Owner: Humor Hero URL:http://www.humorhero.com/ Join Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:53:37 -0500 Rating:0 Site Description: The world needs a hug. That's someone else's job. Humor Hero wants to make you shart. Site statistics:Click here
Humor Hero Can Save Starbucks 2008-03-27 21:30:00 Last month Starbucks
closed all of their stores in the USA for several hours to teach the pimply faced teenagers and part-time stay-at-home moms who work there how to press buttons on a machine - uhh - how to make the perfect espresso. Meanwhile, Dunkin Donuts mocked them and stole their business for those few hours by giving coffee away for a buck.
This month, Starbucks lost a lawsuit over Read more:Humor
Being a Husband (By a Guy Who Has Only Done it for Seven Months) 2008-03-16 16:09:00 Marriage is scary for most men. I know why. It's the idea of permanence. Once you get married, you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with your spouse - unless you're William Shatner. (Come on, Priceline Negotiator can get a 5-star hotel room for $39 per night. You can't expect a man with such power, audacity and libido to stay with the same woman forever!)
Guys don't understand "forever Read more:Husband
, Seven
, Months
Why Live When You Can Wii? 2008-03-11 01:32:00 Fair warning: if you don't own a Nintendo Wii
yet, you may want to put on a wetsuit, because by the end of this, you'll be slobbering all over yourself, itching to get your hands on one.
Creating the Nintendo Wii is quite simply the most awesome thing humans have ever done. Discovering fire is mundane comparatively. I've only scratched the surface of what the Wii can do and I'm already convinced
10 Reasons Why Cars Should Drive Themselves 2008-03-05 22:22:00 Let's face it. We're all really busy these days. Go to the gym, go to work, go pick the kids up from school, go home, go to class, go dress up like a giant sandwich and save the universe. There's too much to do. Transportation between our various commitments has come a long way in recent years, but most drivers would like to take it a step further.
In response to the public consensus that Read more:Reasons
Cell Phones Must Die and This is Why 2008-02-28 01:26:00 If you don't have a cell phone these days you're either an African Bushman or not yet born. I have two cell phones: one for work and one for personal use. In fact, I don't even have a land line in my house. My theory is that one phone that I carry with me everywhere I go should be adequate to reach me at any given time - not to mention email, (At last count I have approximately 600 email Read more:Phones
, Cell Phones
Note to Razor Companies: Two Blades Are Adequate 2008-02-18 00:48:00 Over the past several years, shopping for shaving products has become a job for the Department of Defense. This one has 3 blades, that one has 5 blades, this one is a Mach 3, that one is a Fusion. For those who prefer electric razors, Philips Norelco offers "Shaving Systems."
Does anyone really need a "system" to shave? In this day and age, whose beard is so unwieldy that it must be contained Read more:Razor
, Companies
, Blades
Microsoft Should Buy the Ukraine 2008-02-10 22:44:00 On February 9, Reuters reported that Yahoo would reject Microsoft
’s takeover bid. For those nerds who care, this is like the one hot girl in calculus class standing you up for your after school date at the Scholastic Bowl match.
Yahoo has always been the hip, cool internet portal where you could find or do just about anything. Yahoo isn’t just an internet search company. They’ve got news, games, Read more:Ukraine
Men Want to be Ninjas 2008-01-19 20:12:00 At a wedding I recently attended, I conducted a highly scientific study regarding the desire for men to be ninjas. The results were unanimous. All men want to be ninjas. I was astonished and thrilled by this. I was a fan of the Ninja Turtles when I was growing up and I thought my desire to become a ninja stemmed from those Saturday mornings watching cartoons. Certainly this was no way for a
Citibank “Loses” Billions 2008-01-17 20:06:00 Citibank has announced that they are yet another casualty of the sub-prime lending spree that has been going on for the past several years. They wrote off approximately $18 billion on Tuesday. I’m pretty sure that’s about 75% of all the money in the world. Tiger Woods has the other 25%.
I’m no bank executive, but I think I understand what happened here:
Citibank loaned a bazillion dollars to Read more:Citibank
, Billions
Man’s Best Friend: Lazy and Disgusting 2008-01-15 19:48:00 Dogs. Americans own 73 million of them and the numbers are on the rise. Some researchers are even suggesting that they can help find and treat cancer. Yeah, that’s right - cancer.
