Rep. Charles B. Rangel (D-NY-15) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
You bet gasoline is high, and we Democrats, we proudly caused it! We also cause that loud, grinding, bumpy sound your Civic makes when it shifts into second. And we can, if we wish, reverse the rotation of the earth and cause time to go backwards. We're proud of all that too. And Mr. Speaker, I would like it noted that I'm standing, when I could be sitting.
Read more: Charles
Rep. Robert Scott (D-VA-3) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Six-man football? My esteemed colleague from Texas fails to mention that, due to Republican budget cuts and giveaways to the rich, we now see teams with only five, four, three...even two players! Think of it. Two-man football! What's next, two-man hockey? Two-man baseball? Two-man doubles in tennis? I say...fully fund college football, get all the players back on the field and stop short-changing hard-working American sports fans! And that goes for NASCAR fans, too!
Read more: Scott
, Robert
Rep. Michael Conaway (R-TX-11) on six-man football
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Six-man football has a long history in Texas. From its beginning in 1938, Texas now has over 102 public schools and as many as 60 private schools continuing this proud tradition of six-man football."--Jan. 23, 2007.
Read more: Michael
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX-1) on rising gas prices:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"So I hope as a result of what we saw what happen last week, as it ends up in the next year or so causing a spike in the price of gasoline, that our friends across the aisle that caused this spike that they have put in the pipeline now to generate a skyrocketing gasoline price, that when that occurs, they will go ahead and stand up and say, 'You bet gasoline is high; and we Democrats, we proudly caused it.'" -- Jan. 22, 2007.
Read more: Louie
Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) on the State of the Union address:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"The President talked about truly Presidential issues last night, and he did what Presidents are supposed to do…I think we should applaud the President and say: Mr. President, you did your job. You identified the issues, you gave us a strategy, and you handed the ball to us"--Jan. 24, 2007.
Read more: State
, Union
, Lamar
, Alexander
Sen. Craig Thomas (R-WY) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Ah, a sports metaphor. I can "run" with that. So...we have the ball. It's fourth and long. The President drops back. Fakes a handoff. It's the Statue of Liberty play! Just like in the...what was that? The Fiesta Bowl! But wait! It was a real handoff! Right into the waiting hands of America! America runs left. America runs right. Further right. Far right. Extreme right. America scores! America wins! America signs a five year, $15 million deal! America gets traded to the Cardinals! Should I stop now? I'll just put my finger to my lips and go...shhhhh.
Read more: Thomas
, Craig
Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) on raising the minimum wage:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"How well does this money hit the mark? We heard Senator Kennedy say repeatedly: Those on the lowest rung of the economic ladder. The studies show it is not true. Raising the minimum wage doesn't efficiently target the poor. So most of that $11 billion or $18 billion won't be going to the people who need it the most. It is more likely to be going, for example, to raise the salary of a teenager from a well-off family who has a part-time job at the mall"—Jan. 26, 2007.
Read more: Lamar
, Alexander
Rep. Lynn Woolsey (D-CA-6) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
The gentlewoman from Minnesota seems to suggest that we, the Democrats, are going to stealthily "lift" the wallets of American taxpayers. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have never willfully appropriated a wallet, purse, loose change or piggy bank, although I did once use a $5 bill I found in the ladies room at Starbucks for a lemon scone and an extra shot of espresso, but, lord, I knew that day was going to be a sucker! And, really, there's nothing in anybody's wallet these days anyway, just a Golden Eagle Pass, a Safeway Club Card, and, if you're lucky, a 1999 New Jersey state quarter minted in Philly, which is you just can't find in California. I mean, c'mon!
Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN-6) on raising taxes:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"And now, after just 2 weeks in power, the Democrats, our colleagues, have already passed legislation today to raise taxes. What is worse, the taxes that are collected under this new bill will not be going toward deficit reduction or toward paying down the Federal debt. The money is going to be set aside in a special account for more spending...In Minnesota, we had a phrase when we were in session. We said, hold on to your wallets. And we can say that to the American people right now."--Jan. 18, 2007.
Read more: Michelle
Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN) continues:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
In fact, I thought I would test this theory. I went to the mall. There was a kid working a pizza place. I said, "Could you use a raise?" He said, "My dad is President of Lear Jet. I just do this because I love pizza and I like making people happy." So there you go. I asked another guy, some guy sitting on a bench eating a cookie and making a mess. I said, "Do you even have a job?" He said, "Yeah, I'm the security guard." I told him to get off his butt and putt some hustle in his muscle. And I'll end with this: when I was a kid, I made 50 cents a day peeling bubble gum off students desks. It was good work. Honorable work. There's probably a wad under this podium. Let's see...
