Owner: Do I Amuse You? URL:http://morucci.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Wed, 30 Jan 2008 16:11:29 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Think * Laugh * Share * Let It Go. The blog title is in reference to Joe Pesci's famous tirade in Goodfellas. I like to rant and truly want to make folks laugh, and I put a lot of thought into my pieces here.
Site statistics:Click here
American Idols: Unless you’re signing the lyrics, keep those fingers quiet 2008-03-07 01:19:17 I don’t know about you but I find it incredibly distracting that so many contestants keep count during their performances by tapping or flexing their fingers around that oversized wireless microphone (I’ll save the phallic innuendo for another day).It’s almost as annoying as the mandatory sweeping crane shot in every Idol performance, where each week they attempt their best Constantine Maroulis (raise the shoulders, drop the chin, stare through the eyebrow ridge, and slowly lift one corner of your mouth into your best smarm). For total cheese, toss in a wink.Why do they all insist on following the same, horrible patterns? Break out, dog. Be unique!We see “entertainment methods” mimicked all the time. In a music video in 1989, they set the camera looking up with the dude looking d Read more:American
, Idols
, signing
, lyrics
Is it my turn yet? Where’s my “Roger”, Wilco? 2008-03-03 00:32:00 I saw an episode of Law & Order recently (one of the three television series currently running on NBC — they’re so absolutely unique I can’t believe I don’t remember which one – DUHN DUHN) — and a developmentally challenged and incredibly bright character said “The End” every time she finished speaking, whether in conversation or when providing her testimony. I thought it was really cute. And then I thought it was brilliant.We don’t have a definitive or graceful way of letting others know when we’ve actually finished our thought. In the world of electronic communication, we have different ways to inform each other when we’re done. With two-way radios or walkie-talkies, we can use “Roger
” and “Wilco
”. I was curious of the origination so I looked it up on Wi
Balding: No it’s really not OK to pat my head 2008-02-23 12:02:07 It’s my own hang-up, but I doubt I’m alone in this sentiment. Why is it that people, strangers or dear friends, feel it’s totally OK to mention that I’m balding, losing my hair, have a receding hairline, have a five-head, comment on the shine? It’s genetic, not due to anything I’ve ever done and completely out of my control. It’s a perpetual bad hair day. Yes, I’ll use the term balding as long as there is any hair on my head because it’s an ongoing process. Just like aging; another fact of life out of our control. I won’t get plugs, or surgery, or a rug, or a weave, or a sophisticated clinically proven plastic grid system based on Barbie® technology. I also won’t try pills that carry a danger just by touch, not that I’m nursing or pregnant.Look, I don’t pat your
The A-List 2008-02-23 11:30:52 My third freelance article for SassyBean.com, this one on silly games couples should avoid, was just posted here: %20Morucci. So support your local blogger and check it out!
Topless Beaches – Good Idea…on Paper 2008-02-23 11:30:30 Before you go, there are some things you need to think about. Seriously. First, it’s everyday people, in all shapes and sizes, from the very young to the very old. You need to be ready for that. It isn’t going to be like a party at Hef’s mansion.And honestly, gentlemen, it’s reality. Look at some of the horrors women have had to witness on beaches everywhere. A beer belly may provide an additional SPF of 15 as shade over that banana hammock, but no one wants to see that. And topless is merely an option for men; it’s not required. If you could use some 18-hour support yourself, at least grab a tank top.Most likely you’ll be in Europe, which means you’re in for a variety of grooming practices. I’m not judging, just sharing an observation. There are plenty of shirtless men who Read more:Beaches
Midterm Memory Loss 2008-02-19 22:57:36 I remember bits and pieces of my childhood: favorite toys like click-clacks (outlawed), a steel slinky (they’re now plastic), Lincoln logs (real wood), lawn darts (gotta love the 70s), my Easy-Bake oven (too much)? These are examples of my long-term memory, still wonderfully intact, though certainly not comprising a full inventory anymore. Yet certain images or songs, or the mention of a name I haven’t heard in decades, can trigger amazing memories.And I remember what I had for lunch a few hours ago (chicken, tomato and Swiss cheese on a toasted baguette), the conversation I had with a friend this evening and even what I promised to have done by Friday in a meeting this morning that I'm sure can wait until Monday. All simple examples of my short-term memory.But it’s all of that infor Read more:Midterm
, Memory
