Owner: everyday life as lyric poetry URL:catherinemcniel.blogspot.com Join Date: Sun, 18 Feb 2007 22:29:45 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: I'm a mama, a wife, a friend, a believer, a reader, a writer, a thinker, a seeker, sometimes a professor, always learning. Site statistics:Click here
Here it comes... 2007-06-29 20:41:00 Boy, are you in for a treat!We recently had the World's Cutest Baby photographed by the very talented Rachel Noemi. To see a slide show of the prints, click here. (You'll need a password, which is asher2007. But don't even think of not clicking!)And to tantalize you, here are just a few. Doesn't your heart just leap and then get a little dizzy when you see these? Well, mine does...(To contact Rachel Noemi click here) Read more:comes
Karma: as American as the 4th of July 2007-07-04 00:07:00 As I have mentioned, I decided recently to study world religions as a new hobby. For whatever reason, I have begun with Hinduism. So when I discovered that Julie's topic for the week was Karma, I was excited. The word karma literally means "action," and the Hindu concept demonstrates that for every human action or thought, there is a consequence. For the Hindu, this karma may play out over countless lifetimes, and provides the explanation and foundation for so much of life that otherwise seems arbitrary, mysterious, and difficult to understand. It is interesting to me that karma is not only applicable to an individual, but also to a collective, community, or society. Here's something else interesting. For thousands upon thousands of years, India has been a culture generally devoted to the science and practice of the spiritual disciplines - pursuing knowledge and advancement in spirituality as we in the West have sought knowledge and advancement in physical sciences. As a result (and Read more:American
The Asher Chronicles 2007-07-02 15:06:00 Life with Asher
is life with a perpetual font of cute stories. Here are a few that have stuck to my heart in the past few days.Guess who's started sneaking his vegetables behind his back when he thinks I'm not watching? If I should turn to get him some water or pick up the phone, Asher will very carefully pick up one veggie at a time, then carefully move his arm behind him where he slowly and carefully deposits the veggie under his seat. He keeps his eyes on me the entire time, with an angelic look on his face. This makes me consider reincarnation as a viable answer to life's mysteries. How could he possibly have learned this? I have never implied that he needed to eat his veggies before he gets the good stuff. Or that he needs to clean his plate. And he has never shown any disdain for vegetables. But he instinctually seems to know that its best to hide them if you think mom's not looking.********************He also enjoys sticking bites of food into his ear, then trying to stuff i
Weaning: My story (part 1) 2007-07-08 21:41:00 When I was pregnant, a lot of people asked me "do you want to breastfeed, if you can?"This question always struck me as odd. "If I can?" Why would I not be able to? I had researched breastfeeding quite a bit, and it seemed to me that except in very rare instances, a woman who had given birth would be able to breastfeed. Granted, the road might be fraught with difficulties. Granted, she might weight the various aspects of nursing, and of her life, and legitimately choose not to. But that wasn't really the same as "can't." Plus, I did want to breastfeed - very much actually. I had told my husband that if we couldn't have children of our own, one of my key regrets would be never experiencing breastfeeding. I fully expected it to be difficult on many levels, but I had chosen that I would would remain committed, come what may. After all, if this was something mothers frequently could not do, the human race would not have gotten very far.I still believe all of that. But one year later, I Read more:story
We interupt these deep thoughts for a meta-blog analysis 2007-07-06 10:36:00 Thanks to Karen for tagging me on this BlogRhet meme!1. Go back to first or early post. How would you describe your voice back in those early days?Who were you writing to? What was your sense of audience (if any) back then?I've given this thought, but I don't think my voice has changed significantly. I knew at the beginning that I was writing to existing friends and family, to any strangers that might happen by, to posterity, to the future, and primarily to and for myself and the creative art form that this is for me. I strive to be true to this last factor above and beyond the others. Since then, I have added new friends, as well as a larger body of acquaintances. I do keep this audience in mind as I write (primarily, this audience's sensibilities) but above all my voice speaks to create something consistent with who I am. 2. Do you remember when you received your first comment? What was it like?The very first post I wrote - which was just a brief "I started a blog, let's see wher Read more:thoughts
