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April showers bring May flowers and an Engagement?! 2007-04-02 19:59:00 Well people its official... i am the last one to make the step to getting hitched! This past week my baby brother got engaged! While im more then happy for him and my soon to be sis in law (who i adore) i cant help but think...but but i was supposed to be first!! My older bro beat me to that about 9 years ago lol... but my baby bro?? bah i guess i should just thank my lucky stars that i haven't settled thus far huh lol...Here's an update in case any of you have followed my break up.... yeah we are in talks to get back together and yes i am happy about this as ive seen change and feel that there is hope going forward.... God i hope im right!!!Today makes it 9 months and counting... hmm am i supposed to count the 2 months we were broken up but talking?? I would also like to say cheers to a short week and a long ass weekend!!! Read more:April
, Engagement
When it Rains it Pours!! 2007-04-04 19:21:00 Thats what a very good friend said to me earlier today. its so true. It was funny for me to read QB say that once you have hit rock bottom, there is no way to go but up. in my situation it seems like im drilling through the rock and going deeper! lol.. its funny for me to sit here and bitch about my life. so much that has happened was just bad luck and then so much that has happened was because of my own stupidity. Its true what people say mistakes are made so that you can learn from them. but what a lot of people dont realize is that those mistakes can haunt you and stick with you for the long haul! the religious thing with Mr. G. is over. it was the most painful and difficult thing that i had ever done in my life thus far. and im not exagerating. the worse part is that he called after all that to say "hi". at that point i just felt nothing. i cant be strong anymore. no im not going back, no im not reconciling but i just cant stop myself from answering that call. i need
Whats with 2007?? 2007-04-04 18:28:00 You know when 2005 was ending i was SO glad and i really had it in my head that 2006 was going to be "my" year... yeah well lets just say the first half of 2006 was so shitty that i actually thought about moving away and leaving my life here behind... then in the middle of 2006 things got a wee bit better but that didn't last long, by the end of the year i found myself wondering why me a lot! Then I was really so sure that 2007 would be "the" year... yeah well its started off pretty shitty yet again but this time it wasn't just me! It seems that so far 2007 hasn't been good to a lot of my friends as well... come to think of it problems actually started for all of us during the last few months of 2006 but anyway I really hope that this year gets better.. i mean it really cant get worse can it? Once you have hit rock bottom theres no where to go but up right? Things seem to be looking up for me slightly but its so hard to no worry about others close to you who are hurting so bad it ma
Creepy Stranger or Friendly Women? 2007-04-09 22:32:00 I was in Micheals this weekend minding my own business going through the wedding aisle (for my bro's wedding of course) checking things out when i hear..Blond woman: "Excuse me where did you get your jacket?" (thought she was just being friendly)ME: "Oh from Jacob" *smiles*Her: "Oh wow was it this season or??"Me: "I think novemberish"Her: "Cool, so is the shopping around here good?"(at this point im thinking umm OOOk"Me: "yeah its ok there are a few malls"*she goes on to ask me more about shopping and my jacket* Her: "So do you live around here?"(WHAT??!! Who are you and why do you care where i live)*I was in shock but for some reason found myself generally answering"Me: "um somewhere around here ya"Her: "Ahh cool so do you work around here then?"Me: "no no about 15 mins away"Her: "Are you in the fashion industry?"*im in jeans and a sweater with my hair in a ponytail looking all of 19 yrs old*Me: "um no"Her: "well are you looking to get into marketing?"(wth do fashion and marketing ha Read more:Stranger
, Friendly
, Women
i too have a BIG weekend... 2007-04-12 19:43:00 my weekend wont be as huge as QB's.... well i hope it wont be anyways!i have my awards gala this weekend with my *hopefully not awkward* date. he better behave.... i will be with all of my bosses!wish me luck!at this point i dont really care how the actual "date" part of it goes. im mostly excited to get all done up and wear my new dress!!!!have a good weekend ladies!