Read more: Lamar
, Alexander
Rep. Barbara Cubin (R-WY) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"All Shook Up?" Sheesh. More like "Fools Rush In," son! To my good friends across the aisle I would simply advise, "Clean Up Your Own Backyard" first, only don't wear your "Blue Suede Shoes" while you're at it 'cause, as we say in Wyoming, when you pen-up a bunch-o brayin' donkeys you better get out your knee-high Justins. After this 100-hour hoo-haw is over I'll be asking Mr. Cohen, "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" But you know what? "That's All Right," 'cause, honey, I "Got My Mojo Workin'!" Yep-per. Got my mojo on and we're gonna "Rock-A-Hula, Baby," you got that right! And may I just add that I voted for the "Young Elvis" stamp, you know, the Blue Hawaii Elvis. Purrrrrr...hubba-hubba!
Read more: Barbara
Rep. Steve Cohen (D-TN-9) on Elvis Presley's birthday:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Mr. Speaker, yesterday, January 8, was the 72nd anniversary of the birth of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis
Presley. Elvis was a Memphian, a U.S. Army veteran, and an ambassador of goodwill throughout the world through his music and movies. I am here to tell you that Elvis is still alive today in spirit and is as relevant as ever. To quote The King as we proceed through the 100 hours, ``It's Now Or Never'' that we make the changes that America needs. When this Democratic majority finishes with the status quo, it will be ``All Shook Up'' because we will do the people's will so we will not be ``Return(ed) to Sender.'' And we won't be cruel to those being paid the minimum wage."--Jan. 9, 2007.
Read more: Steve
, Cohen
, Elvis Presley
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA-49) on foolish rules:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Today, Mr. Speaker, the rules of the House prohibit Members from taking nongovernmental aircraft by any organization, any corporation that has a lobbyist...These rules are unfair, unreasonable and unenforceable, but they have not yet been changed...Mr. Speaker, I submitted for the House H. Res. 92 in order to clarify and reform these foolish, foolish rules that were instituted without any debate, without any hearings, and even without much notice. I would ask the House to seriously consider, Is it time to begin being honest and reputable?"--Jan. 29, 2007.
Rep. Jim Saxton (R-NJ-3) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
The short answer to the question "Is it time to begin being honest and reputable" is a resounding yes! And, gentlemen, I'd like that answer to be for the record. Mr. Speaker, you may remember, last year I submitted a bill that would have required the members of the House to be reputable. Now Representative Issa has done me one better. Reputable and honest. To that I would like to insert the following language: reputable, honest, and...swashbuckling. I, for one, think America could use more swashbuckling, and this House in particular. Truly, if that sissy-boy Johnny Depp can be a pirate, I can be a pirate! See these long ear lobes? Tailor-made for earrings...big jangling ones filched from the watery grave of Blackbeard hisself! Yo-ho, Mr. Speaker! The suns over the yarda'm, break out the cooking sherry!
Format-O-Lert by Jim Collette
1970-01-01 00:59:59
I've been informed by a loyal reader that the order of my posts leaves something to be desired. Apparently it's ass backwards. For the entries below, read the daily post in this order: bottom post first, top post second. It'll make more sense. Thank you, spouse.
Read more: Collette
Rep. John Duncan, Jr. (R-TN-2) on global warming:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"There may be some global warming and some of it may be bad. In some places it may be good. However, we need to make sure we solve the problems that exist without destroying our economy, or harming humanity in the process. The worst polluters in the world have been the Socialist and Communist countries."--Jan. 30, 2007.
Read more: Duncan
Rep. John Duncan, Jr. (R-TN-2) continues:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Kids today, they might vaguely recall the Space Race, and the Arms Race, but how many of'em remember the Pollution Race? I mean, red-blooded Americans everywhere were doin' their level best to flatten the earth and we still couldn't match those Rooskies! You take your ozone-bustin' Yugos. Millions of'em! And you can't give those things away! I tried! I took it to Pep Boys, said, "I'd like to recycle this Yugo." They said, "What's a Yugo?" Little snot-nosed counter help--couldn' a been more than thirteen. I said. "It's a really big oil filter." He didn't buy it. Now I've got it on eBay. Comes with a copy of Field and Stream that stuck to the dash and won't come off. My point is--we won the darn race, now the Dems want us to give the medal back! For cryin' out loud. It's February! We could use an extra couple degrees! And check out the Yugo. The wife wants it out of the closet. A hundred fifty...it's yours!
