Owner: True Life is Funnier Than Any Sitcom URL:http://hbjaymz.blogspot.com/ Join Date: Sun, 28 Jan 2007 19:05:31 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: This blog is a collection of my controversial opinions, crazy ideas, and ridiculous observations . . . a glimpse into my brain. I apologize in advance.
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What happened? 2007-06-19 20:41:00 According to the scale, I have gained 23 pounds since November. My feeble attempts to lose the weight have been difficult, especially since I work in an industry that requires me to sit for hours in front of a computer screen.The problem is compounded with the fact that my co-workers always want to eat out for lunch. Speaking of restaurants, how come whenever you roll with a big party, everyone wants to pay with a freakin' credit card? No one ever has cash! Paying the bill with a big party is like the Lakers franchise without Kobe -- It sucks.That's why I always ask to be put on a separate check. It makes things soooo much easier. But everytime I ask to be on a separate check, the waiter looks at me like I asked him to pat his head and rub his belly at the same time. HEY WAITER!! Is it rea
The Cure For Leprosy 2007-03-08 16:24:00 My roommates and I have lived in our apartment for over 8 months, and we are finally getting cable today! It’s about damn time. I’m sick and tired of people talking about all these cool shows on TV and not having a clue what they’re talking about.Not having cable makes you feel left out. It’s like I’m an outcast or a leper - minus the disgusting, diseased skin.It reminds of when I was in elementary school and my Mom would always pack my lunch in a plastic grocery bag (it’s a Filipino thing). Every other kid of course, used a paper bag. Kids can be so cruel. “Haha. Why is your lunch in a plastic bag? You’re a ca-ca poo-poo head!”So the f*ck what if my lunch is in a plastic bag? Seriously, let’s really think about it for a second. If anything, my food containment solution
Sad Cow Disease 2007-03-05 00:39:00 Today I read an article on the internet describing the cruel mistreatment of cows in slaughterhouses. It's so sad. While reading, I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach –- because I ate too much pizza.Unfortunately, I am lactose intolerant.Did you know that 90% of Asian Americans are lactose intolerant? I was not aware of this until recently. My whole life I thought having diarrhea everyday was normal.Oh, well. No battle with loose excrement is going to stop me from consuming dairy products. The pain of poop pales in comparison to the sweet joy of cheese.Mmmm . . . cheeeeese.
Salad 2007-02-28 15:09:00 One time at work (circa 2003), our department secretary walked into our lunch meeting and enthusiastically asked, "Hey boys, would you like me to toss your salad?" I almost pissed in my pants from laughing so hard. She thought we were idiots laughing for no reason. Freakin' classic moment. Read more:Salad
Natural Disaster 2007-02-13 08:11:00 You know what my favorite natural disaster is?It's when conceited “pretty girls” all of a sudden get a BAD case of acne. It’s sort of nature’s way of saying, “Sorry bitch, you ain’t that hot.” Read more:Natural
, Disaster
Honestly 2007-02-11 19:13:00 If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said . . . That's why I keep a journal.
Love Advice 2007-02-08 13:54:00 My cousin told me about his new co-worker today. Apparently, she's absolutely beautiful. The problem is that he wants to give her a dozen roses for Valentine's Day. What the hell is he thinking?! Disaster, right?I told him, "You know cuz, I don't like to give you love advice. You're a grown man, capable of making your own decisions. But, I have to step in and say something. You hardly know this girl. She has given you no indication that she likes you. I don't want you to do something stupid here and embarrass yourself . . .Don't be an idiot -- give her TWO dozen roses."
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