BIG Weekend Ahead! 2007-04-12 18:08:00 First i have to say that in relation to my last post i am now creeped out by any stranger that is friendly to me LOL...Well today is the day! Today is the day that the ex comes to town, the first time we are seeing each other since the break up over 2 months ago! This should be an interesting weekend and thats all ill say...Wait ill say one more thing... his plane takes off in 30 mins and hes only getting to the airport now!! His less then punctual manner is the one stand out thing that drives me NUTS considering im so anally punctual!... *note to self - try and change him!* lol...Have a crazy weekend bitches! Read more:Weekend
Say What? 2007-04-13 21:16:00 I came accross this article today.I felt the need to share it. This was in an American publication.I really hate the fact that people feel the need to spread their hatred of a city within their own country, and label it to the rest of the world based entirely on what was one person's experience. The worst part is when they spread their poor "reasearch" results as a shared fact of their negative opinion among the rest of the country!Don't spread hate on a city - especially a city as diverse as Toronto - just because you don't like one specific aspect of it. Toronto's boundaries extend far beyond Bay St.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------TORONTO, Ontario (Reuters) -- The dislike of Canada's biggest city, Toronto, in the rest of the country runs so deep that a filmmaker has made a documentary about it."People in Toronto are soulless, one-eyed corporate zombies," Joey Keithley, of the Vancouver punk band D.O.A., says in the
Well... 2007-04-17 16:59:00 The weekend has come and gone...I just don't know what to make of this weekend at all! I mean the whole reason the ex was coming here was to show me that we are good together, that hes made changes and that i should have no doubts about him or us wasn't it????Well if anything he's left me just as doubtful and thinking of ways to end this all over again! Its not so much that he did anything wrong this weekend or that we had a bad time cuz we didn't.. there were fun parts for sure but overall i didn't get the warm fuzzy feeling i should be getting from someone im with... Being long distance should make that fuzzy feeling overwhelming when we see each other but it didn't... there was nothing romantic about the weekend which surprised me considering this was his time to step it up a notch...*sigh* I just don't know why this guy is so clueless.... it would appear that hes not so into it yet for the last 2 months hes been crying up a storm for me to give him another chance, saying he
Every good thing comes to an end sometime! 2007-04-20 17:02:00 Its now official AGAIN.... me and the ex are no longer even in a state of limbo. We had THE talk last night and i just explained that we are different people who are at different points in their lives right now therefore it just wouldn't work...He actually took it WAY better then I thought he would. He didn't ball like last time instead he said he respected me and therefore respected my decision. Im so happy that it ended this way instead of me feeling like I was crushing his heart with my bare hands like last time. We said we would still be friends and i think we can in time. Im still going there on a family trip this summer so i will defiantly call him up and check out his new place or have dinner with him while im there I mean I see no harm in that right?!While a part of me is relieved that we have had this discussion obviously there is a part of me that is hurting right now. I care deeply about him and wish only the best for him but its sad letting go... I hate letting go! I hate Read more:comes
Truth Hurts! 2007-04-19 16:49:00 Well I believe the chapter with Mr. G. is finally over. since the official breakup (religious thing) he has tried to get together with me about mmmmmmmmmm i would say 3 or 4 times. of course i said no everytime but DAYMN, was THAT ever hard to do. specially when im sitting at home feeling sorry for myself and missing having a special person in my life! so anyway finally the last straw came this last weekend, he kept texting me and so on and asking to get together. The problem is that the man isn't even saying - im sorry let me make it up to you. no, its more of a - well i really miss you so lets see eachother. at that point I ACTUALLY seriously was considering doing just that. i was trying to justify it to myself, like, oh well its JUST a movie. it can't hurt. i knew that was the wrong move so i took the cowardly approach to gaining strength. i asked someone else what they would do. their obvious reaction was "are you CRAZY". knowing that they had a point (because i knew Read more:Truth
What a night! 2007-04-23 23:40:00 So this last weekend me and some friends QB included went to a club to celebrate a freind's bday.... please note i haven't been to this place in four years and i prob wouldn't go for another four years if i didn't have to. So we get there and we are having an amazing time. QB was making me laugh so hard i think i was close to having an "accident", i know not to classy... Anyway we go to the washroom and i decide to get a bottle of water. i leave to get one, and try to return through a crowd of men. "excuse me, excuse me" I say and i look up and GUESS WHO IT IS???? That's right people, the one and only MR. G. Himself! standing there with his friend. so the friend is all, "I MISS YOU OH MY GOD!!" and then i look over at Mr. G. and he swoops in for a hug... so me and mr. g. are standing there in an awkward silence trying to make small talk, "how are you?" "Im good how are you" so finally i left (with my legs shaking) as i thought it was pointless to pretend as if we cared about that
EW! Who does that? 2007-04-27 22:07:00 As im driving with my mother and i see a man off tot he side of the road just standing on the corner... i keep looking at him cuz i was wondering what he was doing off in the grass.. YEAH does he not just start peeing!!! EW who does that? its 1pm on Friday in the middle of a busy intersection!!GOD whats wrong with people?!!!
