Owner: Mommy Has A Headache URL:www.mommyhasaheadache.blogspot.com Join Date: Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:06:43 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Humorous look at life told from the point of view of an irreverent Brit living in the US who has far too much time on her hands. Site statistics:Click here
Ahoy there Matey! 2008-07-07 11:33:23 Well, it is Sausage's fifth birthday on Saturday and as usual my husband is trying to get me - kicking and screaming - to involve myself in the concept known as having a 'kids' birthday party' aka hell aka screaming brats in my house. So. It was time to think of new concepts. Concepts that involved maybe, having a bunch of five year olds at a birthday party on the sea, sans me.Luckily I was able t Read more:Matey
A Sausageless World 2008-07-07 09:57:21 Today Scarlett (7) asked me, "Mummy, what are you reading?"To which I replied, "Adam's Curse: The Science That Reveals Our Genetic Destiny by Bryan Sykes."Scarlett: "What's it about?"Me: "Well, this geneticist is saying that the Y chromosome is so weak that in 125,000 years men will probably have died out. What do you think we'd do if there were no men?"Scarlett, deadpan: "We'd all have to be lesb Read more:World
Excuse me, but I think these panties are off 2008-06-27 12:51:41 Fan mail. I do so enjoy it. But for all you gentlemen out there, I know that maybe I come across as some sort of lewd tart, but I really am a sensitive soul and would appreciate some tender missives of romance comparing my eyes to limpid pools of Nutella etc. But I suppose I must take what I can get. And what I got today was this:Dear Emma,Not sure if you remember me, but you posted to my blog Eve Read more:Excuse
, think
, panties
Whingers, Whiners and Publicity Whores 2008-07-22 10:44:52 Not so long ago I informed you all about the emergence of a new literary genre I term Prick Lit, in which men 'reclaim their masculinity', grab their pipes and slippers and bow down and worship at the altar of Hugh Hefner and his inflatable friends.And to the Prick Literati I say, fair dos, have a little cry about the fact that your penis is too small and no one will sleep with you. But at least b Read more:Whores
Telling the truth about sex 2008-07-15 10:12:59 You know that woman who said you were the best lover she ever had...well... she was probably lying. I have a friend called Jessica who tells every lover she wants to keep as a boyfriend that he is the best she's ever had even if they are only so-so. She says it makes them feel secure. Right.And yeah, it's true, all the boyfriends I've had have asked me, "Am I the best ever?" but I usually avoid th Read more:Telling
Something to worry about 2008-07-11 10:32:11 Last night was quite a wild one for me. I took a little crack: Then it was on with my glad rags and I was off to get me some cock.After a lively evening of playing Spot the Slut,I got chatting to a lady called Beryl who I have a feeling wasn't a lady.Which brings me to my thought for today. If you are a straight man, maybe this thought will cause you several days of shitting yourself as you scroll Read more:worry
Hard Working Degenerates 2008-08-08 11:56:03 When I heard that the foppish Brit Sebastian Horsely had, hilariously, been banned from entering the US for a book tour promoting Dandy of the Underworld because of his "moral turpitude" I immediately had to read it, and what fun it is. Dandy in the Underworld by Sebastian HorsleyMy reviewrating: 5 of 5 starsSebastian is a hard working degenerate. He's done it all with bells on, including rolling
Disadvantaged kids get second chance 2008-08-06 09:52:46 Amanda after surgery...no longer disadvantagedIt's not often that I am moved by a story but this one really did it for me (watch clip here). Imagine if you will, the torture of being 15 year old Amanda, who had DD breasts. She was teased mercilessly. "Some of my friends thought I was making intentional cleavage when I wasn't," she says. I cried, I actually cried when I heard her say that.The situa Read more:chance
Martha Stewart's origami underwear 2008-08-05 11:11:43 While I was at a book shop, flicking through the five volume set of History of Men's Magazines, the first thing I wondered was, would anyone find these images erotic today? Fifties and sixties porn is amazingly unerotic because it is so artificial, coy and staged, and seventies porn is just, well, too hairy for today's tastes. But I did enjoy thinking about the discussions that the editors must ha Read more:Martha
