Owner: Xbox4NappyRash URL:http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2008 06:00:13 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: I am a man. I am an idiot. I am THIRTY years of age, a man, and an idiot. In a self imposed rite of passage I have decided to take the ultimate plunge with my wife and apply my universal ineptitude to conceiving, preparing for, and caring for another huma Site statistics:Click here
Generally being a tit 2008-03-08 11:03:00 ET spent 2 and a half hours at the hairdresser on Saturday. With dried toothpaste on her face.Classy huh? We are not experiencing a good relationship with toothpaste lately.Also, this is not her first time making a tit out of herself at the hairdresser, she has previously spent hours there with her zip wide open, her 'love-heart' underwear on display to the customer's amusement.From that, back to free stuff... due to Dan's generosity, I've decided that I want more free stuff. So send me some, okay? In fact, I reckon with this blog's title, the wise and generous people of Sony corporation should be stepping up to the plate, and encouraging me NOT to swap my Xbox for nappy rash, possibly by providing me with a new one, that I can actually get games for. I'd be only too happy to keep the wor
Dan 'da man 2008-03-08 11:02:00 Dan from All That Comes With It has given me free stuff, I love free stuff. He sent me a book about how to improve your blogging, lots of ideas and tips and tricks, all of which I will of course ignore to my inevitable regret.While I'm almost certain that I should take it as a bad sign that a stranger should send me information on how to improve my blog at their own expense, I'll pretend that isn't so, and allow myself to believe that Dan is just a cool dude.I jest, Dan, of course. You are cool. And no more so than for the following reason. next July, Dan will be walking 78 miles in aid of the Joseph Salmon trust.The Joseph Salmon trust (as described in Dan's own words) "supports parents who have lost a child by providing financial assistance to those who need it most. This may be to help
La Blitz Du Ovulation! 2008-03-03 14:34:00 This is probably venturing into the realm of 'Too Much Information' but what do I care anymore, you get to hear about my inability to be correctly dressed -before, during and after important occasions such as this or this, you get to hear about my unintentional workplace kinkyness and indeed you get to hear about my enforced self pleasuring, using the term pleasure very loosely of course.Anyway, It's a big day or so here in the mad house on humping hill- It's ovulation day (and a bit) !Now, in past months we've gone with varying saddle strategies, such as:-Gung-ho!, whenever, wherever, all month long with no idea of when ovulation is occurring.-Guesstimation! Strategically planned around a best guess time when ovulation is probably occurring. Using the aqua team sparingly.-L'Executio Read more:Blitz
Sunday Shouts 2008-03-01 19:09:00 A wee bit of round up time now, firstly a quick shout out to BusyDad who's going all big time on us, prepare to be sitting your toddlers down in front of his cartoon series every morning in a couple of years. Until that inevitable happens, you can follow the Busy Dad Tales right here!Aussies tend to be a bit mental, none more so than Kim at Frog Ponds Rock, I'm yet to work up the balls to ask her what the name's all about but that aside she's blessed me bloggily with a bloggy blessing.It's a wee wooden Buddha meant to bless me what Kim believes I should be blessed with. Splinters.Thanks Kim, the thoughts are very much appreciated.Educate me! I want you to tell me what are the blogs that I should be reading, for information, advice, but mostly for a good belly rumble. If you leave a link I Read more:Sunday
, Shouts
Sucker For Punishment 2008-02-28 16:59:00 Now, I don't usually do any 'what I did today' posts, well, except for yesterday, and the day before.Oh shut up, you know what I mean....But, because I am an unadulterated muppet-man-fool type person, I decided I couldn't allow a day go by without prostrating myself at the mercy of some aspect the Dutch health care system, and that coupled with self deprecation is always good therapy.Having lived through yesterday's ordeal, I awoke this morning to (re-)discover a long standing appointment with someone whom I had been warned NEVER to visit in this country.In short, today, I visited the 'Mond Hygienist' - the 'Oral Hygienist' to you and me.I actually can't recall the details of the visit because I'm pretty sure I blacked out for about twenty minutes of it, as Hitler's secret granddaughter dr Read more:Punishment
The Sperm Runner 2008-02-27 12:30:00 Alarm rings as normal...Stumble blurry eyed to the bathroom as normal...Open up the cabinet, & fumble around for toothpaste as normal... Grab a semen sample pot instead. Now, I'm no genius, so I can't be 100% certain, but I think...I THINK this was the point where today stopped being normal.Now, I'm not perverted (well, not much), so I'll spare you the gory details.The container got 'filled', with a socially acceptable ratio of ease and difficulty.It didn't take so long as to cause mental scarring and anxiety, and it wasn't too fast to add a possible plastic pot fetish to my burden for the day.(BTW Pet, knocking on the door to announce you were leaving for work didn't help much)Not a drop misplaced, just as well considering the volume was questionable. (By that I mean the volume of the Read more:Sperm
, Runner
Happy Birthday & praying for an alien abduction 2008-02-26 11:36:00 Firstly, HappyBirthday