adventures at the timmies drive thru! 2007-04-26 21:43:00 ok so update is that i havent heard anything from Mr. G. Im happy that i haven't so that i dont have to deal with the -should i answer or not syndrome- yet i feel like i want to... hmmm!so today a very weird thing happened! I'm driving to an appointment as i had taken my morning off from work. i then see a tim hortons, and being a caffein junkie, obviously make a beeline for the drive
thru! here is the kicker... i get to the window to pay for my order and the guy at the window says, "don't worry about it, he already got it for you." he says this and points to the car that just paid in front of me! my answer was "he what? he PAID for ME??? who is that?!" so the guy at the window looks at me with the -are you dumb- look and says, "uhh i don't know, he just paid for you" and shrugs. so i drive away try and look into the car who has now parked in a spot in front of me. i guess he was thinking im gonna follow him and park next to him. im SO confused thinking, i dont know t
New Light! 2007-04-25 20:40:00 Ok so yesterday was a bad day but my life isnt nearly as bad as my time of the month allowed me to believe it was yesterday! I feel better today... i think ill be ok :)This is the summer of me and my fellow bitches NO men allowed lol... hmm maybe I shouldn't be so harsh... ok men allowed sometimes but only when we want you here and ONLY on our terms!!Bring on the weekend already!!! Read more:New Light
Why me... like seriously! 2007-04-24 21:34:00 Im sitting here trying so hard to hold back the tears that are sitting in the lump in my throat. I know im supposed to feel relived or happy that I got outta something that wasnt working but im not! I dont understand my life.. the "path" thats set up for me... I dated a guy who turned out to be the biggest bastard ever, he hurt me so badly that to this day it gets me upset to think about him or what he did. A month or so later i meet this guy (the ex)... same background, families new each other and I was so happy. It all seemed so perfect like gods way of saying sorry for putting me through a shit time... I thought this was going to be forever.. maybe im naive or maybe I just want that dream so badly i allowed myself to believe it was perfect. Now its over and yet again my heart hurts, my dreams are crushed & my future plans no longer...I was always so sure i would get married have babies and be a mom... i dont think that way anymore you know.. How can i? How can i even begin to allow
What to do?! 2007-05-01 17:31:00 Well today is the Ex's birthday! I sent an Ecard and ill send a text at noon but i dont believe i should call... After yesterday i realized that we cant talk anymore, or at least not for a while. Im still very angry and hurt and i get all messed up when we do talk so ive decided that im not going to call him for his birthday and that an email and text is good enough.... Am I a bitch? Do i owe him a call?? :( I kinda feel bad but we are broken up after all!
Out with the Old in with the New??!! 2007-04-30 15:42:00 Well another weekend has come and gone and here we are again Monday morning! The ex and I haven't spoken since Thursday which ill have to be honest has surprised me but I know its a good thing as it probably wasn't going anywhere great anytime soon!On another note I may actually have a date this week! Yes i know its soon and somewhat out of the blue but im not taking it seriously and it will definitely take my mind of the present situation... He seems funny and that's enough for me right now as I could really use a laugh or 2 lol so we shall see how that goes...Its a beautiful day in the neighbourhood folks so get out and enjoy it! ;)
Yikes! 2007-05-02 15:59:00 Well thanks for the support ladies however he did end up asking me why i didnt call and if i was even planning on calling him and i just broke down. I felt so bad and even though i know i dont owe him anything I just know that if it was my birthday i would have wanted a call from him... Anyway so he hung up on bad terms cuz he was mad and i was in tears and that was that until he called again later in the day to say sorry about our argument the day before and for getting upset that i hadn't called him... yeah well that conversation was going well until he decided to talk about the fact that both his EX's called him to say happy bday and i didnt and how he was talking to them for a while about me and so on... LIKE WTH?!! Why are you talking to your ex gf's about me and asking their opinions and shit! I don't want everyone especially them knowing my business and quite frankly i don't appreciate you telling me what they said and then being compared to them! Again the waterworks began
Pour me a drink! 2007-05-04 17:20:00 Blah.. I need a stiff drink right about now for more then just the obvious reasons of my soap opera life!!