De-spill-inators! Cool New Coffee Gizmo 2008-02-18 23:43:47 Cooler than sliced bread? Absolutely! I went into my favorite coffee shop this morning and was delighted to find this fabulous device, straight from this weekend’s coffee convention.What are they called? De-spill-inators? Glug plugs? Crotch-savers? They look like tiny plastic pacifiers and the name doesn't matter! All I know is this simple but brilliant idea made my day.Every morning I stop by my favorite coffee shop, Orinoco Coffee
House (), to pick up a large (you’re allowed to call it “large” there) piping hot cup of my morning nectar (Orinoco’s house blend), filled to the rim.My car’s cup holder is directly behind the stick shift so I have to do the stick:lid shuffle. I hold a bunched napkin over the sip hole of the plastic lid to keep it from spilling all over the console, Read more:Gizmo
When Did Politics Become Such a Spectator Sport? 2008-02-18 00:05:55 I know we’re in the oversaturation-of-information age, and we feel inundated with stories about Britney, but there is so much coverage of the 2008 Campaign I feel like I’m living in an Orwell novel.“Did you vote?” “What do you think of Obama or Hillary?” “Do you think McCain will do it or does Huckabee still have a chance?” What I think is honestly none of your business, and it shouldn’t matter to you. I wish it didn’t matter to you. You see, once you know what I’m thinking, you can slot me: I’m either with you or against you. I’m either fair-minded and intelligent or a complete and total moron.Whenever I get into political discussions with friends, if there’s a difference of opinion, it’s rare that we listen to each other with open minds. We wait for our turn Read more:Become
, Spectator
Phone Number Acronyms: In a Texting World, Let’s Stick to Digits 2008-02-05 22:22:49 Sure it’s fun to tell people your phone number spells “WINDBREAKR” but we store those numbers in our cells and don’t think about them again until we lose/break/drown our phones and send a mass email. But that’s not my point.In the 1920s, phone numbers that spelled a word were clever. “Hi Gladys. Ring me up KL5-GAMS – I need to hire a flapper, a floor-flusher, not a heeler but a real Oliver Twist for the big hop on Saturday.” In those days, there were party lines and operator-assisted dialing and very few phone numbers and exchanges.With the advent of toll-free numbers (virtually meaningless in a cellular world of whenever-wherever-whatever-minute-loaded plans), companies needed their 800 numbers to be memorable, so they turned to acronyms (words).“For the best in indiffer Read more:Number
, World
, Stick
Leave the Crystal Ball at Home 2008-02-04 19:31:41 Insecurity, emotional baggage . . . a crystal ball? Check out my latest free-lance piece for SassyBean.com here: %20Morucci.Image by Napalm filled tires
Read more:Leave
, Crystal
Shout-out to my Verizon FIOS DVR and missing the Super Bowl! 2008-02-04 19:31:32 OK, first, I’m the idiot who booked a flight on the afternoon of Super
Bowl Sunday. I still think the game is the last Sunday in January. But I got a cheap flight and a light traffic day and a nice weekend away.This also may be Karmatic retribution for the technological snobbery of my Top 10 Mantiques blog.Anyway, today DVR is an acronym meaning Didn’t Vreaking Record! There’s a fabulous feature on my co-branded Verizon
-Motorola HD DVR (QIP6416-2) – “Delete Bumped or Reschedule”. It means the program you originally selected to record with one-click ease from the guide has changed. They throw up an exclamation point icon next to your selection in your Scheduled To Record tab (which I’m sure you refer to often). If you do nothing, so do they. They don’t record it! I can under Read more:Super Bowl
Movie-Groaning Experience 2008-01-30 23:30:10 I used to love going to the movies. Watching a flick with my friends and a bucket full of popcorn on a gigantic screen in surround sound was one of the best, and relatively cheapest, things to do. Maybe it’s my age (43) but I really think everything about the whole movie-going experience has changed, and for the worst. Read this in the voice of Grandpa Simpson. I know that’s how it sounds to me.Stadium seating and TXH Surround Sound® is wonderful but what the Hell happened to the patrons? Of the last ten movies I’ve seen in the theatre (yes, the French spelling means I’m sophisticated), and they’ve all been in the past year, none have been without someone there to piss on my parade. I am a magnet for the self-indulgent; people who continually outdo each other in ways to distract
