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Stupid Question & Sharp Answer 2008-03-08 05:41:19 BOY : May I hold your hand?GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy. GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!BOY : You love me... GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?? GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?? BOY : I love you and I could die for you!GIRL : How soon?? BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?? SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. MAN : You remind me of the sea.WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?MAN : NO, because you make me Read more:Question
, Stupid
Conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field. 2008-02-27 04:34:19 This is a conversation between Husband
& Wife who are in ComputerField
.HUSBAND: Hi Dear, I am logged in.WIFE: Would you like to have some snacks?HUSBAND: Hard disk full.WIFE: Have you brought the saree?HUSBAND: Bad command or file name.WIFE: But I told you about it in the morning!HUSBAND: Syntax error, abort, retry, cancel.WIFE: HAE BHAGAWAN! Forget it, where's your salary?HUSBAND: File in use, read only. try after some time.WIFE: Atleast give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.HUSBAND: Sharing violation, access denied.WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you!HUSBAND: Data type mismatch.WIFE: You are useless!HUSBAND: By default.WIFE: Who was there with you in the car this morning?HUSBAND: System unstable. Press ctrl, alt, del to reboot.WIFE: What is my value in your li Read more:Conversation
Sleeping Might Be Harmfull Sometimes 2008-02-27 04:20:07 A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily bangingaround pots and pans in the kitchens.When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eatbut, more importantly, is very upset about something."What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?""It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and itworked!""Then what's the matter? Where there are a lot of bugs in it?""I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it workedperfectly!""So what's wrong?""I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for afew minutes.""Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wifeinquired."No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key." Read more:Sleeping
, Sometimes
Nine Words Women Use 2008-02-27 04:09:20 1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Read more:Women
, Words
How to marry a rich guy - Fantastic reply from a financial person 2008-02-26 00:21:00 A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?I'm going to be honest of what I' m going to say here.I' m 25 this year.I'm very pretty, have style and good taste.I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.You might say that I 'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.My requirement is not high.Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary?Are you all married?I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich person
s like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ), $250k annualincome is n Read more:Fantastic
, reply
From a standpoint of separating fools from their money, it’s probably a fantastic idea. 2008-02-26 00:06:42 During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.“Like what?” asked the bartender.“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right e
New words added to the English dictionary 2008-02-25 23:54:31 Bucknor : (n) (adj)1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors.Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you.Benson: (n) (adj)1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.Also see bucknorPontingity : [ pont in gi tee ]possession of firm principles: the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards !!!Usage: You cannot question my pontingity in the game.Kumble: (1) Possession of strict adherence to the gentlemanly sport of cricket,(2) extreme self-righteousness and pomposityEg. “Only one side was playing Kumble in this match Read more:English
Funny Accident Report Form 2008-02-20 01:04:16 Trying To Do The Job Alone ...one of the greatest comic texts of all time... If you laugh, you have to tell a friend about this site. Don't forget!Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient: I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached t Read more:Funny
Real 911 calls 2008-02-15 00:17:41 Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!Dispatcher: 911 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I Read more:calls
No title 2008-02-15 00:12:17 I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes. However, I must share the following:After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute. A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return.A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.So... I went back to s
Technical support 2008-02-15 00:10:31 I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own.Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in.Anyway, the following call came in:Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work." Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?" Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even Read more:Technical
Their sons 2008-02-15 00:08:44 These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good fri
Rolls Royce Loan 2008-02-15 00:06:51 A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a RollsRoyce
parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67.The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you o Read more:Rolls Royce
Zoo Job 2008-02-15 00:05:10 One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begin Read more:Zoo
Radio conversation 2008-02-15 00:03:23 This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Alligators In The Pool 2008-02-15 00:01:46 A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!" Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimmin
Smart student 2008-02-14 23:59:59 The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.A 'smart' student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look."Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand." Read more:Smart
12-things-your-cv-should-not-have 2008-03-18 05:08:22 Colorful or glossy paper and flashy fontsYour CV is a formal, official document. Keep it simple.~ Resume or CV at the top Many people tend to add headings to their CV. The usual are CV, Curriculum Vitae and Resume. Do not do this.~ Photographs until askedDo not add your photo to the CV until you have been asked for it. Photographs are required only for certain types of positions like models, actors etc.~ Usage of 'I', 'My', 'He', 'She'Do not use these in your CV. Many candidates write, 'I worked as Team Leader for XYZ Company' or 'He was awarded Best Employee for the year 2007'. Instead use bullet points to list out your qualifications/ experience like: Team leader for XYZ Company from 2006-2007.~ Spelling mistakes and grammatical errorsProofread your CV until you are confident Read more:things
Have A Look, Think Positive 2008-03-18 01:00:55 If you think you have huge tension, look at them if you think your job is tough, how about him?if you think your salary is low, how about her? If you think you don't have many friends, ask yourself if you have one sincere friendyou think study is a burden, how about her?when you feel like giving up, think of this manif you think you suffer in life, do you suffer as much as he does?if you complaint about your transport system, how about them?if your society is unfair to you, how about her? Read more:Positive
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