Owner: Bee\'s Musings URL:http://beesmusings.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:30:14 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: You will not find the answers or guidance but you just might giggle, smirk or at least smile! Site statistics:Click here
No need to thank me for the nonsense you'll be singing later. 2008-03-06 20:59:52 -Day 66.I've got nothin' today. Zilch. Nada. I'll leave you with a question Milton asked me. Don't be afraid to shout out the answer!Milton:What is the name of that one song they sing in church. You know, the one that goes "Haaaaallelujah, Haaaaaallelujah Haaaa-lle-luuu-jah"Bee: [rolling my eyes]"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" (the one from Iron Butterfly). It's Latin for "In the Garden of Eden".PasS the mushroOms....
Read more:later
"Adventures in Andyland. Andy rolled a Vinny." 2008-03-05 22:04:16 -Day 65. Stan, you're in Ala-f*ckin-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good-ole-boy. There is no WAY this is not going to trial!- Vincent "Vinny
" GambiniI’m going to tell you guys a secret but I don’t want you telling anyone else. Agreed? Okay..Andy is 4 years younger than I am. I'm 35 he's 31. (Shhh secret)The reason I had to mention this is because, he and I started dating before he had the chance to have 1 million liaisons with other women (or skanks as I like to call them). He went out with couple of chicks (skanks as I like to call them) but I was his first serious girlfriend (non-skank as I like to call myself).An-y-way… For the past couple of weeks, he has been coming home with advice from his current work partner (we will call him Vinny), acting like his word is gospe Read more:Adventures
PSA# 8. Only sweet nothings in my ear… 2008-03-05 08:53:59 -Day 64.I know I know, 2 PSAs in the same week. I just can’t help the fact that I’m such a public servant, not to be confused with servicing the public, please keep the smut outta here, thanks.Upon my dealings with the underworld-READ ATTORNEYS*-I have had the displeasure of not one, not two, but THREE different people chewing in my ear today.As much as I LOVE people masticating (which, by the way, is one of the dirtiest non-dirty words I have ever heard) in my ear, I leave that up to my beloved husband. You know, the guy whom I promised to honor love and disobey. In good times, in bad loud-crunching-munching-giving-me-all-kinds-of-gag-reflexes timesIf you are not buying me shoes and other accessories, stop your grazing before you call me or you WILL get the following suggestions whil
Inn keeper, my room has a weird smell... 2008-03-03 22:33:30 -Day 63Anonymous evil trolls changed my home page from Google to MSN. I don't know how they managed to do it but my new exclaimless state demands I let bygones be bygones. I'm learning to deal. Upon opening a browser on Sunday, I encountered an article on MSN about 10 Unusual Places to Stay.They showed an underwater hotel in Florida which I thought was pretty cool. Some caves in New Mexico and Turkey minus bats. By far the most disturbing one was this one in Idaho:I'm sorry but, why would I pay good money to be able to say I came out of a dog's ass?I've always said nothing good comes out of Idaho. If you're from Idaho, I didn't mean you.P.S. I'm about to give up on my not exclaiming cuz I think it's turning me into a whiner. I said WHINER....
