Owner: Quest 4 Sanity URL:http://headoc.squarespace.com Join Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2007 21:29:59 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Take a trip with Carolina Psychiatrist/Author as he tries to make some sense of it all in his own unique way. Site statistics:Click here
Dreams II 2007-06-01 14:31:46 Much can be learned from dreams. . .
Freud once wrote a book entitled The Interpretation of Dreams
. Actually I've never read it but have stumbled on many of its principles through different encounters along the way. Our dream life is much like the vacation home of the mind. Some philosophers have pondered whether the reverse is true or not. If you've ever seen Ashton Kuchner in The Butter Fly Effect it becomes easier to entertain this idea. This movie I consider the horror version of Ground Hog Day.
In real life our dreams are believed to possibly serve the practical purpose of allowing us a place where we are allowed to be completely insane in a way that is unacceptable during the waking hours. Most of our repressed drives and suppressed thoughts are free to express themselves while we dream. It is really the emotion felt during the dream that has value and not so much the plot occurring, as many are tempted to become more enthralled by. One can dream of war and kill th
Grief Stories 2007-06-08 23:02:30 Last night I dreamed of . . .
being Gomer Pyle in the Marines going through basic training. The Sergeant really let me have it for not being up to snuff. I'm sure these dreams of late are representative of current real life struggles that cannot be avoided. It was more difficult than usual working with grieving patients this past week after seeing that dreaded look of death in my fathers' eyes last Sunday. For the first time the denial I have clung to weakened as I felt a little shock. He really is dying and there is nothing I can do about it. I placed him in his hospital bed and tried to adjust it to make him feel more comfortable. My mother spoke to me about concerns of a business nature but it was very hard to concentrate or think clearly. I have seen that look several times before in patients I treated in the hospital and they always died. It is an ominous sign but the exact time of death cannot be predicted with any certainty. A little over a year ago I Read more:Grief
, Stories
Silver Lining Search 2 2007-06-14 23:01:37
Sometimes life gets a little crazy for all of us. . .
At such times we can become totally out of control in regards to what will happen in our lives. Individuals such as fighter pilots, trauma surgeons, or astronauts are trained to feel in control of the situation at all times. The truth is that we only have control of the choices we make in any given situation, nothing more or less.
This is a core principle of addiction in that the addict has deluded them self into believing that they possess some degree of control over their drug of choice. In reality the person is completely out of control and cannot be helped until accepting this fact. My current circumstances seem to have awakened me to certain realities from a personal perspective. Life has so many lessons. I'm beginning to understand the contradiction between myself and the substance abuse community. With the cynicism and animosity sometimes felt, one would find it puzzling why I might continue treating so many pa Read more:Silver
, Search
, Silver Lining
Random Thoughts 2007-06-27 10:25:48 I'm a bit late making an entry this week due to personal circumstances.
My father has somehow managed to hang on a bit longer under hospice care. I'm able to see this as a bonus since it wasn't expected and I suspect it has been the prayers of others responsible. Work seems to have brought an increase in cases of troubled teens and cases influenced by childhood sexual abuse, neglect, or abandonment. How any man could yield to such behavior is a mystery to me. Nothing troubles me more than seeing a child in distress because of the behavior of an irresponsible adult. At the top of my despicable list will always be repeated sexual offenders, deadbeat dads (or moms), and sociopathic crack users. Such behaviors are inexcusable and unacceptable, and in my opinion not part of what is considered mental illness because of such a strong voluntary component to the behavior.
My age has started to show relative to the evolution of thought content and closer consideration of certain v Read more:Random
, Random Thoughts
Real Life and Hollywood 2007-07-09 19:08:53
I try not to make as many entries when the content is likely to be of a depressive nature.
Even though I'm finding every aspect of my life, at the present time, going in a bad direction I feel pretty good tonight. Maybe because of taking a five day vacation which has been rather enjoyable. My father has been in a hospice facility for the last ten days and I realize he will not return home. This is saddening but right now I'm thankful for these few extra weeks he remained alive. It will be shocking when I learn that he has passed. This I know even though it is expected at any time. I have found the slow dying process of many cancer patients to help with the grieving process more so than many of the rapidly fatal diseases. Part of me dreads returning to work tomorrow.
