Owner: all the way from oy to vey URL:http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:53:44 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: all the way from oy to vey is a comedy, humor, satire blog written by a comedy writer. From essays to rants, political satire, topical humor and all spun with feminist fun. Site statistics:Click here
craigslist ad, seeking girlfriend goddess 2007-01-11 03:20:00 a friend of mine emailed this to me today and it's just too funny not to post. what kind of man really thinks like this?Seeking Girlfriend/Goddess -- $400 per WeekI am looking for a girlfriend/goddess for dating, romance and potential long-term relationship. Therefore, this ad is posted in the right category. It is formatted like a job listing because I think it is FUN to write it that way.I believe in the old-fashioned concept of the gentleman paying. I also believe in a new-fashioned concept of the gentleman paying the lady. I believe this eliminates much of the tension women (and men) experience in dating, and makes for a balanced, healthy relationship with long-term potential.$400 per Week for Girlfriend/Goddess. 16 hours per week. We decide on a regular day (e.g. Friday). You start work at 7:00 p.m. and finish at 11:00 a.m. the following day. That totals 16 hours per week. For this, you will receive $400 per week in cash. But I am flexible and negotiable on the above.Job Duties:B Read more:craigslist
dear leewell 2007-01-09 05:20:00 you know you love your new nickname, leewell, donchya? it's camp, lighthearted, even a bit whimsical.OK. we ARE SO done with flattery time. do you know why? because, missy, I have a bone to pick. a serious, ginormous bone(r).STOP IT, KATIE.leewee. get it? it's a pee pee joke.seriously, welch(es) (oh, that sounds like felches). but, welches, that's a juice of the grape variety. good for blood pressure. ya ever get a spike, leepee? if you do, suck that liquid back like it's the blood o' j.so, child of a lesser god, though you don't email me back, I'm holding my breath in the hopes that you will.I don't understand why you didn't go to church for christmas. that's so harsh, dude. you know he felt slighted. you hock him all year long and the one day he asks you to toss a lil' thought his way, what do you do? you eat mexican food and open prizes. girl, you're like, omg, I hate to say it, but the... anti-christ. I am so disheartened by your actions. I'm blue and not of the crocod
leewell's spin on christmas 2007-01-09 01:23:00 ok. point blank. the j-lovin diva is getting thin again and she's chucking her quacker factory prints for real life people clothing. what the fuck?!this sucks ass. it's totally unfair. those are not store boughten c-bones either. those are real.cruel, I tell you, cruella de ville squared. breathe, schwartzy, breathe.this crotchmas, our blair outdid herself. she threw a big ol' tarjay soiree."our annual, Target Party for the Cauble kids. Each year, they invite their friends to the local Target store for a party. I went to Target early and bought $5.00 gift cards for every girl, Sharpee'd their names on them, and hid them for the morning Advent Calendar hunt. It is always so much fun to see which kids actually try to find something good and which ones buy the biggest gag gift they can find."big christian fun. wait! it gets better."Christmas day was as magical as it should be. Full of gifts, home movies. traditions, homemade biscuits, naps, movies, Mexican food, dominoes, just enjoyin
random nonsense 2007-01-05 02:27:00 "No pardner, this isn't where I work... It's where my money works for me. I know my savings are safe here, because wherever you see that insurance emblem displayed you know your savings are protected by an agency of the U.S. Government."that's one hell of an ad I found online, isn't it?!--I've decided that abstinence is very similar to going carb free. there isn't an upside to either.--I really think there should be a fat sucking program for the poor. I see it as a win-win. lemme splain. fattie poor folk get fat sucked out of their bodies making them thin. their fat is then injected into poor starving people making them healthy and robust. it's a good idea, no?--I'm not sure what's worse, fat rash or fat pull. fat pull is when appropriatee fitting underwear still manages to get sucked under the majora belly roll.in my opinion fat pull blows fat rash away. fat rash though uncomfortable can be remedied with powder or lotion.one fellow fatty I consulted with thinks fat rash is wa
thinking blogger award 2007-04-01 20:56:00 our beloved drug nazi was bestowed the thinking
