Owner: Xbox4NappyRash URL:http://xbox4nappyrash.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2008 06:00:13 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: I am a man. I am an idiot. I am THIRTY years of age, a man, and an idiot. In a self imposed rite of passage I have decided to take the ultimate plunge with my wife and apply my universal ineptitude to conceiving, preparing for, and caring for another huma Site statistics:Click here
A positive negative 2008-05-06 14:58:00 If there is such a thing, that's what we got this morning.A negative, but the cycle is still going.Into injury time if you like. The more added on time we get, the better.It may very well have been to early to detect a rise in hCG, 9 days, so the longer the cycle runs the more of an outside chance there is that we will get one.Or not. Who knows?Not me.So I have the tweed jacket on layaway, not canceled just yet.Also, what is it about trying to get someone up the duff that can render you both incapable of counting to 26, 27 or 28 correctly?I've taken to using an excel sheet now.So, on we go, if there is a tomorrow in this cycle, we'll once again be pissing.Just hopefully not against the wind.
Missing 2008-05-07 13:33:00 We would like you to be on the look out for a missing period.Answers to the names "Aunt Flo", "Red", and "Yokes".The missing period was expected back home sometime early this week, but as of yet has not turned up.The last reported sighting was early April 2008.The uncertainty as to the whereabouts of the missing period is causing great distress to it's owner.Described as moody and bitchy, with an affinity for chocolate and doritos, the period is similar in appearance to a gaping head wound.Should you encounter this missing period, do not approach it. It is considered highly dangerous and volatile.Do not attempt to converse with it, do not attempt to apprehend it, and most certainly do not attempt to send it home, or you'll have me to deal with.Should you see this missing period please go d Read more:Missing
A watched pot 2008-05-08 16:05:00 It never rings apparently.Or a watched telephone never boils, or something.Still, nothing.No period.No positive.No nothing.We sit, and we wait.We sit, and wait, and scratch, and itch, and sit, and look, and wait, and fiddle, and sit, and surf, and read, and look, and sit.We wait.If a kid does end up having been conceived this month, I'm going to kick it's arse next January.If it doesn't, we'll sit, and wait, and scratch, and itch, and sit, and look, and wait, and fiddle, and sit, and surf, and read, and look, and sit.
Better than Christmas 2008-05-09 11:45:00 We have had some wonderfully gonad squeezing moments over the last year when we've found out we are not pregnant.We've had this particular joy around my birthday, ET's birthday, before going on holiday, and the humdinger of course, back on Christmas
day.Christmas day was a particularly spectacular kick in the guts.After that point I stopped believing the significance of dates in this great plan of ours.There would be no breaking the news while visiting family, or at Christmas, or on Paddy's day, or on someone's birthday.After Christmas I lost all inclination to be genuinely hopeful, and resigned myself to the idea that we would be relying on experts to do the job for us.Cold and calculating perhaps, but easier to handle at a time when energy was getting low.So I thought.This month, cycle 1
Champagne & pizza 2008-05-12 07:00:00 Friday was a beauty of a blow, and I wasn't quite sure how to handle it when I got home from work.I must be living away from home for too long because it took me at least 5 minutes to come up with the good old Irish solution. Drink. Stereotypes don't come out of nowhere.When ET arrived home we popped open a bottle of champagne and called for pizza. Then we popped open another.You may think it a sp Read more:Champagne
I said 'Nappy', dammit 2008-05-13 12:25:00 "Nobody ever told me that." I've said those words to myself countless times over the last year. 'Trying to conceive', or more accurately 'trying and failing miserably to conceive' not only brings about the standard old side effects you read in the books or on websites, but there are hidden and unexpected side effects too, particularly for us gentlemen. I've found, not all of them to be quite what Read more:Nappy
, dammit
A fornication fifty-fifty 2008-05-15 12:56:00 As the saying goes, time flies when you're having a mental battle with utter misery. Or something vaguely similar at least.Time does fly, it seems like just yesterday I was crawling backwards out of a champagne bottle in a feeble attempt at sorrow drowning.Today is day 7 of a new month, 'CD07' for those into the lingo.This means that it's almost ugly bumping time, time for the mattress mambo, time
A Bonnie Tyler & Bono toasted infertility sandwich 2008-05-19 13:30:00 "Where have all the good men gone?" sang Bonnie