SMOKE-FREE WORLD – After this blog, I could lose some friends temporarily or maybe keep a few around even longer 2008-01-30 23:26:45 I think the world should be tobacco free. For the smoker who reads even this far, I’m impressed. Before you get all bent out of shape, rolling your eyes, furrowing your brow, shaking your head and saying the following: “Man, here we go again. Militant ex-smokers who can’t leave us the f’ alone. It’s my right to smoke. I’m only harming myself. I’ll quit if and when I’m ready. I know it’s bad for me but it’s my choice. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. My uncle smoked for 60 years and never got cancer.” Save it. I used to say the same things, and I felt pretty stupid because it was so easy to rationalize and lie to myself. I finally did quit. I feel stronger about this subject than nearly any other, and if you have the courage to read this without a bunch of arguments
Hydrating Swine Lip Treatment 2008-01-30 23:07:32 What? My title refers to lipstick on a pig, my friends. It’s still a pig. It's bad enough people pay extra to display advertising for their favorite brands. I’m amazed at how gullible marketers think we are. Of course, they may just be right.Let's start with "certified pre-owned". So I couldn't tell by the worn tires, paint scratches, door dings, "Proud parent of a suburban middle school honor student" bumper sticker, upholstery tears, faded dashboard or the simple fact it's a 2002 model amazingly still at a 2006 new car price that the vehicle I'm about to purchase is indeed used. I need a certificate to tell me.Taco Bell has a special soft taco with carne asada grilled steak! Carne asada literally translates to “grilled meat” in Español and or loosely to the generic term “barbe Read more:Swine
, Treatment
Top 10 Mantiques 2008-01-30 17:49:39 Matt Titus used a wonderful new term today on the CBS Early Show: “mantique”. It means an outdated appliance you'll find in someone's home (most likely your significant other's). So I had to throw together a quick Top 10:Mike's Top 10 Mantiques 19” RCA XL-100 TV – It’s the only appliance I know of that has a new model every year and never changed the version number! Guaranteed it’s a console if she needs your help moving Corded Landline Telephone - But it is touchtoneDesktop Computer - Hopefully newer than a 486Single-tray CD Player - No, it doesn’t read MP3s eitherVCR – Hey, there’s an 18-hour Benny Hill marathon on – If I can find enough of your store-brand six-hour blank videotapes, I’ll record them at low quality and only have to swap them out three times (better
Tina Fey Comedy Litmus Test 2008-01-27 20:11:31 My blog is called Do I Amuse You? as a tribute to one of the oddest exchanges in mob movie history and as a rhetorical question (because otherwise you may just answer, “mmm, not really”). For some reason - yes, psychotherapy would offer a plethora - I require validation in everything I do. I think I’m funny and I make people laugh, but it’s usually when playing off of their conversations. I have reactive material and like to believe I’m quick like 'at. With this blog, I have to start the dialogue, and there is no give and take. My validation metric (my apologies for using the brilliant corporate replacement for “measurement”) regarding humor has been to get the people in my life I find hilarious to laugh. Now, I’m ready to reach higher.The funniest person on the planet is T Read more:Comedy
My New Year's Resolution: Not to ask for yours 2008-01-03 23:13:36 People are reluctant to say "Merry Christmas" to me, an Italian - a pretty safe bet that I celebrate (or at some time celebrated) the holiday - but have no problem asking "What's your New Year
's resolution?" It's equivalent to saying "Which problem of yours, and there are many, my dear friend, Michael, are you going to half-heartedly attempt to fix before giving up in futility like everyone else this year?"OK, I'm putting a lot of assumed offense-intended on my friends, which truly there isn't, but it does bring up a point. A resolution is required to resolve something (solve an issue, unravel a mystery, fix a problem). I don't like to make New Year's resolutions because I never really took them seriously and in the past I repeatedly set myself up for disappointment. Instead, a few years a Read more:Resolution
Highway Spooning 2007-12-05 15:29:57 I don’t have a “Choose Civility in Howard County” magnet on the back of my car to say I’m better than you (that’s what my BTRTHNU vanity plate is supposed to convey). Admittedly it goes against my original bumper stickers & ribbon magnets rant (-stickers-ribbon-magnets.html), but it’s still important to me to say: “Caution: I allow other drivers to slide in front of me instead of closing the gap. I try to leave a car length or two in front of me so I don’t have a bruise on my fivehead when it smacks the steering wheel after you've decided to suddenly stop in front of me. And, no, I’m actually not better than you.”Today is the first autumn snow in my area. Although most of us learned water freezes at 32° F, most of us seem to ignore that fact and think tire friction Read more:Highway