blogger award by way of mother jones. both blogs are so deserving of this award. drug nazi's blog, your pharmacist may hate you, is a painfully honest, witty, clever and scary look into drug companies, medical insurance and what it's like working for a pharmacy. for most of us being bent over and fucked by the above, this is a great read! mother jones blog, nurse ratched's place is an equally fantastic read. mother is a nurse with years and years of experience. she recently started a go ask mother column that I encourage you to utilize. she writes about what it's like being a nurse, the bureaucracy and her commitment to invoke change.The recipient of this award must follow these rules: Acknowledge the origin of the meme/awardIf you are tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you thinkOptional: Display the "Thinking Blogger Award" with a link to the post that you wrote using either the gold or silver versions of the aw
I ain't foolin, leewee has a new journal entry 2007-04-01 19:24:00 titled: sabbatical. below please find excerpts of this week's journal entry for our hedonistic coffee tawk and the howard cosell of jesus' responses.Not only was my schedule out of whack last fall but God, in His infinite wisdom, chose to use that season of my life to do an emotional and spiritual makeover in my heart at the same time. I'm fairly certain it wasn't coincidental. Since I'm pretty sure that brokenness was the goal, God allowed the stress to come at me from all sides to breakthrough my strength so that He could reach the most protected parts of my heart. He started a deep work that still feels like it is in the beginning stages.so, now that j-dawg has broken his shrew, what are his intentions? what about our spiritual and emotional makeover?Toward the end of 2006 I felt like the Lord was calling me to a Sabbatical. At first I thought it meant that I wasn't to write a book in 2007, other than "The Busy Teacher's Guide to Prayer"and so filled with ideas you w
first class ticket to hell, please 2007-04-04 01:12:00 let's just say hell does in fact exist... If so, I fear I've just received a first class
voucher for a face to penis with the horn-daddy himself, the devil. wait, is that a bad thing? fact: I am most forlorn about being 86'd from the christian blog that I read way too much. so, what does fehatty do in her desperate need for an invitation to read the christian blog? she goes and creates one called, I love me some god. her pen name of choice? what's the most un-jewish name she can think of? hmm... oh, I know, mary margaret ... with back story and all! ps: it didn't work. I didn't score an invite. fuck.fuck.motherfuck. but, I have come up with a scathingly brilliant idea, to take this blog, revamp it, and invite all of my interested blog friends to write wicked funny snippets about the obscure scanadlicious zealots, the ones not always on the front page. who wants in? spill!
how californian are you? 2007-04-03 17:13:00 you are 20% california, jewgirlYou are a bogus californian. go back to the east coast, preferrably new york city and do it now, right now.how california are you, bitches?I boosted this from wp. it's big retarded blog fun! take the test!
she whacked my yen for cheesecake 2007-04-03 03:35:00 I am an ebay whore. seriously. is it any surprise being such a vinty whore? anywho, I accidentally happened upon the most disgusting description of a candle I've ever seen in my life. title:OVER 5 POUNDS OF CHEESECAKE! HUGE,GRUBBY BUNDT CANDLE!!!candle or not, since when is grubby and bundt a perk in the same sentence?Welcome!! Here i have made my gorgeous Bunt cake.It is all soy and i started with a solid bottom,mega scented in Cheesecake.Tads of Nutmeg are in it also. Then i grubbied it mega tons with MORE Cheesecake.she is so busy grubbying, she grubbied the shit out of this poor, sfachachta candle and oyskad it to death. are you nauseas yet? because I'm ready to vomit, ok.I added extra large Strawberry embedsyou can't do that! you can embed strawberries, but you can't add strawberry embeds. oy vey!that are all scented in my Signature scent.from the fold of her vulva?! I mean really.Six wicks for a perfect,even burn and the wicks are all tied with matching homespun.??!??!?!?!?!?
hallelu j-dawg is coming back for seconds 2007-04-05 03:13:00 a wp - jewgirl joint ... postwp e-stalked me the most fabulous e-stalk this fine am: wp: Katie-lah, Check this one out!me: OMG that is fucking fantastic! Did you post it? You have to! It’s fantastic.wp: Naw, you go ahead. me: Hells no. how about a joint post? I will say it’s a wp katie joint. wp: So here you go folks, "The Return of The J-Man!"Christ Getting In Shape For Second ComingHEAVEN—Emerging from a grueling 90 minutes of cardiovascular exercise and light lifting for tone, Son of God Jesus Christ said Monday that He is "definitely on track" to achieve peak fitness condition for the Second Coming. run. read. it's tits.