where do i begin?? ..... 2007-05-08 21:42:00 ok... i know i have been a bad little blogger and haven’t written anything in a LONG time. so its time to update:I have been so busy trying to heal myself from my car accident. Yep CAR ACCIDENT!!! 2 weeks ago today this stupid 80yr old man who probably couldn’t see anything at all ran through a red light and hit me. HARD!!! He totaled my car. I’m not badly hurt but my neck and back are really sore so on top of working 2 jobs I have to start going to physio 2 to 3 times a week now!! I’m really pleased about that… oh and on top of that I found out that I had tonsillitis the day of the accident too. So couldn’t swallow or move for like 3 days.And I have to look for a new car ASAP because the insurance company is going to write me a cheque for my car very soon and I will have to give back the rental. Its very stressful. I wasn’t even planning on looking for a new car at all. I loved my car. And not only that but for my birthday just back in December all my girlfriends went in Read more:begin
Bright Sunshinin Day!! 2007-05-07 20:01:00 Good Monday afternoon faithful readers! It was a fabulous weekend in terms of weather I must say and that totally put a smile on my face! I did however hear from the ex again via text message on Saturday night. This time he sent a picture text of himself at some wedding saying he missed me... I disregarded the comment and simply said "looking good, have a great night". He then asked me what i was up to and if i missed him too.... GRR WHY does he have to ask me that?! I thought we were over and moving on now!! I responded with "plz dont ask me that, have a good night bye" to which he sent one last reply saying sorry but that it was really hard for him.... No shit Sherlock! Its hard for me too which is why I get mad when you text/call and then ask me questions like that! Yes its hard but thats your fault so please dont make me suffer anymore then I have.... *sigh*Other then that the weekend was fun :) I went out for sushi with someone whos sense of humour plays very well off mine and had Read more:Bright
grr 2007-05-11 20:41:00 Im just so annoyed right now... argh!!
Much Needed Update!! 2007-05-16 20:26:00 ok so i know ive been a bad blogger but shit happens... Sorry BitchesLet me update you on my soap opera of a life...Hmm where to start... ill just be random. Ever since the ex got mad at me for not calling him we hadnt talked, texted or emailed at all until he text me the other day. I didnt respond cuz really im not ready to talk, he text me back an hour later saying he missed me, again i didnt respond. The next day i got an email with a strange message "can you at least send me a blank email please".... umm weird! What would be the point of that?? Plus i was really stuck on exactly what id respond with so i didnt. Not a good idea cuz that night at 1am I get a phone call from him. I could have ignored it i suppose but felt if i did he would continue so i answered. Lets just say the conversation once again got around to us, how he FINALLY told his grandma we broke up and then came the dreaded "can i ask you something" question... god i hate those cuz they are almost never something good Read more:Update
surprise surprise.... 2007-06-01 19:41:00 THis is how today went...Guy at work calls me up : happy birthday....Me: uh its not my birthdayguy: it isnt? well you have flowers here waiting so i thought it was your birthday..me: (tiny panic attack) i do? are you sure they are for me?Guy: well they say your name on em..me:ok ill be down soon...*heart races, thoughts rush.... flowers? me? they couldn't possibly be from the ex i mean hes an ex and yes hes been REALLY trying to win me back but this is just well... unexpected... could they be from a new admirer? Oh i really hope they are... i need some new drama now this ones getting too old....* I make my way downstairs to find an all pink bouquet of pretty flowers and i instantly knew they were from the ex... he knows i love pink... of course in times of ass kissing he would send an ALL pink arrangement not like the mostly pink ones he used to send... *deep breath* I head upstairs and open the card and indeed they are from the ex.... he misses me, he will do anything to get me back.
