Owner: Utility Comedian Dave Burdick URL:http://daveburdick.com Join Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2007 20:19:40 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Several types of jokes: fake news, news and a joke, videos, reviews of world events and inanimate objects alike. If you want smart and funny, try this guy. Also links to hilarious up-and-coming comic talent. Site statistics:Click here
Newts and mice and gays 2007-04-08 22:59:44 Disneyland just announced that gays will now be able to get married in their theme park through their wedding program that includes a cruise, parades and Mickey and Minnie Mouse attending the wedding in formalwear. Wait… they weren’t allowed already? Was anyone else using this program?
A couple of retirees took a cab from New York City to their new home in Arizona. It was 2,400 miles and the guy still tried to squeeze more money out of the old folks by driving around the park a couple times.
And hey, if I were Newt Gingrich–holy crap. Holy crap, did I just write that? That’s horrifying. I mean sure, he’s got money, but can you imagine me, Dave Burdick, being Newt Gingrich? It’s really an unnerving scenario because first of all I’d have to buy all new pants and have a lot less respect for a few people like my girlfriend and the Latino community and then I’d have to get a new Web site and I think NewtGingrich.com and NewtGingrich.org are
SUN: Not reading as much as watching… 2007-04-08 21:56:59 Yo, The Apiary teases a cool piece for anyone interested in late-night writing. The people behind Late Night with Conan O’Brien got together at the Museum of Television and Radio to brag and meet ladies. Instead they revealed industry secrets! The original words are in New York Magazine.
Joe Mande has an insightful take on Blue Collar Comedy. Worth a read, and be sure to watch the accompanying video analysis.
Y’ever want to watch Newt Gingrich speak Spanish? (Via PrezVid, which also has a really cool piece on which presidential candidates are using Google AdSense to advertise when you search which opponents’ names–seriously, read it if you’re my kind of nerd.)
Oh, and pick up a copy of Spin. In print but not online is MY NAME IN A SENTENCE ABOUT ME and, uh, GerRee Anderson and Freak Train are also in there. But anyway, we’re mentioned in a regular Spin department called “The Best Times You’ll Have All Month.” They call us “wis
No relation 2007-04-10 03:31:13 OK. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen anything that was funnier in the first second of watching it. In the end, it’s mostly creepy for a ton of reasons. A quick search for “Burdick” on YouTube returns plenty of things. I was curious to see what other Burdicks out there are up to since my interaction with such people has been exclusively memorable and usually really strange.
This is no exception. Ladies and gentlemen, please meet:
Michele Burdick
Click through to see the comments on the video which are, to say the least, so shocking that you might die of death. And that’s saying the least. You know what? Forget it. Here are the comments in question:
michele burdick is the hottest fbb and thats saying alot!!
I would give anything to bang her.
And I would give anything to be banged by her…
Bodybuilding is a hell of a thing. Here’s what I know about it: nothing. Despite living in Boulder, Colorado, home of the truly health-obsessed, I&rsquo
Hi. 2007-04-13 20:57:40 I currently have the following things stuck in my head and I’d like to pass them on to you because they are enormously inconvenient to have stuck in my head. Also, if you’ve been keeping score, I’m moving on Tuesday and I am simply not prepared to do that. This is actually directly related to the first clip, because when packing I actually stood up, looked around my room and said, out loud, “What am I gonna do with all this junk?”
Real-life ‘Risk’ 2007-04-12 23:54:46 It’s Thursday, so it’s column day. But it’s also news about Jennie Dorris day. Who’s Jennie Dorris? Find out for yourself!
From that story:
From Bach to Beer Pong in a matter of minutes - accompanied by the intermittent whoosh of a latte machine.
Only in Boulder.
Serving as chirpy host before a gathering of a few dozen 20-somethings in Boulder’s Laughing Goat Coffeehouse recently, Jennie Dorris introduced “Guilty Pleasures” - a program combining amusing essay-readings about pedicures and beer pong (we’ll explain that game in a bit) with the serious playing of chamber music.