Stairway Etiquette 2007-11-23 16:49:53 Last week, a friend of mine, Dan, scared the bejesus out of me when we he walked past me on the stairs at work. Why? He didn’t jump out or yell or trip me or anything like that. He simply said hello. The reason it scared me? Because I don’t look up when I’m on the stairs. I stare at my feet. Not because I’m so uncoordinated I may lose the stairway rhythm and stumble (that happens no matter where I’m looking). It’s because I’m totally self-conscious on public staircases. Not of my own lack of balance; it’s from the asses in front of me.Think about it. Although the mechanical design of a staircase is sound for getting people from one story to the next (it’s better than ramps everywhere), the social design is entirely flawed. If you walk one stair behind the person in front Read more:Stairway
, Etiquette
This Summer's Fall Guy 2007-11-23 16:35:34 I know the story is three days old. And anyone who has ever liked, or actually still likes, the game of baseball has an opinion. I still like baseball. I still love the Baltimore Orioles. And I always have an opinion.I don't enjoy nine seasons in a row under .500, or long losing streaks, but I'm used to it. And I love the underdog, both in this case and in cartoon form. So I've got nothing to complain about.The Orioles fired manager Sam Perlozzo on Monday. I am not a walking library of baseball stats, or an expert in any sense of the word when it comes to sports. I am just a fan. But I've never understood the firing of a manager in mid-season for a slumping team. I understand you can't fire the owner, nor the players under contract. Some people feel someone should take the fall, but I don' Read more:Summer
eHarmony: Fetch me a Doppelgänger 2007-11-21 09:04:55 It can’t be just me. In fact, I know it’s not just me because my friend pointed this out. Why do the successful matches on eHarmony commercials look more like siblings rather than couples? I immediately think of those people are their pets email chains. I believe their system of matching across 29 dimensions could be substituted with a quick cheek swab and a genetic database.It appears when applicants fill out a questionnaire on what they’re looking for, it turns out to be themselves (in drag). OK, having things in common is great, but having everything in common? Hair color, chin shape, nose, location of their dimples? Their slogan should be “Why waste time transforming into your partner by aging gracefully – we’ll cut to the chase for you.”The next time you see an eHarmony Read more:Fetch
Spring is finally here! Keep your shirt on. 2007-10-22 19:46:22 Like every other stir-crazy homebody that has had enough of winter, I’m ecstatic that spring is finally here. Longer days, warmer weather, the return of life all around us; it’s a welcome time of year. Granted, I’m a whiner, so I’ll also complain about the misery of seasonal allergies and the return of the insect world –my windshield is already covered with those that were in this world less than the second season of Jake in Progress, Emily’s Reasons Why Not or Love Monkey.Leaving the jacket in the closet is that little bonus I treasure. And spring attire looks great on paper, but in practice can be a disaster. This spring, please show consideration for everyone else before dressing by following these simple yet practical rules: Capri pants (no matter what label they’re given Read more:Spring
20 Random Words (Obvious Filler) 2007-10-22 19:46:22 Nothing riveting this week. I found an exercise in a comedy writing book aptly titled "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing" by James Mendrinos. Find 20 nouns in a magazine and write something funny about each. I started this a while ago and keep changing them. It ain't Letterman's Top 10, but there are twice as many and it's certainly fun to do. Hope you like 'em!membership - cliques you pay to joinjeep - most reliable vehicle made by the government made unreliable by Chrysler. Four wheels, steel cage, rough ride, canvas doors and plastic windows - hasn't changed in 50 years. How do you f' that up?brakes - something we use to let other drivers know we don't like being tailgated - genius strategy, eh?drafting - something we do to let other drivers know they're not moving fast enoug Read more:Random
, Words
, Obvious
What happened to the wave? 2007-10-22 19:46:22 OK, it’s been a while so I apologize. I’ve had writer’s block and nothing seemed that funny to me. Today, my buddy Don suggested a rant (you’re a savior!), and I knew what he meant immediately. First, we’re not talking about the “spontaneous” stadium event where people create a human wave of bodies that crest in unison, yet never in synch with an actual defensive play or point scored. That wave I hate. Truly. However, I do enjoy when a second wave is started, and it ends up canceling out the first, just like a giant physics experiment. People, it’s not original, clever, cute or remotely fun. Look, if you’re going to start something in public, why the wave? Why don’t you call out a racist, or a homophobe, or a misogynist? “Hey. That shit ain’t funny and neither are y