This comes as a huge surprise to me because the only thing my dog can locate with any regularity is his own anus or animal poop that’s been roasting in my backyard for days. To him, these findings are an epicurean
Farts: Still Funny After All These Years 2008-01-14 21:33:00 Does any other bodily function carry so many conflicting emotions as farting? A fart can be funny, gross, respected for its powerful sound and stench or unnoticed completely. To better understand this phenomenon, one must first understand the fart itself.
I've spent quite a number of years perfecting the art of the fart and as such, I feel qualified to offer the following explanation:
There are Read more:Funny
, Years
Humor Hero for President in 2008 2008-04-04 18:00:00 I've taken a brief hiatus from my hardcore Billy Blanks exercise regimen to contemplate the more important issues facing our nation: the economy, the war in Iraq, the healthcare crisis, how the "greatest generation" is slurping up my social security dollars in their toothless gummed glory, the Nintendo Wii shortage, etc. In doing so, I've struggled to find a candidate who embodies my beliefs and Read more:Humor
, President
Humor Hero To Eliminate Disease One Acronym at a Time 2008-04-13 19:00:00 April 4, 2008, was a momentous day for America. It was a day that signaled the potential end of partisan politics in Washington. It was a day that gave hope to millions of Americans and most importantly it was a day for the common man. On April 4, I announced my candidacy for President of the United States of America. Since then I've been hard at work developing my campaign platforms. My desires Read more:Humor
Iraq Exit Strategy - Defer to Honda 2008-04-28 23:10:00 While Hillary and Obama are cat-fighting over which one says stupider things and John McCain is investing in Kimberly Clark (maker of Depends) stock, I'm continuing to think outside the box to solve our country's dilemmas. Two weeks ago I proposed my plan to improve America's health. Now it's time for an Iraq
exit strategy.
Better yet, true to the spirit of American laziness, let's hire someone Read more:Strategy
, Honda
Humor Hero's Presidential Campaign Continues 2008-05-14 21:57:00 Though I haven't seen a single vote in a single primary election, in the spirit of Billary, I hereby vow that my campaign for the presidency will continue until I have no dignity left! (In other words, my last speech will be given in my birthday suit.) I will not unveil any additional presidential plans, however. The Obama-Clinton race has sucked the political will out of me. In any case, Read more:Humor
, Presidential
, Campaign
When the Wife is Away, the Husband Will Do as Little as Possible 2008-05-17 00:14:00 My wife occasionally travels on business. This leaves me alone in my home with my dog. The result? One unkempt 27-year-old male and one malodorous house - and it's not necessarily the dog creating the stink.
When my wife leaves for several consecutive days, it's as though everything I've learned in the past ten years of my life has been forgotten. A creature that is apparently living inside of Read more:Husband
, Possible
The Irony of Low Flow Toilets 2008-05-30 13:00:00 I may as well just come out with it: low flow toilets stink.
Before I get 150 emails from all the angry, Oprah watching, L.L. Bean wearing, Subaru driving, vegan, "save the universe" freaks, let me explain. (Actually, if you're out there, go ahead and send me those emails. You might convince me that someone reads this blog.)
I fully support Mother Earth. If I pour myself a glass of wat Read more:Irony
Iraq Exit Strategy - Defer to Honda 2008-06-21 22:18:45 While Hillary and Obama are cat-fighting over which one says dumber things and John McCain is investing in Kimberly Clark (maker of Depends) stock, I'm continuing to think outside the box to solve our country's dilemmas. Two weeks ago I proposed my plan to improve America's health. Now it's time for an Iraq
exit strategy.
Better yet, true to the spirit of American laziness, let's hire someone Read more:Strategy
, Honda
Humor Hero's Presidential Campaign Continues 2008-06-21 22:16:57 Though I haven't seen a single vote in a single primary election, in the spirit of Billary, I hereby vow that my campaign for the presidency will continue until I have no dignity left! (In other words, my last speech will be given in my birthday suit.) I will not unveil any additional presidential plans, however. The Obama-Clinton race has sucked the political will out of me. In any case, Read more:Humor
, Presidential
, Campaign
When the Wife is Away, the Husband Will Do as Little as Possible 2008-06-21 22:16:01 My wife occasionally travels on business. This leaves me alone in my home with my dog. The result? One unkempt 27-year-old male and one malodorous house - and it's not necessarily the dog creating the stink.