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, origami
A Cheesy Romance 2008-07-31 19:59:41 Emma K, international superstar, age 37George M, international superstar, age 42Here we go again. In an attempt to get away from it all, hubby whisks me off on a romantic night in DC. First he presents me with the gift of cheese. What is it about cheese that sets my loins aflame? Once again he had found his mark. And this was no ordinary cheese. No common or garden piece of Gouda. No rubbery chedd Read more:Cheesy
, Romance
Maniac Training of Lolitas 2008-07-28 15:58:44 Although Japan is one of the most sexless societies in the world (a WHO report released in March found that one in four married couples in Japan had not made love in the previous year, while 38% of couples in their 50s no longer have sex at all), it has launched one of the most bizarre and yet kind of sweet trends in the last few years. Yes, "elder porn" is all the rage in Japan and the old goat w Read more:Maniac
, Training
New for Latex Lovers 2008-08-21 11:07:25 Is it a bird, is it a plane?No! It's the new spray on condom.Yes! Researchers at the German Institute for Condom Consultancy are planning to launch a spray-on condom. They are currently conducting tests in which the man 'inserts the erect penis into the spray condom apparatus'. The penis is then sprayed with latex from all sides. Here is the video, which is funnier in Italian:Is it just me or do y Read more:Latex
, Lovers
Michael Phelps wart plaster up for grabs 2008-08-19 15:22:59 Right now Phelps
mania is sweeping Baltimore like the Bubonic Plague. Since Phelps is a famous Baltimorean or as the locals call it, a 'Baltimoron', the conversation in every cafe, restroom and shop is as follows:"Did I tell you that my daughter once babysat Michael
Phelp's sister?""Yeah, about fifty times. But did you know that my son actually sat behind Phelps once in Math?""Actually, my daughter Read more:grabs
Peaches is the cat that got the cream 2008-08-13 14:45:48 Today on Salon I read an excerpt from Marrying Anita: A Quest For Love In The New India, a book by Anita Jain. Ms. Jain, who lives in New York, had got tired of pretending that dating was fun and had turned her back on the traditonal pick and mix of penises and STDs, of burst condoms, drunkenly scribbled phone numbers on match boxes, she didn't want an affair with a married man, had no interest in
Witch, lech or fool? 2008-09-16 19:50:59 In recent tymes I foundeth myself at yon Renaissance Festival and after much jostling, tooing and froing, and much bear baiting and maypoling, I found myself, after partaking of the mead, upon the stage where a man with long beard was trying to discredit me as a witch and have me burnt! What a scoundrel! This lustful Greybeard was trying to find out if I really was a witch by poking me with a stic Read more:Witch
Nice day at the orifice? 2008-09-12 10:23:01 Sex workers and their supporters protest in front of City Hall in celebration of International Sex Workers' Rights Day in San Francisco, California March 3, 2008. Dozens of sex workers marched to demand the decriminalization of adult prostitution, securing social recognition of sex work as a valid profession and establishing sex workers' right to self-determination. The movement started in India i
Twelve Nipple Special 2008-09-09 19:29:12 How times change. Going to the Maryland State Fair the other day I realized I had matured. Unlike when I was a fresh faced youth and I would have spun on every ride until I was covered in vomit, I only went on two rides. The first was a Spinning Apple you sat inside that smelt of feet which made my stomach churn. In fact I had to tell the kids to stop spinning it. So in fact I only went on a Stati Read more:Twelve
, Special
Sarah Palin for VPL 2008-09-04 10:56:36 Well, the first thing I did when I heard that Sarah
Palin was standing as the Republican candidate for VP was call her up and congratulate her. She laughed about it because she said when John McCain first called her to ask about being VP she thought he was trying it on and talking about her VPL. But once that little matter was sorted out, she was delighted to accept.Now a lot of people think Sarah
I got crabs 2008-09-02 11:14:34 Don't get me wrong, I really like animals. As long as they're running around in TV commercials and not in my house. It's a bit like children. You really get a false impression of the reality of kids from the movies. Like, I was hooked into wanting kids when I saw Diane Keaton in Baby Boom create a million dollar baby food company while her toddler happily played on the floor beside her without put