PSA# 7777 How to negotiate with your spouse. 2008-03-02 21:15:58 -Day62. Disclaimer: The following conversation took place prior to my decision to cease all my exclaiming. For the sake of accuracy, I have decided not to remove the exclamation points and leave our exchange exactly as it happened..Bee:Babe, I've been looking on craigslist for a desk but they're all either really crappy and expensive or nice and super expensive. Can't I just get a new one for about $100? It doesn't have to be spectacular..Andy:No..Bee:Geez! I'll pay for half of it!.Andy:No..Bee:Uh… okaaay. You know I can just go get it if I want to, right? I mean, you're not the boss of me!.Andy:Listen Bee, you're online too much. Now you want a desk to BLOG? I think you're an addict..Bee:You know what? You're right! Maybe we can start spending more time together you and I. Go for long r
Don't call me yeller! 2008-03-01 21:42:51 -Day 61. Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength. Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton.To celebrate the end of February and the beginning of March, I have decided to stop exclaiming so much. You heard me correctly, I will no longer abuse the power of the exclamation point both in blogland and in real life Beeland. Next time I type "These pretzels are making me thirsty!" it'll be like this "These pretzels are making me thirsty." see no exclamation point in sight."Why?" you ask. (I know you didn't but that won't stop me.)I'm hoping this will help me with my anger management. Maybe if I speak quietly and s l o w l y, all the people (and dogs) who exasperate me will understand everything I say. Starting right now, I will not... damnit! I just messed up! Mocha was
My top 10 women? I AM an equal opportunist... 2008-02-28 08:49:28 -Day 59.-For Brother Dan, my top 10 list of women I want... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... to BE.This was harder than I thought. I guess I'm pretty happy being me. Who knew! These are in no particular order so don't get pissy with me..Jean knee:Nobody has more personalities than she does! No, that’s not a typo. I’m still working on mine, at the moment I only have 2. Sociopath and sleepy..Angelina Jolie:She looks like the type of chick who would kick ass and ask questions later. The Chuck Norris of women..Princess Buttercup:She has a Farm Boy.Elastic:She has better access to nachos than I do. I on
"My List" of freebies begs for more. 10 is better than 5! 2008-02-27 09:29:39 -Day 58. Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.- Mae West**Warning contains expicit material! Okay, maybe not but this was posted with hub-ub's"permission".**After watching Ryan Reynolds in "Definitely Maybe", I am currently in negotiations to up my "My List*” from 5 to 10. .I can’t keep removing men from it in good conscience. They’ll start getting jealous and fighting each other... who needs more trouble in Hollywood? Not me..Here’s my list of likely suspects:.Brad Pitt:Forever and ever Amen! Bex claims he changes his hair to match his current flame so I told her I'll be looking forward to him dying it black with burgundy/red streaks..Paul Walker:Smiley blue eyes! Great smile. Delicious to look at. All around hot guy on wheels..Ryan Reynolds:Guy next door. G Read more:better
Inappropriate Card Day makes you feel warm and fuzzy like the bearded fat lady on a summer day. 2008-02-25 22:22:19 -Day 57.Today is Inappropriate Card Day. It's a National Blog Holiday instituted by Diesel at MPAC, here is the history. I am obligated to participate otherwise I'll get a ticket and that would be very inappropriate.Of course, I would participate anyway even without the threat of a Vijillion dollar fine because I am a team player… MOST of the time. I decided to make my own because there are too many of you and my accountant has put a block on my allowance ever since I called him an "oogly monster". He didn't think that was very appropriate but he still has to prove I said it in a court of law.Anyway, here it is and it's for you, You, YOU and even EWE!****************************Photo courtesy of Scarlet. Model: Scarecrow.A day late recap.This weekend was awesomeness on a waffle cone sund Read more:makes
