Owner: Just a Girl in Short Short Shorts Talking About Whatever URL:http://girlinshortshorts.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2007 15:54:15 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Observations and commentary by post-modern neo-feminist libertarian cyberpunk on politics, society, culture and whatever. Site statistics:Click here
A Girl's Super Bowl 1970-01-01 00:59:59 While I really consider Wimbledon to be the top spectator sporting event, I'll be watching the Super
Bowl. More and more women are joining the male dominated NFL fan club.But, I don't think we will ever be as enthusiastic as the guys. For one thing we can't pretend there was a time in our past when we were physically familiar with the game. Powderpuff is ok--but it ain't real football. For sure it's not softball. For some women it's a big payday. It is one of the busiest days of the year for strippers. Apparently some guys prefer private entertainment over the multi-million dollar half time extravaganza.A lot of women say they watch the Super Bowl
to see the ridiculously expensive ads. These are sometimes clever, amusing and even artistic. But, lets face it, the primary demographic target are Young Dumb White Guys. Mud fighting beer ads are beloved by the aforementioned group. I must admit there are aspects of this marketing genre that appeal to me, but most straight girls ar
Not Snickering Anymore 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Am I ever a stupid lezzie. Maybe that's because I'm a 90% solution lez . But I thought the snickers commercial, with the bozo mechanics accidentally kissing, was funny. I even thought there was a good message there. To top it off, I highlighted it on my blog. If you haven't seen it go here and take a look: Super Bowl PostscriptIt showed two butt ugly male mechanics accidentally touching lips as they attempted to swallow a snickers bar. These two bubbas are profoundly repulsed and feel an immediate need to get their manhood back—which they attempt to do by pulling out their chest air. I don't know what that proves--if they'd been real he-men they would have gone for the pubes.But I have since found out a lot of gay rights groups felt the ad was homophobic. And I thought here we go again—just like my expulsion from NOW .But to me the reaction of these two idiots to an accidental lip smack hysterically pointed out a couple of things. First, the ignorant assumption that gay
Super Bowl Postscript 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It looked like the game was being played on Seattle's rain-swept Quest Field. However, I was personally glad to see the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, get all soaky with purple rain. I've never been able to figure the deal with that guy (though I did like the dancers in the boots and minis).He is certainly the world's most supremely self-absorbed celeb, with the possible exception of Donald Trump. And yuck -the phallic hieroglyphic stage and guitar-all of which is the cosmic symbol of the artist formerly known as...But perhaps it is appropriate the self-indulgent rips serenaded us during this bankrupt fairy tale. You see, I think it is nice the guy formerly known as the greatest quarterback never to win a Super
Bowl, finally got the notch in his belt. But the bad guys won.Though these Colts wear the same uniform as the old Baltimore Colts, they are not the mythical team of Johnny Unitas. In 1983 they snuck out in the middle of the night, and re Read more:Super Bowl
Swooning Laila 1970-01-01 00:59:59 As part of my warped childhood, I watched old boxing videos with my grandfather. A few times he even took me to some live ring action. I was thrilled—although I found the place a bit stinky. But I was always a receptive listener to his tales of famous fights. One of those was the story of the two fights between Muhammad Ali and Sonny Liston.Sonny Liston was this ex-con, with a mean surly disposition. Cassius Clay was this real pretty guy from Louisville. In their first fight in 1964 Clay promised to " float like a butterfly and sting like a bee." He made good on the promise by outclassing and out punching the old thug. But everyone hated him cos he was uppity.America had finally come to the realization (although we still can't openly say it—not politically correct) that African-Americans are better boxers (and football players, and basketball players and etc.) than pale skins. But we still expected them to be a "credit to their race" America of 1964 would have preferred the Read more:Laila