chicago: saturday night: elaine soloway 2007-04-06 16:25:00 the goddess that is elaine soloway will be reading one of her fabulous essays, passover aggressive at the uptown writer's space on saturday night at 7:30. if you live in chicago or will be anywhere near chicago, go! you're in for a real treat.here are all the details courtesy of elaine soloway! Saturday, April 7th 7:30 pmUptown Writer's Space4802 N. Broadway, Ste. 200Chicago773-275-1000uptown writers space"Where's Your Moses Now?" Musings on Faith Suggested donation $5.As this month's reading finds us smack dab in the middle of the spring Judeo Christian holiday season please join us for "Where's Your Moses Now Musings on Faith".No, it does not count as mass, but we have a fantastic line-up of readers: Don Gecewicz, Jason Grunebaum, Hugh Musick, Marc Smith, Elaine Soloway, Megan Stielstra, Eden Robins and Lisa Rosenthal.We will serve macaroons, Manischewitz, and triscuits. All faiths and faithless are welcome!have you read elaine soloway's division street princess? run! read! bu
los angeles, FUCK YOU! 2007-04-06 06:55:00 check this out. it's so disgusting, I am ready to spit twice and cry. tonight I went to pick up some scrips for jewboy. when I got to my car, it wouldn't start. I drive a vinty car. surprised? I love it. it has big sentimental value. I was parked in a parking lot in west hollywood between la cienega and robertson. it's a fab gay naybahood, completely safe. there were several cars coming and going, so I took out my jumper cables and began the hock. to sweet meat with grrroovy specs, my battery died, would you mind giving me a jump? I have cables. um. well, like this is a new car and I don't even know how to open the thing. (me, bewildered, but unfettered because there are so many cars, says) um, ok. thanks anyway. I gave the same shpiel to a seemingly happy-go-lucky redheaded girl and she said, no. (me, wide-eyed surprise) no? oohhkay. to a group of well groomed, toned queens pouring out of a brand new mercedes, I mixed it up a bit and went with a jewey approach. hi, sorry to bother
midnight hour, running away 2007-04-08 05:46:00 the band's name sounds 80s, but omg, it's a fab song. totally worth repeating a gazillion times! good lyrics and these guys are like, 10, so please. Read more:midnight
, running
jesus christ the musical 2007-04-07 22:59:00 one of my favorite bloggers, chaylene of better living through bacon (who was supposed to be in my fucking blogroll. argh), e-stalked me the most fuck off fabulous video to date, jesus christ the musical. fan-fucking-tastic. chayleneish, you are a goddess. THANK YOU!!!
happy easter 2007-04-07 19:50:00 tomorrow is a big goy day! happy easter my non-jewish love muffins. after the lashings, running, stabbing and hanging jesus went through, oy, to schlep back three days later unscathed. you gotta give it up to the boy.ps: he certainly does look provocative in a loin cloth.all jokes aside, have a glorious easter! happy egg hunting and noshing.xo
creepy links of the day 2007-04-07 19:39:00 courtesy of my favorite doc, into the sunrise.ladies against feminism "Biblical womanhood is not a "white thing." When we get letters that claim this, we can only shake our heads. Scripture clearly teaches we are all of "one blood"--the only race is the human race (Acts 17:26). To say emulating the godly standards of Scripture is "white" is insulting to people of all colors. You are not a better Christian if you are white. To believe so is to deny our common heritage in Eden. LAF has black, hispanic, and oriental writers, but we don't screen people for skin color or keep a quota system. We're all sisters."I cruised the whole site and out of a gazillion super white ladies, I saw two shvatsah dames and one beige broad. this is their splash of color? their commitment to sisters? a virtuous womanSo many women today were not taught how to run a household efficiently while in the care of their mothers. God gives guidelines for how a virtuous woman lives. Proverbs 31 is an empowering look a Read more:creepy
, links
anything to avoid a deadline! 2007-04-10 04:54:00 I can't help myself, I simply must jump on the musty can beaver (misty anne weaver) bandwagon. the crux of the issue, Weaver wanted to cover up the fact that she had failed to complete paperwork for an important audit for Capriotti (her boss). it's quite tragic, three lives were lost and a building was burned. it's horrible. and hysterical. no, I'm not the anti-christ. I don't know how many of you have been keeping score, but from what I've seen nobody really gives a shit anymore. the majority of people that I run into are totally in it for themselves with little or no regard for anyone else. I find myself asking why. when I think about all of the customer service reps (cable, phone, gas company, electricity, etc.), I deal with and how nonexistent and rude service has become, it pisses me off. but, then I ask myself, why should they give a shit? there is no such thing as job security anymore. everyone is expendable regardless of your title, and bosses drive that point right into Read more:anything