BMI: The Self-Esteem Pill 2007-04-14 18:57:16 New Secret Circus video up! Sweet!
In fact, we’re totally jumping on the bandwagon and we’re going to start putting up weekly videos. It’s true! Pretty exciting, right? Here’s our twist: we’re not going to tell you which date it’s on because we’re not organized like that. So we’re going to put up a new video every Saturday, Sunday, Monday or maybe Tuesday.
This is partially because we are not super organized and we are in the midst of some complicated stuff, but it is partially because we are very sexy joketeases. Come and get it. Come and get it, baby.
What I’m leaving (tribute to Colorado?) 2007-04-16 04:53:01 OK, this is the post where I admit I’m a fool. A buffoon. Whatever you like. When I leave Boulder for New York City, these are a few (and only a few) of the things I’m leaving behind.
Telling Stories
This is an essay-and-music series at the Laughing Goat, a coffeehouse on Pearl Street. The series is the brainchild of my friend and colleague, Jennie Dorris. I met Jennie working my first job out of college, a newspaper called dirt. dirt was doomed by its own awesomeness. Everyone who worked there was totally fantastic and I’m always telling stories about the fantastic times I had working there.
I first saw Jennie’s music series when it was hosted at the Boulder International Hostel. It’s grown quite a bit since then (and now Liz Dinwiddie, another musician extraordinaire is co-producing), but still has a wonderfully intimate feel. Here’s a clip of Ms. Dorris playing one of the first pieces I ever saw her play on marimba. It’s called “Michi Read more:tribute
, Colorado
One more review… 2007-04-17 16:22:07 My flight is delayed, so I have time to post one more review
of the show at Albums. This one’s a little angrier than most, and it’s called “Dave Burdick turns his back on Boulder,” which is obviously true because I am a bastard.
Duo stand-up 2007-04-17 04:13:05 Another Secret Circus video–holy crap, that’s two in just one week now–is on YouTube. This one is exciting because it finally proves, to some extent, that we are a live show. It’s five minutes of a 20-minute set we did at CU-Boulder on April 6, 2007. Elisha and I do a bunch of this duo stand-up at the beginning of most shows. We tend to do a bunch of joking around between acts as well. Check this out and then get ready for another such video coming up in a while. I believe that the next video we put out will be “Global Awesome,” obviously in honor of Earth Day next weekend.
SUN: Heckling. 2007-04-17 04:09:25 This week’s Sunday Morning Reading comes on a Monday because that’s how life is sometimes. Additionally, I’m moving tomorrow, so it’s just one article. That just goes to show you that I respect you so much that I would never try to pass off just some crap I found on the Internet as riveting. If it’s good, I post it, and if I’m lazy, I don’t. So there it is. And here this is:
NYT goes two pages on heckling and a movie called “Heckler.” It’s a pretty good read and I think pretty accurate. I’m looking forward to the film, which the article says debuts at the Tribeca Film Festival on April 26. Included in the story are David Cross, Penn Gillette, Jamie Kennedy and Kathy Griffin. That’d be a weird table at dinner, wouldn’t it?
This isn’t the most outrageous part of the story, but it’s a quote that’s shocking if only because it really illustrates how important this guy thinks he is to everyone els
Calm down, Richard Gere 2007-04-18 18:33:14 Angry conservative Indians have charged Richard
Gere with obscenity after the dapper actor kissed Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS awareness event over the weekend.
Jeez, Richard Gere, who do you think you are–Al and Tipper Gore? You’re not. You’re just one guy, so you can’t be both of them. And don’t even think you’re fooling us into thinking you’re Al Gore by also not running for president.
Somehow I get the feeling that Gere’s going to go crazy on the tight-lipped, squinty smile thing, charm and marry all of the various angry Hindus and be charged with bigamy. Then, in act three, he’ll sort it all out to some Louis Armstrong by buying flowers and doing two years in Indian prison.
