Owner: Cinnamon Marine URL:http://cinnamonmarine.blogspot.com Join Date: Thu, 10 Aug 2006 04:46:53 -0500 Rating:1 Site Description: Rock music. Diet obsession. Hamster antics. Ramblings of a 20-something woman. Do not expect deep thought. Site statistics:Click here
So can it be my turn soon please? 2007-03-12 08:49:00 It seems to be all change for people I know at the moment. GBF has not long moved into a new flat (very nice by the way; smaller than the last place but has a good feel about it - possibly benefits from not being open plan) and he will be off to Spain with his mother in the next month or so to go looking for a house out there. Our friend L is planning a move to London, and wondering whether to use that as an excuse to dump the guy he's seeing who he isn't really into. I had a relationship like that in my first year at uni. In my case I began and ended it in alcohol which seemed the easiest thing. And this morning I opened an email from the friend who emigrated to Canada with her boyfried in which she announces her engagement. So with various moves and relationship changes going on all around me, I think it's time I got a change. The job I've just applied for would be fine. I don't want my change to be the death of the hamster, something positive please.
Trying to start learning again 2007-03-11 23:13:00 I've dug out my Italian course again. Mainly because last week at church I finally succumbed to the temptation which has been tormenting me for months and bought an A4 Pukka project book on the basis that it was £1.50 and for a good cause. I just had to find somre reason to use it. So I've written up my notes from when I first got the Italian course and have separated them into five sections. I've even colour-coded it. Don't know how much beyond lesson two I'll get this time round, but I seem to have done lesson one about ten times so far.I did put the sporadic attempts at learning Italian on my CV which I sent off for the latest job ad which caught my eye. It's only in the interests section and I just thought it might add a little colour. Not padding in anyway. Of course not.Went into the office for a few hours today and ran down the battery on my MP3 player. It is the only advantage of going in on a Sunday - I can plug in my headphones and sing along while occasionall Read more:start learning
Functioning but not working 2007-03-13 08:15:00 I've seen another job I'm contemplating applying for - same place as the last application, same payscale, but a different department. Similar kind of job as well, from the advert. I need to download the job spec and see about tailoring the covering letter for the other one. Of course, if I don't get an interview for that one I will have been wasting my time entirely with the second application, but if you don't try you'll never get. Application for this one has to be in next week and I have a few (supposedly) free evenings this week. Strangely, this will make three applications to the same place of work in the last couple of years. I got to the interview stage for the first one (please let me get an interview, please let me get an interview). I guess I just really want to work there. Hopefully they'll let me, and allow me to earn about £6 - 7,000 more than I'm currently on too.Felt really crappy by the end of the work day yesterday. I had planned on working
late to shif
What happened to the excitement? 2007-03-16 08:29:00 I had one of those moments this morning of staring into the wardrobe and not knowing what to wear. Combined with that was the thought that I'm sure I used to own interesting clothes. What happened? Is it a side effect of getting older, that someone comes in and removes anything remotely interesting from your shelves and your wardrobe in the night, leaving you with piles of clothes in black, white and grey? As a minor revolt against this I am wearing a black halter top with polka dots and a black lace long over jacket thingy (technical term) along with the long grey skirt and boots I ended up pulling out.But there used to be interesting clothes, and I didn't used to worry about wearing them either. I'm sure I looked a fright at times, but others I'm sure I looked pretty hot. Take the outfit I bought for a blow out in London for my 19th birthday. Okay, so it was all black, but the dress was mid-thigh at best (and when I tried it on a couple of years ago before finally throwing it out
Tattoo number 5 2007-03-18 09:22:00 Spontaneous purchase of the week is on the left. I was going into the office on Saturday but having been wondering about doing it for the last couple of days I finally decided that instead I would drop into the studio first thing to see if they could fit me in for this one. A couple of hours and £90 later (discount for being a regular - sounds good to me!) I was left starting to wonder about what can fill the gap between numbers four and five.It isn't what I was originally going to have, which was a mirror of number four (profile image). Dee suggested using a different flower then we can think about what to do with the in-fill later, and looking through the books both he and I were in agreement as to which one it should be. Dee doesn't do walk-ins anymore, he's booked solid for the next three weeks, but his brother Nick still does walk-ins on a Saturday and he worked this one for me. So far I seem to have chosen ink that the artists quite enjoy working, which is good because h
