Owner: all the way from oy to vey URL:http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com Join Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 20:53:44 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: all the way from oy to vey is a comedy, humor, satire blog written by a comedy writer. From essays to rants, political satire, topical humor and all spun with feminist fun. Site statistics:Click here
random shit 2007-03-18 02:28:00 I've been thinking about pick-up lines today. I'd love to go up to a man at a bar and say, know where I can find an std as fine as you? I'd also like to say to a gardener, I'm looking for a mild vaginal infection, what can I plant in my canal to grow one?I said a had a pulse, not that I was right in the head.
I'm not dead 2007-03-17 23:11:00 just in case anyone was wondering, I haven't peeled. I don't even have one foot on the peel. it's been a hell of a mother fuckin' cock suckin' week. will post later. don't break up with me.ps: your comments rock. talk about making a girl's day. who's a grateful bitch? fehatty, tittiestum, me.xoxoxoxoxox
john sims artist, activist, aquarius 2007-03-18 17:14:00 if you don't want to fuck john sims, you have issues. he's an insanely talented, controversial artist, ethnomathmatician, activist and he's painfully easy on the eyes. ok, so he's likely prone to fits of over-the-top-preachy-intensity and coffee-klatch worthy chattiness. nothing sitting on his face wouldn't cure. ANYWHO... I do have a point to this post about the aforementioned fuck daddy of doom. one of his installations, "The Proper Way to Hang a Confederate Flag" (seen below) at the Mary Brogan Museum of Art and Science has caused such agida, the king of censorship himself, commander of the local Sons of Confederate Veterans chapter is trying to get it removed, calling the display of Sims' work "offensive, objectionable and tasteless." he also called Sims an "irrelevant individual" with no artistic talent. There are some people who have great talent, and they rely on that talent to be successful. There are others who don't have great talent, and they have to rely on a gimmick
fab dish on john sims 2007-03-20 15:57:00 sweet meat's incendiary work has got some serious coverage. check it out. very, VERY COOL stuff. any proponent of freedom of speech, civil rights and the pursuit of true equality will absolutely love this man's work.the goddess that is karen finley read an essay she wrote about john sims work. it is so fucking amazing, you will burst at the seams! watch it on the tube of you asap.simalicious also rewrote the gettysburg address. it's a must stream! run. view. now.read an article about js in the ny times. watch cnn's coverage of his latest installation causing all kinds of controversy. a confederate bondage flag? please, kid's got some serious moxie.loop yourself on all things john sims, hit his website, john sims projects.ps: do not forget amy guth's reading at the book cellar in chicago tomorrow night! drag your big jew or non-jew tuchas now!
in chicago wednesday march 21st?!?!? 2007-03-20 04:28:00 get your copy of three fallen women signed by the talented, inspiring and fabulous author, amy guth. schlep that tuchas to chicago:March 21st:The Book Cellar 7pm(with Elaine Soloway and Rick Karlin)4736-38 N. Lincoln Ave.Chicago, ILwatch and listen to three amazing authors read from their wonderful novels. oh, and, hello, get your books signed!!!if you haven't read elaine soloway's, the division street princess, read it! this broad is quite a dame. you will love her work!rick karlin is tits to the tenth power. check out his dishy read, show biz kids: growing up in hollywood's golden age.
who doesn't love a big queen 2007-03-21 23:54:00 awww, this poor little fagellah weatherman had his pants scared off by a COCKroach. seems odd that anything with COCK in it could be so terrifying, no?
go, dove go! 2007-03-20 23:17:00 empowering women or demoralizing them?this ad was banned. R E A DBeauty comes of age, Meet the new Dove girls -- six over-50 women wearing nothing but a smile by ANN MARIE MCQUEENI think it's empowering and sexy as hell. a few of you know what inspired this post...