Philip Seymour Hoffman loses again?? I demand a recount! 2008-02-24 22:38:11 -Day 56. I forgot about the Oscars!- .How could I have done such a horrible thing! I mean, this year, OZ's twin was nominated for... something and as Puddy said "Gotta support the team". I got home just in time for his category. I sat there a few minutes before they called the winner, at the edge of my seat, and they didn't announce his name! Nooooo!!! What a sad day. Or uhm... night. I blame John Travolta.Besides being OZ's twin, he is one of the greatest actors I've ever seen.Let me tell you how I judge this. If I can watch "Along came Polly" and not know that Ben Stiller's friend is the same guy that came out in "Boogie Nights"/"Mission Impossible"/"Red Dragon", well, that is a true chameleon my friends because nobody can fool me. .NOBODY. .Except that guy who sold me the genuine 30 kt Read more:demand
, Philip
, Seymour
You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite... you are-n't.- Zoolander 2008-02-24 00:32:46 -Day 55. The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder?- Hansel There's something wrong with our Interworldwideweb so I can't ramble like I usually do. I just have one question.Is it weird that every time Zoolander is on, I have to watch it and then laugh hysterically after this dialogue:Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am. Matilda: What? Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think
I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?Maybe it's cuz I'm really, really ridiculously good looking. Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, Ese? Don't you know I'm loco? .If you haven't seen this movie (BRIAN!) you have to watch it as soon as possible! Just be warned that it's cheesy.For more Zoolander quotes, click here. Read more:Walter
Day of Masacre and Love.♥ 2008-02-22 23:06:15 -Day 45. I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.- Author UnknownWell it’s V-Day again. In honor of today, I’ve decided to write a little love letter at the end of this post..The next segment is called:.Stupid is as stupid does. 4 Parts. .STUPID.[while using my teddy bear Santa pen]Toto:You know Christmas passed right?.Bee:No I didn't, I’m glad you told me! Old must be contagious!.STUPIDER:.[after taking my Lean Cuisine out of microwave]Scarecrow:Does it get very hot?.Bee: [rolling my eyes]No, it makes it colder..STUPIDEST.CL the receptionist:Are you trying to degrade me by not letting me go to the bathroom?.Bee: [I looked up perplexed, hadn't even Read more:Masacre
10 funny "people" you'll "meet" on Humor-Blogs. (Excessive use of quotation marks pisses me off too.) 2008-02-22 08:46:46 So…I’ve gotten a couple of people
questioning me in regards to the clicking of Humor
-Blogs
.The questions have been:1) “Do I click from your blog there or from Humor-Blogs to you?”2) “What do I do once I get there?”3) “How much money do you make?”4) "Why do you think you're so cool? Do you think maybe it's all in your head?".............................................................1) Okay, in order for the click to count, you have to click from MY blog (my actual blog and not the Feed) to Humor-Blogs. This will propel me up the ranks to stardom. No, just kidding. I’m not greedy, I’ll settle for the top thirty which is always displayed on the main page.2) Once you get to Humor-Blogs, stick around and enjoy the funny bloggers. I’m going to give you my personal favorit
Profanity edited (somewhat), nobody needs to hear that from a "lady". 2008-02-20 23:03:32 -Day 52. I have some road rage inside of me. Traffic, especially in L.A., is a pet peeve of mine.- Katie Holmes (Ah! Another thing Katie Holmes and I have in common besides our "love" for weird mind controlling freaks visionaries! ::sigh::).Shit! Does anybody else have Prince’s “Controversy” in their head? Please help me get it out!.Okay, so I know you’re tired of hearing about my bad freakin’ weather. I know it because you’ve e-mailed to tell me how people in Oregon got like 20 feet of snow or something equally disastrous. You’ve also e-mailed me to tell me about places that are not prepared for freezing cold winters and are now having issues with living, as in they’re dying. Yes. I get it. I’m a complainer but that shouldn’t surprise you, right?Since you love hearing
Back to our regularly scheduled program... sort of. 2008-02-20 19:52:45 -Day 51! OH MY LORD! I'm hyperventilating!! Diesel at Mattress Police Antisocial Commentary did a post about the controversy! It's like Angelina Jolie saying she likes my style! Same feeling! The same!Did you guys just call me a kiss ass?!?! Okay.Thanks to everyone for mocking the mocker. You guys love me! Or at least don't hate me too much. Give yourselves a high five. Harder! Moving on.Elderly Reactions to my hair:Milton:“Oh. Wow! Interesting.”Translation:You just overloaded my brain.Glynda:“It looks great!”Translation:I wish I could be you. (Come on now, we all know it's true!)Scarecrow:“I love it!”Translation:Phew! I thought my alcoholic mind was making me see things! (I know that was mean of me but I really don’t care)Cowardly Lion:[She chose to ignore me, my soul is sti Read more:regularly