Thoughts from today 2007-03-18 19:57:00 When a man you have known for years kisses you on the forehead for the first time ever just before the morning's church service, it is inevitably going to occupy your mind for the rest of the day while you try to work out what it means. The simplest thing would have been to go and talk to him (not about that but in general terms) after the service to see if you can pick up any hints.Giving your Mother her Mothering Sunday card in church before the service starts is not about making her happy. It's an unfortunate fact that when you've made something you're proud of, you want as many people to see it as possible to tell you how lovely it is. The fact that your Mother loved it too is coincidental, but also pleasing. That's why the present was handed over in her own home while no one else was there.Planning what you're going to wear to work on Monday to ensure you are in a skirt when you see the printer cannot be a healthy or sensible way to go about things. Besides, since you'
Happy Mothering Sunday 2007-03-18 19:49:00 From Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable:Mid-lent Sunday
, or Laetare Sunday, when the pope blesses the golden rose, and children feast on mothering cakes and simnel cakes. A bunch of violets is emblematic of this day, and it is customary for children to give small presents to their mothers. It is said that it is derived from the pre-Reformation custom of visiting the Mother Church [usually meaning the cathedral] on that day. Children away from home, especially daughers in service, normally returned to their family. Read more:Happy
, Mothering
Willpower urgently needed 2007-03-20 08:50:00 The tattoo is in the leprosy stage. I bought a bandage to put over it for a few days once it started flaking in an effort to prevent myself peeling the thing off but having tried it this morning the bandage clearly won't stay in place, which is irritating. I'm leaving it clear under my cardigan and will have to try and exercise will power.It snowed yesterday morning, shortly before I had to drive over to see the printer. Thankfully it wasn't heavy and didn't settle. There were too many people for my liking in the office with the printer so although there was much exchanging of meaningful glances and he occasionally took the opportunity to rub my thigh not much happened apart from a brief snog in the carpark. Frustration of anticipation - it's a bit of a bugger.I posted my pondering about the actions of a guy in church on the snopes message board yesterday, for the views of people who are wiser than me in dealing with this sort of thing. Being possibly the most dense female on the Read more:Willpower
Mounting excitement 2007-03-22 08:56:00 I'm only working this morning today, taking the afternoon off to have a short nap (in the hopes I won't then fall asleep on the motorway later) before heading off to the NIA in Birmingham to see My Chemical Romance! Oo, I have butterflies. I've really been looking forward to this, their live show is meant to be awesome and the whole black parade theme is really theatrical. So far I haven't been able to work out where my seat is in relation to the stage. Hope it's not too far back. I suppose that really I ought to got for the standing tickets on the basis that you can get closer to the stage and it's cheaper, but mosh pits can be on the brutal side. It's 100% seated for Alice Cooper at the NEC in November I noticed, but maybe if the Crue come around. Hell, for those guys I'm very willing to battle my way to the front in an effort to catch Nikki's eye! This does mean I am going to have to pay attention this morning of course, and not spend too long browsing the net. Back Read more:Mounting
Feeling sorry for myself 2007-03-24 09:40:00 Life is being depressing, or more so than normal. It's the realisation that I have completely wasted the last six years of my life and have nothing to show for it. I'm stuck in a job I loathe more and more each day, and I can't get out of it because I can't get anyone to even give me an interview. Mum came over with Chinese food last night and we were even starting to talk in terms of me having to take a substantial pay cut just to get out and get something else, since clearly no one is willing to pay me what I currently earn even though I could easily do the jobs I've been looking at. But dropping six or seven grand will put me back where I was a couple of years ago and how can I look at that as anything other than a failure? About all I have in my life at the moment that's good is the rabbit. And he keeps chewing the carpet. I'm even starting to look at the flat as being a bad decision, because look at the tie that it is. If I break my mortgage before 2009 it will cost m Read more:Feeling
, sorry
, myself
Bu.. wa.. ? need sleep 2007-03-23 19:38:00 I've been operating on less than three hours sleep today and I'm losing the battle. Needless to say, the concert was terrific, and if I can work up the energy over the weekend I'll post a review over here. Still, got there and back in one piece. I just got nothing productive done all day today.