Traveling Heavy...but in a good way 2007-07-11 09:53:00 What do I carry with me?A good question, apparently, as I've been mulling it over all day. There are so many ways to answer, so many layers.Let's be straightforward, not over-analyze. If I'm going somewhere alone, I bring my wallet, keys, and phone. If I'm with Asher I carry a bulging bag of Anything and Everything, including but not limited to diapers, bottles, formula, water, sippy cup, cheerios, wipes, clothes, sunscreen, hat. If I'm going to work, its numerous bulging bags to accommodate my breakfast and lunch, my laptop and files, my pump (well, not anymore), and everything I've mentioned above as well.Only slightly less tangible are my thoughts. I carry them everywhere. Upon hearing what's on my mind, people have been know to look at me funny and say "it must be exhausting, being you." So true. The thoughts I carry are always heavy, cumbersome, tending to entangle me. But, oh! The adventures we have! The places we go! I really wouldn't want to leave them at h Read more:Heavy
, Traveling
Weaning: My Story (part 2) 2007-07-09 19:44:00 This is part two of a two part story. If you haven't already, please read the beginning first...This whole experience was tied so closely to my identify, to my values. While my primary concern was Asher's health, I could not avoid feeling as though this said something about me. About my failure. About my inability to care for my own child, the child of my body, through my body, in the most basic and primal and necessary of ways. I imagined what might have happened if formula wasn't available. I felt terrible about myself as a mother. I wondered what other areas I could fail at. Motherhood? Marriage? Life?And as loud as these voices were in my head, they were equally loud all around me. Much of it was unintentional - a friend happily reporting her baby's weight gain, stating joyfully that each pound was something for her to be proud of. Another friend discussing with disdain the marketing tactics of formula producers in third world countries, telling mother's that science had found
Oh, the fevered pitch of the Harry Potter Countdown! 2007-07-15 23:34:00 Last night I saw the movie HarryPotter
and the Order of the Phoenix. I was beside myself. You can ask my husband and sister in law, who very kindly accompanied me.But the real excitement is the wait for HP 7, building up around the world now for years, reaching a frenzied pitch as it climaxes at 12:01am this coming Saturday morning.The big question is, of course, what's going to happen? (Meaning, what's going to happen in Harry Potter world). But an only slightly less important question is- what's going to happen in the real world, as hundreds of thousands of us flock to the mailbox, bookstore, library, or in my case, Costco and then spend hours abandoning our posts, engulfed, absorbed, and otherwise, enthralled? And what will happen to us all when the waiting and wondering and fevered climax has finally broken, when there is nothing left to wait for, nothing left to wonder?Those are mundane questions, so I'll turn my thoughts to something more exciting. I'll join in the frantic Read more:Countdown
The next stop on my journey 2007-07-15 22:01:00 There is something I’ve been wanting to share with you.I’ve been traveling in India. Well, not literally. I wish literally. I've been there twice before, but this time my journey is virtual.I’ve been studying Hinduism as a hobby. And there is so much I want to share, somewhere in my head or in my heart, slowly but surely making its way out through my fingers. As much as I'd love to provide a full summary of what I've learned, a full research paper or book report, I have neither the time, nor the understanding to do it justice. Instead, I will share the thoughts that have stuck with me, the ones that have moved past the cerebral lobes and into my life. Not formally, but don’t be surprised if you find a tint here or there in my writing.This is such an enjoyable hobby for me! I am absolutely captivated. The culture, worldview, and devotion behind, within, and around Hinduism grasp my mind and my heart with intrigue. The past few months have found me beating a path to section 2
Guess what else I carry with me? 2007-07-13 14:53:00 I forgot something.In my wallet, folded up into a tiny square, fraying edges, fading print, is a piece of paper torn out of the yellow pages. Scribbled across it is the contact information that my now-husband gave to me when we parted ways for the first - and what we thought could likely be the last - time.His name, his address, his phone number, his email address. I had just graduated from college, and was moving to Switzerland. He was going home to California, then back here for school. We had been great friends, nothing more, and when we parted we said "I wonder if I'll ever see you again?"I did. Everyday, in fact, for more than four years. Too complicated and windy to tell here is the story of it. But even so, I still have this slip of paper with me, wherever I go. Not because I need to find him - he doesn't answer at that number, or address, anymore. But because I need to remember that one day we decided to stay in touch. And look where that brought us. Read more:Guess
Like a babbling, rushing stream 2007-07-18 07:37:00 This coming Sunday is my baby's first birthday. How is this possible?Some parents might throw a fantastic party or buy exciting presents to celebrate. I am doing these things too, but all the hustle and bustle makes me feel even less connected to the event, not more. For me it takes quietness, and reflection. Time to remember and celebrate and let go of the year that has gone by, to let go of babyhood. I stare at pregnant women and newborn babies these days. Stare and tear up a little. Was it really a whole year ago? Then again, was I really pregnant? Was he really that tiny? If so, why don't I seem to remember it?The lack of memory is due, I think, to the lack of sleep and lack to time away to process. Anne Lamott says that her son carries in himself every age he's ever been. I have already found this to be true, and the opposite as well. The transition from helpless tiny babe to opinionated, independent one-year-old has been so seamless and gradual that looking back at pictures ju