Professing my ♥ for Gerald. 2008-02-20 17:37:21 -Day 50. Everyone has a right to be an idiot. Some people abuse the privilege. - Joseph Stalin (Normally I wouldn't quote anything Joe S. would have said but...)So...You all know how much I love my anonymous heckler right? I've got me another one:Gerald
said...So who did andy and bee blow to always be the first post listed on humorblogs?I can't be the only person asking about this situation. Right?February 18, 2008 6:13 PM Oh Gerald, Gerald, dear, sweet, innocent, Gerald. I'd like to thank you for giving me more material for a post. Since your concerns are my concerns, I did contact Mr. Diesel President-CEO-Founder-King of Humor-Blogs just for you."Hello Mr. Diesel! It seems people's panties are in a bunch because my old posts keep popping up first. I'm not sure what I'm doing (or not) and
Bee, the next Stevie Nicks? 2008-02-18 19:07:22 -Day 48 of my quest to post 365 days. As you all know, my day off will be February 29th so you'll be able to take a deep breath and say "It's about damn time she shut her yap!" Mean. You guys are mean.Tracy has come to my rescue and found a solution to my marriage woes! Thank you Tracy! Thanks to you, we might make it to our 7th anniversary without any blood shed.I will post the pics of my fantabulous hair tomorrow here's a hint:We have a new toy!We finally got Rock Band and I'm dying to play the drums! And maybe do some singing raspy voiced chick style like Bonnie Tyler. Oh-Oh! Andy keeps getting Boo'd off the stage! Now he's pissed and telling the game it's a c*ck sucking mother effer. Yikes! I guess we're not out of the woods yet... Nah, I'm sure we'll have tons of fun! [help me!]Hasta Read more:Stevie
♫Andy and Bee sitting in a tree♫... will you move the hell over!! ♥ 2008-02-18 19:06:10 -Day 46. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.- AnonymousWatching the news Thursday night, there was a report on a new research saying relationships make you gain weight because you become comfortable with your partner. New? Are you freakin' kidding me?? This has been common knowledge since Cavewoman Zanoogabooga bonked Caveman Sangrrr... focus people! By bonked I meant hit on the head with a club and yes, she was the aggressor. Anyway, after she bonked him on the head with her red billy-club, dragged him home, had little cavekiddies, she gained a few pounds here and there. Meanwhile her mom kept telling her she had to take care of her looks so Sangrrr wouldn't look at Betty in that way.Dummies! How about they use that research money on important things like inventing unscuffable shoes.S
My piggies are frozen!! 2008-02-16 18:10:40 -Day 47. Yeah yeah, I said I loved winter but it's time to plant my freakin' flowers already!So... I called in sick on Friday thinking I would stick it to Glynda and the bats while I enjoyed a nice peaceful day doin' nothing. Nothing, I tell ya'! I hung out with a cool 4 AND 3 QUARTERS year old and we got to see the coolest thing this year!We had a family of deer across the street from our house eating the neighbor's bush. [uh... let's leave that one alone, 'kay?] I also took some video but it looks crappy and there's allot of noise in the background, Tazz was in his kennel crying after being punished for trying to take a chunk out of my chunky skin-people calling me on the phone-Noggin blasting in the background-my email notification going off-not to mention Natalia and I disagreeing as t
I'll vote for you Stephen Colbert! 2008-02-14 22:49:51 -Day 44. Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.- Author UnknownSo... There's this chick that completely hooked me on StephenColbert
. He's now on my "list of 5 men" and all because of his sense of humor. Is it weird that I keep changing my 5? I guess it's fine as long as it's not laminated. Please click on this video where he interviews Philip Zimbardo regarding his book "The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil". Watch the faces he makes very carefully.A quote from him on this video "I teach Sunday school Mother F*cker!"I love him. (Stephen not Philip) They removed the video, here's the link.Now stay tuned for a message from our sponsor.Does your husband not listen to you when you ask him not to buy you anything for Vale
