Owner: My Natal Tongue URL:http://mynataltongue.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sat, 26 Jan 2008 09:11:36 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Confessions of a Flailing Superwoman . . . Site statistics:Click here
Mug Shots 2008-03-01 23:31:00 My thirteen year-old daughter has apparently had a preoccupation with "googling" her birth father for longer than I had realized. I knew she had an unrealistic fantasy in place about finding him and him filling all of her needs that I and her other "father-figures" have ever slacked on. Today, I was looking in her pictures folder on the laptop to find some pics that she had downloaded there earlier. I opened the folder and - wow - there sits a mugshot of her birth father. I know this is a mugshot picture because it's horrible - he's straight-faced, unhappy, and he's looking right into the camera. The background is that washed out gray, and he has a dirty shirt on. He looks absolutely disgusting, absolutely miserable. He's fat. He needs to shave. He's crinkling his eyebrows togethe
CEllA's Round Trip is LIVE! 2008-02-29 23:54:00 www.cellasroundtrip.comMy head cold lightened up enough for me to get things a little farther along in the inventive process. Cross your fingers. Yes, it's likely my friends will think I must be nuts. Perhaps I am. But, a superwoman never backed down from anything . . . even a "flailing" one. I've stayed up 'til 1AM when I really should've been sleeping. Justin's up beside me on WOW, of course, so it hasn't been too quiet. Meanwhile, CEllA has her own Facebook group and an actual index page now that I've figured out a few of the innards of my web host site. I still miss my Photoshop . . . sigh . . . but I've worked my way around without it (for now, for now).I posted a request for help from my friends, but I'm unsure if I'll get a response. So far, craigslist did shit for submissi
The Fever That Wouldn't Go Away . . . . 2008-02-28 15:06:00 I've had it off and on for four days now. It's on - I'm freezing, shivering. It breaks - I'm sweating, hot and clammy. My throat is sore and my cough physically hurts. I did manage to get a shower this morning. If the sun hadn't been out - I don't think I would've had it in me. Tomorrow, I've got to have the energy to head in to campus by 1:30PM to talk about the poetry reading scheduled for Monday night. I am hoping that the stupid-little-fever-that-could is gone by then. Tonight, I have to write a character sketch of a faculty member (???) for literary journalism and I have to finish up my Broadside for Neely's class. I was going to do something with Polaroids but I guess that's really not all that original. I need a better plan. It's hard to plan when one's brain feels like i Read more:Fever
Webhosting After Ryan's Steakhouse 2008-02-22 17:09:00 I blame the little argument that we had in the restaurant on the bad food and crappy service. I'm still trying to figure out if Matt stomped out of the place before everybody else because he was legitimately angry or if he just really wanted a cigarette (ha ha). It's all blowed over, but the childishness of the whole thing still lingers in my mind. Now, sitting playing video games isn't doing much for making it all fade.Now, I'm trying to figure out the C-panel on SiteGround - after paying ahead for the space for a year, I must continue to investigate. I've changed the name of the journal to CEllA's Round Trip . . . I'm not sure if I like it yet, but it's too late now. Also, I have a new concept idea for gathering submissions - I'm going to post requests on Facebook Groups. Brilliant. Read more:Webhosting
, Steakhouse
Keepin' One Eye on the Moon 2008-02-21 07:42:00 There's nothing like a lunar eclipse to make you feel like you've got to get things in line . . . Yesterday, I had an odd notion sweep over me - professionalism (as a writer - blog excluded). I'm still trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Today, I'm cleaning this stupid house. We're actually having family up this weekend - At least, I'm praying that my sister didn't change her mind or run out of money. I'm anticipating inspiration. Read more:Keepin
