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Untitled 2008-03-14 23:56:09 -Day 74.Just one question today. Does anybody else have trouble coming up with the perfect title for your posts?.Sometimes I'm done and then I just sit there racking my brain for the right title..Or is it just my feeble mind? .Oh, I guess that's 2 questions..BYE BYE SNOW!!!! If I see you again in the next few months, I'll kick your ass!...
Read more:Untitled
Harry Potter’s... WHAT?? This post is rated R. 2008-03-13 21:44:17 -Day Seventy-something.Okay you guys, I’m still feeling a little wonky.My eyes are burning my nose is sore, my hair is standing up on its ends from me thrashing my head around on my pillow, asking the powers that be why oh why must they torture my poor little brain so! Can you get a hernia from sneezing??So far no response, unless you call having a wet pine cone falling in between my sweater and my warm skin a response. I choose not to think of it as such since this would mean they’re saying “Stop your moaning pansy!” and I can’t handle that type of negativity right now. I just can’t.Oh, by the way, I’m looking particularly yummy, in case you were wondering.Anyway, I was saving this post for an emergency A day when I didn't have anything to say. Guess what? Today is the day! Read more:Harry
, Potter
Observations from the couch. 2008-03-17 10:12:43 -Day 76. Nyquil side effects: May cause your bladder to shrink to the size of a toddler's. Once you take it and are about to fall asleep, you will have to pee right away. May cause bruising due to sever drowsiness. Your walk to the bathroom will be zombie-like with the walls moving and hitting you in the face, body and feet. Concentrate once in the bathroom to prevent swaying..So....I've come to the realization that my sofas were designed by torture loving freaks. I must do something about them before the next flu season. .While shifting incessantly on them Saturday night and all of Sunday, I was subjected to the weirdest TV shows/commercials ever! Since it is my objective to educate all of you on all the nonsense in the world....Mirapex commercial:MIRAPEX for Restless Legs Syndrome. "Oh,
Don't call this a cop out. 2008-03-15 21:14:06 -Day 75.I committed to posting 365 days this year and I haven't really had any problems until just now because I'm still loopy. Due to the unfortunate state of my Nyquil soaked brain, I am taking the easy route and am posting these two videos I found on The Poke Show. The first one is from Sarah Silverman called "I'm F*cking Matt Damon". The second one is Jimmy Kimmel responding with "I'm F*cking Ben Affleck". .Both are great but the my favorite one has to be Jimmy's since my Brad has a cameo. Even if he's looking kind of hairy... so is Andy so I guess hairy men are my cross to bear. ;o) Hopefully tomorrow, I'll be better....
I'm not always a lady... sometimes I'm a duck. 2008-03-18 22:35:52 -Day 78. Everything has two sides--the outside that is ridiculous, and the inside that is solemn.--Olive Schreiner .I know you’re sick of hearing I’m sick but... honestly, I really don’t care. No no. I'm kidding. I feel better. I'm over the worst part. I'm just going thru the boogie part. .You guys know how much of a lady I am by now, right? I know some of you may disagree (you know who you are!) and I'll have to concede to having the occasional blunder or two..For example, Is there a ladylike way to blow ones nose? I was blowing my nose in the bathroom and noticed how my face contorts into one of those scary Halloween masks. .Soooooo, since I had nothing better to do, I decided to practice in front of the mirror, you know, just in case I might have to blow my nose in public due to a Read more:always
Somebody gave my Leprechaun the wrong directions 2008-03-17 22:02:49 -DAY 77. The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.- Dolly PartonI was sitting at my desk yesterday, waiting for my Lucky Leprechaun
to arrive with my pot of gold. No pot! Not even a little pot. How sad. I wasted hours sitting under a homemade rainbow for nothing!Oh well, maybe next year?!!!!!!!!!!!!As random piece of information, I have eaten enough oranges to start my own orchard. Well, not really since I ate them uh... I have eaten enough oranges to start my own orange juice factory. Hee Hee if you got that you're grossed out right now. "Why so many oranges?" you ask. The decongestants, Nquil, and Vicks cough drops have left a horrible taste in my mouth. The only thing that's been helping is the oranges. It eliminates the flavor of wet hamster. If anybody Read more:Somebody