Read more: Duncan
Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Thank you, Senator Kyl, for that excellent suggestion. How about "Give Peace A Chance In The Form Of A Non-Binding Resolution"? That was just off the top of my head. Kind of long, unless you drive a Hummer. Here's another: "Give Peace and Couscous A Chance." There's a ton of fiber in couscous. Most Americans don't know that. Maybe we're getting hung up on the word Peace? My wife came up with "Give Powerball A Chance." I personally can't support that, but she's nuts about it. One last thought: call me old-fashioned, but whatever happened to "I'd Rather Be Fishing"? You know, like you'd see on the back of some F-100 rust bucket with Burger King wrappers flying out the back? Think about it.
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ) on 'Give Peace A Chance':
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"I remember years ago I used to see bumper stickers that said, ``Give peace a chance.'' Today we need to dust off some of those bumper stickers, write a couple of extra words in, and give the President's plan for peace a chance."--Feb. 1, 2007.
Read more: Peace
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC-2) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
All right staff, there's a report of Klingons in the White House. Klingons, not Vulcans. If you see a Vulcan, he's probably on a bus tour. Now this report, while alarming, may be false. Your average Democrat couldn't substantiate the fact that Laura Croft has a left tit. But we have to assume the worst. You, Phillips, you'll meet up with Turok, Son of Stone in Corridor C. From there proceed east...that's where you'll hook up with Risk, Argent, Prysm and Joto, aka, the Teen Titans. You'll have JLA at your back, so no worries. You, the intern with the laser peel, your father--unbeknownst to you--was Sgt. Fury of the Howling Commados, your mother, Dale Evans. You should be able to kick ass. And remember--while these Klingons may never have fought a battle of their own--they always have coolers ships than the Federation! Now, let's move! I've got to read The Little Engine That Could to a pack of second graders at three!
Read more: Wilson
Rep. David Wu (D-OR-1) on Klingons in the White House:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Now, this President has listened to some people, the so-called Vulcans in the White
House
, the ideologues. But unlike the Vulcans of Star Trek, who made the decisions based on logic and fact, these guys make it on ideology. These aren't Vulcans. There are Klingons in the White House. But unlike the real Klingons of Star Trek, these Klingons have never fought a battle of their own."--Jan. 10, 2007.
Read more: David
Rep. Michael Conaway (R-TX-11) continues:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
That's right, just raise your hand as I am demonstrating before you. Ouu..there's one. That would be the gentleman from Ohio. He's holding up his long board made from...what is that?...eco-friendly bamboo farmed by hand in countries pledged to redistribute the wealth of former colonial puppet governments. Okay, thank you Mr. Kucinich. And who's that behind you? Ms. Norton, representing our fair District of Columbia. Well, hell, she probably kayaked over. And there's someone else with their hand up. The gentleman from Rhode Island, Mr. Kennedy. What's Rhode Island, like, two miles in circumference? I mean, I'm from Texas! Two miles gets me to the the mail box and I'm still backing up! Okay, ya'll can put your hands down. You too, Rangel...now I saw you in that H3!
Read more: Michael
Rep. Michael Conaway (R-TX-11) on the energy tax:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Well, I thank the gentleman from Pennsylvania for letting me join tonight's conversation, and I wanted to speak directly to that tax rate increase vote that will happen on Thursday as a part of what I believe to be a very misguided attempt to punish a segment of our economy that quite frankly is doing a job that all of us want. It would be curious if I could ask all of our colleagues collectively in this House how many of them walked to Washington, D.C. from their home district; actually physically walked, or rode a bicycle from their district here, or horseback, maybe came on horseback or a horse-drawn carriage. Could we get anybody to raise their hand?"--Jan. 16, 2007.
Read more: Michael
Rep. Eleanor Norton (D-DC) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Now wait a minute. The Republicans are always going on and on about supporting business, get government off the back of business, more tax breaks for business, what's good for business is good for America. Well then...what better way to put money in the pocket of your average CEO than to give this woman the keys to her Corvette! What's the first thing you do when you win a Corvette? Pay taxes on it! Ka-ching! What's the second thing? Put gas in it! Premium! Ka-ching, ka-ching! But wait, there's insurance. Call the man, sister, the lily-white insurance man with the big desk calculator! And you're not pedaling a Kia Rio! Supersize me Geico! Triple ka-ching! And you think she's gonna settle for that Delco factory p-o-c? Visit to Crutchfield! Oh, yeah, I'm gonna buy Crutchfield stock! The gentleman from Texas, he just hasn't thought this through. She'll still be payin' down this Chevy when Jenna Bush is President! That's not arrogance. That's free enterprise!