I've gotten mail with what I hope are chocolate stains! 2008-03-12 22:05:49 -Day 72. Do not believe yourself healthy. Immortality is health; this life is a long sickness.- ST. AUGUSTINE, SermonsI was in the middle of putting a proposal together for an attorney and had to stop to blow my nose (I was infected YET AGAIN by the germ carrying gray haired bats), when I realized my germs were going to be stuffed into an envelope and mailed to a suburb near me.I'm sending my germs to an attorney who has fought with me for 7 months. He deserves to be sniffling, coughing and sounding like Elmer Fud. If you try to make my life uncomfortable, I'll give you a big germy kiss! I started laughing evilly. BWAHA HA HA-- Then I thought "Wait a sec... Aaaaargh! I get mail too..."This sent me into convulsions because I thought of all the letters and envelopes that I handle on a daily
Square is the new cool. I should know. 2008-03-11 23:01:25 -Day 71. So...My day consisted of me listening to 6 women complain about their husbands' illnesses. They're all in their 60s so they range from back problems to inability to digest food. I've heard it all. Bowel movements, ear wax buildup, enlarged prostrates- the freakin' works people!This got me day dreaming about the job I had previous to this one. Where I worked in a cubicle with movable walls. And I sighed.Then there was this one time the office skanks were talking about their "dates" and I moved one of my walls so I could be completely enclosed in awesome privacy. I remembered all this and cried. Well, not really cried but my upper lip did the sad droopy thing. Okay maybe there was ONE tear. :'o{ To all you people who hate cubicles I say: Stop yer bitchin'!!!The end. ...
Read more:Square
To the jag that splatted the mac, I still know your plates! 2008-03-10 22:17:00 -Day 70.2 Things before the serious post:First, Check out Bloggers in a Swimsuit over at jean knee's! You'll laugh you'll cry. You'll want us to be on TV. Go! Then come back please.Second, I just want all of you to know that Matt Roloff from Little People Big World is NOT guilty! I know you were worried! Oh, and it looks like Zach might have a girlfriend...So... Tracy wishes to know my Fast Food Topper story. Warning: This story is not even a little bit funny. It caused emotional distress, trauma and maybe some tears. Maybe.I worked at a Brown’s Chicken for 9 years. "NINE YEARS??" you say. Yes. 9 years. That’s were I met my Andy. My 3 brothers and sister worked there as well. The last 3 years there, I was promoted to GM (General Manger). I ran that place with love compassion and whips.
Real reason why I can no longer work in the fast food industry. 2008-03-09 21:35:00 -Day 69. The secret to success is to treat all customers as if your world revolves around them.-I'm finally coming clean and telling you why I retired from working in the fast food industry
. I know you thought it was because I moved on to bigger and better things but no, it was the fact that I can't have more than 3 things in my brain at the same time. If, for example, somebody were to order a chicken sandwich, fries, soda and then they'd sneak in an order of mushrooms BOOM! I'd forget my name..I recognized this flaw in myself, I hung up my apron and moved on to bat wrestling..My plea now is for my fellow FFW (Fast Food Workers). If you can't give somebody their Cheeseburger exactly as they ordered it (everything with grilled onions) maybe it's time you came to work with me at the Asylum.
My replacements looks more like me than I care to admit! Might be the schnauze. 2008-03-09 00:31:41 -DAY 68. I'm excited to report that I have found the solution to my Spooning problem! .Who knew IKEA would come to my rescue in my desperate times..I told my beloved hubby of ALMOST 7 YEARS COME APRIL 16th (day after the tax deadline, we figured we needed 2 things to stress about every year) that I was going to buy him a substitute to cuddle with. Behold Hippodot:She is huggable and squeezable with no danger of being strangled to death unlike her human counter part who wakes up after her air supply is cut off in the middle of the night. You know, that might explain why I've become so forgetful. Lack of oxygen to my brain... If you think poor Hippodot has a pitiful look on her face now, imagine what she'll look like 7 years from now....I did give him a choice between an alligator and a hipp Read more:admit
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