Braces and Condumns 2008-02-19 05:06:00 This morning my oldest kids have 8AM dentist appointments in Indianapolis. Yes, I've seen all the fresh fluffy snow. It's fucking lovely. So while I'm not dealing with their braces, I'm dealing with whether or not I should get them condumns. I'm dealing with the fact that kids do have sex and, in most cases, I can talk until my head explodes and they will still have sex. And they will have awful sex and think it was great sex. That's just how things go. It is my job to make sure that unwanted babies or diseases do not rise up out of said awful sex.I really shouldn't obsess and worry about it too much, I guess. They're smart. They'll figure things out eventually, just like I did. In fact, they will have to figure out so many things on their own. Meanwhile, I need a job of some so
Mellow Yellow Cab 2008-02-17 09:41:00 (Here's a bit of creative nonfiction . . . I remember this man and I remember the drive and bits and pieces of our conversation and they ran basically as such . . . although we know the memory muddles shit up on a regular basis . . . and I made up his name . . . but it was something similar . . . Hardcore Journalists [or Oprah] may use my claim to nonfiction as reason to egg my house . . .'Don't much care.)Mellow Yellow
CabBy Rachel Hartley-SmithI didn’t ask the cab driver his name, but he offered up his title freely: "Rueben, the Absolved." He was a large, dark black man in a derby hat and a thick sweater. He had his bucket seat pushed so far back that he was practically beside me, but it was still a tight fit between him and the steering wheel. He said he knew Indianapolis well and the
Another Sunless Morning . . . Ix-Naying the Restart Button 2008-02-15 08:16:00 It would seem that the sun is never out these days. And then it would seem that when it is out, it's worthless. It only glares off all of the damn snow and causes migraines. It's another Friday and I'm home. I've been home a lot. Just myself and the baby and the puppy. For now, both the baby and the puppy are snoozing - it's still early. But soon, I'll have to venture out into the cold wind to hook the puppy up to his clothesline and I'll have to wake the baby up to prevent her from peeing in the bed again. Valentine's Day wasn't too bad. I attempted to make a fancy dinner, but jarred Alfredo sauce just outright sucks - especially Classico's "sun-dried tomato alfredo." Remind me that I have forever given up on the shit. Still, it ended nicely. I woke Matt up at 10:30PM (he's al Read more:Morning
, Restart
Re: Your Pictures 2008-02-13 09:04:00 Re: Your Pictures
(By Rachel Hartley-Smith)Dear Bridegroom, I painted you up inside my camera,sexy in your silken lapel,a ten man line beside you,your chubby pink princessand her fleshy court in all its ringlets.You handed the ring over.You dropped to your soft knees and cried.You were cradled in a womb of roses.You were icons above the gods.Money marvelous.I’m a pre-paid artist.I stopped for a while,for a drink – something stiffor to change batteries or clean my lenses. Here’s to your futureand that she insistedupon the dry white wedding wine!I missed the shot of your lifetime(dancing, wide smiles, love junkies, good lighting)and I caught you with your eyeshalf openevery time.Sincerely,Jaunty Photography
Scattered Angst 2008-02-12 10:48:00 Well, it would appear that I'm not the only one with "angst." And it would appear that this is nothing new. How could I forget? It's deeeep in the little myspace blogs of my teenage kids and their friends. I thought about responding, but I can already see them rolling their eyes and switching the volume to "mute." I don't quite understand the thought-line behind "cutting." Should I? They know I can see those things - their little "rants." I would like to toss back the following: Freedom is bologna. Sex cures nothing. It's all an illusion. See the smoke? It's just smoke - there's nothing behind it. I spent the morning submitting job resumes to jobs that I don't really want, while the puppy chewed up shoes and the baby watched Nick Jr. What IS Yo! Gabba Gabba??? I'm still in my Read more:Angst
Rollin' . . . 2008-02-11 22:14:00 There’s a huge story in me. Well, I wouldn’t call it a story. It's more like millions of story pieces. And they roll over and into one another. They’re void of traditional plot peaks and introductions and conclusions. They're a little blurry from time to time. Characters sometimes lack direction and motivation. Settings are so fucking repetitive. I’ve only lived in one state. I could blab about this for hundreds of pages and title it “How I Discovered Poetry.” Or I could make it into a chronicle. I could set up the whole damn thing in four or five chapters. We’ll call the first section something alluding to my youth (cockroaches, slumber parties, Mom's boyfriends). The next section we’ll just title “other” and I’ll give a quick layout of various p Read more:Rollin