The Story of Asher: Part 1 2007-07-20 10:38:00 Although Asher
's birthday isn't until Sunday, a year ago today was my due date...and the day I actually began labor. So, in honor of these days I present Asher's "back story" in three parts. This is taken from my journal during pregnancy - close enough to the actual events to be accurate, far enough to gain perspective and "framing." If you consider this to be "too much information" that's ok....just stay tuned. Last October (2005), after months of frustrating, confusing, and painful experiences, I went to visit an OB. He did a number of tests and told me the news...the chances of Matthew and I getting pregnant without fertility drugs was very small; and even if we were to succeed, we would probably lose the baby early on through miscarriage. He was hopeful that fertility drugs would help us, so he wasn't too negative about it.I took a slightly different interpretation -- I was sad. It wasn't that I was adjusting to never having children, just that I didn't look forward to
The voice in the storm 2007-07-19 09:34:00 We had a very literally awesome thunderstorm last night. Again and again, the sky split in two and almost immediately the sound would come, rolling and trembling as our house shook with the power of it. When I was a kid, I loved thunderstorms and imagined God moving furniture or bowling in the sky. I found this "thunder myth" in an ancient sacred Hindu text recently. The world would be a better place if we taught our children to hear this voice in the storm... The children of Prajapati, the Creator - gods, human beings, and asuras (the godless) - lived with their father as students. When they had completed the allotted period the gods said "Venerable One, please teach us." Prajapati answered with one syllable: "Da.""Have you understood?" he asked."Yes," they said. "you have told us damyata, be self-controlled.""You have understood," he said.The humans approached. "Venerable One, please teach us."Prajapati answered with one syllable: "Da.""Have you understood?" he asked."Yes," they sai
A letter to my son, on his first birthday 2007-07-22 08:20:00 Dearest baby boy Asher,I love you so much. I love you more than I ever knew was possible. I hope and pray that some day you will have a child of your own, and know the love that your dad and I have for you. Until then, I hope and pray that you can somehow know and trust and rest in what we can give you.Today you are turning one. One year has gone by since I first saw you, since we first held you in our arms. Now, you are so big, so independent, so yourself. What an amazing year! Not only am I amazed at how quickly it has passed, I am even more deeply amazed at how little I can remember it. I have been by your side nearly every moment of the day and (until recently) night. While my memories are fleeting, this first year of your life has been a miracle to me; I have cherished each moment with you; each has changed my life and I am now wealthier than a king.I remember the day I first found out I was pregnant with you. My pregnancy was at risk, and I was so afraid to lose you. Yet at the s
The Story of Asher: Part 2 2007-07-21 18:28:00 Although Asher
's birthday isn't until Sunday, a year ago today I was in labor. So, in honor and celebration of these days I present Asher's "back story" in three parts. This is taken from my journal during pregnancy - close enough to the actual events to be accurate, far enough to gain perspective. Scroll down for Part 1.The next eight months are already a blurr, and were filled with too many days to recount (many of their stories have already been told on this blog). The first trimester was filled with the excitement of spreading the news, and of keeping the secret; high levels of excitement and of exhaustion; of intense and constant nausea, paralleled by intense and constant starvation-like-hunger. I started eating roughly three meals for each conventional meal - three breakfasts, three lunches, three dinners - and after a month of this had gained only one pound. When I think back to autumn, winter, and the chilly weather my stomach turns with the memory of the constant illne
Harry Potter Day, at last 2007-07-25 09:13:00 As if Asher's first birthday party wasn't exciting enough, July 21st was also the release date of the eagerly anticipated (to put it mildly) seventh HarryPotter
book. The impending party that I was hosting not withstanding, I arrived at Costco within an hour of it opening (and only an hour before Asher's party started) to purchase what we all know he was really wanting for his first birthday...I called my brother (who lives in a time zone two hours behind me) from the store to inform him of the amazing news - I am holding the book in my hands.I have the first 550 pages under my belt...just 200 more to go... aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
In case you missed it... 2007-07-24 16:09:00 Here's a video of Asher blowing out his candle, then one of him eating his first piece of cake. Pictures to follow! Hooray for Asher Dasher!