Neocon Princess Takes the Stand 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I like to celebrate Groundhogs Day with early morning drinking. Judy Miller may also.But last Wednesday she had to settle for a tall mocha double espresso latte to go. And it wasn't even brewed up by an enthusiastic bodacious barista. The caffeine may have helped the former WMD Champion get through the tribulations of the Scooter Libby trial, but it certainly did not noticeably improve her memory.Defense lawyers grilled her. But that pesky memory kept getting in the way."I remember having conversations, sir," Miller said on the stand. "I don't know what you want me to say beyond what I've said. I don't remember the people I talked to. That's all I can tell you, sir. I just don't remember. I DON'T REMEMBER"It's a long ways from the days she dreamed of being Queen of Mesopotamia.Of course, since she is the girl whom Dick Cheney loves like a daughter (and would be much less trouble than the pregger lezzie), Miss Miller has pointed the finger at Scooter Libby, wit Read more:Princess
, Stand
Chuck Norris and the Homeboy 1970-01-01 00:59:59 If I am going to comment on this, there is no way I can avoid coming out of the closet.So here it is: from time to time I do waste my time watching Hannity and Colmes. I do this because I want something a little edgier, after the fair and balanced approach of The Factor which precedes it on FOX News.And then last Friday the event we have all been waiting for actually happened. ChuckNorris
filled in for Sean Hannity.Put Chuck on the list of celebs who should not open their mouth (other note worthies are Jane Fonda and Sean Penn).Maybe I'm being a little too critical. After all, perhaps Chuck's experience pretending to be a solider makes him the ideal commentator on military strategy in Iraq.And so it was he took on Iraqi-American rapper TIMZ: When Chuck Norris
mans the anchor desk, the terrorists win.P.S.—If you are curious, here is TIMZ's rap vid: ~Becky Read more:Homeboy
Razz 1970-01-01 00:59:59 You know, when people are unanimously trashing a flick, my American love for the underdog always comes out. And I also start feeling bad for them. And so it was with BloodRayne.A few weeks ago I was flipping through channels and they were just starting the movie on Sc-Fi. I decided to try it out. After all, any movie where I can just watch Kristanna Loken running around with weapons outta be enough to keep me interested.But my gawd is it awful. Painful. Somehow I find it offensive any natural resources were used to press the DVD. I suppose in a super cheesey way it might work. But, I am pretty certain that was not the intent. Rather than putting out a clip of the stinker, I'd rather do something more pleasant—like look at Miss Loken: Anyway, do you know what Kristanna and Sharon Stone have in common? Well, they have both starred in films with the Governator ( Total Recall and T3: Rise of the Machines). But, that is not the achievement I was thinking of.Even more awesome, they are
The Restoration of Tara 1970-01-01 00:59:59 By virtue of the power bestowed by Trump, Tara Conner has been returned to us fresh and restored. Blondenfreude strikes again.Do you know about blondenfreude? It is the glee and pleasure people derive from the suffering of fair-haired women—or perhaps more accurately powerful women in general. The term was first coined by Alessandra Stanley to describe the feeding frenzy that surrounded Martha Stewart following her relatively insignificant transgressions.While Miss USA is not the corporate diva Martha Stewart is, as a symbol of Corporate America's ideal woman, she has power. Besides, in her younger days Miss Stewart did some modeling, and has never had an aversion to using her looks.Part of the blondenfreude thing is the satisfaction alpha men get in seeing alphaettes fall. But, as the story of Tara Conner illustrates, there is more to it than just that.From pornography to mainstream TV, the degradation of women has much greater entertainment value than does that of men. But once t
Wonder Woman Unplugged 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I once made a list of female action heros and left Wonder Woman
off the list. I got my sweet cheeks bitch slapped to femsting come.I like Wonder Woman well enough. I recognize the high place she holds in Feminist History. I know she was the first woman to grace the cover of Ms. Magazine. But I think she is a Republican. That does not automatically disqualify her. I even have a friend who is a Log Cabin Republican and is a lawyer and political consultant for the party. But that takes some pretty nimble mental gymnastics. And say what you want about Wonder Woman, I have never seen much indication of super gray matter.More seriously, a lot of my friends say she is that worst of worst—an Amazonian hasbian. Well, I best not personally comment on that. But there are all degrees here, and it does not necessarily mean one has bought into the Focus on the Family Restoration Program. By the way, what do you think they do at those de-gaying programming sessions? Maybe show a lot of hetero porn
