Owner: Mod Vellum URL:www.modvellum.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2008 14:11:19 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Who The Hell Am I?
I have been in the beauty business for 10 years so I think I 'm worthy. I am an esthetician and former sales rep in NYC and San Francisco...the best of both worlds quite frankly. I created this blog to channel my inner beauty bitc Site statistics:Click here
Why The World Needs More People Like David Archuleta 2008-02-29 11:27:00 David Archuleta is stirring up a frenzy akin to the Beatles. If this kid does not win idol I'm gonna hate this country. He's got my vote.I'll tell you why we love him. David is a pure quality guy who is not yet jaded like the rest of us. Unaffected by the world at large he consistently proves to be a real person with real emotions. This passionate seventeen year old is more mature than most guys I have dated in their late twenties or thirties.He chose to sing Imagine which is very relevant to the times. Imagine a 17 year old knowing the difference between anti-war and pro-peace. He is a smart one don't let his innocence fool you. When I was 17 all I cared about was where the next party was.So David you go win American Idol, and save America.Remind us all why we need you. Read more:David
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, World
Once Upon A Time.... In Acupuncture. 2008-02-27 22:41:00 Just the other week I am lying on the table like a pin cushion.. chock-full of needles. You know the position, face down, on a massage table with the hole cut-out for the face. On this particular day I am having a procedure called Moxibustion (forgive the spelling) done. For those of you who need your acupuncture cherry popped (or should I say salted plum?) this procedure works. Its hilarious. He takes this thing that looks like a long joint (not that I'm the specialist) and cuts off a piece of it. Then he balances it on one of the needles sticking out of me and lights it on fire.Suddenly I am my own Circ Du Soleil special.So I can't move because I have all these needles in me and quite honestly I'm afraid to. I visualize the fiery joint falling on me and scalding me. My appointment is
The Trials and Tribs Of The Evil Organization Known As Weight Watchers. 2008-02-27 22:27:00 I starved my ass all week and actually did not use all my points for WeightWatchers
. I get to the meeting thinking I am so dope and have lost like another freaking 5 pounds.Nope.I gained. .6 pounds.My life is in shambles. I have come to the realization that I need to work out. I would rather have my arm chopped off than gain weight. Come to think of it that would take off a few pounds huh?WTF. Read more:Organization
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, Weight Watchers
Why Acupuncture Is For The Thick Skinned. 2008-02-23 13:17:00 Picture this. I start going to a new acupuncturist in San Fran. He is this hilarious China man. Kinda like the orphanage owner in Norbit. Now I have Fibromyalgia and at the time it was bad, bad, bad. So I go to this guy who is supposedly one of the best in San Francisco. That's saying a lot since their Chinese population is one of the biggest in the country.He tells me I have liver heat. In Chinese medicine liver heat is a form of toxicity. It can make you angry and your muscles can hurt. Your tongue will look like its too big for your mouth and will have bite marks down the side when you stick it out. This is how they diagnose. I just can't make this stuff up. The first thing about this guy was he refused to use "Tea Pills". Tea pills are exactly what they sound like Chinese herbs brewed Read more:Thick
Things That Make You Go Ohhhhh! 2008-02-23 11:45:00 In every spa there's wax, and where there's wax, there's wax cleaner. There are two types; one for the skin and one to clean the equipment. Whats used on the skin is a soothing blue oil which removes the stickiness. Keyword: Soothing. We label this "Skin Cleaner". Whats used on everything else is the industrial grade stuff that could clean grease off garage floors. This is not to be used on skin ever. We label this "Wax Cleaner".Also state law says if we are buying wax cleaner or oil in bulk, the container we pour it into must be labeled accordingly. We estheticians never confuse the two.I had just given this client a Brazilian. I cleaned the area and removed all the residual wax, or so I thought. I leave the room to get tweezers (because the one I was working with was dull). I
My Old Fragrance: Il Profumo Di Aglio 2008-02-21 01:10:00 I'm done. I've given up. After years of searching for the magic potion I've come come to a realization. Natural deodorant just does not work for me.Who beholds the secret sauce that will make me magically smellicious? Am I just a stinky Italian girl who smells likes I've got onions under my pits? God forbid I dare to use anything herb scented under there I smell like rack of lamb.Oh and don't even talk to me if I have eaten garlic. I had to swear off the stuff years ago because people could actually smell it on me. It was lovely being referred to as "garlic girl" at a previous job. This ended my love of garlic forever.I'm smelling pretty good this days... Read more:Fragrance
Its my party and I'll do who I want to. After all I've cheated death.. 2008-02-20 20:38:00 That's right I said it.This just in: A guy I dated for one night (you get me?) is in prison for killing someone. He got a lifer 50+ years. Hilarious.Every year when I lived in San Francisco my roommates and myself used to throw a huge party in my apartment. We used to turn that place upside down, and had hundreds show up over the course of the night. That's how I met him. It was a friend of a friend kinda thing.The first time I talked to him I thought he was incredibly stupid. He kept trying to hit on me but I was into someone else.The second time I met him (at our second party) I was drunk. Whoopsie!!!Danger is my middle name. Read more:death
