Feeling Loved
2007-03-15 06:28:03
My 17 year old cousin Jessica is far more mature than Mad Cow and myself put together.
Read this.
Comments off - you can go comment Jess since I’m taking a day off from being an attention whore. Thanks.
Read more: Feeling
Falling in Love Again For The First Time
2007-03-18 17:41:26
Friday night, Daren and I made dinner together and then went to see Premonition. It was a great movie, but bring Kleenex. I won’t give away anything but it shook me. When we got in the car, I broke down. Hard. I finally admitted to him that I was not okay, which really, he knew.
After getting home and paying the sitter, we snuggled up together on the couch and I spilled my guts. All these things I have been feeling, all these things that have consumed the old me and held me underwater these last few weeks, everything came out. I had what Oprah calls, the “ugly cry” for about an hour. I told him he needs to protect me from myself, from the starvation and insomnia, and steer the ship for a while. It was the most amazing talk I’ve had with anyone over this. All these things I’ve suppressed for so long are coming out, even though I thought I’d dealt with them years ago. But just like the kids’ toybox, there’s only so much you can pus
Read more: Again
, First
, First Time
Impressed
2007-03-20 15:55:46
Yesterday, in the midst of the after school rush of snacks and homework, it got unusually quiet. Eerie. Then I heard Dylan gasp.
“WHAT DID YOU DO?” Dylan bellowed from upstairs.
I ran up the stairs to a billow of smoke in the bedroom hallway, turned the corner into Thomas’ room and everything was white.
Baby powder covered every surface of the tiny room. Thomas looked at me, saw the shock on my face, and began to cry and say “I’m sowwy, I’m sowwy.”
Dylan stood there scowling at his brother, and I started to laugh. My brother and I had done the exact same thing in the bathroom when we were little. No one was hurt, the vaccuum would take care of it, and it smelled nice.
My kids stood there staring at me, until I finally said, “It’s okay. I’m not impressed, but it’s okay.”
I shooed them out and cleaned up the mess within 10 minutes and carried on.
At dinner, Thomas ate very little and began his silliness routine
Huggies Overnights
2007-03-22 16:23:41
Read my review of this product here.
Read more: Huggies
I Need $74 Dollars…times two.
2007-03-22 16:20:51
Kristen Chase, yes the FAMOUS Kristen Chase who writes my new favorite column, sent me links to these abso-fucking-lutely awesome shirts. I want them all. Especially this one. And this one.
A Touch of The Crazy
2007-03-22 15:55:04
EDIT BELOW.
So I had The Doctor’s Appointment yesterday. I was honest with her, and being the pill-pusher that she is (hello? pharmaceutical companies? stop bribing my doctor. thanks.) she tried to put me on drugs, to which I flatly refused.
Let me back up a second here. We addressed the anorexia with my promise of calling a local counseling service that deals with eating disorders. She sent me home with a requisition for bloodwork which I will have done tomorrow. She is also setting up a referral to a therapist that she says has helped a lot of her patients.
Then we did this worksheet. Written by a pharmaceutical company. Of the 13 questions in part one, I answered yes to 10 of them. Part 2 thereby resulted in a yes, and I answered “moderate” for Part 3. So based on a piece of paper written by a drug company, I MUST have bi-polar disorder, and PLEASE, sell me those drugs.
Fuck that.
You cannot diagnose this in 15 minutes. I told her that. I started to cry a
Read more: Crazy
Limbo
2007-03-27 17:10:11
This morning was bloodwork and an ECG. The ECG was fine, and the results of the rest will be sent to the doctor.
I haven’t called the eating disorder place. I’m afraid to.
I haven’t heard from the doctor regarding the therapist.
Last night Daren and I had a fight, the specifics of which are swirling around in my head like fallen leaves.
I feel like I’m in a game of chess, and I’m sitting here debating my next move.
There’s really not much more than that to tell you.
All You Need Is Love - and Vodka, Apparently
2007-03-29 16:40:14
So the last week has been a bit of a roller coaster. Mostly highs, which is good for the laundry fairy. She doesn’t have to do as much when I’m doing all the work.
