty stretch from one moment to the next. All things are knots in the string that lead me to my nearest destiny.I keep remembering back to when I was kid. Even when I was as young as two, I was annoyed with my corporeality. There it was, and it seemed so unnecessary. I felt that I was not properly glued to it, and I would fantasize about losing a finger to an axe or a leg to a car. Now, after all this time, I get to lose some of this meat machine I would have avoided had anyone asked for my take on it. The how and the when and the why ar
#727: Keeping House 2007-06-07 12:32:00 Boring is what this is. This is that I am going to tell you about the boring upkeep of this site, but keep in mind that when I say boring, I mean for you and not for me, because I get a crazy joy out of niggling over one pixel this way or that.The Re-DesignAs you may have noticed, I did a bit of a re-design on this site. Again. I couldn't help myself. I started reading about sidebars and their organization, because I keep coming across websites with atrocious structure. Nothing is more frustrating than when you are trying to send along a thank-you to some sweet internetter who wished you good cervical health, and they have either buried their name and e-mail at the bottom of a sidebar underneath a button declaring their, at best, tenuous relationship with another website, or they have left no evidence whatsoever of what they wish to be called and how to contact them.To be fair, I turned a stern eye to my own sidebar on the left, which led to me turning a stern eye to my whole we Read more:House
Quick: A News Weekly 2007-06-12 22:43:00 I spent my day coding and scanning to create a reproduction of Quick
, a news weekly from March 12, 1951.I have very little left of what were once my eyeballs, so enjoy it or else. Read more:Weekly
#730: Things For Which I Would Continue To Beat Myself Up If I Didn't Think I Was So Awesome In Spite Of It All 2007-06-11 17:06:00 I sold off my entire music collection more than once for grocery money.When I was ten, I convinced my younger cousin that if he left the room in which we were playing, he would go straight to Hell. I pretended that I was an unwilling player in Satan's plan to steal his soul, and the only way my cousin could save himself would be to stay with me in that room forever and never see his family again. It has been twenty-four years since we last spoke.In the summer of 1993, I dated a man that I was sure I was going to marry, which didn't happen, because I broke up with him after cheating on him and then lying to him about it.I spend less time on my photography than I wish I would.I gagged on the stewed plum perogies with sweet sauce that my grandmother made every time she served them.Once upon a time, I was a terrible sibling to my little brother. I fed him tabasco-covered chocolate chips, forgot him up in a tree until he jumped out and broke his arm, and used a paper hole puncher to pu Read more:Continue
, Spite
BETTY AND GYMNASTS AND CARS
"Betty Boop and Gramp... 2007-01-04 16:22:00 BETTY AND GYMNASTS AND CARS"Betty Boop and Grampy", an animation (1935) "Human Grace", a documentary about Olympic gymnastics (1952) An ad for the 1963 Chevrolet (with delightful use of typography)
The Helsinki Complaints Choir 2006-11-13 14:43:00 I like the definite way they have of closing their mouths.(video found via swissmiss)It is day thirteen of (Inter)National Blog Posting Month 2006. The NaBloPoMo Randomizer will introduce you to the other NaBloPoMo-ers.You can buy NaBloPoMo stuff.This site has been nominated for the 2006 Canadian Blog Awards Best Personal Blog. Vote for me on November 15th. Read more:Helsinki
, Choir
#545: AND WE HAD FUN, FUN, FUN
The Fiery One and... 2006-10-02 13:14:00 #545: AND WE HAD FUN, FUN, FUNThe Fiery One and I spent the weekend in Cosmopolis with my family celebrating my maternal grandparents' 65th wedding anniversary.Let me tell you, when your cousin is bringing his girlfriend, who came back from Japan with him a few months ago, and you've heard that she is from the "wrong side of the tracks", is covered with tattoos, and may have a father with "mob affiliations", don't start thinking about the yakuza and get your hopes up that she will be all Gogo Yubari or anything like that. She dressed conservatively enough that nary a tattoo could be seen, and she didn't speak enough english to do anything but accept a cup of coffee with a yes, please.And I was so looking forward to seeing some variation on the shaolin style of rope dart flying at our most unsanitarily hairy waiter at the breakfast buffet on Sunday morning.No, instead of Gogo Yubari and ancient weapon craft, we ate food continually, slowly blending breakfast into mid-morning snack
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