Why Weight Watchers Irritates Me. 2008-02-18 20:03:00 After my last post I had to think back to my last meeting. I was trying to forget about this one because the topic of that meeting was how laughing burns calories. Who cares??? I am not fat because I don't laugh enough.If they want us to laugh they need to start serving martini's in this joint. I promise to laugh my ass off after I've had a few. I'm also looking for an excuse to boo/heckle the instructor during these lame sessions.OK so why am I fat? The reason I am fat is because I need to wire my jar shut. Do they still do this? So I am stuck in a meeting, with a bunch of middle aged woman who are faking laughter as the instructor tells corny jokes. Yay. I was never good at faking it. It was very Fried Green Tomatoes. I was waiting for them to ask us to straddle our mirrors and I know yo Read more:Watchers
, Weight
Fat Girl Slim. Part 2. Thy Thindom Come. 2008-02-18 19:03:00 I have to say after coming from my weight watchers meeting tonight I am pumped. Not only did I lose 3.2lbs this week (thank you very much) but I went food shopping afterwards. I decided to go to Trader Joe's because lets face it my budget is about to change. I just quit my job. So I decided to stop shopping at "Whole Paycheck" (formerly known as Whole Foods). I will be sobbing in my pillow tonight..So I am in Trader Joe's (my new favorite supermarket) and someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and its this woman who was just in my meeting. She says hi to me. I look in her cart and she has these mini chocolate meringue cookies. She tells me that they are only 2 points for 13 of them. Are you freaking kidding me? Holy mother of Spumoni (my favorite Italian dessert) there is a god! So
Massimo 2008-02-15 18:07:00 Yeah that's his real name the spelling I'm not sure about.I met this guy with a friend at a restaurant in San Francisco. He was from Italy and was here in the states getting his MBA. He invites us over to this guy Massimo's house for a seven course meal. Blond haired, blue-eyed Massimo. Despite what your thinking, I was not attracted to Massimo at all. We had a totally normal and very good meal with these two guys. Massimo could cook so I give him credit for that. We had a good laugh over the fact that he bought Kraft Parmesan cheese complete with shaker. He did not know it was of poor quality so I told him.He asked his friend to get my number and I said sure give it to him. Why not? I was going through a dry spell anyhow. Men that are shorter and thinner than me are never my type but I wa
Fat Girl Slim. 2008-02-11 22:53:00 I love how today scientists finally discovered that diet soda makes you fat. This made headlines. Duh!!!! Are we really just finding this out? C'mon.For years the big food companies have been making us fat, hiding information about what causes obesity. I believe that artificial chemicals are not the way to go fatty. Drinking a gallon of diet soda a day is disgusting and probably will kill you instantly. So the next time someone offers you a glass of liquid love handles smack'em with your pimp hand.But hey in my current state of fatness what do I know? I think congress should show them the hand, and make it illegal for these fat bastards to use the word diet. BTW I lost 9lbs so far in Weight Watchers without the use of these so called diet elixirs. Who's your daddy?
Google Is My Bitch. Or Is It The Other Way Around? 2008-02-11 19:28:00 I have to say I'm surprised. Google
is my bitch, my baby daddy. If you type the words ModVellum (one word) into my new "BFF", a million different things come up. This is great if you know who I am. But you don't know who I am do you? You found this blog randomly. This is because I have cheaped out on the blog advertising. You see there are lots of ways to put myself on the path to blogger stardom, but what is the best method?Who are the biggity, biggity blog promoters, the "Mac Daddy's" of the blogosphere? Where they at? Pimp my rankings..... Read more:Bitch
Eyes Wide Open. 2008-02-05 22:25:00 I am so ghetto. I just can't stop writing about the bling.I've found the must have products for women coast-to-coast on a budget. Its the one product every girl needs to look fresh, awake and ready for Kung Fu.You'll really wake-up when you realize its gonna cost between $589- $14 million a tube for mascara and lipstick. But hey... its a deal because their cases are covered in Swarovski Crystals or pink diamonds. Plus it makes you feel kinda cool and that's priceless...Hornets and lipstick and diamonds...oh my!! Read more:Eyes Wide
Pimp My Chalupa 2008-02-02 14:42:00 We are always looking for new things to pimp (for those living in a bubble I mean adorn with jewels, crystals etc.). Who thought that Brazilian Waxing would be one of them? When I worked in San Francisco I was was exposed to many types of "Designa Vagina's". Some wanted shapes, some letters. Others wanted to bling-bling the "thing".I remember one stripper who always wanted a heart (which I thought was kinda lame actually). Oh and by the way she was so skanky I got the vibe that she was actually a five dollar hooker. Come to think of it anyone paying $5 for a hooker might think heart shaped pubes to be a bonus. There was also the crystal gem application which was really funny and does look cool for special occasions. Every year on Valentines Day we did hearts and on the 4th of July lots of
Ayurveda. Real Or BS? You Be The Judge. 2008-01-29 00:03:00 I once worked in a spa where I had to perform Ayurvedic body treatments. Before I did the service I had to determine what Dosha someone was to know what Indian herbs/essential oils and killer tea would be used to balance the body. Literally.You might be asking what is a Dosha?According to Ayurveda, each of us has a unique mix of three mind/body principles which creates our specific mental and physical characteristics. These three principles are called 'Doshas'. Most of us have one or two Doshas which are most lively in our nature, with the remaining one(s) less significant.What are the 3 Doshas?The three doshas are known as: Vata, Pitta and Kapha.My client had to take a test and answer questions about their personality/physical traits and also their bowel movements. Instead of filling out Read more:Judge