(Note to high-powered literary agents reading my blog: you know you want this screenplay, “The Geres of Love” and the Indian prison sequel, “The Geres of War,” in which our hero, hardened ex-con R. Gere, singlehandedl
Ways in which NY is like Coors Field 2007-04-21 20:40:39 OK, I’ve only been here for a little under a week, but I think it’s fair for me to start making sweeping generalizations about New York. This is an abridged list of ways in which living in New York is like living inside of CoorsField
, home of the Colorado Rockies, a Major League Baseball team.
1. A lot of hot dog stands.
2. A single beer can cost $10.
3. They mostly sell imports and would like you to believe that Coors is the only beer from Colorado.
4. Sometimes it smells like pee.
5. Nobody cares about the Rockies.
Happy Earth Week 2007-04-20 23:35:12 Here’s a video about something very important.
Read more:Happy
, Earth
Not future beer 2007-04-27 18:36:41 Yet another video! Thanks to BCB for uploading this thing from faaar away in Boulder. Also, now that we’ve broken the seal and sometimes put stuff from the live show on the Internet, he’s apparently uncovered an old bit or two. So that’s exciting.
Dr. Ruth, Stephen Hawking… 2007-04-26 23:28:12 A woman known as “the Egyptian Dr. Ruth” is now so popular in the Arab world that she has speaking engagements booked a quarter of a year in advance to talk about sex. She tells her audiences that the Quran encourages more frequent sex, which is a great idea since telling people to do what religious texts say has been improving society pretty much without any hitches for like thousands of years.
Her sex talks have been met with some criticism though, particularly the parts where she says that the Quran also promotes foreplay. In response, religious leaders have claimed to have uncovered an ancient, previously unknown chapter of the Quran all about blowjobs.
Today StephenHawking
went weightless in a plane over Florida in an attempt to further show off that he is the world’s most sciencey science guy. Come on, the guy’s a genius and he weighs nothing? Can he please just be fat or have some kind of flaw that makes it worth not being Stephen Hawking
? Anything? Any
Other folks’ jokes 2007-04-30 16:34:04 Hey, I’m just starting to get the hang of this New York thing, so the jokes will come a-flying your way once more quite soon. Meantime, here is a video that some friends in a comedy troupe called Better Than The Machine made using techniques, evidently, from the future.
Read more:folks
Oregon gone wild 2007-05-01 17:43:13 Oregon Governor Theodore R. Kulongoski pledged to spend only $21 on food last week in an up-close and personal study of the food stamp system in his state. Like many politicians, he figured hey, if the Olsen twins can eat on pennies a day, why can’t the poor?
Read more:Oregon
Babies are stupid 2007-05-05 00:13:47 Hey, it’s video of a live thing I did at a Secret Circus forever ago!
Read more:Babies
ScriptFrenzy 2007-05-08 02:42:09 Ever heard of National Novel Writing Month? Well, there’s a similar gig in June for scriptwriting. If you have a screenplay idea you’ve been kicking around, June 1 may be the day to start it. I love projects like these, even if I can’t always (or ever) find the time to participate. This might be my year, though….
SUN: Beer and angry French 2007-05-06 18:55:39 Hey, read about beer and the environment.
In 1998, [New Belgium] became the first U.S. brewery to be powered entirely by wind. It now meets all its energy needs through a combination of wind power purchased from the city and cogeneration of thermal energy from the brewing process. Brewing uses a lot of water, an average of eight barrels of water to produce a single barrel of beer; through recapture and reuse, New Belgium has cut its water use in half. In winter, induction fans pull in cool outside air to chill the beer, reducing the need for refrigeration, which can account for up to 30 percent of a brewery’s electric use. Finally, New Belgium recycles or reuses 98 percent of its waste stream–converting spent grain into cattle feed, for example. Hybrids or high-mileage diesels are used for company business.
The French
presidential election has been a little crazy all along, but as Nicolas Sarkozy’s polling numbers seem to have become untouchable, storm clouds are gath Read more:angry
Bill Richardson ad 2007-05-09 20:20:52 OK, he’s two for two. He makes me laugh. Plus it turns out he did a lot of stuff. If you haven’t seen it, be sure to also check out the ad he ran during his last gubernatorial campaign.