I spent the evening in the country sitting on the porch with my mother after visiting my dad. I know it was difficult for her to verbalize certain unavoidable topics related to Read more:Hollywood
, Real Life
Sleep Disorder With Benefits 2007-07-21 09:53:49 Healthy sleep is essential to maintaining overall good health.
Missing a couple of nights of sleep can render the best of us dysfunctional throughout ordinary daily activities. In treating any mental condition sleep must be addressed, because a problem here could be the root of whatever the presenting complaint is. The exact reason we require sleep has never been scientifically proven but it is reasonably believed that physiological and psychological restoration and repair occur during sleep. The nervous system is the most complex and interactive system of the body and during waking hours it must constantly be engaged with a constantly changing environment. These changes in the environment are representative of stress which is essential for us to thrive in life but can also be deadly if managed inappropriately or it exceeds coping capacity for too long.
Many people choose the escape of sleep to avoid or evade undesirable circumstances, while others find themsel Read more:Sleep
, Benefits
Negative Perspectives 2007-07-31 07:44:20
Time for another entry, I suppose. Not feeling too inspired to write. My idea today is to just free associate a little about random topics that may only have meaning for me. Should you find this exercise meaningless and not worth reading I do understand. Maybe I'll be back on track next week.
People that trouble me
Michael Vick
My judgment is reserved but I fail to see the how and why he could allow himself to be associated with such activity. I had envisioned him becoming the greatest quarterback ever. He possesses the talent to become the top NFL icon. Unfortunately, that can never be because of irreversible harm to his off the field image. This scandal has tarnished him permanently, regardless of the future outcome of his career on the field.
Read more:Negative
Real Time Sicko 2007-08-04 13:10:40
I just spent an hour trying to order Real Rhapsody from the Internet when it should have taken five minutes at most.
Am I really that retarded? It's just like I've always said. The world is crazy, not the individual. I set out to research why this elementary task of using a Visa could become so difficult for a reasonably intelligent person. Okay, I did mess the numbers up during the first attempt. I proof read and made the necessary corrections then re-entered them. I then received a message my address was wrong so the order couldn't be processed. I put in my address every way imaginable but still no luck. I put in my old address, still no cigar. Alas! I remembered that the bank had made an error with the street number when I applied for the card 3 years ago. I had instructed them to fix it at least 10 times over the past but the thought that they probably never had done so dawned upon me and I decided to try entering an address where I don't live and never have lived. This Read more:Sicko
Into Each Life... 2007-08-13 20:31:43 Not a bad day today. No substance abusers. Mostly saw real people with real problems and several no shows for appointment.
The subject of grief and loss is unavoidable in my line of work, mostly because such a process is at the root of much of the unhappiness we experience during our lifetime. I'm thankful for the last couple of months even though there has been more than the usual amount of grief in my own personal life. I visited my father in the nursing home last night and talked with him during a fit of sundowning, better known as acute delirium. He's down to about 85 pounds and confined to the bed in a diaper. His hallucinations seemed a bit frightening for him but there was a child-like quality to his voice as he urged me to pull and push him through whatever place he was trying to escape.
He asked me to not let him die. I asked if he were afraid to die? He replied he wasn't afraid but he didn't want to die. Here I was, the mighty physician, reduced to utter hel
Mental Healthcare Reform Update (Opinion) 2007-08-27 22:06:16
I've probably always been too much of an idealist and a dreamer when it comes to social problems and the realities in which we live today. Avoiding challenges has never been my style. Even when selecting what types of patients to treat, the more difficult cases have seemed to find their way to me. I have learned so much about human behavior, and the world, over the past several years. I have learned my limits much better over time. I went to medical school hoping to one day make a difference. Upon graduation I felt I could do this most effectively as a psychiatrist and set out to meet the necessary requirements for practicing this art. I have engaged in the practice of psychiatry for over a decade now and feel another crossroad is inevitable in the near future.