bidding to be bubs bitch 2007-03-23 01:15:00 sprawling ramshackle has posted a fuck off FABULOUS post about, oh my fucking god, christian clowns! are you plotzing??? this post is HILAR SQUARED. here's a snippet, but you must click through for greatness right fucking now. I peed... a little. A few weeks ago I put up a clown training video, and it opened a door for me into a world I knew nothing about: the world of Christian Clowning.andThere are websites devoted to Christian Clowning Resources; there are websites for individual performers like Kingdom Karactors (if clowns aren't your thing, they also make and sell puppets!)I needed this, bubs. thank you a million! Read more:bidding
bill clinton wants to save tv land 2007-03-27 02:33:00 Baby boomer Clinton goes to bat for TV LandBy Paul J. GoughMarch 26, 2007"As you know, my wife is away, so I'm home alone a lot," Clinton said of Sen. Hillary Clinton, who is running for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008. "I'm particularly grateful to TV Land for giving me something to do at night."ok, that's a joke, right? the part about being home alone a lot and not having anything else to do but watch tv land. there isn't a heterosexual liberal lolita out there who doesn't want to suck or fuck bill's bat. I'm probably the only fat jew dame in the free fuckin world who hasn't been granted the privilege of being his oral service provider.what am I? chopped livah! I will SO dress up as lucy and he can play hoss and we can fuck on dirt. or, I can suck him while he rides in on his big boy horse. Read more:wants
jessica simpson and john mayer 2007-03-27 02:14:00 jessica simpson must give other wordly head. like I'm talking the ability to suck a bagel through an asian man's cock. otherwise how does this a union make?
jessica simpson donates a minivan 2007-03-27 01:53:00 jessica simpson donated a free minivan to an orphanage in mexico."I'm so honored and happy to be able to help," said Simpson, who hugged Mama Lupita and the throng of kids who had waited anxiously to see her and presented her with gifts, including an engraved plaque with a photo of the kids and a beaded necklace they'd made for her.A spokesperson for Chrysler confirmed: "Instead of the Chrysler Crossfire, she decided to get a minivan for the orphanage instead. She went for the Chrysler Town & Country."what does she do for an encore, deliver the used toilet paper from her ass? if you're going to give a shitty a gift, go the distance and give a shitty gift.
my new friend, sheel 2007-03-26 02:17:00 my new friend
sheel, e-stalked me and turned me onto some fabulous blogs and such. she's quite an irreverent bird. we need to hock her to write a fucking blog... she does guest blog on jesus general. she's going to be sending some groovy beaver satire links, too. can't wait!remember my dove post? well, one news now posted their great disdain for dove's ad and how offensive it is. check it out courtesy of sheelicious.sheel, check out politits. ya'll love ha. she's a jew broad who spins many a satirical yarn.ps: she sent me this fab fucking link to modest swimwear for the zealot set.
david o'russell really loves women 2007-03-26 02:12:00 this is so wrong on every single level, I can't even begin to tell you. so lilly had a moment, please, like it warranted THAT abuse. someone has too much money and too much time. we won't say who.
I am the father of anna nicole smith's daughter 2007-03-26 01:58:00 Frederick Von Anhalt, Howard Stern and Larry Birkhead have all claimed to be the fathers of one severely rich infant. whatever. I've decided that I want in. so, I'm a chick... with a vagina... a few ovaries and a womb. who says I can't be the father?!so she lubes her face a little. grease face could be all the rage in my clit-to-cock-make-me-rich fantasy. anything is possible! why the fuck hasn't anyone come forward claiming that the fruit of anna's loins is actually jfk's kid?! hello, frozen sperm... marlyn-monroe?!?! you feel me?