you daft old bint!(She's just turned the big Three Ooooooh has my demented other half)I can't write much as I can't sit or think straight. My head is off the charts, my BP is spinning (or something like that anyway) and I've not been very far away from throwing up at any point over the last 5 or 6 hours.And 'why so' you all cry in unison?-Tomorrow I do the 'handover'....For those not in 'the know', or who have memory loss of any varying length, or just developmental problems, I can't actually say the words for you. This is because that little cannonball of vomit will explode from me and will need cleaning up and I have enough impending bodily emission issues at the moment as is.So make do with some picture association if you feel the need.PLUSPLUSEQUALSGut turning Read more:praying
, abduction
, Happy Birthday
I'm an excellent daily dose, apparently! 2008-02-18 16:20:00 I've joined the ranks of all the greats, the contraceptive pill, the extended session in the bathroom with the sports section, the moan at the husband for not doing anything right ever, and all the rest. I've become a 'daily dose'.Thanks to Tiff and her 23 children at ThreeRingCircus for taking the time.Not only that, but I'm ALSO "excellent
", apparently!This according to Lance, who happens to be a Dad 2 Twins. Half German ones no less! I don't mean one of the twins are German (although now that I think about it, I'm not sure), obviously, they both are, half.See, giving me stuff is good. No, in fact, giving me stuff is great, unless it's a like a slap, or a belt of a garden rake into the ribs or genital herpes or stuff like that. Try it, it will make you feel like you've just had a bowl o
Tit-less Monday 2008-02-18 15:37:00 While it is a shame that it's not Tuesday, (the title would have sounded so much better, but I'm no dramatic media whore headline queen person, so it stays as is) I just wanted to inform you that today has passed off (well, technically 23 hours and 5 minutes or so of it anyway) without me making a prick of myself in any way, shape, or form.No colour blind dressing up for appointments to make me look like a royal tit, no poorly applied makeup incidents at work to single me out as the office gimp, and generally nothing to identify me as the major wally that seems to be the norm of late.However, just in case the Gods of war and wobbly bits thought I was getting too cocky, they decidedto deliver another hammer blow to my battered gonads by making this month another washout.That's now 674* mon Read more:Monday
The Part-Time Transvestite 2008-02-15 11:36:00 I went to work today looking like a part time transvestite who hadn't quite managed to make the transformation back to day time state.Totally oblivious to this fact, I did wonder what the sniggering and whispering was for as I walked away from the coffee machine.A moment in front of the bathroom mirror told me all I needed to know.So, toothpaste manufacturers, if you MUST make your toothpaste tubes all glittery and shiney, please try to ensure that it doesn't flake off and transfer itself to sleepy morning hands, that eventually rub sleepy morning eyes, and go to work looking like a tranny with a hangover, eh?Thank you.
The Container Dilema 2008-02-12 12:18:00 Right, call me obsessive, but this is starting to freak me out...You've seen the size of the container, and it's NOT good.How do I actually go about filling this bloody thing, or more to the point, getting anything actually 'into' it.As most women can testify (pun intended), the need to grab the nearest tissue, or towel, or curtain, or family pet, to clean up these messes is enough to prove that directing this stuff is not an exact science.Trying to hit a target no bigger than a 50 euro cent coin is going to be a challenge, to say the very bloody least.Someone mentioned a funnel - OK, I could live with that, but then you've got the issue of contamination.The last thing I want to have to do is put the results into an online 'Dutch to English' translator only to discover that the lab thinks Read more:Container
, Dilema
Odd Shoes 2008-02-10 10:14:00 Hey Ho !As you've all undoubtedly not noticed whatsoever, I've not written anything in a while.The reasons for which are four-fold, as follows:1) I could not be bothered, repeating the same old moany drivel over and over is bad for the soul.2) Nothing to report, when I get to stage where I write about what I've eaten for dinner, you have permission to beat me to death with an old radiator or some such item.3) We've been away, a nice long weekend in London in fact.4) I've been waiting for a special reader to catch up on all the posts.And now in reverse detail... I'd like you all to give a big Jerry Springer welcome to a new reader, a very special one too, my nearest and dearest, albeit somewhat demented, wife, ET.I finally grew a pair and pointed her in this direction, she hasn't as of yet
Where we are 2008-01-28 13:54:00 At the risk of going off into a huge moan I'm going to keep this brief(ish).Here is where we stand.Last week, as you may imagine, lead to much wailing, pulling of hair and gnashing of teeth, I wager that that particular Jehovah's Witness won't be too quick to invite himself around again, but anyway, I digress.Last week I got, ...how can I phrase this eloquently enough to grace these pixels...er yes, that's it, I got mightily pissed off. Call it worry, frustration, lashing out, desperation, anger or simply being a bit of a prick, I don't know but that's the way it was.I think for the first time ET got a glimpse of just how important this all is to me, not just to her, or us as a couple, but to me personally. Now I know all you Dr. Philophiles are gasping in horror at what must have been an
Good Guys 2008-01-27 11:28:00 At a bit of a loss as to what I should write, especially considering as I don't particularly know what I should even think of late.Having said that I came across a blog entry that I urge you all to read, there aren't many good guys around these days, so those that are, should be appreciated.Have a read of what Dan @ All that comes with it has to say. It's worth your time, and maybe even your money. I know it will touch you all.