Astrostalking With Robochick 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It's Monday, of course that means you need to put on a diaper, grab a couple of deadly weapons and take a quick road trip across the country. That's what you do if you are Robochick and the object of your vengeance is Billy-O's boy toy. So say the Orlando Police.Last summer, Robochick (otherwise known as Lisa Nowak ) piloted a mission of the Space Shuttle. This time she entered the quadrants in an ordinary automobile, on a mission of astrostalking. The police maintain she planned to eliminate Colleen Shipman, her rival for the affections of fellow astronaut William "Billy-O" Ofelin.After confronting Ms. Shipman at a parking lot at the Orlando airport, Robochick shot pepper spray in her face. Police say the plan was to kidnap the lady and subsequently knock her off, if she didn't agree to keep her paws off Billy-O. I've seen a pic of the guy. He seems to be a stud, in a military kind of way. But, I'll let others, with a better taste for these things, opine on whether he
The Rape of Anna Nicole 1970-01-01 00:59:59 They're now calling it the Immortal Express. The trainwreck goes on.The baby, which may be worth a billion and a half, is under wraps in the Bahamas. Two guys and a fleet of lawyers are fighting in two states and a foreign country, for the right to call themselves Paw. A guy in the Bahamas claims he fucked the girl —he doesn't want the kid, just a house.And now comes the Clown Jester of the whole thing. Prince Frederick von Anhalt, husband of ninety-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor, has made proclamation either he is the father, or it could be any of thirty guys—but neither of the other two putative Paws. I don't know whether the guy in the Bahamas is on the Prince's list. However, I do understand the Prince will sell you some Slovakian Royal title. He claims that was how he snared Anna Nicole. And apparently welched on the deal.Make it stop.Wouldn't it be kinda nice, on the day Anna Nicole's body was sliced and diced , if some of these people could do a little of the mourning t
Kinda dowdy 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Maureen Dowd has her panties in a knot. Or maybe it was just a hot flash.Regardless, I suggest she keep her eye on the long legged girl in the mini and heels. There might be a revolver in that hot pink purse.Yesterday the New York Times columnist regaled America with impressions of her recent browse through Borders. A wave of nausea overcame the lady in the fiction section. She compared it all to Valentines Day. I hope the gag was brought on by overindulge in conversation hearts. The only self-respecting girl who would have this reaction to that holiday is a recent creep casualty.What offended her was all the chick lit. For those who do not get out to bookstores, let me explain the genre. It has the flavor of Sex and the City. And I am sure you have heard of The Devil Wears Prada. It features hip stylish young female heroines, who usually sport diamonds and always drink lattes. The adventures usually take place in the city and are told in an irreverent tone (which Maureen is also very Read more:Kinda
License to Breed 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I get so amused when I'm back home in Washington State. Those caffeine freaks are always coming up with something. If its not bodacious baristas, its outlawing childless marriage. And we all know homosexuals are the funniest people on the face on the earth. The reason is that usually at the heart of the giggle is a solid nut of logic.Last summer, with two of the justices facing stiff election competition, the Washington State Supreme Court ruled the state's equal protection clause did not require they treat same sex couples the same as heteros. Said it would be nice—but none of their business. So they passed the ball off to the legislature, which like the representatives of the people everywhere, can usually do nothing of importance.Sometimes these august judicial bodies will give a push to the lawmakers, like the New Jersey Supreme Court did. And then the laggards will address issues facing a large number of their constituents. But in the absence of that you can generally count Read more:Breed
, License
A House Divided 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Barack Obama stood on the steps of the old capital in Springfield, for the same reason Abraham Lincoln once did, to announce his candidacy for president of the Republic.Part of this was to highlight that the first Republican president had as little experience as does the Senator. But of course he wished to invoke the ghost of the mythical president. And he threw out one of his most famous quotes, about a house divided against itself cannot stand.In 1860 the country was torn by partisan and ideological polarizations which everyone knew would eventually rip the nation apart. The railroad attorney promised a new brand of politics that would unite us. The Bismark of America did unite us, with a no opt-out constitutional amendment, written in blood. Besides eliminating the shame of institutional slavery, the War Between the States was the dawn of the ascendancy of industrial monied interests over agrarian values.After the war, the Republican Party quickly ejected the radicals, who believed Read more:Divided