Coffee and lazing 2007-03-26 08:52:00 Well, I brought some work home on Saturday rather than sitting in the office doing it, and surprise, surprise it didn't get done. Ho hum. This is the problem, I can't motivate myself, and I really don't see why I should be busting a gut on a weekend when I don't get paid anything extra for it. So I slobbed around the house Saturday afternoon and went over to see GBF in the evening, then Sunday was church, shopping, Civ IV, and James Bond.Minor confession about church - part of the motivation for getting up and going was to see what the guy who kissed me on the forehead last week was up to. He briefly came and sat by me in my pew before the service (he was serving today) then we sort of edged around each other at coffee afterwards and exchanged a few words. No idea what's going on, if there is anything other than in my head.The supermarket over the road has reopened (yay) and so in a spirit of investigation I went and spent too much money in there on Saturday. To be fair thou Read more:Coffee
So what is the purpose of this? 2007-03-29 08:38:00 Weird, long email received yesterday. I say weird, because it was rather out of the blue and the person who sent it is someone I have had major work issues with in the past (although I did eventually get an apology out of her it felt like far too little, far too late) and we've hardly had contact aside from the odd text and occasional email in the last couple of years. Yesterday I received what was clearly a round robin email (did she just send it to everyone in her address book or was there some selection in there? No way of knowing) from her detailing the major health issues she had following the birth of baby number two in January, including the fact that she has metastatic breast cancer. Admittedly, I didn't know what metastatic breast cancer meant, so I had to look it up - basically, it's advanced and has spread. All a bit alarming. But I don't get the purpose of the email. Is it something of a fishing exercise, to get a lot of people you haven't had much contact with to
What happened to 'my' time? 2007-04-01 09:43:00 Blogging (and everything else) is being rather sporadic of late. Not that there's anything going on I particularly want to write about, it's just work is consuming pretty much every waking hour right now. I was lying awake at about 4 this morning pondering whether or not to work today, but frankly I need a break so while I might go into the office for a couple of hours of paperwork it won't be until much, much later in the day. After I've been to lunch at my Mum's and actually managed to do some shopping.Thank God this all ends on Wednesday.I had contemplated having a long lie in this morning, followed by a soak in the tub, playing with the bunny and ambling round the retail park, but actually I have decided what I really want to do with my morning is go to church. Weird, isn't it? A couple of weeks ago was the first time I had been in months, my stomach having managed to put the kibosh on Christmas attendance, and last week I went in part out of curiosity over the actions o
Cinnamon's rules of attraction 2007-04-01 21:49:00 1) It is possible to remain utterly oblivious to any subtle indication that someone is attracted to you.2) When a nagging suspicion enters the mind, it becomes impossible to shift and will be dwelt upon in quiet moments for weeks.3) While still only harbouring suspicions, attempts will be made to put yourself in the position of being able to determine the truth - one way or the other. At this stage you have to be very careful not to (a) be obvious; or (b) make a complete tit of yourself.4) Concluding that the person concerned is actually attracted to you will result in a change in the way you perceive said person. There are two possibilities: (a) complete avoidance out of sheer embarrassment; or (b) daydreaming about a relationship.The guy from church kissed me goodbye today, having whispered to me as I passed him on the way up to communion that it was good to see me. I think that puts me at stage 4. Read more:Cinnamon
Good Friday 2007-04-06 08:47:00 When I survey the wondrous crosson which the Prince of glory died,my richest gain I count but loss,and pour contempt on all my pride.Forbid it, Lord, that I should boastsave in the cross of Christ my God;all the vain things that charm me most,I sacrifice them to his blood.See from his head, his hands, his feet,sorrow and love flow mongled down;did e'er such love and sorrow meet,or thorns compose so rich a crown!His dying crimson, like a robe, spreads o'er his body on the tree:then am I dead to all the globe,and all the globe is dead to me.Were the whole realm of nature mine,that were an offering far too small;love so amazing, so divine,demands my soul, my life, my all.Isaac Watts For some annoying reason unknown, Blogger is not letting me format this properly, even though I've edited to re-insert the line breaks it is taking out three times now. Read more:Friday
Frustrations... 2007-04-08 19:12:00 ...many and varied at the moment. Largely work, which has kept me too busy to do anything else, and which has also meant that even when I am home and have the time I don't have the energy to blog or generally browse even. I've had three days off over the Easter weekend and I'm still not completely recovered - I keep falling asleep on the futon in the middle of the afternoon. Mum wants me to go to London with her to see my brother tomorrow but I really have to go into work.The main frustration surrounds this guy from church. I still am not sure where things stand, but I am becoming more convinced he is interested in me. And, inevitably given the way my mind seems to work, I have been becoming more interested in him. But we don't see much of each other so there hasn't been the chance to talk without interruption so he hasn't been terribly forthcoming and I haven't got up the nerve to say anything. I saw him Wednesday evening for example, at the Seder the church was holding,
Motley F***ing Crue!!! 2007-04-11 10:49:00 I'm going to see Motley
Crue at the Hammersmith Apollo on 11th June!!!!!Oh, and Gypsy Pistoleros posted a comment on my myspace page, which is very cool of them. I will now get nothing productive done for the rest of the day.