zealots, republicans and cramps, OH MY! 2007-03-28 07:22:00 I've been catching up on my zealot christian reading of late, a super passion of mine as we all well know and I've noticed that when women talk about themselves, it feels like they're describing a used, yet reliable tractor. for some reason, this is of great concern to me. not because women have to be shiny and blingy like a new john deere. on the contrary.I've never read a zcw (zealot christian woman's) blog expounding about her beauty, comfort with herelf, passion or sensuality. it's more like, well, a used yet reliable tractor. common words used to describe themselves are, submissive, hard working, modest, organized, thorough, systematic, practical and sensible. this is all well and good, but why not fly in a teaspoon of passion or a twist of oomph?! is that un-godly?new topic.I'm menstruating! I got my menses yesterday afternoon riback and romius. wait, did I post about my menses last month? I hope I didn't forget. could I really have been that distracted? or did I skip me
the goddess that is arianna huffington 2007-03-29 05:10:00 have you seen this project on the huffington post, the wisdom of the crowd hits the 08' campaign trail?here's an excerpt of the article: We are recruiting large groups of citizen journalists from around the country to cover the major presidential candidates.Each of these volunteer reporter/bloggers will contribute to a candidate-specific group blog -- offering written updates, campaign tidbits, on-the-scene observations, photos, or original video. We'll have a Clinton blog, an Obama blog, an Edwards blog, a McCain blog, a Giuliani blog, a Romney blog, a Biden blog, a Richardson blog, a Dodd blog, a Kucinich blog, a Brownback blog, a Huckabee blog. Each offering a wide variety of voices and perspectives on the campaign they are following. These group blogs will also be a compendium of useful information about each candidate, including their latest speeches, upcoming appearances, new videos and ads, recent news articles and more.This citizen journalism will be in addition to the cover
I'm a schmuck 2007-03-29 04:39:00 talk about a fuckin weird ass day. no. really. weird.someone stole my fuckin' chair and I'm really pissed off about it. I think it was one of the hh's or my new shoulda-been-fabulous gaybor. here's the scoop: right in front of my door, in the hallway, I have a 1950's table with two vinty black chairs. they don't belong to me. I have a giant note on them that says, please do not take these. I am delivering them to someone. sorry for the inconvenience, schwartzy.well, today when my sister was on her way out, we noticed my table was ajar and one of the chairs was MIA. I said, someone stole my fucking chair?! can you believe that? I'm a dead woman. I am so grossed out and skeeved by that, I can't even tell you. I'm going to knock on his fucking door and if my chair is there, I'm stealing it back, so there!new topicI'm almost certain two eggs dropped this menses because I'm bleeding like it's going out of style. If I knew it was donatable, I would so schlep to the red cross an Read more:schmuck
hotness prevails, worst video ever 2007-03-29 02:43:00 you have got to see wine cone's impressions. you're going to want to click away, but you can't. this video
is so vile it's hilar squared. he's a big queen-ish, hot, and doesn't stop talking for five fucking minutes.
alphabet meemish 2007-03-31 18:04:00 our beloved wp has tagged me for a meemish. if you haven't already, you have to read his alphabet meem. it's god damned funny. ps: another great read, inspired by our equally loved daleish, wp posted about his hair. have you read? run. read. hilar.A- Available or Singlesingle by choice. available? not so much, but I will be soon! who's got wood? B- Best Friendmy sister, izzy, katie, wellie popsC- Cake or Pie for a food addict, I can rationalize and celebrate both. each has a purpose, a time and a place. let's not take one and place its value above the other. that's cruel, insensitive and quite vile.D- Drink of Choice Coffee or lemonade mixed with iced tea. if I'm sick, hot tea. E- Essential Item my crack-n-berry. I really prefer not to be without it. F- Favorite Color red. ooh, I lah me some red, girl.G- Gummi Bears or Worms I'm a purist when it comes to candy, chocolate. I don't fuck around with gummi shit. I want it hard, fast and intense. H- Hometown queens, new york, bitche
random shit 2007-03-31 17:03:00 did you know there's a site called prison art? dedicated to procuring and selling art created by prizzy's.what a lovely mural esther. who is the artist? he's a prisoner at attica serving life for murder. isn't he just so talented? yes, I know, I need to get my supportive swirl on. working on it!new topicwp tagged me for a meemish and so did our favorite pharmacist the drug nazi. doing those today. check back because ya's have prally been tagged.new topicjesus was a shvatsah. celebrate it! I know it. you know it. we all know it. this whole caucasian interpretation thing is killin me. get with the program, people. location-location-location.