"Snizzel"??? They're predicting 6 inches of snizzle??? 2008-03-20 22:57:27 -Day 80!-I'm not kidding. The news said we were getting snizzle! I cannot believe winter is being such a BITCH!! I was walking around with just a sweater these past few days and now back to shoveling snow!! Well, I don't shovel snow personally, I have a boy who does that. Don't feel too bad for him, he gets paid in kisses. ;o)Anyway, disturbing searches reported to me by my trusty Sitemeter. You can click on the links to see what else came up for these sickos! Uh... unless they found me so entertaining they kept coming back. If that's the case they're not sickos, they're inquisitive peers.Aaaand away we go!red streaks in crotch::shiver:: I'm afraid to ask who would do this search! The dye burned my head, I can't imagine what it would do to the sensitive zone!woman crushes a beeThe innocent Read more:inches
Maybe I can be there for their divorce? 2008-03-19 22:32:21 -Day 79.-So, the hubs and I are invited to a wedding.To those of you who know me and those that don’t will now learn, I AM AN ANTI-SOCIALITE. There! I said it! Loud and proud! I hate going places that involve small talk and strangers. ... And table manners. "Whadda ya mean I shouldn't lick my fingers? How will that saucy goodness get into my mouth otherwise??"This here is my favorite arena. I can go around talking to you peeps via the interworldwideweb without having to wash my face, dress up, smell good, etc.I enjoy this type of bonding. I can always brag about how tall I am meanwhile knowing I can walk limbo under a table.My attempt to weasel out of going to this holiest of unions started when I asked Andy if I could hire a Bee stand in. His hopeful expression changed once he saw the w Read more:Maybe
, divorce
My little Easter bonnet. 2008-03-23 22:26:25 -Day 83.-.I had a busy day today with no computer access until 10:15 pm. I'm tired and my brain is hanging on by a thread. It keeps saying "Bee, gett meh to behd noww!" It's having difficulty speaking..I just wanted to show you a picture of me in my Easter
bonnet. I think I look pretty snazzy!...
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Karate= Empty Hand. My hands= Squish! Just like grape. 2008-03-22 23:35:29 -Day 82. Fighting always last answer to problem- Mr. MiyagiSaturday evening was my couch potato night since I survived YET ANOTHER family get together. All the crazy key players were there, doing all their mocking with their rocking and their rolling. Brother Dan was being poked fun at for not knowing how to dance. Bee was poked fun at because she is now too self conscious to dance in serious venues. Sister Nancy cuz her butt counted the stairs as she fell down them when she was about 10. Brother Sergio because he still thinks the White Sox are gonna win... uh, be careful with that one because he gets mad. :opAnyway, I was wondering what my post would be about since I didn't do anything exciting other than play snow baseball. (That's where you grab a broken broom handle and swat at the fen Read more:Karate
, Empty
Don't step on my blue suedeless shoes! 2008-03-22 00:55:39 -Day 81.-.Do you think I'm overreacting and should stop this whole complaining about the weather business??I am submitting proof as to why I'm pulling out my eyelashes one at a time!!!! .Okay, here is a picture of what my backyard looked like on Thursday:This is what it looked like on Friday!:.I might be exagerating just a little bit. It didn't look exactly like the first picture but it was damn close! No snow, sunny, and all around springy..When I got out of work, I had to remove the mini North Pole that had formed on top of my car. Do you think I can get people to ski on my window?.Then I got stuck a couple of times because nobody told the plow guys it was going to snow therefore our escape from the parking lot was an adventure in bumper car driving. Look at my poor tire! It's being smot Read more:shoes
Controversial Teen/Young-Adult deterrent. The Barreness (=childless but not unhappy about it) brings you the real story! 2008-03-25 22:12:27 -Day 85.- The following post may contain material that is offensive to mothers. While I do not apologize for the words you’re about to read, I do want to make sure you do not live near me when you read them.You know, on the off chance you’d like to come over and get all in my face for talking smack about your offspring. Before you read on, you must answer this question.How long would it take you to get to Chicago?If your answer is “an hour or more”, you may read on.If your answer is “I’m standing outside your door right now!”Let me prepare my attack dog Tazzer The Ferocious before you read this post. (I prepare him by showing him pictures of you and then saying “They’re coming to give you a bath!” nothing makes him angrier than being clean. Except maybe being petted. An Read more:Controversial