When my wife leaves for several consecutive days, it's as though everything I've learned in the past ten years of my life has been forgotten. A creature that is apparently living inside of Read more:Husband
, Possible
The Irony of Low Flow Toilets 2008-06-21 22:14:23 I may as well just come out with it: low flow toilets stink.
Before I get 150 emails from all the angry, Oprah watching, L.L. Bean wearing, Subaru driving, vegan, "save the universe" freaks, let me explain. (Actually, if you're out there, go ahead and send me those emails. You might convince me that someone reads this blog.)
I fully support Mother Earth. If I pour myself a glass of wat Read more:Irony
Humor Hero Returns After Hiatus 2008-06-21 22:12:47 I have returned from time well spent in a posh, island paradise. During my travels I ate enough for seven men, enjoyed the sightseeing (sometimes too much), and bumped into about 10,000 Japanese tourists who love the idea of a weak American dollar. I came to Hawaii intending to urinate in the Pacific Ocean, but the Ocean had other ideas, soundly trouncing me into submission with every opportunity Read more:Humor
, Returns
, Hiatus
Humor Hero To Eliminate Disease One Acronym at a Time 2008-04-13 19:01:52 April 4, 2008, was a momentous day for America. It was a day that signaled the potential end of partisan politics in Washington. It was a day that gave hope to millions of Americans and most importantly it was a day for the common man. On April 4, I announced my candidacy for President of the United States of America. Since then I've been hard at work developing my campaign platforms. My desires Read more:Humor
Cell Phones Must Die and This is Why 2008-04-04 23:15:07 If you don't have a cell phone these days you're either an African Bushman or not yet born. I have two cell phones: one for work and one for personal use. In fact, I don't even have a landline in my house. My theory is that one phone that I carry with me everywhere I go should be adequate to reach me at any given time - not to mention email, (at last count I have approximately 600 email addresses Read more:Phones
, Cell Phones
Humor Hero for President in 2008 2008-04-04 16:04:30 I've taken a brief hiatus from my hardcore Billy Blanks exercise regimen to contemplate the more important issues facing our nation: the economy, the war in Iraq, the healthcare crisis, how the "greatest generation" is slurping up my social security dollars in their toothless gummed glory, the Nintendo Wii shortage, etc. In doing so, I've struggled to find a candidate who embodies my bel Read more:Humor
, President
Humor Hero Can Save Starbucks 2008-03-28 20:13:33 Last month Starbucks
closed all of their stores in the USA for several hours to teach the pimply faced teenagers and part-time stay-at-home moms who work there how to press buttons on a machine - uhh - how to make the perfect espresso. Meanwhile, Dunkin Donuts mocked them and stole their business for those few hours by giving coffee away for a buck.
This month, Starbucks lost a lawsuit over Read more:Humor
Being a Husband (By a Guy Who Has Only Done it for Seven Months) 2008-03-16 20:53:07 Marriage is scary for most men. I know why. It's the idea of permanence. Once you get married, you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with your spouse - unless you're William Shatner. (Come on, Priceline Negotiator can get a 5-star hotel room for $39 per night. You can't expect a man with such power, audacity and libido to stay with the same woman forever!)
Guys don't understand "for Read more:Husband
, Seven
, Months
Why Live When You Can Wii? 2008-03-11 11:28:19 Fair warning: if you don't own a Nintendo Wii
yet, you may want to put on a wetsuit, because by the end of this, you'll be slobbering all over yourself, itching to get your hands on one.
Creating the Nintendo Wii is quite simply the most awesome thing humans have ever done. Discovering fire is mundane comparatively. I've only scratched the surface of what the Wii can do and I'm already convinced
10 Reasons Why Cars Should Drive Themselves 2008-03-08 00:45:05 Let's face it. We're all really busy these days. Go to the gym, go to work, go pick the kids up from school, go home, go to class, go dress up like a giant sandwich and save the universe. There's too much to do. Transportation between our various commitments has come a long way in recent years, but most drivers would like to take it a step further.
In response to the public consensus that Read more:Reasons
Microsoft Should Buy the Ukraine 2008-03-02 20:03:09 On February 9, Reuters reported that Yahoo would reject Microsoft
’s takeover bid. For those nerds who care, this is like the one hot girl in calculus class standing you up for your after school date at the Scholastic Bowl match.
Yahoo has always been the hip, cool internet portal where you could find or do just about anything. Yahoo isn’t just an internet search company. They’ve got news, g Read more:Ukraine
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