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Supermarket Mother 2008-07-13 19:47:00 A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently." "I'm Read more:Supermarket
Don't Leave 'Em Hanging 2008-08-10 19:26:00 Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out. When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from Read more:Leave
, Hanging
Don't Leave 'Em Hanging 2008-08-10 19:26:00 Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out. When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from Read more:Leave
, Hanging
Unfaithful Wives 2008-08-10 19:24:00 Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."Paddy says: "I think my wife is having
Stoopid Baby Names 2008-08-10 19:23:00 A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?" The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRAS Read more:Names
In a murder trial... 2008-08-03 19:56:00 In a murder
trial, thedefense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?Coroner: No.Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?Coroner: No.Attorney: Did you check for breathing?Coroner: No.Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren''t sure the man was dead, were you?Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The m
Senate Slander 2008-07-31 20:26:00 A member of the United States Senate
, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withd Read more:Slander
Twist Again... 2008-07-30 21:35:00 It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That''s cool.' says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will proba Read more:Again
Texas Sphincters 2008-08-24 20:14:00 On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football." And it was good. Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence." With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue. God said, "Let it be called, ''The Dallas Cowboys'' - America''s team."Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."So Read more:Texas
Drinking Politics 2008-09-17 20:33:00 A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how t Read more:Drinking
Have a good laugh! 2008-09-17 00:11:00 How much would it cost to (telephone) call Malaysia from Hell? You'd be surprised!Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Ahmad Badawi died and go to hell. Butthe devil has only one phone there. Queen says, I miss my England , can Iuse your phone and hear how my people are doing down there.She calls and talks about five minutes. Then she asks:Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call? The devil say
Alien Abduction 2008-09-15 21:47:00 Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed."Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk, and then somewhere between here and my house, I was abducted by an alien?"Everyone is shocked. "I heard about this kind of thing happening!" Bills says. "What did the alien do to you?""I don't remeber Read more:Alien
Grass Eater 2008-09-11 20:38:00 A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate."Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" the rich man said. They all climbed into the l
Railroad Redneck 2008-09-04 21:41:00 Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch.The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself."The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself."The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself."The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front Read more:Railroad
, Redneck
First Class Blondie 2008-09-02 22:16:00 A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blond replies, "I'm y Read more:First
, First Class
Strangers on a Train 2008-10-06 20:57:00 A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy. "I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while."I know. What has three legs, Read more:Strangers
, Train
Bus Stop Blondes 2008-10-28 18:44:00 Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:''Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?'' The bus driver shakes his head and says,''No, I'm sorry.'' At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: ''Will it take ME?'' Read more:Blondes
Tough Love 2008-10-27 19:36:00 A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells:"No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!" Read more:Tough
The Devoted Wife 2008-10-27 19:36:00 A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my busin
Respectfully Cheating 2008-10-27 19:35:00 Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary."Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?" "Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times." "Three? When were they?" "Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the busin Read more:Cheating
Name That Animal, Kids 2008-10-21 21:36:00 Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal
. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy."Good job! Now, what's this animal?""A dog!" said Ricky."Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad.""A horn
Rabbi and Priest 2008-10-21 21:08:00 A Rabbi
and a Priest
buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.
Drinking Politics 2008-10-19 18:54:00 A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar and sees a picture of President Bush hanging behind the bartender. He calls the bartender over and says, "You should take that picture down. George Bush is a blight upon this nation. He should be impeached."The bartender, a life-long Republican, is completely offended. "Why you liberal piece of garbage. How dare you come into my bar and tell me how t Read more:Drinking
Farmer and the Cow 2008-10-19 18:53:00 A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his righ
Mexican Smuggler 2008-10-17 19:08:00 Juan comes up to the Mexican
border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What''s in the bags?""Sand," answered Juan.The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discov
The BENEFITS of SEX 2008-10-12 18:47:00 Reading this is entertaining !!! Be sure to read the final comment. Did you know that we can determine if a person is sexually active or not by looking at her skin ? 1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests have shown that a woman who has sexual relations produces big amounts of estrogen which makes hair shiny and soft. 2. To make love in soft and relaxed way reduces the possibilities of su
Man, Woman, Sleeping Compartment 2008-10-12 18:47:00 A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."The man le Read more:Sleeping
Shipwrecked 2008-10-12 18:46:00 A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love.""Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."Every morning thereafter, the sailor sc
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