I chose to practice within the public sector because the need seemed so great and I felt my efforts would be most rewarding here. I have worked in clinics hospitals, jails, detox units, nursing homes Read more:Update
, Healthcare
, Reform
Grief and Recovery 2007-09-26 00:32:15 Haven't touched the computer to write in about two weeks and my head is about to explode with thoughts and ideas.
My better entries seem to occur when it seems I initially have very little going on in my mind, just the opposite of what I'm feeling tonight. Oh well, I'll just hit the keys and see what happens. My father was buried two days ago. The whole illness death experience was one of the most difficult things I've experienced in my life. I am glad his suffering is over but it will be hard readjusting to life without his presence. It didn't really hit me hard until the actual funeral procession began. I've always had a phobia of funerals and unconsciously searched for ways to avoid them, whenever possible. One of the worst panic attacks of my life occurred at a funeral when I was a teen. I've learned much about grief since that time. Anxiety was not a problem with the loss of my father. I worry about my mother but sadness and a sense of loss has been w Read more:Grief
, Recovery
Substance Abuse Update 2007-09-13 04:28:34 Some things never change.
That is a great truth I have discovered. Many things are not what they appear to be and if we don't want to see something we usually won't see it until we choose to. As a behavioralist, one constantly learns just as much about oneself as will be discovered about the subject of therapy or treatment. The accurate diagnosing of a condition improves with repeated exposure to similar cases. Strong intuitive instincts can be quite useful and must never be ignored.
In this life I believe there is a reason for everything that happens. I once believed that God allowed substance abusers to cross paths with me as punishment for some terrible sin I may have committed at some past time. What other explanation could there be? Over time I've grown to learn that many times it's not even remotely about this sick and clueless individual who chooses to slowly poison themself into oblivion and eventual death of the spirit, mind, and body. Reality often turns out to be Read more:Substance
, Update
TV NEWS vs BLOG: 3rd Anniversary Post 2007-09-07 00:13:03 Exactly a month ago marked the third anniversary of this blog.
I'm asking myself tonight why I have maintained this weekly ritual since such compliance in practically all other aspects of my life does not exist. I'm also wondering if I would continue to write so faithfully if no one bothered to read my entries. I think I just love writing and find it to be therapeutic in many ways. I probably would. I believe I have a lot to say but understand how limited the audience reached will be. In many ways psychiatrists are still stereotyped and misunderstood. I'm trying to change that as best I can. My view still remains that the total number of readers is much less important to me than the enthusiasm and degree of interest a potential reader may show. The fact that a reader from thousands of miles away can instantly share my ideas and emotions through the miracle of the Internet continues to amaze and intrigue me. Less than twenty years ago this was unimaginable. This medium h Read more:Anniversary
Clarence Thomas Was On My Mind 2007-10-05 21:54:02 I woke up in a bad mood this morning.
I had a dream that I had finally lost my mind for good. I recall screaming and yelling and escorted from the building after talking to the bank on the phone and being told that the Attorney General had frozen my account. I then ran over a fire hydrant in a car I drove (badly) via remote control and challenged the police and an angry mob featuring an extremely obese cop with a hypodermic needle for me. I didn't care if they killed me at first then I changed my mind and decided to run for it. I outran all of them but one or two. They finally forgot why they were chasing me. The colors were vivid reds, greens, browns, and the sun came out as the water stopped coming down. The next thing I remember was awakening with the thought in my mind of I hate ClarenceThomas
. How is that for crazy?
I haven't been able to get that thought out of my mind. I actually began to start to like Justice Thomas for the first time after viewing some of his 60 Read more:Clarence Thomas
Metaphorically Speaking 2007-10-16 18:12:00 The cliche', the parable, and the metaphorical figure of speech are effective means of communicating a point to another individual...