Why I Love the Game 2007-10-22 19:46:22 I just returned from my first spring training trip. I went to Florida with my buddy Frank to see my favorite team, the Baltimore Orioles. With the World Baseball Classic in full swing, eleven starters were off representing their native countries. At first I was frustrated, but that passed before we even made it to our first game. Besides, it’s more fun witnessing new talent so you can say – “I remember when…” When we landed in Ft. Lauderdale, waiting for our baggage, I heard the voice of one of my baseball idols, Brooks Robinson. Frank called his name out; he turned to us and smiled, firmly shook our hands, and then went on his way. We didn’t ask for autographs. We didn’t ask for pictures. We just wanted to introduce ourselves and shake the hand of a legend. What a way to sta
Things People Over 30 Just Shouldn’t Say 2008-03-12 01:26:17 If you have to ask yourself “Can I pull this off?” or “Can I say still this?”, the answer is always a resounding “No.” Not only are these words not meant to be in your vocabulary, by the time you know them, they’re already retired.Drop any of these into a conversation with kids and their facial expressions will confirm my hypothesis. Of course, once you have confirmation, it’s great fun to use these words with your kids, especially when their friends are around. The next time you have to pick up your teenage daughter from school early, have the office buzz her classroom: “Ms. Reynolds, please send Elizabeth down to the office. Her father is here to take her for her bedonkadonk reduction appointment with Doctor Bu-tay. Thank you.”So here’s my list (and I expect it to g
Fishing for Dyslexics – Are you kidding me?! 2008-03-24 00:46:22 Have you seen this sign around town? Just to be clear, I am not poking fun about the language-based learning disability dyslexia itself, which affects so many children and adults. It's this sign.First, reading letters out of order is one possible (though not universal) manifestation of dyslexia. So who exactly is this sign meant for? Someone who may have trouble processing language, and they’re supposed to read it while driving by? And read and memorize a 10-digit phone number that isn’t 888-888-8888?And why is Dyslexia in all caps like you’re shouting? I’d think you’d want to go for a more subdued and professional approach.I wanted to know what was up with these signs – I see them everywhere around Columbia, Maryland – so I Googled them. It turns out they are advertising ass Read more:Fishing
A&F me? A&F you! 2008-03-23 10:20:47 My teenage daughter (nearly an adult now) and I make the best of our time together. We have found a lot of fun things to do, like going to the Maryland Science Center, the Renaissance Festival, and the Walters Art Gallery. Seeing Spam-a-lot was just the best (you can probably imagine what it means to a geek like me having a daughter who loves Python). We tried the movie thing for as long as we could, but it just didn’t work for me: (-groaning-experience.html). So we usually just grab a meal together on a weekend. But our time together isn't always event-based; sometimes it’s the routine chores of life, including clothes shopping.My daughter had a $50 gift card for Abercrombie & Fitch. If you ask anyone where the kids shop for clothing, this store will be the number-one response. An
My Father’s Jacket 2008-03-22 01:20:13 This is my father’s trench coat. He gave it to me many years ago and bought it decades earlier. When I first wore it, it was big on me. I even had to cuff the sleeves. Now it fits beautifully. And since I’ve never thrown it in the dryer, the only logical explanation is that vintage coats shrink over time (most likely due to the tropical Mid-Atlantic climate). I did a little research, actually about three hours, and learned it’s a vintage Foxhead Rock-Knit trench coat that was popular in the 1950s/60s. Mine was specially tailored for a now-defunct Baltimore clothier (Norman Wetzler). After reading some classic magazine ads sold on eBay, it was specially tailored for many different shops.It is protected by Dupont ZePel Rain/Stain Repeller, and to this day still repels both rain and sta Read more:Father
, Jacket
Over-30 Softball: Blast To My Past 2008-03-30 22:02:36 I don’t remember seeing Bill & Ted there, but I think I mastered time travel. Why would I attempt to relive my youth, when they weren’t my glory days?This was several years ago, but a friend of mine asked me if I was interested in joining an over-30 softball league. He said it’s all in fun and not competitive at all. Really? It’s not baseball but it’s still a competitive sport and it’s still a bunch of men. But they’re adults now and we’re all over 30. And I love playing baseball. How hard can softball be?Oh. My. God.Over 30 doesn’t mean old, or non-athletic, and it definitely doesn’t mean non-competitive. Some of these guys were huge and everyone was competitive.It started with me being picked last. Awesome! I’m not very tall but I can still play. I just don’t Read more:Softball
, Blast
Recommend Site To A Friend