Experiments in cooking 2007-04-10 20:53:00 I was wandering around Sainsbury's earlier in search of a sauce to go with the chicken I was planning on having for dinner when I suddenly decided I wanted to make a dish I haven't made in ages - cider chicken with tagliatelle. There were a couple of minor problems: 1) I couldn't remember exactly what was in it; and 2) I didn't really want to buy cider. Now, I could have just come home, checked the recipe and gone back again, but I decided I couldn't be bothered to do that so I would try to recall the ingredients as best I could and improvise with Appletiser rather than cider.Got home to discover that while I correctly remembered I needed butter and wholegrain mustard, I had forgotten I needed leeks and double cream. Improvised with onions in place of leeks, and semi-skimmed milk plus flour to thicken instead of the cream. Became slightly concerned by the fact that it didn't look at all like it used to when I made it previously, but then it wouldn't when I was working with Apple Read more:cooking
Can't get no satisfaction 2007-04-12 22:36:00 I ordered £14 worth of Chinese food to be delivered because I had a craving for meat dumplings, and I've eaten less than a third of it (and only half the dumplings). Guess I'll be eating Chinese all weekend then.I've also just discovered that the inside leg seam of the trousers on my newest suit has frayed, which will teach me not to buy thin fabric trousers again. I guess the jacket could be worn with jeans or something. Otis has decided to keep moving his litter tray out of the spot where his digging box was and crap on the carpet instead. At least he hasn't peed on it yet, but give it time.I'm seriously contemplating behaviour this weekend which might be considered to be stalker-like by some, largely because I haven't had sex since October and I've spotted a target who might be just what I need for a night. This in spite of the fact that there's still the unresolved issue of the guy from church, but if I wait and try to resolve that one I'm definitely not getting fucke
Planning for fun 2007-04-12 08:38:00 I'm having a struggle finding somewhere to stay for the night of the Crue concert. I don't really want to be all that far from the Apollo, but I don't want to pay a fortune for a room either. Having a brief browse online yesterday during lunch I came across what looked like a pretty useful website with some reasonably inexpensive rooms, but looking more seriously yesterday evening I couldn't find it again. Will have to keep looking. I also need to see how I'm getting up there - I'm hoping that going up during the day will mean things are reasonably inexpensive on the trains. Don't want to be stuck on the coaches.Otis is being puzzled because I've removed his digging box. I need to see about getting him another one, but in the mean time the litter tray has taken its place and I'm hoping he won't therefore pee on the carpet or the futon. The box that the microwave came in lasted no time at all and I had already had to put something underneath it because he has taken to u
Nuts 2007-04-15 02:26:00 He wasn't there. Bloody typical. Probably just as well though.
Okay, keep breathing 2007-04-14 23:05:00 I'm about to head out. I've bought a new top, and while I toyed with the idea of wearing the miniskirt I decided I didn't need the added reason to feel self-conscious. Am currently feeling slightly sick.God, I could do with a gin.Bet the guy isn't there after all this. Read more:breathing
Another Monday looms 2007-04-16 08:33:00 I think my neighbours have sorted out their alarms. At least, I haven't heard them for the last couple of days, which has been a vast improvement since I'm generally not sleeping well at the moment due to the heat. And I will have to either sleep with the window shut or take a shotgun to the dawn chorus which happens just outside around about 5am. I'm sure it's all very pretty and there are people who would be in ecstasies over it, but if they could arrange for it to be later in the day it would be much appreciated. Bunny has been lethargic all weekend. I did wonder if I had given him my cold, he was sneezing quite a bit on Saturday (which is the cutest sight by the way), but it might have been the heat getting to him. He was quite lively again by Sunday evening. I could try rigging up my desk fan to help him out, but unlike the hamster Otis is daft enough to chew through the cable if I have it anywhere close by. He's had a lollop around the living room and is now stretched Read more:Monday
Photographs 2007-04-15 11:01:00 They're weird things, photographs. It's capturing a moment, but in doing so it drains the life from it. I've been trying to get a good couple of photos of me, the face I see smiling in the mirror and quite like, but the expression is never right and there's no life in the eyes when I see the image on the computer screen. Which is a shame, because I think I'm looking better then I ever have these days. I would like to have something to record that. I've never really been satisfied with photos of me anyway, but I would like something to remember this by. To remember the time I first felt happiest being me.