, House
Loose Change 1970-01-01 00:59:59 WTF:Rosie O'Donnell posted some headlines on her blog today: "CLAIM: SMITH CHOKED ON HER OWN VOMIT…CBS: Investigators found illegal narcotics, prescription meds in room…Mother Blames Drugs…Lawyer vows no DNA sample…Battle Over $1.6 Billion Fortune Brewing…Autopsy to Be Performed…She Died Like Marilyn…Timeline…Final Footage Sells for Over $500,000…*VIDEO…Rosie Rants On Anna Nicole — Hours Before Her Death…LOOSE CHANGE"I know many of you could care less what the most obnoxious dyke in the country has to say. And I have to admit, I have probably been too tolerant and forgiving. I didn't care that she slammed The Donald. Anyone that gets under his sexist lesophobic skin is all right with me. And that one was funny. But, I didn't think she needed to be all pissy about Tara Connor. Who appointed her the moral compass for anyone?The deal with Kelly Ripa was totally ridiculous.And no matter how stupid, offensive and annoying the fundies often are, there is no Read more:Change
, Loose
Five Days a Week 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I hope they don't break an arm patting themselves on the back. But the new Congress is, for the post part, just thrilled over their new work ethic. This probably does not sound all that strenuous to most people, but these guys are saying they will work five days a week. Except for those living off trust funds, this does not seem like a real big deal.However, there was some carping. Some of the solons complained this would put a strain on families, as well as their ability to meet with their constituents back in the hood.I don't know about you, but I can count on one hand the number of times my Rep has come calling on me, and have—well, all my fingers left over. I do get periodic reports. These are sent out at taxpayer expense, and tout the various pork barrel projects that have been slipped through for my area. I'm just so thrilled about the Dr. Seuss Museum. Could I get some green eggs with that ham?The reason for this new found resolve is pretty much partisan. There is no do
The International Interfaith Nutcase Report 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Since it does not appear today is the day of The Rapture, I might as well do my regular report on various religious happenings around the world.As usual, lets start in Saudi Arabia:Twenty foreigners received prison sentences and lashings for attending a party where alcohol was served. An aggravating factor in the sentencing was that men and women were spotted dancing together. The prosecutor told the court it was an "impudent party"Party on. Just don't be impudent.On to Zanzibar:The country has seen an epidemic in traffic accidents. Apparently a lot of these involve women. Rather than take the position the fault lies with stupid female drivers, the police thought it might have something to do with the fact most of these women were driving with bags over their head. Accordingly, a ban was put in effect: Don't veil and drive.The real problem here is they let their women drive at all. Saudi Arabia is not so ignorant. Of course, they do let the wives buy cars for their husbands.N Read more:International
Blogger For Hire 1970-01-01 00:59:59 John Edwards, in what can only be a subconscious effort to undermine his campaign, has hired a couple of bloggers.Although it is not apparent on this blog, there actually are some bloggers who make a sincere effort to express serious opinions. However, since they shoot their stuff off into the blogosphere, it is often crude and provocative. And a number of people are complaining the trash talk does not set the proper tone for a serious presidential campaign. Drat—there go my hopes of being hired by Mitt Romney.The two girls in question are Amanda Marcotte from Pandagon and Melissa McEwan from Shakespeare's Sister. They seem to be much like a lot of my friends— liberals, who believe Dubya is the cause of all evil in the world, and the only thing wrong with the Democratic Party is that Michael Moore should really shed a few pounds. Undoubtedly, I would drive them crazy until they found out how sweet and demure I am in person.Quite honestly, some of their rants pale in comparison t Read more:Blogger