759 pages later... 2007-07-26 15:06:00 ...I'm finished.Wow.Wow.Wow.TALK TO ME!! I NEED TO PROCESS! Read more:later
In which, I am too broke, but still going: BlogHer 2007-07-29 20:37:00 Several months ago my husband mentioned that blogging women needed a conference. Ironically, the very next day, I found out that there was one - BlogHer. I didn't seriously consider going (too much time, too much money) until I realized it was in Chicago (much less time, much less money) and hence, possibly my only chance.I batted around the idea for months, trying and failing to talk a friend into coming with me, right up to the week registration ended. When - can you believe it? - Yahoo offered to sponsor the Silicon Valley and Chicago Moms Blog not only a pre-conference party in the city, but also 10 free passes. One of which came to me. I couldn't get out of work on Friday, but that still left Saturday. Much less time, and much less money. I was in. 'Twas the night before BlogHer...The Yahoo-sponsored party was super exciting. I mean, even if it had been a lame party its pretty cool to have someone like Yahoo inviting me to a cool restaurant like Viand in the City, to meet the o Read more:broke
Darshan: another perspective (part 3) 2007-07-28 21:14:00 I've told a few stories lately (part 1 and part 2), weaving my experiences with Asher with my experiences spiritually, on the topic of eye contact and watching. And, unexpectedly, I run into another perspective on this. And, unexpectedly this one comes from the rich spiritual traditions of Hindu belief. Darshan
literally means "seeing and being seen by God." Of course, when I read this my thoughts instantly went to the previous two installments to this story that I had recently written. Darshan is one of many very important devotional practices found within Hinduism. As the devotee prepares to worship his or her deity (who is understood to be representing merely one of uncountable aspects of the One Supreme God) much of the worship experience is centered on the moment when he or she will actually make eye contact with God. This moment comes during private or corporate worship, by making eye contact with an image of an aspect of God. This longed for and precious moment is intended to s
The final epic tale of Harry Potter 2007-08-02 08:41:00 Its been a week since I finished HarryPotter
and the Deathly Hallows. I’ve been looking forward to writing about it but there is so much and so little likelihood that I’ll do it justice. I’m still speechless. The most accurate thing I can say is “Wow.” Its tempting to link you to others who echo my thoughts, and do so better than I will, and leave it at that.But, of course, I won’t.Satisfying. This is the word I must use to describe book seven, a word that I find others, everywhere, using as well. I must admit – my expectations were high. Before I began to read, I allowed myself to believe that it could not meet my hopes. I told myself that there were too many smart, creative minds longing for the conclusion, and that together we had likely created something more than any one author could create; that a WikiPotter7 might have been a better way to end things.I was so wrong. And my satisfaction, given all the hype and hope, convinces me that JKR is indeed a genius.Not the
And one slightly blushing-pink thought 2007-07-31 22:30:00 Are any of you aware that I share my name with a super model? This fact launched itself into my consciousness a few months back when I did a Google image search for my name. Oh my. That's not me.Even more hilarious and potentially embarrassing is that someone has started a blog with the exact same address as mine (blogspot.com and everything) - just with two letters reversed. And this other blog is not about everyday life as lyric poetry. This other blog is about posting...pictures...of the Super Model Who Shares My Name.I discovered this fact when, while reading a friend's blog, saw that she linked to me...almost. I clicked on the link and said "Oh my. That's not me."I wonder how many people (old friends, relatives) have heard that I keep a blog, type in the address, forget how I spell my last name, and find that I'm keeping that kind of a blog? (Not, of course, that there is any real danger in confusing us!)Hilarious. Read more:blushing
, thought
A few green thoughts 2007-07-31 13:14:00 First of all, finally some good news about fast food. After I forwarded him the article, my husband's response was:that makes so much sense. Some green thinking person got a huge raise when they figured out in one fell swoop how to radically slash McDonald's fuel cost and improve public image.We actually did some serious research into buying a diesel vehicle and making our own biodiesel in the garage...and we would have too, if we didn't share our garage with four other condo owners...And, more bad news for cotton-wearing people everywhere. If you can figure out how to have a responsible ethic of not destroying ourselves, our children, our neighbors, and our animal and plant and ecosystem friends in the name of consumption and living standards...while still living in America...please, by all means, let me know. Read more:thoughts