Some of you might have noticed I blogged a short update the other day and then deleted it. Partly because I wasn’t feelin’ the writing, and partly because I felt it sounded like I was clamouring for attention regarding the eating disorder place that I still haven’t called. More about that in a minute. I suck, I know. Plus Daren and I had fought and it’s all better now (though it took me 24 hours to explain why I was hurt), we fixed it.
So Thursday of last week was weird. I had stayed up all night the night before, so I was pretty DUH! all day, and by the time Daren got home, all my senses were shutting down - especially the ones that involved listening to one more rendition of Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! You all know what I mean, that isn’t part of the crazy, unles
Saving Up
2007-03-30 19:19:16
For this. Becca is so talented…and I could use a necklace called Clear Mind, couldn’t I? Ha ha.
Read more: Saving
Reminds Me Of a Halaka Ukulele Kinda Time
2007-03-30 18:23:22
I’m in love.
With Jack Johnson’s Song, Banana Pancakes…
…and my husband.
Once upon a time, nearly 9 years ago, this song would have described our mornings off together. We used to wake up slow…stretchy…yawny…
This morning, this Friday morning, we did just that.
I’m so in love.
Read more: Kinda
Perfect Post: “This I Believe”
2007-04-02 06:18:03
Friday night Daren and I hired a babysitter and ran screaming from the Wrath of Offspring out into the Freedom of The World. It should have been a great date, but it started off kind of rocky. I had dressed in a waffle shirt and jeans, knowing we were only going to see a movie, but duh! We left at 7 and the movie didn’t start until nearly 10, so wtf to do until then?
Part of The Crazy for me is the lack of social confidence. Daren wanted to go shoot pool at a bar, and I felt I was too fat and ugly to go anywhere but a dark theater. Fighting, crying ensued and we found ourselves tangled in a knot of frustration and confusion as we snapped at each other until we parked in a lot and I finally started talking to him.
All week, I’ve been faking it a little (even for you, dear blog readers, trying to be a bit more lighthearted), putting on The Show, as Karl calls it, and Friday night, the lid flew off once again. Daren and I had seen the doctor together on Thursday afternoon
Read more: Perfect
Healing
2007-04-04 17:00:29
So let’s take a look at things, shall we? September 27th, 2006, I quit smoking. For good. Nearly died. That was fun.
By November, I looked like this:
Hello, Chief Two Chins.
Since then, I’ve gone up and down 20 pounds over and over and over and over, and 4 weeks ago, finally had some kind of weird imbalance happen in my head where I said, “Head, this isn’t working for me anymore. Fix it.” And my head decided anorexia, insomnia, caffiene and some serious thinking was in order. Stupid head, “What were you thinkin’?”
So. Here we are today. April 2007. I am trying very very hard to sleep every night. I’m in bed at 1 a.m. latest, no exceptions. I’m also trying to eat again. I’m doing okay most days. Okay meaning eating more than I was. I called therapists and no one is able to direct bill to the insurance company so I’m stuck there, but Daren is being an exceptionally go
Read more: Healing
Please turn three, Please turn three, Please turn three
2007-04-03 17:10:50
Troll Baby has been a walking attitude problem as of late. Besides the “Are you impressed?” line he threw at me a couple weeks ago, he has learned the art of screaming the word “No!!” at the top of his lungs, turning red and spinning his head 360 degrees. I’m awaiting the spewage of green goo and have a priest on speed dial, just in case. The pre-school teacher told me he has learned the yelling from another child at school and she is working on it. We discussed her approach and I agreed I would keep the same consistancy at home by telling him to speak nicely, blah blah parenting psychobabble blah.
Now when Dylan was two, he was sweet, pleasant, patient and loving. At three, that all changed. I know I shouldn’t compare the kids, but what I’ve got to go on is that this behaviour is about to get worse. At three, Dylan was defiant, exercising his independence at every turn, and argumentative. Thomas is all those things now.
Read more: Please
Carry the One, Divide the Whole Sum and Cry Your Everloving Heart Out
2007-04-08 21:05:57
When a wife decides she needs just a trim to her very long locks, and only needs to take an inch off, she should really consider enlisting the help of someone other than her husband.
While he was an unwilling participant in the shearing of said inch in the first place, she should have listened to her gut instinct that men tend to think 6 inches are 12, and therefore, 1 inch would equal 2. Or 3.
While it doesn’t look terrible, it isn’t exactly what she had in mind, and said haircut was not made any better by this statement:
“Honey, I got rid of all the frizz!”