Read more:Richardson
, Bill Richardson
On bulbs and batteries 2007-05-09 01:34:42 Hey, here’s something I didn’t know:
Q. I want to follow your recommendation and buy compact fluorescent lightbulbs, but I’ve discovered they contain mercury. What should I do?
A. Buy them anyway — the small amount of mercury (less than in a watch battery) can be handled by a hazardous-waste facility.
I’d just been getting nervous about the mercury thing after more and more people pointed it out. Less than in a watch battery? OK, now we’re getting somewhere. Just don’t forget to follow steps outlined on this PDF of how to handle your compact fluorescents. Read more:batteries
What’s up. 2007-05-17 01:01:16 I’m such a blog bastard.
OK, here’s the deal. I’ve been in the throes of moving again this week, there’s stuff all over the apartment, a friend of mine is coming over to meet me here so we can walk to the subway and I’m brainstorming reasons why she can’t come in that aren’t as obvious as “my place is a craphole right now.”
Meanwhile, I thought it’d be appropriate to mention here that I’m headed to RiFiFi tonight to do thirty seconds of stand-up at Invite Them Up.
So that’s weird/cool.
And you Boulderites should look out for my very last column in the newly renamed and redesigned Camera tomorrow. It’s a weird one. I mean they all have been lately. But this one’s weird because it’s final.
Look out! It’s comedy! 2007-05-17 19:21:07 Folks, tomorrow night I’m very suddenly doing a show at the PIT.
Look out! It’s comedy!
Friday, May 18, 11 p.m.
The sketch prowess of Better Than The Machine
The stand-up bumblery of Dave Burdick
And more…?
The PIT
154 W. 29th (between 6th and 7th Ave.)
It’s a bright red door next to a sushi place. Easy to miss if you’re walking quickly.
Be there if you can! I’m going to get to screw around with a microphone for longer than usual for the first time in NYC.
EDIT: Yeah, so it turns out that this isn’t happening. So like if anyone wants to hang out…
Final column 2007-05-17 10:04:06 Here it is.
But really, here it is:
Looking for the jokes
Damn, but I can make an exit. Here we go, folks.
I got on a plane for New York City — leaving Boulder for the last time — just before 1 o’clock this morning. While most of last week was filled with various rugs being yanked out from under me, getting on that plane was a huge relief, because I ended up exhausted on a redeye flight sitting next to the loud drunk guy with the loud ringtone.
I’d seen him in the airport and figured right away that being his airborne neighbor would be the only way the world would let me out of this. Chief Niwot, fate, the comedy gods. I don’t know. But I was meant to leave Boulder crunched next to a mix of the Verizon “can you hear me now?” guy and Will Ferrell’s character from “Old School.”
As a huge fan of comedy and sometimes a student, I can recognize a punch line a mile away. Sometimes it’s tough to find the joke, though. Help.
Punch line: Read more:Final
Stand-up 2007-05-20 00:33:30 Did I ever blog this before? I snuck some stand-up onto my Myspace. Why? No idea. But here it is:
stand-up onceAdd to My Profile | More Videos
P.S.: Be my friend. Read more:Stand
A great footnote 2007-05-19 16:42:55 From “Sister Bernadette’s Barking Dog: The quirky history and lost art of diagramming sentences:”
And this despite the intriguing fact that grammar is an outgrowth of the word glamour: they are, in fact, the same word, through the magic of something called “dissimilation,” in which glamour becomes grammar in much the same way peregrine becomes pilgrim. Whichever way you spell it, the word was originally about magic and witchcraft. Grammar meant learning, which a few centuries ago was understood to involve magic, or at least astrology. And even today, a glamorous person casts a spell.
Yeah, it’s nerdy. What of it?
Think Blue. 2007-05-27 20:25:05 Dude. Unlimited Dodger Dogs? I love that team so much.
Also, I’m doing the Totally JK show at Rififi this Monday. Be there at 8 pm and see me, Sean O’Connor, Nick Kroll, Demitri Martin and your hosts Joe Mande and Noah Garfinkel!
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