Blogger Suck Up 1970-01-01 00:59:59 It appears I am in need of blogger rehab. Some people are blogaholics from their very first blog, and that is apparently me. Otherwise I would not be joining in the discussion of John Edward's hiring and aborted firing of Amanda Marcotte from Pandagon and Melissa McEwan of Shakespeare's Sister.These girls are among the cadre of leftleanie bloggers. I don't know about those two, but as a group, these bloggers have a super over-inflated opinion of their importance. Although they rant loud, America generally yawns. But much has been made of these scribes in the media, and the defeat of Joe Lieberman in the primary was largely attributed to the influence of these cranky ideological zealots.John Edwards wants to be president, and an alternative to Hillary Clinton, who is greeted with much suspicion on the left. So he thought it a good idea to throw the liberal bloggers a sop. And so it was he hired Miss Marcotte and Miss McEwan to work on his Internet campaign.The first person to go Read more:Blogger
Valentine Prep 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Just a few hours to Valentine
s, so I thought I best throw out some unsolicited advice:As you probably know, Valentine's Day is the biggest day in the year for florists. It is also the private detective cash cow. They have a field day sleuthing after all the cheats. This is because no two-timer can shirk the duty with the second squeeze on this day, and that means more than a hacky sack. No, on this day they gotta buy flowers and venture out in public for a romantic lunch. And that means BUSTED.While there are some guys double dipping, the lonely are with us always. There is some talk on how the unattached can celebrate the day. These are all pretty lame, and recommend such mental floss as self-actualization. In other words pretend you are enthused about the situation, or better yet consort with a group of equally miserable sad sacks. This sort of thing never works—just stay home and eat cold pizza: But there is still time to avoid this fate:Don't know what particular qualificati
The Stupid Saga of Amanda Marcotte 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I guess Amanda
Marcotte has resigned from the Edwards campaign. So now I gotta suck up for blogging how sissy her suck up was and so on. See how girl fights can get real nasty real quick.If you are bothering to read this, you probably know the details. Amanda Marcotte
is a blogger on Pandagon. She also does MySpace (that's where I snagged her avatar).Amanda was hired on by the Edwards campaign as a sop to the leftist bloggers. This was done because the Democrats actually think these boys and girls are important. Michelle Malkin made a big issue out of some potty mouth stuff she had written about Catholics. And this got Bill Donahue of the Catholic League decrying the Catholic bashing. Which led to Bill O'Reilly declaring the end of Western civilization.She doesn't offend me, but I really don't like her writing all that much.She says stuff like "what if Mary had taken Plan B after the Lord filled her with his hot, white, sticky Holy Spirit?… You'd have to justify your misogy Read more:Stupid
The Naughty Sub 1970-01-01 00:59:59 No job sucks more than being a substitute teacher. The regular teachers and administration treat you like an incompetent moron. The kids consider you prey. But, usually it does not result in forty years in the slammer.However, that may be the fringe benefit Julie Amero gets out of a day trying to keep the seventh graders at Kelly Middle School under some semblance of control.Back in 2004 the Connecticut sub used the classroom puter to e-mail her hubby. Apparently she went out to use the little girl's room. You really shouldn't be leaving the little monsters alone for any period of time—but perhaps it was an emergency—dunno. Anyway, when she left, it was some website about hairstyles. Bunches of out of control kids were huddled around it. This is very believable. Pubescent seventh grade boys are wildly attracted to any image of the female form.However, when Miss Amero returned, porn was popping and flicking wildly on the screen. Catching a glimpse of adults doing the nasty has
The Curse of the Shiny Breasts 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Our good friends over in China have a problem. And this time it has nothing to do with that crazy little twit in North Korea. On that it seems they have made a good effort to shut down the freaky psycho. And I guess they were motivated. There is overwhelming evidence North Korea can't shoot a missile straight. Not exactly the kind of creepy incompetent neighbor you want developing nuclear weapons.But this problem has more to do with how to shut down The People's shock on viewing a pair of pretty nice boobs. Remember, though China is the second biggest Internet user in the world, they do not have access to a lot of stuff—thanks to the cooperation of Bill Gates, Yahoo and Google. They get no hits when they enter terms such as "liberty" and "freedom" in the search engines.Since the fakie commie government (with the help of the above mentioned) also censors sex on the Net, I was surprised there isn't equal vigilance when it comes to flicks. Now they are quite adept with the Read more:Shiny
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