No title 2008-01-22 13:54:00 This all sucks big time.Just thought I'd let you know.
The Sleep 2008-01-21 17:22:00 I'm just going to ignore the fact that it's 00:30 in the am of Tuesday 22nd January, yes thats Tuesday, not Monday. Monday 21st January when a visitor was due, and has not shown their face.My mind is in a heap and I've no doubt that sleep will also be a stranger tonight.As if I wasn't melancholy enough this evening, I received the most remarkable email from my sister in the United States. She sent me a photograph scanned in from an old copy of an Irish local paper from 2 years ago. The picture is of a group of national school girls from a rural County Cork primary school in 1946.Sitting on the far right of the front row - my mother.I had never even thought of her as a child, let alone see a picture of her as one, there she is, the biggest smile of them all, just an 11 year old girl.By the Read more:Sleep
Your Cup Runneth Over 2008-01-17 11:35:00 Yet again inspired by DooDaddy, (you're on a roll!) I started to wonder about stuff that might happen further down the line. That is if I don't dismember myself through frustration first.Fertilty tests.Now, bear in mind I'm not being unsympathetic or anything, I know that the ladies get poked and prodded something fierce, but MY concern lies elsewhere.....Namely, filling the plastic cup.....A few things would bother me.-What if I saw someone coming out of the room they usher me into?Thats just gross, I'd be afraid to sit anywhere, I'd have to stand, and that's just impractical. Honest, try it, it's difficult not to fall over, and a nurse running in upon hearing the thump and fining you on the floor with your pants around your ankles is not great for the moment.-How would I know they're not
Not wanting to want 2008-01-14 16:26:00 While I'm still working on my post about my (frankly fabulous) hair for DooDaddy, I got to thinking about why the blog spark has started to fade.I'm barely checking my reader, comments are few and far between and as for updating this malignant rodent of a blog, I am struggling to muster enough interest.The question is - "what's changed?"The answer is - "nothing". Absolutely nothing, time continues to pass and the disappointments accumulate and build and become heavier burdens to bear with each passing month.The frustrations lead to undirected anger and therefore to silence, longer and longer periods of silence.Which way do I turn?Should I continue to dust off, jump up and start again, over and over. Blindly pretending against my natural belief that ignorance really IS bliss, or should I a Read more:wanting
I'm Sterile 2008-01-10 12:33:00 Yep folks, I'm "Blogingly Infertile".Dried up, barren, and totally incapable of coming up with a blog entry. I cannot reproduce anything worthy of writing, or reading.I could show you this photograph I took while hiding in the truck of a Turkish tree.But that's just blaaah!I could tell you that the latest google search to find it's way here was 'How to stop pigs from escaping' but that's just soooo passe daaaahlings.I could tell you how I'm on the verge of mental ruin, we are 1 week shy of 9 months of trying to get just 1 lousy non-crippled sperm to bump into one relatively large egg. It's like trying to hit a barn door with a bazooka, and it just ain't happening.So in 1 week my mental pregnancy is up, and something's gonna pop out....