Debriefing at Dawn 2008-08-26 11:36:36 The latest tale of political correctness gone mad involves an associate lawyer at London firm Shearman and Sterling who went out drinking with a bunch of mates. He took a female intern with him and she later went on with him to a strip club where he tried it on and was rebuffed. The next day the intern filed a complaint, claiming he'd made suggestive remarks and tried to touch her. The lawyer was
How not to be a people magnet 2008-10-03 11:09:35 In an attempt to conquer my misanthropic streak I read a self-help book called How to Be a People Magnet : Finding Friends-and Lovers-and Keeping Them for Life. The theory of the book is to make every single person you meet like you and to become your friend, both as a way of networking (you know the type of thing: the man handing you your McDonald's Burger could in ten years be the head of a Holl Read more:people
Who is Benny Lava? 2008-09-26 13:33:15 Oh gosh, oh gosh, I nearly peed myself at this video. And now I'm so turned on and I'm scratching my head wondering, who is the hot mystery man in this video? Who is Benny
Lava?Is it:a. Legendary foul mouthed blogger Fingers? b. George Michael after an excessive session on a sunbed?c. Big Hairy Bush?d. Borat?e. The Hoff?Or could it be anyone else you can think of? Answers please. This is a competi
Mary Was A Slut 2008-09-22 13:53:52 It's been a stressful week for me. In a moment I can only describe as devastating, I discovered that the Virgin Mary isn't or rather wasn't a virgin. For crying out loud! Mary, it turns out, did not birth Jesus hymen intactus! The woman was my role model. For years I kept my legs pressed together hoping for a place at God's right hand in heaven. And now I find that the reason the bible says Mary w
Nuts in May 2008-10-22 13:31:23 I was just chuckling at Misssy Martin's amusing post about the amount of nutters she attracts, when I started to go down memory lane, thinking of some of the long buried top nuts in my past. And now, like a squirrel, I will unbury a couple for your delectation.Yes indeed, when I was single I used to attract nutters at every turn. There was the quite attractive man called Felix who tried to seduce
You will hear her screams 2008-10-20 13:42:56 I really do adore my friend Daisy, but her daughter, who I will refer to as Child X (age 8) is now so off the charts crazy that I don't know if I can bear to be around her anymore.Last night my husband, Daisy and Darren, Child X and my two kids were at a restaurant. My kids order chicken nuggets and french fries. When the waitress asks Child X what she wants, she says:"A New York Strip."Daisy anxi
Miss DIY 2008-10-14 09:51:21 FISH DEATH WATCH...TWO OUT OF SIX NOW DEAD....GOGGLE EYED BLACK FISH 'CUTIE' AND GOLDFISH 'SWEETIE' RIP...POSSIBLE CAUSE OF DEATH BODY ODOR WITHDRAWALSo, we live in a funny quaint neighborhood where neighbors are always putting out stuff with a sign saying “$5 or Nearest Offer” or “Free” and then you lug home the one ski or a fax machine from 1974, and when you have amassed all the crap at
Penises can be funny too 2008-10-09 12:23:09 Hey dear readers,Before I talk about celebrity penises, I just want you to know: I love you. I have very much enjoyed tickling your fancy via my blog on many an occasion. And now I need you to scratch my itch and vote for me in the Bloggers Choice Awards here!Why do I need you to help me out? Well, I'm working on a book project which I'll need to get as much PR for as possible, and I need you to b
Should Donuts Be Illegal? 2008-10-07 09:46:55 Right now, adults and kids in Haiti are subsisting on 'cookies' made of dirt, salt and vegetable shortening because it is the only thing they can afford. So excuse me if I don't have any sympathy for the Fat Acceptance movement (NAAFA) whose objective it is to battle prejudice against fat people. To NAAFA I say, please stop being ridiculous. No, I don't think women should aspire to be waifs, and o Read more:Donuts
Obamaconfusion 2008-11-12 09:32:16 While most of you enjoyed the massive Obamagasm that throbbed through the world last Tuesday and are now basking in the afterglow smoking a post-coital cigarette, we parents are left sitting on politically correct minefields that are just waiting to go off.Just yesterday I had to weather this conversation:Scarlett (7): "Mom, did you know that Obama is the first Native-American in the White House?"
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