Owner: Troll Baby URL:http://www.troll-baby.com Join Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2007 20:10:54 -0600 Rating:0 Site Description: Internet addict. Blog Designer. Insanity meets Bree VanDeKamp wannabe. Site statistics:Click here
2000 Bloggers 2007-01-20 15:50:15 I just joined this fun project. For information on how to be included, see the bottom of that page. How fun!
Go Fug Yourself: Dreamgirls & Paula Abdul 2007-01-19 16:36:39 “and Paula
would go, “If I ordered a pizza right now they’d deliver it to Montana because that was so good you almost made me want to eat some mascara and there are rainbows here and where am I? Are you my mother?”"
I’m STILL laughing at this line. The GFY ladies are fucking geniuses.
Read more:Abdul
, Paula Abdul
, Yourself
If I Were Really Really Rich 2007-01-19 03:34:33 I would have a cupboard JUST for peanut butter.
I’d buy myself self-maintaining eyebrows.
Snow would still exist but booger-insta-freezing air would not.
Same goes for toddler tears, whining and screaming. KILLSWITCH! KILLSWITCH!
Crayons and other colour-y devices would only work on paper.
My dog would have no toenails to gouge into my leg or make that click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click- noise while I make dinner or did dishes.
Also, she would have an anti-farting chip installed.
Absolutely NOTHING would be fattening. Except bean sprouts. And tuna. And pickles. Just because I don’t like any of those things anyway.
Pregnancy would be shorter. By 8 months.
Children would never suffer, for any reason.
General Mills would not list TSP as an ingredient in Cheerios and other cereals, allowing me to once again enjoy Cheerios without thinking of cleaning my esophagus with the same chemical we scrub our driveway with.
I would buy Britney Spears 18 pairs of $6,000
Emotionally Bankrupt 2007-01-17 14:45:45 Last night I dreamt of my father. I’ve written about him before and basically the story goes like this: Deadbeat Dad hides from girl and her mother to avoid paying child support for 18 years.
I didn’t meet him until I was 7 years old, and my childhood memories are all good ones. He took me to Centre Island and the CN Tower on the weekends that he actually showed up to get me. Believe me, I sat on the front porch many-a-Saturday mornings only to be in tears by after-lunch and consoled by my angry mother. He bought me my first computer, a Vic 20, and my first radio that played cassette tapes. His face was like Santa’s: jolly, trusting, and round. I loved my Dad dearly, but something nagged at me through out my life. He wasn’t consistent in anything: visits, jobs, affection, moods. Nothing.
At 20, while living out in Vancouver, him and I tried to develop a more mature, adult child and father relationship. The truth is, I had very little respect for a man w Read more:Bankrupt
, Emotionally
Rachel Ray: Perky Demented Food Chipmunk 2007-01-16 16:07:54 Gallery of the Absurd does it again. I am SO not a fan of RR. I’m pretty sure I’d run her over with my grocery cart if I ever ran into her. Link.
Read more:Chipmunk
, Rachel
I Am All Over the Place Today 2007-01-23 14:12:59 I’m busy busy busy with graphics and coding. Need a blog job? Order through Swank, or email me there. I’m finalizing a few things and then I’m available again for new orders! My latest creations are here and here!
In the meantime, if you want to win one of the cash prizes over at 451 Press, you best be commenting over here or at one of their other sites. Contest runs until the end of January.
I’m also over here, and cross-blogging over here.
Motherless is still up and running, and although it’s limited to those who are dealing with being Motherless, you can become a contributor anytime by emailing me here. All funds raised through the BlogHer Ad Network go to RAINN.
******
I have been told I can sing. By many people. On a few occassions. Like most Canadians, I’m pretty modest about my ability to do stuff, though I’m a little less modest about some things, cuz, you know, I’m a blogger and everyone knows bloggers are self-absorbed, Read more:Place
, Today
Where Can I Get Me a Slapping Machine? 2007-01-25 17:01:39 Holy fartsucker this is funny as heck. I don’t know what was worse, the game or the fact they had to be quiet! (It’s long but definitely worth it)
Read more:Machine
, Slapping
Purple Gel and Wice PissPee Sqwares 2007-01-26 19:54:52 Happy Friday. We are having fun here, playing with Tupperware, eatin’ peanut M&M’s and Wice PissPee Sqwares, and singing songs. Life is good and hair is purple.
Read more:Purple
I Cannot Even Tell You 2007-01-29 15:57:38 How many days this past week that I’ve had peanut M&M’s for breakfast.
How much I want winter to be over, like now.
How much I want to organize a playdate, complete with wet bar and mosh pit, and get right sloshed, then call up Meredith “Slanted” Viera.
How much wine I drank last night, before mangling Daren’s Grandma’s birthday cake in an effort to change 88th to 38th.
How many people have arrived at this site by googling “mascara blow jobs” and “nipple cookie fruit cleanse”.
How much I love Serra for making homemade soap and sending it to me before Christmas.
How much I loved this Christmas card from Amanda.
How many times “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” has played, in a tinny-tone, from the gift bag I threw out on Friday night.