, Adult
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Close encounter of the idiot kind. 2008-03-25 21:02:26 -Day 84. Mondays SUCK! If you don’t agree with me, I will go and shave “Bee rocks!” on your head. Are we in agreement? Good!Anyway, Mondays usually find me hung-over (even though I don’t drink, I still wake up with a fuzzy tongue- I know you want to make THAT joke but if you value your life... nah. Go ahead, pull the trigger.) unwilling to get up, debating whether I NEED to take a shower (the answer is always "YES" by the way), bemoaning my lack of millions of dollars so that I can hire valets that will put all my body parts back together again. I’m the female, new-age version of Humpty Dumpty. Only my name is Hairy Dumpy. Yeah, I LIKE IT! ***Observation. Word agreed with my spelling of “Humpty” but disagreed with the spelling of “Dumpty” and didn’t give me a spelling a Read more:Close
-American Zombies-The British are catching up- 2008-03-30 00:12:41 -89! HOLY CRAP I'M ALMOST AT 100!!!-[clearing throat] Okay, I just regained my composer. I have a few things to say today. FIRST! PLEASE CLICK ON HUMOR-BLOGS FOR ME! PLEASE.I'd like Dan, Jean Knee, Brian and NCS to be aware that the dreaded ZOMBIES ARE HERE!! We've run out of places to hide! (Except for Brian, I think he might be safe for a few more months, you know, because he lives somewhere on the other side of Lake Michigan. Zombies
can't swim and I doubt they have passports to board a plane.)(I didn't mention Tracy because she'll always be safe. She lives in an unpopulated area, Zombies wouldn't got there just for 5 people.)(They're Zombies, not dummies.) American
ZombieAnyway, maybe we can organize a trip to go see it? You guys better show up this time! I waited for you at The Egg Fa Read more:British
There's nothing like a bunch of randomness on a Saturday. 2008-03-29 01:33:41 -Day 88.I had an extremely crappy day Friday. That's all I need to say about that..Because of the life sucking day I had, this post will be a bunch of ranDUMBness..Random thing #Uno:.I had one sad little highlight to my day. .A vendor came in while I was being the office chump and gave me a couple of pens. I've had vendor pens before and they're usually good for a couple of messages then I file them under "G" for Garbage where they belong. .Not these pens! These pens write as if angels were guiding your hand to form every scribbley doodle. .These pens will help you solve all crossword puzzles, math problems, change the oil in your car, give you kisses, with very little effort on your part. .I LOVE THESE PENS.Now I'm upset that I type more than I write! .I'm going to look up prison inmates Read more:randomness
, Saturday
6 Words + BACHELOR PARTY! 2008-03-28 21:04:27 -Day 86.-VE tagged me for the 6 word memoir.I first saw it on FADKOG's blog and played along too. I believe I cheated and used 24 words.Bored girl looks for electrifying experience. Electrician looking for funny bad girl. You may now kiss the bride. Happily, sometimes with booze, ever after.This time, I'll stay true to the SIX.I'm rebellious, outspoken, comical looking, loved. Perfect! (I'm not saying I'm perefect, I'm saying the Six Words
are perfect.)(But I am.)Moving on.Okay people, you know how I'm always telling you what a GREAT wife I am? How I let Andy play his computer games, video games, talk about comic books, go see all the Sci-Fi movies ever made, listen to all the reasons why STAR WARS COULD BE REAL. ETCETERA, ETCETERA. He can pretty much do what he wants, when he wants withou
Bachelor Party Part Deux and Inflatable J-Lo. 2008-03-27 21:59:06 -Day 87.-I go to strip clubs, I like strip clubs... I really want to be a stripper, I'm doing comedy to get into stripping.- Sarah SilvermanSo... I found out more about the lewd shenanigans my hub-bub might be a part of at that cursed bachelor party. They were sent a naughty e-mail with the picture of a blond bimbo whose face I have committed to my memory. You know, in case I ever bump into her at the mall, while she's buying a pair of size 12 shoes because she has abnormally large feet. I will walk up to her and punch her in the face while I step on her ginormous big toe.They also advertised nude cruises, topless whirlyball (? who's topless the men or the women?) and other crap I can't remember. No. I will NOT post the link to this modern day Sodom and Gomorrah!The Best Man went all out a Read more:Bachelor