Why I Could Never Have A Foot Fetish. 2008-01-25 13:08:00 I'll never suck a toe. Never!I decided to attend a Reflexology course that would take a week to get certified in "Spa Reflexology". What a pack of lies this class was. I deeply regret the whole experience. I thought the theory part of the class was interesting and I love the concept behind all Eastern Medicine so that was not a problem for me. What was a problem for me was the realization that I could not wear latex gloves during the technical part of the class. I had to touch and work on some strangers feet for 2 days straight giving her a total of 8 Reflexology treatments. Its not unusual to be disgusted by feet so why not let people know ahead of time the criteria for passing the class? Why let us suffer?I was not allowed to use essential oils on the her feet (I asked). It was supposed Read more:Fetish
, Foot Fetish
Canceling An Appointment With Your Waxer Might Be Deadly 2008-01-24 22:38:00 If you know anything about me you'll know I started my first business out of my home in San Francisco. I get this new client who is a total pain and she wants me to recommend skincare to her while waxing her. The funny thing is she wanted to talk about the fluff that she can buy in the drugstore. So I am trying to explain to her that because I am an esthetician I never go to the drugstore and could not tell her about the skincare there. I would never buy that crap. Lets face it, if that stuff actually worked, I would not have a job.After we finish her full body wax for only $100 (hey she was a size zero) she proceeds to eat up my time by repeating her request for skincare recommendations. Annoying!!!In the following months she booked three more appointments but never showed up for them. Sh
Death Of A Stiletto Junkie 2008-01-23 21:13:00 If you ever want a really good pedicure, go to a very upscale spa in your area. They are much cleaner than the usual cheesy nail place around the corner.You know the place. A land where quick dry only costs a dollar and somehow you leave paying $70 dollars when you only intended to spend 10. You gotta watch out for these people. Most of them speak no English and barely sanitize the cuticle cutters. Once my mother told me she saw someone folding the dirty wet towels used to wipe feet of and putting them back in the "hot towel cabbie". Lovely.I too used to go to these places until I got the warts (on my feet). If you have ever gotten warts on your feet you know how painful they can be. I got 18 on one foot and 5 on the other. It was an infestation that took more than 6 months to resolve.Now Read more:Junkie
, Stiletto
To The Spa Conspirators: Don't Bite The Hand That Feeds You 2008-01-22 18:51:00 I will never forget my first real job as an esthetician. I had worked at a bunch of crap places before finally landing a job in my first "big spa". This spa was the "creme de la creme" in Stamford, CT. It was 3 floors and probably 30,000 square feet. They had over 200 service providers including facialists, hair stylists and nail techs.Now what makes me laugh is the fact that when they hired me they told me that I did not have enough experience. Duh! They said they were hiring me because they liked me so much. Whats not to like?Anyway I worked for $12 an hour plus tips (this was 10 years ago) because that's what they paid until the 3rd month. If you made it to the 3rd month past their "so called training program" you got 40% commission off everything and of course tips.Now one of the thing Read more:Conspirators
Have We Run Out Of Innovative Skincare? 2008-01-20 14:27:00 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.-Andy McIntyre and Derek BokSometimes its easy to spot false advertising claims. Sometimes not so much. Remember the only innovation lies in the advertising not the skincare.Instant face lift cream! Erase those lines in minutes! C'mon!The newest more clever claim is the "All Natural" approach. Some companies throw the natural word around knowing natural sells. They even design their packaging with earthy colors to trick your mind. These companies rely solely on marketing statistics. They know most people don't buy something based on ingredients. Most people don't understand what they do. I am here to teach you that reading ingredients is the only way to know the truth. Have you met my friend Google? Do the research yourself.They Have PRo Read more:Innovative
, Skincare
I'm Simply Too Cool For School 2008-01-20 14:06:00 I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.-Mark TwainThe beginning started out going to school to get my license 9 years ago. This means completing a 600 hour course and taking a state exam and passing it. In truth the schools that estheticians must attend are tragic (read my "Sperm Is Firm" post). Most of them don't even have the proper supplies. They are teaching out dated procedures with poor quality products just so the aspiring technician has something to work with. We are just going through the motions at first. No wonder nobody has any respect for us!I remember taking my state board test in California and I had to perform a facial using tissues to remove everything! When I was asked to demonstrate waxing for the proctor they handed me honey and a Popsicle stick! Appa Read more:School
Mod Vellum In The House 2007-12-29 12:59:00 Watch out Trump here I come. I got ideas baby..The first is to create a business formula in which giving back is not an option but a way of life.I have been watching way to much Oprah lately. .... Read more:House
Time To Quit The Job 2007-12-29 12:53:00 The time has come to quit my once beloved job. Freedom!This is my New Years resolution: To Follow My Dreams.There are many things I want to do with my life and I need to be a free spirit in order to do them. Obviously this means I had to quit soon because if I could never create my own business or travel when on want and for as long as I want. There are those workaholics who just won't understand. These are the people who have not reached their life goals.I wonder why.Hey your only young once....right?
