Owner: all the way from oy to vey URL:http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:53:44 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: all the way from oy to vey is a comedy, humor, satire blog written by a comedy writer. From essays to rants, political satire, topical humor and all spun with feminist fun. Site statistics:Click here
f.j.a.s. 1970-01-01 00:59:59 unlike this fabulous diva and she IS a fabulous diva, I have flat jew ass syndrome. add the additional poundage and, wow, I am a serious wide load.
as we head into wednesday 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I think she's praying for a sweet piece of ass. you?so far this week is not sucking. let's hope the tides they are a turnin'. gotta get back to work now. most un-festive, but a girl does what a girl has to do (just look at the image above).
trash? 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm with vadge, I'm spreadin' my ass out. I ain't nobody's, at your convenience, girl. talk about a self-esteem buzz kill. gahhhd. unless someone's willing to travel down compromise lane, it's severely dead.
coco's vagina 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I just need to understand why a cavernous taco is a perfect accessory. we're talking big pookie pain, so what's the scoop behind the scoop?! no accidental lip chick enjoys the ride, BELIEVE ME. is it a status thing? are tacos making a comeback?
dear coco's vagina 1970-01-01 00:59:59 dear coco's vagina:hi! how are you? it's sooo great to see you making the rounds. so, I wanted to ask you, what's it like to be a show and tell vagina? you're like so famous! omg. I googled coco's camel toe and got 212,000 search results on google. can you believe that?! but, get this, when I googled coco's vagina, I got 500,000 + results... crazy, girl. you seem to get invited to the coolest functions ever! but, I wonder, have you thought about visiting schools for the blind? I think that could seriously be your target market. not that I know for sure, but they could definitely use some guidance and you are such an expert! vaginal braille could really take off. I can SO see a braille vadge calendar on coco's world. can't you? I bet your audio pod casts would be all the rage. anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. so sorry! how did you get into lip show and tell? when did it start for you? I bet I know, high school, right? there was some boy you were all wet and bothered for and he
whack some other jew 1970-01-01 00:59:59 people have lost their ever lovin mother fuckin minds.last night my sister and I were in the car stopped at an intersection when some asshole took the right too wide and was heading right for us. ker was lookin at me and I was looking dead ahead and saw this big white car barreling towards us. like an idiot, I said, ker, we got a problem. who says that?! what a fucktard thing to say.then the car swerves and almost hits the car beside us, but doesn't and continues up the road soaked in shame. ps: my sister and I both looked at the couple the car also missed and thought we were having a bonding moment. yeah. not so much. this cunt glared at my sister and I LIKE IT WAS OUR FUCKING FAULT that the car ALMOST hit them. I was so furious, I screamed out the window, hey, lady, lighten up, you're walkin out of your car tonight, not being tagged, bagged or rolled. it wouldn't kill ya to crack a smile. side note: mel gibson is a vile jew hating freak-o-nature, but I so want to incorporate sugar Read more:whack
moses or jesus 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm in a conundrum. when it comes to schlepping and ahj, who wins? moses
or jesus.this is hilar squared, a jesus moses comparagraph about their leadership styles. isn't that just so very myers-briggs? but, in an ivy league, secret society, frat house, raper-ee way. I don't know. seems very anti-religion.
sundays at schwartzys 1970-01-01 00:59:59 1. no leewee journal entry today. I'm most forlorn about it. no family pics to mock. no entry to dissect. how am I supposed to go into my week without her direction and guidance? what about me? what about my needs?! a busy excuse just won't cut it. you can't have a WEEKLY journal if you're going to journal at your convenience. it's self defeating. just call it, the leepee journal whenever I fucking feel like it. 2. must clean. house is utter chaos. not totally, but for me it's chaotic (how very twit and sledge of me). I could not be less in the mood for a cleanse fest. I need the clarity, so I'm going to do it. tomorrow night is laundry. I hate bringing clean clothes into a dirty house. it's fat. 3. two writing deadlines this week that I haven't even begun. I suck. I've been skipping around one and I need to just dive in, womb first. 4. trying to get hageen groomed. he's covered in mud and smells like wet grass and canine fur. I must admit, I love it. still. kid's gotta g
the sickest man I know 1970-01-01 00:59:59 mount joy on bush's complaint about sahdy's hanging. "I so cannot see how they fucked up those last two hangings accidently. I mean you only have to go to wikipedia, to find the "Official Table of Drops" that sorts it all out in easy to read metric and imperial measurements. It's all very Martha Stewart, really."got nuttin' but love fah ya, mj.