I don't know what I would do if these did not exist. Once I incorporate the use of a particular phrase I tend to practice its use until one that is more fitting enters my mental collection.
Of late, one of the more popular phrases that has become common is "When it Rains it Pours." This truth has been true of my own life as well as the lives of many of the patients I treat. The storms of life can at times become quite turbulent and a true test of ones faith. Many will question if they are being punished or if there will ever be sunlight again.
The unknowability of a situation is what makes it an authentic and genuine life test. I have grown to believe that God and Nature cleanse us spiritually by allowing a cascade of negativity to occur in a manner that allows us to clear out all of the garbage and allow us a fresh start. The toxic people and Read more:Speaking
Reflections 2007-11-03 08:12:42 Three days ago I clicked enter to save my entry and something went wrong.
Somehow every word was deleted and lost forever. I wrote it off as an exercise in patience and tolerance since there have been times in the past when such an occurrence would have resulted in great anguish and frustration for me. I'll be more careful with today's' effort. It's hard to believe it will be a new year in less than two months. 2007 thus far has been a period that has been an endurance test for me personally. A female aquaintance recently described her impression of me as being miserable. Being quite fond of this person caused me to feel a bit troubled by such a perception for I know that is not who I am as a person. My suggestion to her was to reserve judgment a while longer. My personality traits consist of unusually high degrees of thinking, feeling, and intuition. This translates to a tendency to often react intensely to acute threats of change or actual change in circumstance Read more:Reflections
Does Prayer Really Work? 2007-11-16 06:51:03
Does prayer really work or is it just a figment of the imagination?
Most of us are really frightened of taking an honest look at such a question. Somehow we seem to fear that God will strike us down with a bolt of lightening for doubting such a thing. If one really thinks about it, it's not too hard to realize that believing that a bolt of lightning will surge from the sky with the specific purpose of incinerating a living being for a thought that person is having is just simply downright insane. I mean really. I think God would have eventually made the bolt of lightening theory one of the laws of physics, just like the law of gravity, if we were truly struck just a fraction of the times we deserved to be struck. How many people do you know that have have been struck down? Are you aware of any person that could benefit from a good jolt but just hasn't received it? In the context of analyzing this common absurdity of being struck by a lightening bolt, the question of whethe Read more:Prayer
100th Monkey 2006-04-15 01:41:49
Dr. Deepak Choprah speaks of a theory that I find very intriguing called the One Hundredth Monkey Theory.
Those seeking a deeper meaning shouldn't find it so hard to accept. It simplifies the phenomenon of critical mass and group collective mental learning. The concept of critical mass means that once a certain percentage of a certain population are in harmony and unison with an idea or belief, that belief becomes propagated as reality by a power beyond human control. An example would be how the entire heart rhythm is initiated by the pacemaker cells which happen to constitute approximately one percent of the total cardiac cells.
The most popular experiment to test the hypothesis involved a population of monkeys who were provided with an abundance of one of their favorite foods, sweet potatoes. However, because the potatoes were immersed in sand and grit they were inedible. After some time had passed one of the younger curious monkeys made a break through discovery that washing the
HEADoc on Music and Movies 2006-06-13 20:51:00
Newer isn't always better.
As we grow older and more mature this rings more true. As always, others might have a different view of things. Since this sight is about my thoughts, it really doesn't matter so much what others think. Being from the old school, I like to collect and listen to old recordings. For example, Al Green was always my favorite performer. I found that the hits that actually made it to the radio when I was growing up were only a small fraction of the work of his lifetime. Today, every time I play through a re mastered CD of old recordings there's usually a new gem to listen to that I may have never heard before. I may have been 12 years old when the album was released but it's brand new to me. It's a little like time travel of the mind. I've done the same with The Beatles, Smokey Robinson, and several other artists. Some things can't be improved.
One thing that was improved and that I was blown away by recently was the movie King Kong. On occasion, a m Read more:Music
Sanity Check 2006-04-01 14:36:41
Some days I can't help but ask myself WHY.