How To Bathe Part 2: Lavender Can Kill You 2008-03-21 14:38:00 Back in the day, when I was still an amateur bather, I discovered aromatherapy. I would go to the herb store and buy those bottles of 100% pure essential oils. Some of them I could buy a little larger than others because they were used more frequently. I decided to buy a large bottle of Lavender
. This bottle was 50 bucks.So I get home and start to run the bath. I open the bottle and without looking dump half of the bottle into the bath. Normally these bottles come with a dropper in the top. So when you pour it you can count the drops. This bottle had no stopper because it was professional sized. I had no idea this was the case.You I am looking at the tub and thinking to to myself that I will take this bath since its now a $25 bath. I get in the tub. Ah relaxing!!!After about 15
How To Bathe Like The Japanese 2008-03-19 23:37:00 You know you need a shower but don't feel like it. Fret no more because the ritual bath is making a comeback.I have found that people no longer know how to bathe well. What do I mean? Well going to the store to buy a body wash to dump in the tub for bubbles is not a bath. It lacks elegance and does not give the bather the rejuvenation they need.There are many ways to bathe well but for god sakes make some damn effort! There are many lotions and potions that you can buy but some you may not know of. The first thing you need to decide is what ails you. Is it sore muscles, tiredness, a sickness of some sort, anxiety, a rash, or are you just plain dirty?So here is an example of a real bath. Just tonight I took a ritual bath for relaxation. Because I have decided to quit my job and go f Read more:Japanese
How To Eliminate Adult Acne 2008-03-22 10:54:00 If your dealing with adult acne there is one thing that you need to know; the cause. Believe me when I say its dietary. I am not talking about eating to much chocolate or drinking too much coffee. I'm talking about sugar, grain and dairy. The bottom line is they are not fit for human consumption. If you don't believe me just read the Paleo Diet book and try the diet for 2 weeks. Every single zit will be gone. I guarantee it. The root cause of acne is always misunderstood. Most think that because oil exists on the skin during this time that it's the cause. They try to treat the oil, always unsuccessfully by burning the skin with chemical peels or drying the skin with Benzoyl Peroxide. Neither works long term and the acne returns. The reason for this is that the physiology and P Read more:Acne
, Adult
Hence You Must Mask! 2008-03-28 18:46:00 How wretched you must look if you don't mask your face at least 3 times weekly, your body once weekly.Why mask? Because its how we treat the skin to the stuff it can't absorb. Just because your skin can't swallow up clay or seaweed it does not mean we shouldn't use it. Who speaks such blasphemy?Using a face mask is one of the oldest tradition in the book. It can do many things to the face like moisturize, brighten, give you that O glow... whatever.Or maybe just a little mini detox from your latest hangover?Flowers, herbs, white clay and honey can do the trick whether you pay for it or make it your self.Don't forget to use some in the bath..
How To Shower: Boys and Girls 2008-04-30 10:22:00 It seems that men and women don’t regularly use body lotions and I did not understand why…until now. Products that are used on the body can seem to be an unnecessary expense because they are usually used incorrectly. Most apply globs of lotion which takes forever to dry and then feel sticky when trying to dress. In my opinion all of them should be applied to the body when you are soaking wet after your shower. Ignore the directions of the body product manufacturer which insist you “only” pat yourself dry. Get out of your shower or bath wet (soaking wet) and then apply your body oil or cream to your body while you are dripping. Yes it will take longer to dry and NO you are not to reach for that towel out of frustration. Rub yourself down with the concoction of your choice a Read more:Girls
, Shower
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