random-ness 1970-01-01 00:59:59 well, this day sucks ass. no. really. it does.--remember that phrase, a lady in waiting. it's not applicable. it's just a thought. --defense megacenter huntsville: I'm just curious about the use of megacenter. is it really necessary to call a defence center mega? it's not implied? --leewee did post for us. she pulled some oldies but goodies. the god diet. big closet fun with j-dawg. the jews. and, of course the usual submissive leepee jerk off material we've all come to know and love.--I'm off to edit, feel shamefully forlorn and wallow in deep, DEEP frustration.
the exploding whale 1970-01-01 00:59:59 this afternoon, I visited the ever so funny, johnny yen and got such a fabulous laugh. the exploding whale in oregon video from the 1970s. you have got to see it. the highway patrol in their infinite wisdom thought, hmm... let's not bury the dead, shtunking carcass, let's blow it up with dynamite. yeah! the seagulls will nosh for days. --oy vey--
bottoming for my bosses 1970-01-01 00:59:59 dear bosses
,hi. how are ya's? how's it going? great, I'm sure. all four of ya's live up my ass. what a thrill for you's that must be and for such cheap rent, too!unfortunately though, this is a notice of rent increase. I know. I know. it sucks. but, with all of the additional tenants ya's have shoved up there and the additional real estate you've built, and are now occupying, I have to charge more.thanks to you's, I have a village up my ass and constant foot traffic on rectal way. and, not lackadaisical foot traffic, runners-- some with heels and all with purpose. it's a bit exhausting and anally challenging. I'm so bunged up, oatmeal and laxatives couldn't save me now.don't get me wrong, being your ace bottom has been so, wow- rewarding, I can't stop orally gushing about it. I'm thrilled. truly. but, I'm concerned that if I don't charge additional rent now, ya's-'ll begin construction on more villages and eventually a highway connecting them. and you know what that
cruising for jesus 1970-01-01 00:59:59 yes, you too can cruise for jesus. it shouldn't come as a shock. after all, you can now be the proud owner of a bobble head jesus', space jesus, jesus robot, jesus and friends toys for tots, jesus pencil toppers, jesus dress up dolls, complete with a cross hangin' j. so, why not cruise with the man?my god (no pun intended), jesus has more chach than any salvation army I've ever been to! today, I hit my beloved blair's journal and low and behold, guess what I found out? she's on a christian cruise!The K-Love Friends and Family cruise. Premiere Christian Cruises puts this all together and they are the same people who will also be putting together the Music Boat cruise to Jamaica in April of this year. But that's not all, my best friend in the whole wide world, AngelaThomas.com, was to be speaking on the cruise so I would also get to spend time with AngelaThomas.com, which is too rare since LisaWhelchel.com and AngelaThomas.com live in different states and both have crazy busy liv
the scared straight of food 1970-01-01 00:59:59 for anyone who is a food addicted whore like me, you have got to watch the scared straight of eating. seriously. I eat 33,000 calories a day took my wig off. that's an expression, I have a full do. when you eat yourself out of cheekbones and into a bed ridden, horizontal diaper wearing person, it's just heartbreaking. what was so fascinating about this show was that you could SO clearly see how easy it is to get there, even though you think it isn't.
jews for jesus 1970-01-01 00:59:59 is it the chach? the notion of being saved? what is it that makes some of my people become jews for jesus?on christmas: It is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the Jewish Messiah, and it's also an incredible time for introducing others to the greatest Jew who ever lived.that's just fuckin' great. let's give the zealot christians more reason to hate us. like we haven't already won most unpopular in this century?! oh, and another thing, doesn't this make us 2-fers in the jihad's eyes?ps: could moishe from any deli nyc be more severely jewish?! oy vey a shmear. why leave us fabulous heeblette's behind?
that katie sure is a sinner 1970-01-01 00:59:59 for godsakes, I blog so much about the christian reich movement in this country and what do I have to show for it? not a god damned link from one christian blog calling me, offensive, a sinner, the devil's mistress, the devil's work, the anti-christ. bupkas. close your eyes. what do you see? precisely. NOTHING.I am completely overlooked. I'm not asking for a world war here. BELIEVE ME. I'm just looking for some acknowledgment. I was in hell house for fuck sake. shouldn't that immediately qualify me?!
music to my ears 1970-01-01 00:59:59 leave it to the goddess that IS jane fonda... thousands protest war in iraq. very inspiring. read it. Silence is no longer an option, Fonda saidAt the rally, 12-year-old Moriah Arnold said, Now we know our leaders either lied to us or hid the truth. Because of our actions, the rest of the world sees us as a bully and a liar. The founders of our country gave our Congress the power of the purse because they envisioned a scenario exactly like we find ourselves in today. Now only is it in our power, it is our obligation to stop Bush.