*scowl*
Read more: Carry
, Divide
, Whole
, Heart
If I Could Turn Back Time
2007-04-08 20:02:12
Thinking back to my stuffy corporate office days, those long days when time stood still and profit reports strangled my very existence, I can well imagine something like this would inspire me. Amazing.
You Love Me! You Really Love Me!
2007-04-10 03:50:09
I haven’t watched stats for a long time, but tonight I was looking at them and clicked over to see that I’m on the Popular Parents List, compiled by MamaBlogga. It’s based on a bunch of factors, though I was surprised not to see Dooce. Anyway, it’s a great list and I’m honoured to be on it. Thanks for reading, commenting and linking to Troll Baby. I love blogging, if for nothing else but the amazing people I’ve met in person and on the net. What was also cool is to see other friends on the list, especially my fellow Canadian homegirl, Catherine.
Not the Kaiser’s Balls, But Definitely the Cat’s Ass
2007-04-10 03:33:04
The Kaiser
(The Queen of Spain’s lovely husband) threw me this link tonight with the top 500 fonts on the web. Now if you’re a font junkie, like me, you already have them all. If you don’t, do you yourself a favour and read this article first in how to manage 500 fonts. Because if you download these 500 fonts and don’t manage them properly, your system will become so slow that you will come and find me and stab me in the eyes. And that would be a shitty thing, wouldn’t it?
Read more: Balls
An Alternative to Limewire?
2007-04-10 03:25:23
My brother informed me tonight that he switched from Limewire
to Soulseek and it’s proving to be more reliable and so, I pass along this information to you. I give and I give. To you. Because I love you.
Read more: Alternative
If You Pray, Pray Hard…
2007-04-11 21:12:23
Heather, of Especially Heather, and my co-worker at Swank, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Updates are forthcoming, thanks to Heather`s best friend Laura (who we also work with). My heart is breaking for her and her family.
Please go over and offer any support you`re able to.
Got MILF?
2007-04-10 16:06:26
Hot Karl thinks I am hot enough to be included in this.
Dangerous. Addictive. Hot. MILF.
(I can barely contain my laughter.)
Vote for me!
*snicker*
Hot Karl went to BlogHer last year, and was an inspiration to me in starting Motherless. Karl’s blog, Secondhand Tyrptophan, is up for an award as well, so vote for him.
Now Karl is concerned he won’t be able to fund a trip to BlogHer, and that will never do. Those of you who have met Karl, love him. Those who haven’t, need to. He really is an amazing guy, and deserves nothing more than to be surrounded by women, even though most of us are married. Ha ha. Sorry Karl.
So if you have five, ten, or twenty bucks to spare, won’t you take a look at this face, read the blog and help Karl make it this year? (click the button to donate)
But wait! Think I’m not serious? I will draw one name out of the donations pile, and award a free blog design valued at $225 to a lucky blogger! (You need to already have hosti
Passion
2007-04-12 23:38:24
Ali of Cheaper Than Therapy awarded me the Thinking Bloggers Award for my posts about this thing I’ve been going through. As I commented on her blog to thank her, I told her about talking to Y yesterday on IM’s and us both saying “I’m “FINE!”‘
Fancy.
You know when a woman says she fine like that, that she isn’t totally fine, right? Here’s the deal, people. I’m sick to death of the lectures from friends and family. So instead of talking about the problems, I’ve decided that now is simply not the time to have a breakdown, and so I have re-suppressed everything and will deal with it later. It sits like vomit on the back of my throat some days, and I know this isn’t the best way, but dammit, I don’t have time for it all right now.
I’m living marginally better than before. My day goes something like this (if you’re family, be prepared for sex talk or stop reading now - ack!):
- either get up at
Read more: Passion
Let It All Out
2007-04-14 19:13:52
Someone hit “me too” on my confessions. THANK GOD. Go let it out, Moms. It feels good. While you’re there, hit “me too” on the ones that strike you, because someone wants to know she isn’t alone.
Calling all A/V Kids!
2007-04-13 23:28:11
I have this old digital video of something very funny that I want to blog. It opens in Windows Media Player and I believe it is an AVI file. Anyway - it’s HUGE. 394MB, to be exact.