e.e. cummings 2008-02-09 10:18:00 l(aleaffalls)onelinesse.e. cummings
Sheer Genius . . . 2008-02-08 21:00:00 “It’s stupid to sell all of your weapons - everything - for a mega gun that doesn’t even come with ammo.” ~ Justin, age 17 Read more:Sheer
Dusting Interrupted by The Sex Chapter 2008-02-07 13:45:00 So I poked around the house a little today. I picked up a few things. Threw the heap of dirty clothes down the stairs to get washed. I made our bed. Did the dishes. The corners and surfaces of everything are all covered in a half inch of thick gray dust - cigarette ash and fluff. We still haven't found where we're supposed to put that filter for the heater. It shows. Empty cigarette packs. Dirty socks. Heaps and heaps of junk mail. Coupon Valu-Packs. Grocery store sales flyers. Bills that nobody told me about. I sat down to write checks to pay the bills. I'd been reminded. The amount going out will leave us with about one hundred dollars in our checking account. I'm thinking that I'll have to hold the electric bill to make space for the terrific gas bill and the overdue 2- Read more:Chapter
Intentions: To Spawn Hate Mail Unforgivingly Eventually 2008-02-06 22:21:00 I came home to a peaceful house this evening - AND a plate of fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. I actually got to read a little more of Jill Christman's autobiography and, wow, it amazes me that she is able to fillet her soul (word pun, get it?) for the world to see. I have asked her before about how hard this had to have been - if she was worried about hurting people, etc. She said that it really never occurred to her. Maybe she was too young? Maybe she looks at it as par for course?Tonight, in a Writer's Group meeting (a group of Grad creative writers who are getting together to re-workshop), I was surprised by the positive feedback for my non-fiction piece about Jimmy's funeral. I worried that it came across as boring, but they really seemed to like it (or perhaps because it was Read more:Spawn
Losing My Voice (on paper), Losing My Husband (in a dream) 2008-02-04 22:18:00 It's a strange feeling when a professor makes suggestions on your paper
that seem to rip your voice away. Your style should be as follows . . . ick. ick. blah. How can I be expected to refer to Jerry the farmer as "Smith"? Why should I take out my references to Round-Up or suppertime? My mind was swirling around this the whole drive home. One of the books that he's given us to read is titled "Writing Creative Nonfiction" - it's a sucky book, but notice keyword "creative." I sorta' spaced out in the Wendy's drive-thru in Daleville (ordering a plain Jr. Cheeseburger and a water - waiting on a trucker who had actually walked up to the drive-thru window to place his order). I stared off and realized that there are a whole hell of a lot of trucks who stop at the Pilot on the West side o Read more:Voice
, Husband
Sunday Wasted? 2008-02-03 22:35:00 Hardly. I spent the whole day writing my expository assignment for literary journalism . . . I now know more about Polycystic Kidney Disease and the dialysis process than I ever thought I would know. I fear the prof will still slam me for inserting occasional boughts of "character illustration." I figure it is necessary - if not unavoidable. Regardless, there's not much left in me for writing. My thirteen year old has a wicked illness - high high fever all weekend. I'm thinking strep throat. I'll have to get her to the doctor as early as possible to make the appointment with Mark in Muncie at 1PM to finish up the review of the Broken Plate. This may prove itself to be impossible. Tomorrow, my day promises to be crazy. Monday, Monday.Go Giants! :)Go House! :)~I did manage to squee Read more:Sunday
, Wasted