Tickle Me Elmo Tmx Giggle and Shake Chair 1970-01-01 00:59:59 ok... isn't this more of a toy for mom? it's a chair that vibrates for fuck sake. what part of child is synonymous with vibrate?! EXACTLY-- bupkas! Read more:Tickle
, Shake
, Chair
the hater 1970-01-01 00:59:59 you have GOT to read the fabulous post that the oh so smart and funny skirmish of wit has spun about love god's way... you know, flippin' homos into heteros cause it's the godly way. the fucking shame of it. her spin on it is so clever. check it out.
and now for.... fartkisaf 1970-01-01 00:59:59 fartkisaf: friday's fears and reminder that katie is a freak.... but on saturdays.1. rejection. waiting. waiting for rejection.2. I won't make my 2/1 rejection deadline. see where my head is at? the shame...3. my slumlord won't let me move downstairs without a new deposit, rent increase and a new lease. I really need to make this move asap because of haglette's arthritis. stairs are an ish. otherwise, kid's doing great.4. rejection yet again.5. overall anxiousness because I've been cataloguing my rolodex of fears for fun!6. really strange ass dreams. some deathy. some super random and deathy.7. new tires, new brakes, a tune-up and new windshield wipers. if I don't get it done this week, I'm worried my back tires will expode.that concludes this week's fears. sorta.
ah to be gay 1970-01-01 00:59:59 this is a mainstream ad from the 1950s. fabulous enough! do you realize that you'd never see an ad like this in a straight rag today? over 50 years later! that makes me quite sad...
what book do you signify 1970-01-01 00:59:59 while hopping potd's way (love the potd blog), I happened upon this frustrating, deeply annoying-ish quiz that I simply had to take because I'm a schmuck. give it a try. you'll love it.you're the sound and the fury by william faulknerStrong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue, but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing. I signify nothing? how is this possible? take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.
ah, rhetoric 1970-01-01 00:59:59 the marketing of evil: how radicals, elitists and pseudo-experts sell us corruption disguised as freedom. this is the cornerstone of censorship. so damn offensive and scary. heritage.org on the marketing of evil: Americans have come to tolerate, embrace and even champion many things that would have horrified their parents' generation - from easy divorce and unrestricted abortion-on-demand to extreme body piercing and teaching homosexuality to grade-schoolers.Americans have fallen victim to some of the most stunningly brilliant and compelling marketing campaigns in modern history.The Marketing of Evil reveals how much of what Americans once almost universally abhorred has been packaged, perfumed, gift-wrapped and sold as though it had great value.Highly skilled marketers, playing on deeply felt national values of fairness, generosity and tolerance, have persuaded us to embrace as enlightened and noble that which generations since America's Founding regarded as grossly self-destruct Read more:rhetoric
chubby jesus 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I am so thrilled right now, I can't even begin to tell you.... a chubby j is a happy j.
change is good 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I know. I changed the blog. what am I? 10. no.now, I know we all have a love hate relationship with change.am I rhymee? I love non sequitursanywho, it's still me, just darker. every girl needs a splash of color. right?hate it?love it?don't really give a shit?
no distribution for hounddog 1970-01-01 00:59:59 I'm still famished about this. (two weeks late, but not a dollah short). leave it to fucks news to report it as: no buyers for dakota fanning rape movie. here's a real article about it on the hollywood reporter blog. Catholic League Attacks Sundance Fanning Rape Film Hounddog.this movie should have distribution
. it's an important film. lots of hot sapphic sex. KIDDING. gahd. it's extremely uncomfortable subject matter. levity never killed anyone. it's a coping mechanism, donchya know.thousands of children are being raped and molested in this country every day. if this movie invokes change or gives one kid the courage to speak up, isn't it worth it?ya betchya sweet ass it is.
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