katie's been chopped 2007-03-31 16:56:00 one of my favorite zealot christian blogs chopped me. I am so forlorn. as of this week, thursday to be exact, she made her blog by subscription only. no viewing for katie. I have to be invited. like that's gonna fuckin' happen.sigh... such a blue jew
World's tallest man marries small woman 2007-03-31 16:33:00 World's Tallest Man Takes a Much Shorter Bridehere are some excerpts from the article, Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9 herdsman from Inner Mongolia, married 5-foot-6 saleswoman
Xia Shujian several days ago, the Beijing News reported.Bao's 28-year-old bride is half his age and hailed from his hometown of Chifeng even though marriage advertisements were sent around the world, it said. "After a long and careful selection, the effort has been finally paid off," the newspaper said. who paid who? how big was the dowry? I want details. recall a few months back I was worried about the dolphin whisperer peeling without pussy. it's comforting to know he won't. why didn't he marry the world's tallest woman? we need to find a missionary who will go cock hunting on her behalf. if he can catch puss, she can certainly catch a fella. ps: they look like sibs. check out those punims up close and personal--- sibaroonies? Read more:World
hil's in 2007-01-20 17:51:00 the goddess that is hilar is in. she had me at first lady.
Bush Says Iraqis 'Fumbled' Saddam Hanging 2007-01-20 17:39:00 bush says iraqis fumbled saddam hangingbest fuckin' headline of of 07'. I don't care if we are just 5 minutes into the new year. it's absolutely genius. the only headline that could top that is, bush has been impeached (and) upon hearing the news, cheney emptied his bank accounts and fled to switzerland."WASHINGTON (Jan. 17) - President Bush said Tuesday the unruly execution of Saddam
Hussein "looked like it was kind of a revenge killing," making it harder to persuade a skeptical U.S. public that Iraq 's government will keep promises central to Bush's plan for a troop increase.In his toughest assessment yet, Bush criticized the circumstances of Saddam's hanging last month, as well as Monday's execution of two top aides, including Saddam's half brother.I was disappointed and felt like they fumbled the -- particularly the Saddam Hussein execution, the president said in an interview with PBS' Jim Lehrer."I spose' it would've been less feeble if bush stripped sahdy and hired a Read more:Iraqis
, Hanging
Reinaldo Arenas 2007-01-17 07:24:00 if you don't know reinaldo arenas work, you must read him immediately. he was an exiled cuban novelist and poet. read his books.My Lover SeaI am that childwith the round, dirty facewho on every corner bothers you with his“Can you spare a quarter?” I am that child with the dirty face,no doubt unwanted,that from far away contemplates coacheswhere other childrenemit laughter and jump up and down considerablyI am that unlikeable child definitely unwanted,with the round dirty facewho before that giant street lights or under the grandams also illuminatedor in front of the little girls that seem to levitate projects that insult of his dirty face I am that angry and lonely child of always,that throw you the insult and warns you:if hypocritically you pat me on the headI would take that opportunity to steal your wallet I am that child of alwaysbefore the panorama of imminent terrorimminent leprosy, imminent fleas,of offenses and the imminent crime.I am that repulsive child that improvises a Read more:Reinaldo
, Arenas
dear leewee... 2007-01-16 03:46:00 I sense God wants to do a new work in me and my life this year and I would love to start 2007 off with a divine breakthrough. I am also recently being challenged in the area of submitting to spiritual authority (not our own church; something else.) So this has been a really good opportunity for me to walk in obedience to my covering, trusting God to bless my desire to walk with a yielded heart.dear leewee:grrrlfriend, how are you? lord up. devil down! get it?! (wee, you never saw, pimp's up. ho's down on hbo? you HAVE GOT to see it. you'll love it. lot's of souls to save and prayer ops)it's so funny you say that you feel god wants to do a new work in you because I feel like (s)he wants to do a new work in me, too! we are so in sync -- omg.what were your symptoms? mine was really bad gas. I could not stop farting. it was crazy, gf. loud, long farts. once I got past how satisfying it was to just let er' rip, I quickly realized that each fart was actually a message from (s)him, urgi