Why do I do such a job as the one I've chosen? The rule of thirds probably applies to cases I see. A third are an absolute joy to be a part of, a third are neither here nor there, and a third turn out to be an enormous drain of energy and total waste of time. Much time and energy has been used identifying and weeding out people from the latter group. I do learn from them and find it important to remain as objective as possible because often that person who presents as what seems to be a hopeless case turns out to be that person who finally gets it together and turns their life around. When that happens I realize once again the answer to my question. Hope. There is always hope.
The sooner the individual gets this crucial point the more salvageable they seem to be. It is an indescribable feeling to see little Johnny for follow up and learn that he has stopped disrupting the class, is now able to focus on Read more:Sanity
, Check
MUDBONE 2006-03-12 19:19:25
Mudbone was a character created by the late Richard Pryor back in the early 1970's.
Pryor started his routines actually speaking as the personification of an old slave-like character; "I was born in Peoria, Illinois. There was an old man named Mudbone born in Mississippi, Tupelo." Audience member: Where is Tupelo? Responding through improvisation to the inquiring audience member, he'd say "Tupelo? That's near One Below." The audience would erupt with laughter, begging for more of the story. "He drove up here, 750 miles on a tractor with one tank of gas because he had a job watching the levy and one day the levy broke. They asked him why didn't you warn the people? He said, Well I couldn't be runnin' through all that water warning nobody. There ain't a man in the world that can hold back all that water when it wants to go. Besides, they was gonna find out sooner or later anyway."
The last case I saw Friday evening was a 17 year old Caucasian b
Let's Go 2 The Movies 2007-11-26 23:02:48 Hope Thanksgiving was happy for all.
Time off, for me, is always greatly appreciated. I Had a movie marathon over the weekend, which I tend to do from time to time. Nothing beats a well done flick when one is in the mood. Viewing can be the next best thing to traveling and experiencing. I know I'm not Ebert or Roper but I like doing my own reviews from time to time. Not that I expect them to be read or taken seriously but it just gives me something to write about.
The first two times I watched SICKO by Michael Moore I'm a bit ashamed to say that I went to sleep half way through it. It seemed like I was just hearing the same stuff I try to tell people every week and as I have said repeatedly in this blog, No one really seems to care. By the third viewing of the DVD I began to realize that the information in the film wasn't boring but that so much information concentrated into a 2 hour film was apparently causing my brain to shut down because there was
Holiday Ranting 2007-12-15 10:17:15 Had another birthday on the 14th.
To me it was just another day. I think birthdays were invented so everyone could have at least one day out of the year to feel something special. The Christmas Holiday
has always seemed to overshadow my birthday, meaning that there is already enough to celebrate. I also sometimes think that even Jesus' Birthday seems to be upstaged by the commercialization of Christmas. I hate seeing people depressed because they lack the funds to buy for their children all the things on their list. A list that is essentially programmed into their minds by corporate America. Maybe the tragic circumstances of the lead poisoning associated with the toys in China will wake some people up. My parents talked about getting a bag of fruit and nuts on Christmas morning and being happy to get that. The real joy came from the thought and not so much the cost or designer name on the gift. We all love to receive nice things but I still believe there is more joy
Adventures of The HEADoc 2008-03-03 22:54:48 ANOTHER SATURDAY IN THE PARK
The HEADoc took his newly purchased used chain saw from the A-1 Pawn Shop in Burlington to Siler City last Saturday searching for some physical action with nature.