.I dunno love, but I strolled into the Hague yesterday to try and find out. Well, I didn't stroll, I took the train, strolling to the Hague would have had me found dead from exhaustion about half way, but that's not important. Well, my death would be important of course, to some at least, but that's not what I'm talking about.I headed for the English Read more:Tyler
, Bonnie Tyler
A warning to the txt generation 2008-05-21 09:07:00 Due to the wonder that is a rural Irish Catholic background, I come from a somewhat unusual family, demographically speaking.In an era and area of Ireland where the only contraception was pregnancy, potato harvesting, or death, never ending families were the norm.The 2nd or 3rd 'accident', I'm the youngest of eight children, by quite a margin. Take into account the fact that the rest of them are m Read more:warning
Patience Patients 2008-05-23 10:30:00 So here we are, another work week behind us.I use that term lightly, ('work' that is, not 'week') as I haven't actually done a tap of any.These have been an odd old few days, we've been playing with the new bulk shipment of OPK's and they've been giving some funny results.When I say 'playing' I mean pissing on them, not engaging them in monopoly or chess or anything like that. Also, when I say 'we
The good news 2008-05-26 09:40:00 The good news is that my semen is 'perfect'.The good news is that I don't have HIV.The good news is that I don't have hepatitis.The good news is that ET doesn't have HIV.The good news is she doesn't have hepatitis.The good news is that she doesn't have, nor has ever had, Chlamydia.The good news is her hormone levels seem acceptable.The good news is that they can't see anything wrong with us.Great
Available for trade 2008-05-28 08:03:00 Offered: One used soul.Battered from 29 years of incidental probing followed by 14 months of intensive use.Open to offers from all faiths, denominations, belief groups, social movements, non-profit organisations, Tom Cruise, satan worshipers, trade unions, or Bono.Wanted:Just one successful cycle. Benefits of trade:You will find yourself in posesion of a relatively young and vibrant soul.Sense of
Guys n' dolls n' dollars 2008-05-31 11:47:00 By now, you know how things work here, if not, it goes something like this:I huff and puff and fail to get the wife knocked up, then I come on here and moan like a big gin soaked tart about it.Repeat over and over, I get more desperate and idiotic, I fail some more, and moan some more and miraculously, some of you stay interested enough to come back for my next moan.Anyway, some time ago, a reader Read more:dollars
I can't get off 2008-06-02 14:48:00 No, it's not some weird over-sexed climaxing problem, rather its another 'no one ever told me that' moment.Once you start trying to conceive, you can never really stop, until the process ends one way or another.The old analogies are still the best, this is one hell of a merry-go-round.Even when you want to stop obsessing, if you know you need to stop for the sake of both of your wits, you just can
...and exhale 2008-06-04 17:05:00 I can breathe again.The cycle didn't end today, I'm resigned to the fact it will sooner rather than later, but if it doesn't end within the next 9 minutes (regardless of blogger's dodgy timestamp) as I write this then I'm relatively happy.So, credit where it's due, fate gave me a break, and allowed me not to associate today with that.Today was the 4th June, 2008.Today was 20 years to the day that
So you don't fancy my soul 2008-06-04 04:00:00 Dear decider of fates and destiny,Fair enough, I can see a tarnished soul ain't for everyone, but if you don't want to take me up on that offer, I have a favour to ask in it's stead.I know you're gonna kick me in the balls again. Soon. Could you just make it NOT today, please?Not the 4th of June, with other fish needing frying and all that jazz.Just wait 24 hours, and I'll accept it gracefully.Don
Coming all over Dr. Phil 2008-06-06 05:58:00 Well Mr Fate was nice enough to give us the 4th of June, but we should have known that he had something up his sleeve for the 5th, the crafty git. Not enough that I had to get my bloody braces tightened to the point that my hair hurts and eyeballs are bulging, but cycle 14 is finished, and failed.No frustration, a little disappointment, a lot of sadness.I'm glad it's over, it's been a particularly
It's definitely number four officer 2008-06-10 06:29:00 I have a funny habit of getting a moment of wonderment-stroke-clarity where my head just spins when I stop, take everything in, and wonder to myself 'how in the name of a randy badger did I end up here?'It usually happens when I find myself in a strange place with strange company, or when I'm doing a job far removed from what I'm supposed to, or just in any bizarre situation that crops up.What ins Read more:officer
A nation coming together... 2008-06-12 09:13:00 In June 1990 the Republic of Ireland competed in their very first World Cup finals in Italy.The following three weeks or so were some of the best memories I've ever had, and even though I wasn't yet 13 years of age, I still, to this day, get shivers all over when I watch old clips from that tournament.A draw against the old enemy England in our opening game, a draw against the highly fancied Dutch Read more:nation