Snow's a No-Show 2008-02-01 23:08:00 But we've got lots of shitty slush and ice. It was a fun drive in to Muncie today - an even funner walk from the van. I saw two cute little college girls in those faddish fuzzy boots slip and almost fall on the ice. I smiled and reminded myself of how childish I can be.I've spent too long gathering notes for my Literary Journalism class - meditating on the conversations that ensued last night while the little model toy tractors dangled from the chains of Jerry and Janie's ceiling fan (the fan was on to divert all the cigarette smoke). It's funny how, once you start writing, it all just starts flowing back to you. Last night, I was thinking that I wouldn't be able to remember any of it, but then that was probably just the Margarita mix talking. I've determined that I'm a terrible talk
Cheers! 2008-01-31 23:32:00 Here's to an awesome night, sitting around a big farmer's table with friends, smoking cigarettes, sipping on a tall glass of ChiChi's margarita mix (with table salt caked to the rim), telling stories about car wrecks, old dogs, and encounters with raccoons (among other things). :) The blizzard has yet to appear even though the forecasts predicted the shit to falling by 7PM. It's still on its way, so they say. Read more:Cheers
So, Here's the News . . . 2008-01-30 22:09:00 This evening, while Justin and Erin were having a fierce argument over computer time (Erin had imposed on Justin's WOW routine) and I was attempting to discuss tomorrow's schedule with Matt's mother/Josie's grandmother/our babysitter and while "For Keeps" (that 1987 stereoyped romance story about a high school couple who get pregnant and truly learn what love is - Yep, Molly's in it) and while I was trying to smoke another cigarette and eager for this day to end or at least for everybody else to go to bed, I discovered a happy little notification in my inbox. My poem "Resurgere, Phinus!" will be included in the new literary journal of Otis College of Art and Design in Los Angeles. The journal is called The Strip. Otis has high ranks in the fashion and graphic design departments and it h
The Review of a Preview (Alongside the Self) 2008-01-29 12:18:00 Last night, I was lucky enough to get to join the few who previewed the HBO Documentary Baghdad Hospital: In the Red Zone before it premieres tonight on HBO. Omer (the doctor filming and telling his story through a hand-held DVR) has found his way to Ball State's Telecommunication program and they are quite proud to have him (rightly so). I actually talked Matt into going with me. We joined the university president, the dean, department chairs, professors, and heads from BSU's marketing and communications department. Albeit there were a few approachable people - even a few students that I've claimed as friends. Still, the set-up for the showing (the "reception") was a bit awkward if not offensive given the subject matter of the movie. The relentless plugs for the university were a Read more:Preview
Falls of Rough, KY . . . Photo Essay 2008-01-28 08:59:00 Here's a link to a photo essay that I submitted (late last night) to JPGMAG.COM (which is a very cool site, although I fear that it's wanting to become a dating service). There are many serious photographers there - mostly because they put out a very serious (kick-ass) magazine. It's a brilliant idea actually . . . I wonder if such a concept could be applied to writing . . . hmmmm . . . where are they getting their money? Anway, enjoy the story and the images. I am really not sure what constitutes a good photo essay . . . I'm guessing here. Has someone written a book on it? Mine is a little cheesy maybe. I have some plans to do a few more of these - and to maybe get a little more creative in my "essays" . . . Like maybe I'll get into that old house that GrandDad's been cleaning out Read more:Falls
, Rough
, Photo
The Urban Cowboy . . . What Happened to Micky Gilley? 2008-01-27 18:35:00 I don't know why I'm watching the end of UrbanCowboy
, but I am. I'll blame it on nostalgia and, honestly, I forget what happens. I think Sissy is sexier than Bud. There's a part of me that find Travolta's little chin dimple revolting - as much as I love him. Grease changed my life. Seriously. :)~ Micky Gilley has an official web site: www.gilleys.com . . . if you're curious. It says they have a newsletter. Has line dancing really died? Today, I reworked my little office area at the top of the stairs. I couldn't bring myself to finish going through all of my papers and stories, but I did manage to re-acquire a desk. Well, actually it's a folding table. But I spread a sheet over it to hide some of it's ugliness and it's great for hiding all of my boxes of shit. Non-fiction . .