Does anyone know how to convert it into something smaller that I could post here? I’ll pay someone to do it!
Read more: Calling
Your Husbands Are A Lot of Fun, Just So You Know
2007-04-17 06:09:48
Let’s set the scene:
It’s 11:30 p.m. Sunday night. Daren and his hockey buddies storm into the dressing room after playing a friendly but fierce game of hockey; panting, sweaty, loud and boisterous. Gloves and helmets are flying off, skate laces and hockey pants being torn wide open to reveal the stench of grown men. Laughter, the occasional fart, ball scratching, hot showers running.
“Who’s up for a beer?” asks Steve.
“I can’t. My wife expects me home,” answers Rob.
“Sure, I’m game for a beer,” Daren says.
Now tell me something ladies. What is wrong with this picture?
Hell no. There’s nothing wrong with Daren here. Daren can do whatever he wants. I am not his mother. (Thank God, you should see the size of his head. Ouch.)
Rob’s wife “expects” her husband home? Hey Rob’s wife, aren’t you in bed yet? And if not, why aren’t you doing something you enjoy? Why aren’
Read more: Husbands
Excellent Directions From Google
2007-04-19 16:28:58
Take 60 seconds to do this, and I guarantee you will show someone else. It’s too funny not to.
1. go to www.google.com http://www.google.com/
2. click on “maps”
3. click on “get directions”
4. type “New York” in the first box (the “from” box)
5. type “London” in the second box (the “to” box)
6. click on “get directions”
7. scroll down to step #23.
Read more: Directions
, Google
Crazy Frog Bringin’ Out the Crazy SAHM
2007-04-19 14:05:09
Every single morning at 8 o’clock on the kids station, this video plays. I’ve always thought Crazy
Frog was kind of annoying, (despite having paid off a Carnie to win him once), but since it’s been injected into my system in a hypodermic needle on a daily basis, I’m not only singing along (riggadinging along?), I’m DANCING TO IT.
The Motorbike, The Bee, The Bubble and The Step, will ensure that I overtake the BlogHer Dance Off this year.
Bring it on Jenn and Y! (Jenn’s Miracle Dance totally cracked me up. She may just win.)
Read more: Crazy Frog
Praying the Kid in The Red Shirt Has a Blog One Day
2007-04-21 16:28:38
Read more: Shirt
The Chewing Man and His Lovely Family
2007-04-20 22:16:17
On the brink of a very busy day, Thomas and I carried on the most interesting of conversations this morning, while he played with my makeup and watched me flat iron my hair.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A chewing man.”
“A chewing man? What does he do?”
“He frows granades at people and has kids.”
“How many kids will you have?”
“I will haff two boys and one wife. We will live in my wooooom.”
“Oh you and your family will live in your room? Greeaaat. Lucky Mommy.”
“We will have a picnic down at the black table wif yogurt.”
“But you’re not allowed to eat in the family room at the black table.”
“My kids will be all yogurty.”
“Will I have to wash your kids?”
“No. My wife will wash dem.”
“Excellent. I just have to let you live here with her and your kids?”
“Yes. In my woooom. And they will not be allowed to
Read more: Chewing
, Lovely
, Family
Blog Whore Number Two
2007-04-27 22:32:02
Sometimes Erin and I get a little goofy. When we do…this is what happens.(get to the comments to understand what I’m talking about)
The blog girls are throwing a virtual baby shower today. Get yer buns over there.
Yeah, I copied Erin’s post. But I’m working and busy and working and busy. Have a great weekend, kids.
Read more: Whore
, Number
, Number Two
Apres Le Naptime
2007-04-26 22:09:08
I use the word Naptime
loosely. I tried to put Crabapple McNasty down like some of you suggested. He was quiet for about 20 minutes and I did offer him books to read, so I think he was content to do that.
So I went to get him after hearing all kinds of toddlerish sounds and here was our exchange:
“Did you sleep?”
“Nope.” (kisses me)
“Are you poopy?”
“Nope.”
(I check. Not poopy.)
“Want to come downstairs and play?”
“Yup.”
“Did you read your books?”
“Yup.” (big smile)
“You have a booger. Let me get it.”
(squirming, but I get it out)
“There, don’t you feel better with that booger out?”
“Don’t you feel better with your finger up my nose?”
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