, together
Too much information? 2008-06-15 14:32:00 Who do you tell when you decide you want a child? Aside from each other obviously, pricking pinholes in your condoms or feeding your pill to the geranium plant unbeknown to your partner really isn't recommended.Who do you tell about a decision to try to conceive ?Who do you tell when it all starts to go arse over tit and you have to bring specialists, plastic cups, and stirrups into the equation?I Read more:information
Or maybe not enough 2008-06-18 04:49:00 I'm a believer in sticking with your gut. I am the proud owner of a considerable gut so it's especially wise to stick with it I think.Despite my recent rambling on about keeping my trap shut, it's never really going to happen. I think if I didn't talk or write about all of this I would explode, and that gut of mine would be ground zero.Thinking about it, the urges to hide away must just come with
Mind the gap 2008-06-25 05:03:00 I'm getting used to laughing in the face of the relative insanity surrounding my existence.We have the whole short arse thing, yep, I'm small, and I live in Holland, where small is 5' 10. I'm, er, less.We have the whole chubby and pale thing, goes with the Irish territory thing I reckon, so no big deal.We have the braces at 30 years of age thing, okay, slightly embarrassing, but we struggle on yea
A UV light at the end of the tunnel 2008-06-23 07:59:00 So, Spencer has been dispatched, hopefully with more success than the shaggin' Dutch, who rolled over for the Russians on Saturday night.Now begins another two week wait to see if he has had any more luck this time than the previous (approximately) one billion and twenty six times he's been sent into action.Which brings me to the revelation that I think I've hit a medical breakthrough, a concept t Read more:light
, tunnel
An unlikely hero? 2008-06-20 05:33:00 I know it's been a while, but listen up old chap, I've got some news for you.You have another chance.Okay I know you've had lots, but this is a big one.You see Spencer, I've told you before you are the chosen one, a natural leader among (se)men, you are the milky trojan warrior, explorer of fallopian wildernesses, captain upon mucus covered cervical seas, and hopefully, the capturer of eggish dam
Did I roast a kitten on a spit? 2008-07-08 03:03:00 I’ve come to the conclusion that I must have been a spectacularly horrible prick in a past life.Someone worse than Hitler, I don’t think I was Hitler, simply because I’m not so good with the facial hair, and I was never really into blondes.Someone that made Atilla the Hun wet himself. Someone as dementedly psychopathic as Robert Mugabe on smack & red bull.Someone as high up the evil scal
As I sit in a pool of my own estrogen 2008-07-04 12:00:00 The clinic we visited on Tuesday is also a sperm bank, and so they help realise the 'child wish' of all manner of combinations of potential parents.They help singles mummies, and mummies and daddies, and mummies and mummies, and mummies and mummies who pretend to be daddies, and daddies and daddi...er no, not that combination, but all others, it's great, really.They advertise that there is NO wai
Child wishing in the whispering room 2008-07-01 08:19:00 As much as it sounds like an Enid Blyton tale from 'the faraway tree', it's not. It's my somewhat hazy account of this morning's trip to specialist number 2.I knew it just wasn't going to go according to plan when I saw the crocs.Every single nurse, lab assistant, and doctor that passed us sitting in the whispering room was wearing them. Crocs.So there we sat, in the whispering room where no one m
Bring a friend 2008-06-30 11:07:00 Tomorrow we trot off to our 'specialist number 2'.While I love the idea of that sounding like a turd with a purpose, it's not, it's just our second reproductive specialist.With cycle 15 due to come to an end (or not) at some stage this week, we were hoping for one of those funny stories folk tell where we could say we went to a fertility expert only for him to announce we were up the duff.Kind of Read more:friend
Excuse me, waiter... 2008-06-28 08:30:00 I'm not quite in Bon Jovi territory yet, but (Whoooooah) "we're half way there".Half way into the 'two week wait', that is.Next week is going to be exciting....in more ways than one.After our last visit to the reproductive specialist we were left pretty much helpless. The days that followed were desperate, and things turned nasty in a way I had not known possible before this.So we let it sit for Read more:Excuse
, waiter
And here's your host... 2008-07-24 01:40:00 All this waiting makes my tits itch. I need to be more occupied. Not in a "the German's are advancing on the Eastern front" kind of way, but rather, just to be kept busy.What better way to pass the time, than a game?A waiting game, a two week wait waiting game, a two week wait waiting game game-show!It could have different rounds, starting with 'find & destroy'.This is where the fella has to
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