Read more: Eleanor
, Norton
Rep. Ted Poe (R-TX-2) on Corvette-winning 'illegal':
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Mr. Speaker, in Chicago, a 22-year-old woman is suing a Spanish language radio station. It seems she won a Corvette
in the station's raffle, but the station won't give it to her...Why? Because she is illegal
ly in the United States...so the Corvette was withheld. Never mind the station followed the law and the illegal is breaking the law by being in our country...What arrogance this illegal has. The lawsuit should be thrown out of court, and when she gets to the courthouse they should put her in the jailhouse and deport her."--Feb. 5, 2007.
Read more: Ted Poe
Rep. Joseph Pitts (R-PA-16) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Mr. Kucinich is correct. I checked the desk, which is behind me, and, sure enough, there was the word Peace. Actually what it said was Go Home Commie Peace-niks. If I remember, that was Agnew's doing. He was visiting the House, kind of waiting his turn, had a little pen knife that he liked to play with when he got bored. You got to really crane your head to see it. There's a lot more, too. Bill Luvs 'Go-Go' Edwina. Remember that? What a mess. U.S. Out Of The U.N.--few of those. Go Red Sox. Checkers Lives. I Want To See Grace Slick Nekid. And some reall old stuff--Nil Desperandum. Patrick Henry Owes Me a Ham. I Want To See Dorothy Quincy Hancock Nekid. That kind of thing. Got me thinking about what's under my desk. You know, the one used to belong to Ms. Pelosi. So I looked. Gurl Power. Crimeny...
Read more: Joseph
, Pitts
Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH-10) on the Department of Peace:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Mr. Speaker, yesterday a bill was introduced into the House of Representatives that gives the promise of transforming our country and the world. H.R. 808 creates a Department
of Peace
and Nonviolence. It is now supported by 52 Members of the House of Representatives, and it is supported by groups who yesterday came to Washington representing 45 States. Mr. Speaker, if you were to look at this clerk's desk, just around the corner you will see engraved right into the desk of the clerk of the House of Representatives the word ``peace.'' Peace is a foundational principle of this Congress and of this country, and the bill gives it a chance to have an animating power in our civic life by addressing...all of those concerns we have both domestically and internationally."--Feb. 6, 2007.
Read more: Dennis
, Kucinich
, Dennis Kucinich
Rep. Dave Loebsack (D-IA-2) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Interesting, perhaps, but simple. In the Boy Scouts we used to breeze through these like a bag of bagel chips. Here's the answer: in D.C. the crew makes whatever piddling amount the Republicans have left over after outfitting every Iraqi with Kevlar sock liners. While they're over Pennsylvania they're making $7.25 an hour and that goes for Ohio, but then they're on volunteer duty over Quebec. Things pick up in Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota, they're clearing nine bucks before taxes, but then it drops like a stone through Montana and Idaho and for, like two seconds, they don't have to pay any state taxes in Oregon. California, they're making out like bandits courtesy of Governor Kennedy, I mean, Schwarzenegger. "Course over the Pacific it resorts back to Federal wage levels and by the time they reach American Samoa they're as dry as a donut in the Kalahari and that Samoan beer, you can drink that stuff 'til it floats the buttermilk off your taste buds, as they say in Iowa; s
Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX-1) has a 'hypothetical question':
1970-01-01 00:59:59
"Madam Speaker, growing up, high school, college, even in the Army, law school, people were always coming up with these brain twister questions they want you to think about. And as I sat here today thinking through the debates going back and forth, I had a question that I thought might be good to ask. If a luxury jet liner is flying, taking off from Washington, D.C., and flying nonstop to San Francisco with one passenger and 16 crew members, and they land in San Francisco with the one passenger, the Speaker, and then, instead of stopping, they refuel and take off nonstop for American Samoa, at what point, if any, during the flight do any of the crew members fall under the minimum wage requirements of the Federal Government. Interesting question."--Feb. 8, 2007.
Read more: Louie
Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI) responds:
1970-01-01 00:59:59
Memories. That's what this bill brings to mind. Memories of a little Patagonia barking turtle named...Dinwiddie. I kept him on top of the fridge in one of those turtle habitats with the plastic rock and the plastic palm tree and the plastic hula girl. I was six then, young, naive. No one ever told me, "Carl, for God's sake, don't put a pet turtle on top of a refrigerator!" One weekend we went to my Aunt Hattie's. When we got home the turtle was gone. Vanished. I found him six months later. Behind the fridge, like this [imitates posture of deceased Patagonia barking turtle]. To this day, I weep. That's why, with Senator Landrieu, I'm proudly co-sponsoring the Domestic (And Non-Domestic) Pet Turtle Refrigerator Protection Act. This bill would ban pet turtle placement on any refrigerated appliance over five feet, eight inches in height. It applies to both domestic and non-domestic turtles, because each day non-domestic turtles wash up on our shores looking for a better life, only to
Read more: Levin
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