Symbols 2007-04-17 08:44:00 I went to work without my best friend yesterday. I didn't notice until I was in the car and half way there, but then I was aware of the piece missing for the rest of the day. Yesterday morning, I forgot to put on the ring GBF gave me. It was the first thing I picked up and put on after my shower today, and the weight of the ring is comforting. It's like I'm carrying a piece of him with me and it is strangely reassuring. I guess that's what people feel about engagement and wedding rings. There isn't anything else I carry which is such a clear and definite link with another individual. My desk at work is personalised in as much as it is my clutter which occupies it and I know what is where, but there's nothing which says anything about me beyond the Kerrang wall calendar which is slightly incongruous in its setting. My desk at home has a couple of postcards which my mother has sent me from holidays with my uncle or my grandparents, and my birthday present from GBF hanging ov
I found wine! 2007-04-18 23:23:00 And it's alcohol free! Which, according to the definition I found on a website specialising in alcohol free products, actually means less than 0.05% alcohol by volume. You can also get dealcoholised wine which is up to 0.5%. And while Sainsbury's online didn't appear to stock anyway, Tesco's online did, so I dropped into the store by the office before work and picked up a bottle of rose. And this evening I stretched out on the futon, Mozart playing in the background and a chilled glass on the side table, to start reading a novel. Strangely, I'm a little buzzed. No idea if this is related to the fact that there is a hint of alcohol in my drink (whereas the lager is 0.0%) or whether it's the idea of there being alcohol in my drink. Tesco had some dealcoholised wine as well, but I was a bit nervous about trying that, which seems silly since the alcohol content is so minimal as to be almost non-existant. And yet, if I am genuinely buzzed on a glass and a half of 0.05% stuff ma
Pain 2007-04-20 23:26:00 I wanted to hurt today. I wanted to feel the pain of a blade slicing through my skin. I wanted to see the thin line of red appear, watch the blood oozing through the cut. I wanted to be behind the wheel of my car, driving at speed into a tree or over the edge of a savage drop. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to feel pain. Because in that moment of pain there is such a release. I wanted more than anything not to be in my office, not to feel swamped, got at, pressurized, talked at. I wanted to be left alone to get on with things in my own way because this morning I knew what I needed to do today, but I wasn't left alone to get on with it. And because I couldn't have that I wanted to make myself feel pain. Because that would be something I could control. I haven't had an urge that strong in such a long time. GBF must have been worried sick because I texted him even though he's thousands of miles away and totally powerless. At least I had someone I could reach out to, and he was
It's not good 2007-04-20 08:43:00 I'm putting on weight again. The scales are inching towards 10 stone, and I'm hating this. Not really surprising though - the amount of crap we have access to in the office at the moment is ridiculous and we're all just grazing constantly. I suspect everyone is going to be feeling heavier by the end of April. High pressure times are a bit crap really. My former trainee is developing an increasing craving for cigarettes. At least that would help keep the weight down...I've overspent as well, but that's not too much of a worry because I've got over £300 in expesnes due, and in any case a large amount of it relates to the Motley Crue concert, so it's money I won't be spending in June. On the other hand, I need to book my car in to get the exhaust replaced in the next couple of weeks. It really is sounding ridiculous now. Had another glass of the wine last night without the buzzy feeling. Must have been psychological then. Or excessive horniness. Otis is currently making
The weight comes creeping back 2007-04-23 08:49:00 9st 12lbs. Bugger. It's the stress, I'm convinced of it. Eating junk is the easy option when you've got 101 things on your mind that you're trying to deal with. Who needs the added hassle of working out what would be quick, healthy and sensible to eat? Yesterday I had bacon, mushrooms, onions and a piece of bread with cream cheese for breakfast, "lunch" was a bar of chocolate covered turkish delight, a bag of fruit allsorts and a berry lucozade sport, and in the evening I had a home made lasagne, plus the odd piece of chocolate here or there. Hardly balanced. But then, work is carb city. On Saturday I had at least two bags of crisps as well as a jam doughnut, cereal bars, biscuits, and pretty much anything else I could get my hands on. No wonder I'm heading towards 10 stone again.I severely hate my job right now. I've had a dislike for it for the last 18 months or so, but that's recently built into a major loathing. My daydream of choice at the moment is being able to Read more:comes
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