How much I love love LOVE Mamatulip for sending me CD’s, including an awesome mix where she teaches me how to count the cool way. *snort*
Potty Talk Still Gets Me at Thirty-Two 2007-01-29 18:31:38 “It is the kind of gigantic, intimidating sword that I equate with the big, pimped out trucks I see on the freeway from time to time - the kind with tires almost as tall as me and the big, bright fog lights and the loud, modified tailpipe that sounds like God farting.”
Read more:Thirty
Oh My Stinkin Heck! My Bathroom! 2007-01-30 15:10:29
Via the lovely Jessica at Kerflop, I found Oh My Stinkin’ Heck, who started a fun Flickr thingy to do whereby you open your cupboards under the bathroom sink, and take a picture without straightening anything. Fun huh?
You should do it too.
Anyway, mine is here - click through to leave notes and comments. And yes, the bathroom scrubbie-things are likely bad to keep there because of Thomas, but he doesn’t put that kind of thing in his mouth, so I don’t worry. Plus? There’s this funny thing I do called WATCHING HIM. Take that, Mommy-Judging-Machine.
I’m bitchy. Comments are broken for now fixed thanks to Emily at Swank. Go have fun!
You Have Been Waiting So Long, You Can Barely Breathe 2007-01-31 02:16:59 It’s been a long while.
♥
A LONG WHILE.
♥
Since last year, even.
♥
It’s nearly Valentine’s Day.
♥
Don’t you deserve it?
♥
Wait until you see it.
♥
It’s waiting for you.
♥
You want to turn it over in your hands.
♥
You want to put something hot in it.
♥
You can’t wait to place your lips on it.
♥
Happy (early) Valentine’s Day, bloggers!
♥ ♥ ♥
Read more:Barely
, Waiting
My Comment on Meredith Vieira's Blog 2007-01-31 23:42:07 I am more than disappointed to hear that I am a glorified babysitter and that I may never partake in any alcohol again so long as my children are in my care. My husband will be equally disappointed to find that he may no longer enjoy a beer after work, even if the kids are in bed.
Furthermore, if I am a glorified babysitter, where is my paycheck? When is my time off? And for goodness sakes, WHY hasn’t anyone bought snacks for me for when I’m working? WHERE ARE THE EMERGENCY NUMBERS?
I’ll give you an emergency number: 1. One. Uno.
As in one drink. That’s all we have been talking about. Visit the personal blogs of some of these mothers. We swear. We drink. We even yell at our kids. Our houses get messy. Dinners get burnt.
We aren’t perfect and we know it. It’s mothers like us who don’t judge other mothers. We’re real.
It’s no wonder certain mothers feel stressed, turn to drugs, or commit heinous acts to escape the facade society Read more:Comment
, Meredith
, Vieira
Playing in the Womb 2007-01-31 16:29:47 Well now that Melissa has linked to me, I suppose I should write something instead of writing soft porn for you all. (If you’re wondering why, look at my header, then click over to read about Meredith’s slanted interview with ambush on Melissa, as if you haven’t heard. And if you can’t see the new header, clear your cache and refresh the page. Blah blah blah, shutup Karen.)
I’m barely holding everything together. I’m up to my eyeballs in work, and met with my own impatience as to why I can’t Go Faster! Work Harder! when the truth is, I’m starting my day between 5:30 and 6:30, and ending it pretty close to midnight. 85% of that time, I’m sitting here, working. Yes, it’s that busy, and it’s wonderful because the bills are getting paid. So if you haven’t heard from me, I’m sorry. This is also the reason nothing I do is free anymore.
See? The headphones put me in the zone. (click to enlarge - all those
Guess the Celebrity, and a Really Really Perfect Post! 2007-02-01 06:23:38 For the first time ever, I’m participating in Motherhood Uncensored’s Blog Exchange. My partner is Jessica from It’s My Life. So the following was written by Jessica, and my post will be on her blog today too!
The fun part is that we’re both celebrities and you have to guess who we are. You win nothing! Fun eh?
So there I was, at the end of a bloody long day. My ears were bleeding. Horrible people one after another, when we finally get to the last one. Blimey this girl was HOT. Hair all the way down to her ankles. Pretty face. Good teeth. At least these sodding Americans ‘ave that. Couldn’t earn a bloody penny singing in the Tube, but she was a peach!
I told ‘er she was horrendous and we were done with it. We pack up our kit an’ head out to get a few hard earned pints. We get outside and there she is again! Weeping on a chair just outside the door.
I don’t know what came over me, must ‘ave been an excess of bad singing, Read more:Celebrity
, Guess
, Perfect
, Really Really
An Enormous Heartfelt Apology From One Mother to Another 2007-02-02 00:48:55 A few weeks ago, I blogged about caffeine/energy drinks and in that post I very irresponsibly said something flippant about Alex Corrance’s death possibly having something to do with said drinks. An excerpt:
I also wonder if the heart attack and subsequent death of Alex Corrance on Boxing Day was caused by something like this. Maybe. Maybe not. Caffeine really isn't dangerous in those quantities, and who knows if Alex had a pre-existing condition that caused his sudden death.