lee wee's post o' the week 2007-01-16 03:05:00 this week's leepee entry was about the daniel fast... with a few choice gems.I realized too late that I hadn’t written a journal entry for this week. I breathed a quick prayer, “Dear Lord, I don’t want to let my cyber friends down again but I don’t have a spare minute to write this before I leave town and I don’t want to be writing while I’m with Angela. What can I do?”I'm hearing a lot of "I's and me's." I'm NOT hearing a lot of, "you and you's". in a situation like this when a zealot has a narcissism tantrum, something akin to breathing for these folks, that zealot should really consider the following inquiries instead, what would jesus do? or jesus, it's your decision. jesus, I'm going to let you pilot this one. I immediately thought of my friend, Sarah, whom I introduced you to last year. I never got a personal introduction. did you?I logged onto her blog and discovered she had recently written about our church wide call to a “Daniel Fast.” Perfect! We are
the 10 things freak meem 2007-01-14 21:08:00 "the 10 things
about meemish that I really don't want to tell you but will because I'm a freak."1. moon river is my favorite song ever written. the memories of my grandmothers humming along while baking mandel bread and knitting... so inspiring and cozy. I include it in everything I write.2. I would rather hang out with my dog than the majority of people I've met in my life. I absolutely love spending time with him. he's funnier, smarter and more interesting. I'm a freak.3. I have inappropriate, severe and unrelenting white coat syndrome. my fear of doctors is so intense that I am convinced it has something to do with a previous life.4. I never lock my car and I usually leave my keys in the car. to me it's not stupid. it makes sense. what pisses me off is when someone breaks into my car and leaves the door open. OK-- here I went to all this trouble to leave the car unlocked. the least you can do is be a mensch and close the door after you've had your fun.5. when I'm at home, re
10 things meemish tags 2007-01-14 01:22:00 you know that 10 things
freak out post?! well, wp asked me to do a 10 things you need to know about katie post. if I'm gonna do this, so are YOU... see the list?! you better do it. we'll call this meem:"the 10 things about meemish that I really don't want to tell you but will because I'm a freak."wp: I know you hate me right nowriback: if you sigh in irritated fashion, mister mister, you know the consequences. I'm pms'ngsensu: I can hear the, you cuntsteinowitz from hell, pouring out of your mouth.politits: you're a spirited jewgirl and will have MUCH to say on the topic! bubs: come on... you gotta do it.
but, you're a vegetarian?! 2007-01-11 03:24:00 what is wrong with people? I am so sick and tired of dealing with unsolicited advice vomiting out of people's mouths and into my lap. I may be a fat, restless, prickly mess at the minute swimming in my own private idaho. but, here's a thought, that doesn't give YOU carte blanche to rip me a new, none of your fucking business, asshole.whatever happened to minding your own pot? you have your cauldron of issues and I have mine. if you need more, visit your local homeless shelter. I promise you'll find gallons of crisis and agida begging for a few extra stirrers.yesterday someone asked, why are you fat? you're a vegetarian. it's not the first time a presumptuous cow has asked me such a dumb ass question. I just answered with belligerent honesty this time.well, you cunt sucking whore, I'm not sure, but it just might have something to do with the pre-menstrual whiz shots sans crackers I voraciously inhale. or perhaps it's the fine cheese cutlets eaten like steak with a side of mashed
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