traileerena rides again 2007-04-10 02:24:00 I have had a truly white trash day. no. seriously. you see, there are oversights that are tolerable, excusable even, and a handful that I have deemed unacceptable for me and me alone. I am sure you all can relate to those few things that simply can't happen under your watchful eye. right? so, my white trash day. I was working from home and in the zone, when, POOF the lights went out. gee, that's odd. I ran into the hallway and knocked on a few neighbor's doors. do you have power? why yes, fehatty, we do. ok, snatcharella, no need to lord your happy-power-suckage over me. gaaaaaaaaaaaahd. I called the power company. there was a massive wait due to high call volume. I could rest easy, obviously my power wasn't turned off. whatever, trasharella, you know where this is going and I know where this is going. it's far too depressing. at the risk of sounding annoyingly cliche, fat ass forgot to pay her fucking bill so they temporarily interrupted her service. note: I find third person alw
friday the 13th 2007-04-13 06:06:00 tomorrow is friday the 13th... it's a lucky day. know why? it's our beloved big mouth's birthday! click over to that broad, amy guth's blog and wish her the happiest birthday ever.happy birthday to you!happy birthday to you!happy birthday amy gu-uuu-uthhappy birthday to youuuuuuu!mazel tov on an incredible year. may this next year bring even more good health, happiness and unbridled success.hugs * kissesjewgirl
I love you craigslist, oh yes I do! 2007-04-13 03:56:00 Free Male Housecleaner/ Personal Assistant in exchange for a tease Hi Ladies, I am available to be your helper. I can be your assistant in any household chores you may need. I can clean, polish, scrub, vaccum any room inside your home, apartment or condo. I also can do yardwork, moving and some fixing.In addition, I can also wash your cars and do some assistant officework such as paperwork, organizing, answering phone calls, taking down messsages etc. I can also do errands for you, drive to get some things or pick up whatever you need.All my services are FREE! Just e-mail me.I'm a nice guy, clean, honest, and respectful. 5'5 30/m All I ask is a little tease from you while I release myself. Just a pose in your underwear that's it. No sex or touching involved, I want to be safe also. I know that this is an unusual deal but I'm totally normal but a little shy. One time, short or long term available : )I e-stalked him and asked, are fat chicks eligible? I'll keep you looped... Read more:craigslist
take that beak and shove it up your fuckin ass 2007-04-14 20:39:00 I hate birds. I'm not talking about just any bird, I'm talking about the 24/7, wildly inappropriate chirping nutbag bird. this variety of bird seems indigenous to los angeles. I don't recall this level of chirp action anywhere else in california, the u.s. or the world.the incessant chirp klatch comes in a variety of annoying tones. there's the steady hock, a captivating, long drawn out hand-vac harmony. the initiator has to be a jewish mother. because you can actually hear the guilt being sucked right out of the chirpettes that follow.my favorite is the fighting chirp. a harmonizing, balking, crow-esq sound pulsating from the beaks of a dozen half pint patty’s. they chirp with a vengeful purpose. what I can’t figure out is what they have to be so pissed off about. they spend their days flying around, digging up worms, shitting on people and chirping themselves into a god damned frenzy. fuckin’ relax or piss your big bird fun away by flying into some shiny glass window and cal
imus updates! scroll yoa asses down, yo 2007-04-16 02:16:00 rye-rye, cp and mountjoy have all chimed in with their two cents re: imus's termination, the impact on freedom of speech ... or not? it's definitely worth the read!thanks boychicks for weighing in. ya all ahe so smaht. imASS. Read more:updates
happy birthday wp!!!! 2007-04-15 18:49:00 today is our beloved write procrastinator's birthday! can you stand it? isn't it fabulous? click now and wish that child the happiest birthday ever. happy birthday to you!happy birthday to you!happy birthday, w-peaaassser!happy birthday to you!may you have a happy, healthy, creatively adventurous and wildly successful year. ps:: how much do you hate w-peaser ;)