As it turns out, he did have an underlying heart condition.
Today, Alex’s mother wrote to me and clearly she was upset by my words (and rightfully so):
My son was Alex Corrance and I can assure you he did not take these high energy drinks. He actually passed away from an undetected and rare heart problem called ARVD. You can look it up at the John Hopkins website for more information. It was something that is very difficult to detect without extensive testing and this is usually done only when t Read more:Apology
Global Schoolyard Rhymes Project 2007-02-03 08:21:24 This was my favorite:
English translation:
Big head big head, not sad when raining
Others have umbrellas you have big head
Read more:Global
, Project
, Rhymes
Got Band-Aids? 2007-02-03 07:58:01 I took these tonight after Thomas’ shower with Daddy. He’s sported a relentless fever for the last day and a half, though I thought it was kicked this morning. It returned by lunch. He tells me “De band-aids make me feew better,” and has gone through a box of them in 48 hours. So tonight, we put as many on as I had in the house. His bloodshot eyes with the fever scare me. It reminds me of when Dylan got Kawasaki’s Disease. Every time one of my boys gets sick, I watch them so closely. I don’t expect to sleep tonight either.
You’ll notice comments have been off the last few posts. I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s not you, it’s me. I just need a break from the community for a bit. I hope you understand. The emails are piling up from work and family and friends and the demands here at home are really wearing me down. I just need it to be quiet for a spell, to work, to be with family, to play with my camera, to just be.
Pixel Press Icons 2007-02-04 16:23:44 Fellow geek-girls Izzy, Zoot and Jessica will appreciate these! Found via NotCot.
Read more:Icons
, Pixel
, Press
A Mom Live Blogs The Superbowl - Sortof. 2007-02-05 02:35:35 8:00 a.m. Start coffee. Honey, you’re going to need it.
8:15 a.m. Breakfast the kids. Yes, breakfast is a verb today.
9:00 a.m. Shower despite smaller kid realizing cold shower curtain makes Mom scream if he pushes on it ’till he hits flesh.
9:10 a.m. Get dressed, while entire family watches from their vantage points while jumping on your bed. Except Daren. He just lies on the bed, entranced.
9:30 a.m. Leave Jumping Beans and Sir Stare-a-lot and hit crazy-ass grocery store.
10:30 a.m. Make crab dip, salsa, hot wings, and chili.
1:00 p.m. Change Sarah’s header to reflect her insane, so not girly, love for football.
1:30 p.m. Take older kid to power skating.
2:45 p.m. Get beer. Also, small bottle of wine.
2:46 p.m. Wonder if Cafepress or Zazzle would consider bottling wine with the name “Playdate“.
3:00 p.m. Drop husband and older child at Superbowl
party, with aforementioned prepared food.
3:30 p.m. Arrive home with smaller kid. Play Castle, build wit Read more:Blogs
I'm Gonna Crash Hard Later 2007-02-05 19:38:16 This morning it was sunny. Sunny and mothereffing cold. So cold, that I thought, “What better day to use the remote starter on the car?”
One would think.
It wouldn’t start.
I dressed warm, leaving the kids in the house and tried with the key.
It wouldn’t start.
25 minutes later, my fingers frozen to the bone, I caved and called Cindy.
Best. Idea. Ever.
Cindy the Magnificent arrived, minivan ablaze with workingness, and she helped me pile the twerps in so we could get rid of them drop them at their schools.
Since I have such awesome friends who would stop their life to help me on mornings like this, I couldn’t help but suggest we skip out on work and hit Starbucks, which is located in Chapters.
AND THEN IT BEGAN.
Take two work-at-home-moms who haven’t showered, that find themselves together on a morning WITH NO KIDS, and you have a recipe for Caffeine Overdose. And FUN. MAJOR FUN.
We stood like a couple of dorkwads, staring at the Starbucks menu, b
Love, Sweet Toddler Love 2007-02-06 05:31:00 I see how much he loves you, how he looks at me when you do something funny so that we can share that brief moment together.
Oh my God, I totally get this. It happens so often here. *sob*
Read more:Sweet
And Guilt Begat Pride 2007-02-07 05:20:57 A few days after Christmas, when we were still visiting my grandparents, Dylan asked me if, when we got home, there would be any more presents from Santa. I stared at him, in wonder. He had gotten exactly the “big gift” he wanted, an X-box, from us, which truthfully, he had earned over the last 10 months using a points-for-chores/good attitudes system. Santa filled his stocking and brought him the X-box steering wheel and a racing game. As his parents, we felt this was plenty. Besides, both sides of the family spoiled the kids rotten with clothes, books and toys too.
I could not understand why he was asking me this and my mother-head gave me the mother-spin of mother-guilt.
Had I not taught him about appreciation?
Had I never explained about children who didn’t have what he has?
Had I never told him what my own childhood was like?
I explained that some families don’t get anything for Christmas. I talked about the importance of Christmas being all about spe Read more:Pride
Spouse Notes 2007-02-07 01:28:42 We all have our own pet names, and language, don’t we? My favorite was this one with the sticker. Link.
Read more:Notes
, Spouse
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