Current Art . . . 2008-01-26 14:14:00 The aesthetic statement thing was kind of lame . . . I had spent way too much time rummaging through my old files. I have also spent way too much time this morning trying to see if I could get more people (ANYBODY!) to look at this stupid blog . . . I gave up. I guess it will remain a personal endeavor. So, self, here's a very cool little artistic, digital video that I found when I Stumbled upon Beta Current
. I will try to embed it (cross your fingers).
An Aesthetic Statement 2008-01-26 07:51:00 I'm smalltown. I remember writing in my journal nearly every day on my dad's front porch swing the summer just before I turned 15. I scribbled out recants of my first kiss, biographies of my best friends, my questions of religion (specifically my mother's religion) and my presumed reasons for being where I was on a world that had made such a mysterious arrival. My dad wore a cowboy hat and had a can of Stroh's in his hand when he wasn't working. My stepmom manned the counter at T& R Liquor. They didn't "understand" me. It was the first and only summer I'd lived under my dad's roof - he upheld one too many rules. It was the summer that I met my first true love; he came rolling by the front porch on a bike - no hands! - covered in freckles and with no future aspirations. I threw the Read more:Aesthetic
Neglect, Ill-Spent Cash, Bikinis, and The Snooty Tubes of Geist 2008-03-10 22:48:00 I know I haven't pulled this site up for a while. Alas, I have once again neglected my humble little blog. Any time I get on this computer, I'm wandering on over to Dreamweaver and attempting to piece together my Cella's Round Trip website. I'm not sure what it's missing, but I just can't get it to look right. So, I've neglected my writing in the name of seeking other people's writing. I'm not sure what's best really. So far, my submission seeking skills have truly sucked.And if I'm not piddling around on my website, I've been shopping. In the last couple of days I've spent too much money. My thighs are actually sore from running around trying to find Erin the right bathing suit - one that would accommodate her chest. Let's just say the "junior styles" didn't work. We had to go w Read more:Neglect
, Bikinis
, Tubes
Obsessions and Distractions and Apologies 2008-03-19 08:59:00 I am obsessed. Or maybe I am keeping my head wrapped up with Cella to avoid my writing. I know my posts here have trickled down to nothing. But, as they say, writing is like breathing . . . we writers need to write to live. I should be reading . . . but here is me.My house is one of its shitty states again. It's raining. Good news is that I've received some submissions for the journal. Of course, I would find my way back to it - I'm obsessed, remember? I got a submission call listed in a couple of good places. I still have a lot of work to do on the website. I am sitting here typing and too many "to do's" are racing through my head. I spent Saturday chaperoning a school band middle school's field trip. Tube water slides really suck when you're claustrophobic. Teenage girls are Read more:Distractions
, Obsessions
I did it again. 2008-03-24 23:41:00 I drove home with a poem floating through my head - one about quick morning sex and dreams of concrete hallways, mold laced on the walls, shooting out of Eden 70MPH, passing snaky semis, feeling "solid." It flowed better when I was driving and the radio was playing. When I got home, I started checking e-mails and editing my website and checking Facebook, and the poem slipped away. I am the ambivalent writer.
What pisses me off . . . 2008-04-12 20:43:00 I'm thinking of taking a job at Meijer or Marsh when I could be doing a million other things. Where are the lists for such bigger and better things and why aren't they made presentable to graduate students out here in Indiana? . . . Oh well, tonight I'm going to bed early.
Sore Thumb Finds Escape in the Dish Soap 2008-04-11 22:18:00 I just finished up the dishes - all of them. I actually scrubbed a couple of pans and dried them and put them away rather than letting them soak again. Old soggy spaghetti is so fucking gross. I scrubbed the stove top. Tonight, we went to Pizza King since the child support showed up in the savings account (after being 2 weeks late, I thought for sure I would never see a deposit again), so luckily I didn't have to cook (but the dishes were from LAST night). We sat in a booth at P-King and had a Royal Feast and played "Chatahochee" and "Hang on Sloopy" on the juke box. I just did a load of laundry, too. I read the Grimm version of Snow White to my toddler before I tucked her in (I think she liked it better than the movie - the "then she fell down dead" parts actually just made her lau Read more:Thumb
, Escape
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