, Party
, Inflatable
Hump day has arrived 2008-04-01 22:14:53 -Day 92- First, I'd like to say thanks for all the e-mails you sent threatening me if I ever scare you again. (I'm not scaurd!)(much)Ha Ha Ha! I had my fun! I regret closing the comments because some of your vulgar statements were colorful... to say the least!. I would like to answer one question:."uhm did you spell SWAN wrong on purpose?".WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? THAT'S HOW YOU SPELL SAWN!!.Anyway, I hope you had a fun April Fool's Day. Mine wasn't too good, aside from the e-mails I mean..I decided that on my next meeting with OZ, I might ask for my own office. .Currently I share the office with Milton, PD, the copy machine, fax machine and the postage meter thing. .Unfortunately, I sit right next to the copy machine.My desk is the one with the X: .Do you see where the copy machine is
My Sawn Song... 2008-03-31 22:51:36 So....This will be my last post. No more. Done. Caput..Unlike the Dying Swan, I'm not gonna keel over (hopefully) so don't get any bright ideas about inheriting my shoe collection!.We've laughed together, sang together, picked each others outfits (that's where I learned what a jumper was, funny weird British language), we posed in swimsuits together, blamed each other for flus, did Memes, became aware of all Zombie habits-characteristics-and who would fall first, discussed husbands and wives and their weird habits agreeing we were perfect, talked about guys I'd like a free pass for, disagreed on music and movies, I yelled at you just because it made me smile, I pretended to be tall... So many things!.I will even miss my Anonymous hecklers! Oh how I love you Anonymous hecklers with your bi
Ah! The joys of marriage! 2008-03-30 22:03:45 Picture with permission of All Fantasy Art-Day 90-I have to come clean and tell you guys I'm an evil genius!.Last night, my warden went to bed before I did. If you're new to the crazy dynamics of our relationship, please know this was an unusual occurrence. His normal routine is to harass me until I give up and go to bed in a huff. Usually around 10:30..I thought I'd be a bad ass and stay up really late. Unfortunately, my old bones got tired at about 1:00 am. I got my stiff butt out of my chair and got ready for bed..Andy had already been snoring for a couple of hours so I knew he was in one of his deep people-can-rollerblade-on-his-head sleeps. .My beloved sweet little monkey was taking up the whole bed... AGAIN!I was able to shove lovingly move him to his side of the bed but his arm had Read more:marriage
Almost 7 years and we could be unhappier!♥ 2008-04-04 11:39:59 -Day 94.- Quote of the 'effing day! Katie from the Real World Road Rules (yeah I still watch it and I'll probably be watching it when I'm in my 80s, so?) "If I'm gonna talk shit about you? I like to see the reaction on your fucken face when I say it!" That had me in stitches! Especially because I had just told Milton something along those lines after our morning meeting regarding all the office back stabbing!.I realized today that my anniversary is in 12 days! TWELVE!!The hubs and I will have been married for seven long years..I think our relationship is doing okay. We have our crazy blow out fights where I call him a brain donor and he calls me a vicious harpie but then we take those insults and turn them into compliments and then kiss and make up. So alls good.. .I'm always amused when p Read more:Almost
Attack of the gray haired blood suckers... BOO! 2008-04-03 12:00:04 -Day 93- Did I scare you? Well that was nothing! I was scared to within one inch of my awesome life today! ONE INCH! And I have many inches on me so that's saying ALLOT! ::sad sigh::... Anyway, here's my question:Can I file assault charges if a couple of kooky oldies (not my work oldies, OTHER oldies!)(the world is full of 'em.)(some are nice) tried to bully me into donating my precious blood? Don't they know this blood has been with me since I was a wee little mini Bee?? I'm very attached to it! .Plus... I AM TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES! By terrified I mean, my blood runs cold, I start to sweat, shake and speak in tongues. To say it's unpleasant would be the understatement of the century.I walked into the building and a little elderly lady came out of nowhere.."Hi! We're volunteering for Z Sourc Read more:suckers
What lies beneath... 2008-04-06 22:02:41 -Day 97.-Charlton Heston Died..Damn dirty apes!!.I'm sleepy, going to bed now....