Yom HaShoah 2007-04-15 12:11:00 by: David Harris - AJC In the Jewish tradition, we are commanded to remember (zachor) and not to forget (lo tishkach) On April 15, we commemorate Yom HaShoah, the Day of Holocaust Remembrance.On this solemn occasion, 62 years after the end of World War II, we remember. We remember the six million Jewish martyrs, including 1.5 million children, who were exterminated in the Holocaust. We remember the entirely new alphabet created by the Nazis for the Final Solution -- from the letter "A" for Auschwitz to the letter "Z" for Zyklon-B. We remember not only the tragic deaths of the six million Jews, but also their vibrant lives -- as shopkeepers and craftsmen, scientists and authors, teachers and students, parents and children, husbands and wives. We remember the richly hued and ancient Jewish civilizations that were destroyed -- from Salonika, Greece to Vilna, Lithuania. We remember the slippery slope that began with the rantings of an obscure Austrian-born anti-Semite named Adolf Hitler a
insomnia, leewee and imus ... oh my! ((UPDATES)) 2007-04-15 11:27:00 update... scrollllll dooooowwwnit's 2:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I'm having some wicked ass insomnia. oompha. argh. hopefully I will fall asleep soon. I have such a busy sunday, too. no, I'm not going to a tent revival. I wasn't invited. mother fuckers. whatever happened to goodwill towards womankind?!speaking of zealots, I hit leewee's site today and found a re-post of a journal entry, circa 2005. haven's b-day, a modest proposal. it's a must read especially for parents or parents to be who want to encourage their daughters to look like hedonistic whores. it sooo makes me want to adopt a troubled teen I can exploit. should I go homeless or foreign? oy, such decisions.is anyone else worried by cbs's decision to fire imus or am I alone on that one?before you rip my head off and skull fuck me, let me explain. we all agree, the man is an asshole, an anti-semetic, racist, homophobic prick. he's vile. what he said about the rutgers team is so disgusting, it's unconscion
dressing for jesus and loving it! 2007-04-18 04:31:00 katie's been zealot hopping today and oh boy has she found some creepy dish. it all started when I happened upon biblical womanhood. first I found an article: adorned in modest apparel, it begins with the heart.a snippet for your reading pleasure: "I am not going to come out and condemn or condone any clothing in particular in this article. I don’t feel that God has called me to do that. Rather, I challenge you to question yourself, "Is the way that I am dressing in accordance with the Biblical mandate that women are to be adorned in modest apparel?" it's good to know that meaty lips flappin' in the wind isn't out, and even more comforting that the author won't condemn my choice. after all, it is quite possible that is what I think jesus wants to see me in. in my mind, he regards that as modest and demure. hello. after saving a hooker, he kept on churnin' em' out (hookers at the point), and, hi, loin cloth. I rest my case.after tooling around z-world for quite some time, I fou
masturbation = same sex lovin' 2007-04-17 06:55:00 over the past few days, I have been given several christian gifts from my darlings crionaberry and doc. I'll be sharing this week, I'm not selfish.today, we're dishing delicious doc's gift and oh what a gift it is...the marriage bed: sex and intimacy for married christians. no, that's not an oxymoron.doc told me to hit the kinky boards and I am super glad I did.masturbation (mb) leads to lesbianism / homosexualitylove a good stretch, and that masturbation is so wrong, it's best "acronymd" to mb.This was really interesting...I was talking with DW on the phone during lunch today and she told me about a co-worker who had a special speaker for youth ministry at their church who taught...1. Since MB is self-love, with the same sex, and since the definition of homosexual/lesbian (according to the definition she found/is using) is "one who services the needs of the same sex" - THEN MB is the same as homosexual/lesbian sex.2. MB in general, leaves one open to the prospect of Homosexual/L
adrienne rich 2007-04-17 06:28:00 Adrienne Rich on poetry, politics, and personal revelation But then there is all this other stuff going on -- which is wilder, which is bristling; it's juicier, it's everything that you would want. And it's not comfortable. That's the kind of poetry that interests me -- a field of energy. It's intellectual and moral and political and sexual and sensual -- all of that fermenting together. It can speak to people who have themselves felt like monsters and say: you are not alone, this is not monstrous. It can disturb and enrapture.
guth yourself! 2007-04-20 01:11:00 you've read guth. you love guth. I know you want to wear guth. come on... don't be shy. now's your chance to guth yourself into a wild, heated frenzy! click on ovah and buy yaself some gorgeous guth goodies. GA HEAD.
Recommend Site To A Friend