Bridge under troubled waters 2007-08-03 15:01:00 I've been wanting to say something about the horrible bridge collapsing tragedy in Minnesota. I grew up there, I've been on that bridge hundreds of times. Just last month. I still have so much family and friends there. My cousin generally takes that route home, at the same time it collapsed, but didn't that day. I can't help but wonder about the hundreds of people I know who might, just might have had reason to cross that river that day.I'm accustomed to watching the dramatic network coverage of tragic events. But I'm not used to seeing something so familiar in the pictures. Those of you I know and love, I am grateful you are safe. But I know you are still so impacted. We're thinking and praying for you. Read more:troubled
Don't miss it! 2007-08-03 14:58:00 I just posted pictures of Asher's birthday party, but I dated the post closer to his actual birthday, for posterity. So, scroll down or click here to view. You know, if you subscribed to this blog, you would have already known...(grin, hint hint)
Look who's all grown up 2007-07-24 17:57:00 We had so much fun at Asher's birthday party - thanks to everyone who came and helped us celebrate. It was an honor for me to honor Asher and his life. And, I think my weeks of reflection did the trick; I now feel free to launch into the little-boy days ahead.But first, I pause for a few birthday pictures for posterity. There are many, yes, I know. But what a cute little sweet-pea...Ooh, new toys!Hooray for me!Woah! That's good stuff, chocolate!Why are all these people yelling, I mean, singing, at me??The Shrine
Meme Universe 2007-08-08 08:56:00 Since last I meme'd (can this be a verb? did I just coin a word?), I've been tagged by three gracious blog friends. Thanks for thinking of me! I've decided to do a great meme blowout and respond to them all right here. Ah, this will be fun (rubs hands together gleefully).First off, we have Dedee's Five Questions. She asked; I answer.1--What color most describes you and why? Are you blue? Green? If green, are you forest or hot or pear? Or are you a brownish-orange color? Or are you the vibrant red/purple that can only be found in a sunset? There are lots of colors in this world, pick one or two. Or does it depend on the mood?Oh my. Oh wow. Um.I think I'll need to choose a grouping of colors. In fact, I just did a quick Google Art Survey and I suggest this one. I'm linking to the original page, lest I break a copyright law or something...2--What smell most reminds you of your childhood home and why?I have an interesting...ok, odd...answer to this question. Ever since I was a kid, I Read more:Universe
...the more they stay the same 2007-08-07 12:16:00 Either this is a case of "the more things change, the more they stay the same" or else 1800's French political cartoonist Honoré Daumier had a gift for telling the future. If this doesn't sum it all up, I don't know what does. I vote this become the official logo for us all.Thanks to Mental Tessarae for the original posting!“As mother is in the throes of creative fervor, baby tumbles head first into the bathtub” From the Bluestockings Series by Honoré Daumier
Longing 2007-08-05 21:04:00 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. – Psalm 63 Yes, LORD… we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you. - Isaiah 26: 8-9 Read more:Longing
Living 2007-08-09 22:44:00 To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. -Emily DickinsonOne of my goals in life is to remember that life itself is a privilege, and fleeting. Infinity passed before I was born, and will pass again after I am dead. And will do so without me. This weighty, impossible thought is stunning to me. It is so much easier to believe that I exist through eternity on either side of my life something like as a baby - not in my memory, but still, very present. Or that my relationship to the future will be somewhat like my relationship to the past - something I can always pick up and read about, even if I am not there personally. An eternal observer, if not a participant. But this simply is not the case. (Depending on your meta-physical views) I did not exist before I was conceived. And I will not exist after I am dead. The time to be alive is now, today. And only today. Perhaps not tomorrow. Perhaps not tonight. And so, I strive to keep this privilege in mind, regardless of Read more:Living
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