Bicycles 2008-01-04 11:06:00 As I simply cannot stomach another baby rant, and I don't do resolutions, you lot can have another entry from my history of idiocy.Here in Holland, the bike is King.The country is flatter than [insert name of any ex-girlfriend or undesirable here].The infrastructure is tremendous for cyclists, cycle paths & lanes, traffic lights, special sign posting etc have all been heavily invested in, making it an environmentalist's wet dream.So, upon my arrival in this fair land more than 6 and a half years ago, I decided I was going to fully integrate and cycle everywhere.This I did with great enthusiasm.To work, to shops, to visit friends, to appointments, to restaurants, and to bars. To lots of bars.What amazed me almost as much as the widespread use of bikes was the fact that I had never falle Read more:Bicycles
Wordless..er...Thursday 2008-01-03 12:21:00 Just seconds into 2008, the sky above our house, 3 cheers for flamboyant neighbours. Read more:Thursday
It gets better 2008-01-02 09:49:00 "Emerald Isle Wife Swaps" has been added to the list of searches ending up here... Read more:better
10 Years 2007-12-31 07:29:00 Today marks 10 years for ET and myself as a couple.This just about sums it up, I make stupid faces, and she doesn't leave me.Thanks pet. Read more:Years
'Fess Up 2007-12-30 07:39:00 Which of you was it?Which of you stumbled across this blog after Googling:"Allergic reaction to oxygen"or"Padding kids on the bum for pain"or "Klompen Carrots and Hay"or my personal favourite...."What do you do when you see a spaceman"and I thought I had problems....
Dusting off 2008-03-12 16:08:00 Please stand up & pat yourself on the back.You all deserve that(and a hefty bosom full more to boot) for all the amazing comments you left last time round. I don't do soppy as a rule, but you guys 'complete me'.Well, not quite.Not at all in fact, that was a big fat lie.But you do seriously rawk 'big' time for the time and effort you put into your comments, I am genuinely 'awwww shucksed' by them all.So, what next? Well, performing more sex acts upon myself in the early hours of the morning and depositing the produce of said acts into a plastic pot of course, what else?I will take a repeat test in three weeks just so I can hand a pot of semen labeled 'useless bastard' to Grizzly Adams, and then 2 weeks later I can revel in the joy of my GP looking down her nose at me while asking if I
Results 2008-03-11 13:33:00 I can't think of funny right now. So facts will have to do.Some Definitions...Sperm motility:The percentage of all moving sperm in a semen sample. In a semen sample, 50% or more of the sperm should normally be moving rapidlyLaziness:1. not wanting to work: unwilling to do any work or make an effort.2. conducive to idleness: contributing to an unwillingness to work or make an effort.3. slow: moving slowlyQuote from one of a billion fertility sites:"No patient ever wants to hear the truth that there is really no effective treatment available today for increasing the sperm motility ."Houston, we have a serious fucking problem. Absolute nightmare.P.S. I'll come back on the reviews and stuff in a few days
Updates & The 'Rash Review 2008-03-09 06:50:00 Baby Juice Update: There is no update, the results were not in. Just as well seeing as ET left the country this morning without her phone and I would have had to have used smoke signals to give her the news, but there isn't any. I'll try again tomorrow, if I haven't spontaneously combusted or been arrested for throwing stones at passing cyclists in the meantime.Free Stuff Update: I've decided, thanks to Monique's* powers of perception, that I DON'T want a free XBOX360 from Sony to blog about in a witty yet boyishly charming manner, because they don't bloody make them. Instead I think I could do Microsoft a great service by telling the word how their products make me no longer want to change nappies.**Meanwhile, back on the ranch. Being the wonderful, generous, loving itchy gonad that I am,
Number Crunching 2008-03-14 13:07:00 You lot are a right shower of useless donkeys aren't you?You were supposed to give me some deep insightful thoughts into my results, showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead you faff about in your mother's slippers wishing me "Good Luck". Well, good luck bites. For those devoid of a sense of sarcasm, I'm actually quite grateful for those who reacted with their knowledge on the figures (albeit somewhat limited and/or obscure to say the least). Thank you.Here's some number crunching for you.Some online doctor website who's name I can't ever remember has a formula for calculating the number of champion sperm per swimming competition.Sperm count X Progressively Motile Sperm (A + B) X MorphologyXVolume This gives you the total number of Potent, fast, direct and correctly shaped sp Read more:Number
Laid Bare 2008-03-13 12:58:00 Having already left 'too much information' airspace, I've proceeded to fly over 'please make him stop before my eyes bleed' territory.For your amusement, and to further my seemingly uncontrollable hunger to make an unmerciful eegit out of myself, I'm gonna give you the blow by blow of the results, which I received the details of today. Volume:2.5ml (Norm 0.5 - 5.0ml)You'll note that I was concered about the volume at the time, I'm pretty sure that under normal circumstances (i.e. not sitting on the side of the bath with a stopwatch between my teeth and a plastic pot my left hand) that I would usually get another 50% onto that.Sperm Concentration: 64 million per ml (Norm approx 2omillion per ml)I'm Lee Majors and I'm getting T-shirts printed...Total Count:160 millionSeriously, -who
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