Owner: The Melting Pot of Black Humour URL:http://blackjokesgalore.blogspot.com Join Date: Fri, 02 Feb 2007 21:00:05 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Collection of political, sarticial and risque humour Site statistics:Click here
University Courses For Women Etiquette and Behaviour 1970-01-01 00:59:59 EB101: PMS (Preposterous Mood Swings) -Learning To Sleep Over At Mother's EB102: We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas (Just Wear The Sexy Lingerie I Gave You) EB103: How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right EB104: Why It Is Unacceptable To Talk About Feminine Hygiene In Mixed Company EB105: If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother EB106: How To Act Younger Than Your Mother EB107: Apologizing For Farting When You're On The Toilet Is Not Necessary General Electives: GE101: You, The Whining Sex GE102: Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend GE103: Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous GE104: Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women
Who Complain About You The Most GE105: Learning To Appreciate Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men Home Economics: HE101: You Can Change The Oil Too HE102: How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug HE103: How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football HE104: How Read more:University
, Etiquette
, Behaviour
LAST CHILD SUPPORT CHECK!!! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Today be my baby girl's 18th birthday I be so glad that dis be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all dose payments!So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take dis check over to yo momma house and tell her dis be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face." So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk Through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?" She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .... and watch the 'spression on yo face"!!!
How To Clean Your Mouse Balls! 1970-01-01 00:59:59 This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, but the engineers rolled on the floor: "Mouse
balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. "Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static-sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. "Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse Read more:Clean
, Balls
An Accountant In Heaven 1970-01-01 00:59:59 An accountant dies and goes to Heaven
. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter."It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40."St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!" Read more:Accountant
Cat Commandments 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem. Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem. Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll. Thou shall not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are transparent. Thou shall not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator. Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt. Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face. Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region. Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors. Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it. Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thee will fall in and trap thyself. Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down. Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m. Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity. T Read more:Commandments
Flirtatious Candy Bars 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree met on a Double Decker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street; he was a Fisherman's Friend. On the way, they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.He asked her name, 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said. I'm the one with the nuts,' he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.They checked in, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic. It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg.He fondled her flap jacks then he showed her his Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs. Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any more Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge.It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish delight. When he pulled out, his fun size Mars bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more, he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her pink Wafers looked ver Read more:Candy
Potato in the Pants 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Kwame was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Rich "why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?" Bob replied "take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!" So Kwame stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Several hours later, he still had no woman. Kwame went to see Bob again and said "I've tried the potato and it doesn't work!" Bob looked at Kwame and asked, "have you tried putting the potato in the front?" Read more:Potato
, Pants
Ham and Sex 1970-01-01 00:59:59 ''The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying across the ocean when the plane developed engine trouble. Everyone was doomed. The priest turned to the rabbi and said, "Before I die there''s something that I would like to know. You being Jewish and all -- have you ever tasted ham?" "Well," the rabbi laughed, "sure I''ve tasted ham. But tell me father, before we die -- could you tell me if you have ever made love to a woman?" The priest blushed and said, "There was this one time I gave in and made love to a woman." The rabbi looked at the priest and said, "Beats the hell out of ham, don''t it?"
TALIBAN TV GUIDE 1970-01-01 00:59:59 6.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers.8.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.11.00 Jihad's Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects. 12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world.13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.14.00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.14.30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.'Starter for ten, no praying.'15.30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.16.00 Question Time. Me
Michael Jackson Jokes 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Q: Did you hear about MichaelJackson
's latest song?A: "Don't let your son go down on me."Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson
's latest record?A: "Feel the World."Q: Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?A: Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.Los Angeles police have raided Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch thisafternoon . It is being reported that they found Class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his bathroom...and Class 4C in his bedroom.According to the news, Michael Jackson is broke and can't even afford the payroll at Neverland Ranch. So the next time you see Michael with his hands in a 12-year-old's pocket, he might just be looking for lunch money. Read more:Jokes
AIRPORT SECURITY: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying British Airways Flight 324 nonstop from London to New York. We are still awaiting our security clearance from U.S. authorities, but it's safe to assume that we'll land in New York sometime in the nextmonth or so.If you look to your left, you will see a landmark that attracts more than one million tourists every year. It's called Heathrow Airport. Yes, we haven't yet taken off, as a few astute passengers have noticed. Needless to say, we would rather wait on the ground than in the air -- it's so much easier to get a refill. You won't believe how fast we go through our liquor cart.The weather in New York is cold and breezy, with a 30 percent chance of snow. But why am I telling you that? By the time we get there, it might be summer.Of course, there is still a possibility the status of this flight will be changed to "delayed indefinitely" from its current status of "delayed definitely." If that ha
CLINTON TURNS INTO HARLEM HERO 1970-01-01 00:59:59 Soon after leaving office, Bill Clinton was welcomed in New York City by thousands of people.But the crowds dwindled as soon as Clinton announced that he no longer hadthe power to pardon criminals.Then Clinton revealed his plans to open an office inHarlem, regaining his popularity, especially among residents of the historic African-American community."He's one of us," some folks said. "He's our president." In the coming years, Clinton, who enjoyed greatsupport from African Americans during his presidency, will try to transform himself from "a southern white boy" to a"Harlem hero" by doing the following:---He will try to run for president of the NAACP,insisting that the group should now be called the National Association for the Advancement of Clinton's People.---He will host his own talk show on the television network BET, which will henceforth be known as Bill's Entertainment Television.---He will claim that the only reason hemessed around with Monica Lewinsky was because she was
George Bush Jokes 1970-01-01 00:59:59 George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers.The blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really *are* Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard an Read more:Jokes
, George
, George Bush
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