tick tock tick tock 2007-05-31 18:58:00 Think think think thats all i seem to do these days... weather its about the good, the bad or the ugly. My mind races with never ending questions, comments and ideas that no single moment is sacred anymore. How do i rediscover myself? how do i find the girl i want to be and allow her to emerge when there are years or cloudiness in her way....Why do i feel like im here for everyone to take from? why do i allow them to take? take my mind, my heart and in the end my spirit... Why do i not even realize my own self worth enough to demand the best? Why do i question myself and why it is im so hard to love? or maybe im too easy to love, so much so that the love turns into being taken advantage of...Im tired of knowing i deserve the best but being ok with whatever... im done, no more... i will not give in to words being written, emotional phone calls, lack of communication or promises that i know are so hallow...I must change this patten that i bring upon myself... Ive always been so afraid of Read more:tick tock
What to do???!! 2007-06-07 13:14:00 This is so hard.....Since the flowers ive gotten emails & phone calls from the ex. Although hes been calm and a little more mature about things hes said some pretty big things like for example that he is willing to move here if given another chance.... He never ONCE offered to move here before, if anything it was always talk of me moving there so this really surprised me. I want to believe all the things he is saying are simply because he "realized what he had now that its gone", but everyone i talk to simply shrugs it off as him just doing and saying anything to get me back...The question i have to ask myself though is at what point do you sit there and say OK you know what i really think hes being genuine now... I was fine with moving on with my life before he turned up the hard core effort to win me back but its SO hard to simply ignore someone in your face saying all these things they have realized since being without you... Is it too late? in a way yes... i have seen the side of h
Ive ignored you i know... 2007-06-14 15:32:00 Forgive me dear readers.. it seems the other bitches have bailed and im now the ONLY one updating!! Come back bitches come back!!!OK well things have been super hard as of late... coffee guy has become almost extinct god knows why... SURE you have to study for the bar pshhhhh... so thats basically a wait and see situation.My brothers engagement party was on the weekend which is one of the reasons ive been MIA. I planned the entire thing and i must say it turned out FABULOUS!! Everyone had a blast and despite a tiny jelly bean fight (damn 80's babies) things went smooth. Plus by the end i was highly intoxicated which really helped lol...I also helped out a bit with a friends baby shower which was also this past weekend. Im still in awe that my friends are having babies!!! God when did i get to this stage of life? and why am i so far behind?!!As for the ex... well hes calmed down a lot since his desperate plea stage. I know most of you think hes a nut job and that things would never wo
Introducing S man! 2007-06-19 14:56:00 As promised i am bitching about my other issue. this is gonna be a long one, because there is soooo much history!so i have had this guy friend for as long as i can remember. his name is gonna be S man from now on. and no there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING super about the S... mmm super man! yum! ok im sidetracking back to S man. he and I have been great friends on and off for the past 6 - 7 years now. he has been present through an ex boyfriend and an ex fiance. when i had just broken up with the ex boyfriend he told me that he "loved" me! now i ask you how can someone love me without ever being with me??? anyway i didnt ask those questions merely felt weird because of the fact that i was dissappointed that he chose that very moment to tell me when he knows that i just need a friend because i was going through something! anyway we got into a fight, i didnt wanna deal with the shit, so i cut him off for a month. he came back apologized we once again had a great friendship and all w Read more:Introducing
Too much to bitch about... 2007-06-19 14:08:00 hellooooo everybodayyyy! it's been a while and i've been a busy bee! a miserable one, but still a busy one! so because i have so much to say i've decided that i will do two posts today.... So Mr. G. has been calling very regularly. and to tell you the truth i kinda secretly like it. yes i know its because i dont have anyone else and its because im lonely and yes to an extent im also ignoring all the warnings that i am putting in my own head. you know what though, its almost like im thinking to myself, well im not calling him, ive made myself CRYSTAL clear to him and he knows that the possibility of me and him getting back together again is slim to none... when we were together i found talking to G very difficult because he always got all defensive and so on. its a little more refreshing now because i feel as though im actually being heard. he has apologized repeatedly and yet he has not made a promise to change. The fact that he hasnt made that promise makes talking to him
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