Owner: Best Collection Of eMails URL:http://newmails.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Thu, 06 Mar 2008 16:12:17 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Find funny emails, funny jokes, facts, a whole collection of emails and article that I find interesting with various posts. Feel free to read and look for interesting material for your email or just to brighten up your day Site statistics:Click here
Job Interview of SARDARJI 2008-03-09 13:37:00 A sardarji goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Mr., can you tell us your age, please?”The sardarji counts carefully on his fingers for half a minute beforereplying. “Um … 22.”The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?” The sardarji stands up and produces a measuring tape from his handbag. He then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the he won’t have to count, measure, or lookup. “Just to confirm for our records, your name please?” Read more:Job Interview
Cool break-up 2008-03-09 13:32:00 A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girl friend back home. It read as follows:Dear Ricky,I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I’m sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.Love,BeckyThe soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:Dear Becky,I’m so sorry, but I can’t quite remember who the hell you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.Take Care,RickyMoral of the
10 things you don’t like to hear during surgery 2008-03-09 13:26:00 I’ve just recently had a surgery for my right hand and I know how scary it feels just thinking about going under the knife. I had a good laugh reading this joke today. But seriously - these are 10 things
that I surely don’t want to hear my doctor say…* Has anyone seen my watch?* Come back with that! Bad Dog!* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?* Hand me that… uh… thingy over there.* What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change!* Damn, there go the lights again…* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!* What do you mean, he’s not insured?* Let’s hurry, I don’t want to miss “Bay Watch”And the number one thing I don’t want to her my doctor say during surgery…* Oops!
Advanced urine test 2008-03-09 13:10:00 One day Bill complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend offered, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.”Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting.
Hillarious Ones...read dem all 2008-03-07 09:31:00 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it
Hillarious Ones....Must read :-) 2008-03-07 09:31:00 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it
Identifying the MAN 2008-03-07 09:04:00 Three women were returning to their Hungarian village when they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them. As they watched him stumbling, he fell face down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him. However, his face was so covered with mud that she bent over and unzipped his pants. She remarked, “Well, he’s not my husband.” The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, “Your right, he’s not your husband.” The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent over to look and said, “He’s not from our village.”
Geoge Bush In Hell 2008-03-07 08:44:00 George W. Bush had a heart attack and died. He went to hell where the Devil was waiting for him.‘I don’t know what to do here,’ said the devil. ‘You are on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves.’ The devil open the first room: in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. ‘No!’ Bush said. ‘ I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day.’ The devil led him to the next room: In it was Tony Blair
Funny...The PARACHUTE CLUB 2008-03-07 08:43:00 Upon reaching 65, old Gary decided to retire.After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he goes and does something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby.Old Gary obliged and went out for a couple of hours.When he got home Pat asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club.""What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes again?""Yeah, look I even got a membership card.""Old man!!!!!, you need glasses! This is a membership in a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!""Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up for 5 jumps a week!" Read more:Funny
Three MICE! 2008-03-07 08:30:00 Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "Whenever I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, then press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."The first mouse a Read more:Three
Funny...Swallowing Of COIN 2008-03-07 08:23:00 A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a coin.Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea stall in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of Tea.At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her Tea cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly.After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, wh Read more:Funny
Awesome....The Wedding night 2008-03-07 08:18:00 Sipho gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before. So what do I do first?His father: Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed. 5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again. She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?His father can't believe what he is hearing, Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her. After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again. Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, Shit son, do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!Just when the old man starts snoring, his son is on the phone once again. Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl
Customer is always right! 2008-03-07 08:13:00 The owner of a new departmental store called his new salesmen and told " Always remember that the customer is very important. He is the king. You have to explain patiently whatever he asks and please remember 'Whatever he says is Right'."All the salesmen went to their allotted departments. The owner was observing them through TV. Excepting one salesman all were doing good business. He called that salesman in the evening and scolded him " I have been watching you. Though many customers came you have not been able to sell even a single item. Why"The salesman replied, " Sir, I have been following your instructions very carefully. Whenever a customer comes, I explain him the details of the product, it's special features and clarify all his doubts. In the end they comment that the price of the Read more:always
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Never underestimate illiterates.!!!! 2008-03-07 07:55:00 A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa . We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"The lawyer asked, Read more:underestimate
Funny+Adult...Discount Seore...read on 2008-03-07 07:48:00 A woman went to a discount store service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." By now a crowd was beginning to gather.The clerk ran away to get the store manager who asked the lady what was wrong. She explained once again that she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The manager also told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming, "Rub my nipples, rub my nipples." The crowd was growing larger.The very embarrassed sto Read more:Adult
, Discount
, Funny
Intereesting....read this one 2008-03-07 06:53:00 A 27-year-old Chinese woman won the chance to buy a car for the equivalent of 6p by kissing it for more than 24 hours. A shopping mall in Beijing invited people to kiss six Chevrolet cars with the one lasting the longest being given the chance to buy the car for just one yuan.The cars, parked in the lobby of the Xizhimen Jiamao Shopping Centre, had plastic nipples attached to them, reports the Beijing News.Participants had to kiss the nipples without touching the car. They were allowed a ten minute break every seven hours.More than 400 people applied to take part in the game, but only 120 were selected, since each car had only 20 nipples.After 24 hours, there were still 28 participants left so the mall introduced new rules requiring them to stand on one foot with their hand behind their ba
Generous Lawyer 2008-03-07 05:25:00 In an interview,the lawyer was asked a question:"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again."or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" Read more:Lawyer
Really Funny...The Three Sons 2008-03-07 05:18:00 Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes."The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:"Dear Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!""Dear Gerald, Read more:Funny
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Little helper 2008-03-23 05:24:00 Little Susie was Mommy’s helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Soon, everything was on, Mr. Smythe the guest came in, and everyone sat down.Then Mother noticed something was missing…“Susie, dear,” she said, “You didn’t put a knife and fork at Mr. Smythe’s place.”“But, Mommy, I thought he wouldn’t need them,” explained Susie. “Daddy says he always eats like a horse!”
How to kill your mother in law 2008-03-23 05:10:00 A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother
-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband! d great distress.Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided t
The nude statues 2008-03-23 04:49:00 Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues.
He said to them, “God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to grant you a wish of becoming human for a short time.” The angel then went on to say that they would be human for fifteen minutes and will finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years.
The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and
Watermelons 2008-03-30 15:29:00 A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!” He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”
A Visit To School !!! 2008-03-30 11:16:00 President Bush went to a school to interact with the children. After havingone brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any question toask him.One boy raised his hand and stood up;Bush: whats your nameJohn: johnBush: whats your question?John: Sir, I have three questions1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?2) Where is osama?3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?Bush: you are an intelligent student John....(just then the bell for recessrang)Oh! Dear students we will continue after the recess is over.After the recessBush: ok children where were we?Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?Peter raises his handBush :Whats your name?Peter : Sir,I am Peter. I have 5 questions.1) Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?2) Where is osama?3 Read more:School
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