Those poor trees and brush didn't stand a chance. On the third pull of the starter cord it broke loose and there were no tools to fix it with so The HEADoc had to go back to the bush axe and the bow saw to resume his project to reclaim the land of his birth place from the over growth that rendered the place totally unrecognizable. The HEADoc complained of pains in the back and the legs and the hands after a couple of hours of this rigorous activity. His chest felt tight from the exertion and he breathed heavily but he knew his heart was strong and the fatigue was just a resul Read more:Adventures
In Treatment and Intervention 2008-02-16 13:14:19
HBO's In Treatment
is unbelievably believable . . .
as a portrayal of a week in the life of a psychoanalyst. The usual stereotypical myths seem to be done away with for the first time in a television program. The therapist is allowed to be viewed as a human being struggling with real emotions and real problems. The beauty is how well the boundaries are defined, giving the viewer a unique window into the lives of the characters that the characters themselves don't have full access to. The viewer is allowed to see dirty laundry air in an argument between the therapist and his wife. The viewer also witnesses the therapist receiving supervision from a colleague. In one scene the therapist uses a plunger to unstop the toilet. Interpretation? I found it quit
Valentine's Message Fromda HEADoc 2008-02-03 11:00:24
What exactly is this thing we call love?
Philosophers categorize two forms of love; Agape love is the love a mother feels for her child or the love God feels for us. It is never ending and unconditional; Eros is the love man feels for woman. It usually starts in a lustful manner and may grow into something wonderful and Agape-like or it can wither and die if not tended adequately. The seed of Eros happens to two individuals but expression of the emotion is what ultimately matters. If you don't feel loved at any time during a relationship then you must accept that your partner does not feel love for you. It should be obvious but denial can be a real SOB. If you give and give and give but never receive, your partner does not love you or is a narcissistic individual incapable of expressi Read more:Valentine
, Message
Tribute to King Holiday 2008-01-18 18:54:53 I logged on this morning and to my astonishment discovered subscriptions to Quest 4 Sanity had increased by 6 fold.
I have continued to refresh the screen all day to try and be sure that an error hasn't occured. Things of the sort just don't happen for me. If it does turn out to be true I fear the pressure may increase for me to produce more quality entries. In the words of Homey The Clown, "I don't think so!" I'll just keep right on writing what I feel as it comes to me. I'll continue to ramble, rant, rave, preach, and teach in my own unique little way. Still there will be those who insist I'm so wrong about certain issues and get bent out of shape and not read another word I write. This buds not for them anyway. There will also be the faithful few who find what I write to be as intended Read more:Holiday
DENIAL is Not a River in Egypt 2008-01-10 20:01:46
Feeling a bit like I've lost my mojo lately.
In the writing department that is. By that I mean it seems much harder than usual to find something to passionately write about. Usually politics or the frustrations of our health care system are enough to get me started but as of late the angst and fervor have failed me. Just the fact that Bush will be gone in less than a year should be plenty but I'm not feeling too excited about even that. I think I may have become disillusioned by the political system over the years, expecting more of it than it can really deliver. I no longer have any trust in the system and see the politicians mostly as actors that paint an illusion of reality for the citizens. I should be elated and jubilant for the accomplishments of Barack Obama but when I t Read more:River
, Egypt
Ready To Change in 2008 ? 2007-12-29 16:54:16 The time is once again upon us to usher in the new and release the old. . .
at least in a symbolic or intentional manner. Turning such intentions into reality is quite a difficult task. After a string of failures to accomplish New Year's resolutions, the very idea of changing a behavior itself can become part of the stagnation of the procrastinator's world.
Most people change unwanted behaviors exclusively through a process of accepting their current state of reality and then recognition of the unwanted result of that behavior, followed by commitment, will power, and perseverance to reach the goal committed to. There are no shortcuts to changing behavioral patterns. Compulsions must be countered repeatedly and consistently in order to neutralize and eradicat Read more:Change
A Word on Stress 2008-04-01 20:26:56
What if there were no stress?
There might then be no such thing as mental illness. People such as me would be out of work. I don't think I'd like living in a world with no stress at all, for our lives would become quite dull and lack excitement. I often wish that death didn't exist but then I remember that our reality is based entirely on the fact that an opposite is essential for anything to have value. Without bad, good could not exist. Without hot, there could be no such thing as cold. Without large, how could there be a such thing as small. So this world is meant to be transient. When we are aware that our time is finite, we should appreciate the opportunity to make the most of each day. I believe there is a place known as eternity and a thing known as infinity. I can't wrap my brai
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