My hate for you is everlasting. 2008-04-06 21:37:18 -Day 95.-.I have to warn you guys that I had another one of those super craptacular days that makes me grind my teeth while smacking my forehead. .I don't know why I don't heed the signs that tell me I should just turn my happy ass around and go back home to hide under my bed. .So... some bloggers have weekly things they do like Wordless Wednesdays (Offended Blogger-jean knee) Everyone Can Bite Me Fridays (Suzy) and Silly Saturdays (NCS). I decided to do my own. Mine will be "FUCK OFF FRIDAYS ON A SATURDAY!" now you know to avoid me on Saturdays if you're pure of heart..I don't want to relive my whole sucky-ass-fucken day so I'll just give you the highlights. -To the victim that decided he wanted to cross in the middle of the street, right in front of my car, while I was doing 30 miles an
A new spin on blaming the dog. 2008-04-05 23:39:23 -Day 96-Quick one today. Andy is saving his "allowance" to buy a new set (pair?) of headphones. Turns out his are broken but we cannot agree on who is the culprit. I leave it up to you, the mostest smartest of readers, to decide.Let me set the scene for you.Bee, walks in to the kitchen after a long hard day at work. Andy stomps out of his dungeon ready for a battle.Andy:Your fucken' dog broke my headphones! [my fucken' dog is Tazz the Destroyer]Bee:What? How? [concerned, thinking Tazz shredded them or used them as a trampoline]Andy:My brother was petting him then he went nuts and tried to attack us![Up until now, I'm not surprised because Tazz is INSANE]Andy:Then I had to throw my headphones at him so he'd stop! I missed and they landed on the floor!Bee:... [trying to keep a straight face
My threats are 47%- 56%- uh… 87% of the time idle. + Mariah Carey as my role model. 2008-04-07 22:04:54 -Day 98- All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.- Aristotle.Okay, I’ve been having a tough couple of weeks here at Arkham Asylum.I alternate between pulling my hair out, grinding my teeth, biting my lip, and just plain running around screaming “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone cuz you won’t have someone to SHIT ON!”.I’ve also said “The only thing keeping me here are the gas prices!”.And “I should go work at the Zoo, at least its smells better!”.Why people take me seriously is beyond my comprehension..To top it all off… MY FREAKIN’ COFFEE HAS BEEN GIVING ME HEARTBURN!The cosmos are all lined up to make my life as unpleasant as possible!.On a positive note, my garden is ready for the future little bug attractors to be planted! .I got an email from somebody aski Read more:threats
, Mariah
, Carey
, model
, Mariah Carey
I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Please kiss my ass! ... I said please! 2008-04-09 22:27:26 DAY ONE HUNDRED!!!! -Fredo, you're my older brother, and I love you. But don't take sides with anyone against the family again. Ever.- Michael CorleoneSo...You know how I asked you guys SEMI-nicely to go to Diesel's and vote for me? Well, I didn't mean to be pushy. (much).You guys know I have nothing going for me other than this blog right?I mean I have nothing to look forward to... well other than my sister being due to deliver another little miracle and planning the baby shower.:Isn't she a cutie?? Ha ha, you can't call this a mommy blog cuz there have been no bats in my belfry. No Eggs in my basket.Other than that there's no other momentous occasion looming... Hmm, except my 7th anniversary on the 16th of this month. Anyway, back to the the lobbying for votes. I haven't participated mu Read more:gonna
Dontcha wish your wife was crazy like me? Dontcha? 2008-04-09 08:36:34 -DAY 99.-So... as the dutiful, loving, submissive wife I am, I bought Andy his headphones. You all know how much I love him right? I mean, if I ever need someone to watch my back in a dark alley... well, that would be my sister Nancy (even while pregnant). If I ever need someone to guard my body (as in BODYGUARD)... uh, that would be one of the brothers or all three. My Andy? He uh... well he's a cutie and looks pretty when he smiles! Anyway, the first thing I thought of was The Great Gazoo: Sorry babe!These headphones are supposed to be super high tech and make waffles on Saturdays. .Here is my question, if they're so damn cooliyo, WHY CAN I HEAR THE OTHER TURKEYS HE'S TALKING TO?? I hear them clearly!! By the way, that bitch I hear on the other end? She better know not to make googlie vo
Your girl Friday... just don't tell Andy. 2008-04-10 22:49:32 -Day 101. I'm not that girl from Freaky Friday
any more! I'm a real adult. In fact, I hate children! I hate them all!- Lindsay Lohan (Wow, this chick is deeeeeep!)I decided to break my one week tradition and have Fuck off Fridays on a Saturday on a Friday. OZ is on vacation and the rest of the office staff is off except for me and two other people (CL & Glynda). There probably won't be too much to be pissed off about. Anyway, I'll see what I can do to bring my bad mood to your living space. .I had to leave work at noon Thursday to drive my mom somewhere governmentally related. I told Glynda I’d hopefully be back in 3 hours. You guys have been to places like that, right? They're assholes just because there's air!I went in there, ready for battle with my “fuck you all” face a mere
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